Once there was a boy. Long ago, way back in 1998, this boy’s mom and stepdad got him this really awesome toy. He played with that toy for years, and though he never quite figured out how to use all its capabilities — this thing was pretty challenging, actually — he loved it all the while.
Then a dark day dawned: without warning, the boy’s stepdad gave that toy away to some kid in Oakland, just, well, because. Something to do with money and power. The boy didn’t understand — he was just a kid. As a replacement, the stepdad brought home a doll named The Troy Willie, which was totally lame — it didn’t even have functioning hands. So the boy got rid of the Troy Willie, and eventually he started enjoying other toys, like the All Day 28 (the new model doesn’t even fumble!) and the Harvinator, the fastest toy in the closet. But the boy still felt jealous whenever he saw other other kids playing with that old, favorite toy, like this dude in Boston, who despite his haircut had a supermodel of his own and super bowl rings and a real dad, one who cared about him. (That dude gets everything!, thought the boy)
And this was the situation until, many years later, when it wasn’t even the boy’s birthday, and actually he was having kind of a bad day, he walked in to see this present in his room. He unwrapped it, and, whoa, it was that favorite toy again, a little tattered, sure, but definitely the same toy! And it was a great surprise! But the boy’s stepdad (actually, a different stepdad from before — his mom can’t seem to find a good man) imposed this unusual condition on the boy: he wouldn’t let the boy take the toy out of the box. The boy didn’t understand — didn’t his stepdad know what the toy could do? “Nope,” said the stepdad. “You can play with it, but it stays in the box.” So the boy tried it for a few weeks, and it didn’t work all that well, but the boy kept thinking that one of these days his stepdad would come to his senses and let him take it out of the box and really play with it.
Then, after only one month, the stepdad walked in, fired up a cigarette, and said “Hey kid, now I need that back. I’m getting rid of it. See, I tripped over it last night, and that pisses me off” – doesn’t stepdad realize he’s the klutz?!, thinks the boy. Not the toy?! — “So, yeah, it’s no longer yours. At least you got to look at it for a few weeks. And, oh, there’s a restocking fee of a third-round draft choice. We’ll just take that out of next year’s Christmas presents.”
The boy was distraught. He begged and begged his mom to get rid of this stepdad. He begged her harder than he had ever begged before. But do you know why he begged? It’s not just because the stepdad took away the favorite toy again. No, the boy begged because he feared — no, he knew – that the next thing the stepdad would do would be to break his other toys, like the All Day 28 or the Harvinator. And this thought broke the boy’s heart.
The End
Then a dark day dawned: without warning, the boy’s stepdad gave that toy away to some kid in Oakland, just, well, because. Something to do with money and power. The boy didn’t understand — he was just a kid. As a replacement, the stepdad brought home a doll named The Troy Willie, which was totally lame — it didn’t even have functioning hands. So the boy got rid of the Troy Willie, and eventually he started enjoying other toys, like the All Day 28 (the new model doesn’t even fumble!) and the Harvinator, the fastest toy in the closet. But the boy still felt jealous whenever he saw other other kids playing with that old, favorite toy, like this dude in Boston, who despite his haircut had a supermodel of his own and super bowl rings and a real dad, one who cared about him. (That dude gets everything!, thought the boy)
And this was the situation until, many years later, when it wasn’t even the boy’s birthday, and actually he was having kind of a bad day, he walked in to see this present in his room. He unwrapped it, and, whoa, it was that favorite toy again, a little tattered, sure, but definitely the same toy! And it was a great surprise! But the boy’s stepdad (actually, a different stepdad from before — his mom can’t seem to find a good man) imposed this unusual condition on the boy: he wouldn’t let the boy take the toy out of the box. The boy didn’t understand — didn’t his stepdad know what the toy could do? “Nope,” said the stepdad. “You can play with it, but it stays in the box.” So the boy tried it for a few weeks, and it didn’t work all that well, but the boy kept thinking that one of these days his stepdad would come to his senses and let him take it out of the box and really play with it.
Then, after only one month, the stepdad walked in, fired up a cigarette, and said “Hey kid, now I need that back. I’m getting rid of it. See, I tripped over it last night, and that pisses me off” – doesn’t stepdad realize he’s the klutz?!, thinks the boy. Not the toy?! — “So, yeah, it’s no longer yours. At least you got to look at it for a few weeks. And, oh, there’s a restocking fee of a third-round draft choice. We’ll just take that out of next year’s Christmas presents.”
The boy was distraught. He begged and begged his mom to get rid of this stepdad. He begged her harder than he had ever begged before. But do you know why he begged? It’s not just because the stepdad took away the favorite toy again. No, the boy begged because he feared — no, he knew – that the next thing the stepdad would do would be to break his other toys, like the All Day 28 or the Harvinator. And this thought broke the boy’s heart.
The End
