http://www.gridironguru.net/general/really-down/
This whole thing had me giggling. Hope you enjoy.
For those of you who (like me) enjoy reminiscing 48 hours after the fact, here’s a recap of all the Super Bowl action, David Letterman-timeline style (all times central):
5:00am – Fox begins its pre-game coverage
3:00pm – Bill O’Reilly begins his interview of President Barack Obama by asking why, exactly, does the President hate football and everyone who watches it?
4:30pm – Clay Matthews and A.J. Hawk take turns straightening each others’ hair
5:30pm – Christina Aguilera begins her…”performance” of what we think was the National Anthem
5:31pm – Security at Cowboys stadium fend off the pack of wolves that have arrived in response to Christina’s performance/call of the wild
6:00pm – The game commences in earnest. The Packers win the toss and choose to receive, which is fortunate for the Steelers as Roethlisberger is AWOL
6:10pm – Mike Tomlin tracks down Roethlisberger in mid-grope at a bar three blocks from Cowboys stadium.
6:12pm- Jordy Nelson drops a pass
6:15pm – Tomlin promply returns with Big Ben, who dresses, takes the field, returns to the locker room, puts on his pants, takes the field again, joins the Packers huddle, is pointed in the direction of the Steelers huddle, and begins the Steelers first drive. This is the most sober that Ben has been at a Super Bowl yet, which Tomlin considers a good omen
6:28pm – Sam Shields successfully tackles and strips the ball away from punt returner Tramon Williams
6:37pm – Jordy Nelson drops a pass
6:42pm – Big Ben hits his stride, and by his stride we mean Nick Collins for a pick six
6: 58pm- Jordy Nelson drops a pass
7:02pm- James Jones drops a pass
7:30pm – Halftime. Troy Polamalu sprints from the field and runs into the janitor’s closet just outside the Steelers’ locker room
7:32pm – Mike Tomlin, delayed by a halftime interview, rushes off the field and heads for the janitor’s closet just outside the Steelers’ locker room. When he reaches the door, he is surprised to see Slash emerging from the closet. Undeterred, he enters and closes the door behind him
7:34pm – Will.i.am exits the janitor’s closet just outside the Steelers’ locker room and joins the other Black Eyed Peas on the roof of Cowboys Stadium
7:35pm – The Black Eyed Peas descend from the roof of Cowboys Stadium and begin their…”performance”
7:52pm – The spectators at Cowboys Stadium and viewers at home awaken from a strange daze. They are unable to remember the last 20 minutes, but vaguely recall screeching, dancing glow-worms, a feeling of horror, and an eternal hatred for the once-beloved song “Sweet Child O’ Mine”
7:54pm – Slash and Will.i.am separately rush for the janitor’s closet just outside the Steelers’ locker room, removing their bedazzled top hat and bedazzled shades, respectively. Arriving at the closet simultaneously, they exchange shocked stares, mutter in unison “…wait…you’re…?”, shrug and change into their football gear and windbreaker/khakis, respectively
7:58pm – The teams retake the field. Roethlisberger is missing once again
7:59pm – Jordy Nelson drops a pass
8:01pm – Roethlisberger is found back at the bar three blocks away, where he is chasing a female patron and mumbling something about finishing what he started. He is rushed back just in time for the first series of the second half, much to the relief of Tomlin and the chagrin of Byron Leftwich
8:03pm – Jordy Nelson drops a pass
8:05pm – James Jones drops a pass
8:11pm – Jordy Nelson and James Jones both drop the same pass
8:38pm – Andrew views the commercial for Sketchers featuring Kim Kardashian. He awakens from a trance 20 minutes later in front of a Payless Shoes outlet with 17 pairs of Sketchers and shorter pants
9:15pm – Jordy Nelson catches a pass, managing to hold on to the ball while simultaneously pissing himself
9:16pm – Mike Tomlin decides to go for the 2-point conversion upon realizing that this decision will screw up Andrew’s prediction. (tool)
9:17pm – President Bush leans over to John Madden and makes a joke about “packers,” after which they both giggle for 5 minutes
9:21pm – James Jones drops a pass
9:25pm – Jordy Nelson drops a pass
9:32pm – The Packers win Super Bowl XLV
9:33pm – Clay Matthews realizes that “Glee” is about to start, shouts to A.J. Hawk to this effect, and they both sprint for the locker room
9:45pm – After 365 days of partying, New Orleans fans are forced to stop eating and boozing in celebration of the Saints championship and return to their normal activities of eating and boozing
9:47pm – Commissioner Roger Goodell presents the Green Bay Packers with the Lombardi Trophy, then turns to the camera and says “see you in three years, America”
9:52pm – Brett Favre texts Aaron Rodgers a congratulatory photo of his member with the caption “Most Valuable Penis”
11:34pm – Andrew wakes in a cold sweat after having a nightmare featuring the zombies from “Glee”
Well that’s about it, thanks for visiting GridironGuru, and be sure to keep coming back for news about free agency, the draft, and the potential lockout. We’ll keep you posted.
This whole thing had me giggling. Hope you enjoy.
