MmmmBeeeeer
PTFO
okay, i would say there are few " must-play" games out there. games so mature in their storytelling that they rival the greatest movies. games so refined that they stand clearly on the border of ...ART.
50 Cent: Blood On the Sand is one of those games. it's a third person shooter built on the same engine as Gears of War, it has the same cover mechanic, and plays about the same. this pales in comparison to the story.
you play as 50, of course, along with a sidekick. I chose yayo. the game begins as you finish a concert in the middle east...the fair nation of Unspecifiedistan. as you walk offstage, you're notified that the 10 million you were promised for the concert isn't coming. the venue's manager tells you it was stolen. obviously there's no point in getting upset, it's not like the venue would pay in cash anyway. so, naturally, you contact your lawyers and go about your business while your label and the venue fight it out in court. you're called to
testify in court and a decent judgment is levied against the defendant. you (fiddy) know, in your heart, that it is unlikely that you will ever collect. it would be like drawing blood from a stone. hence the title, Blood in the Sand.
just kidding. you shove a gun in the guys face and demand that he produce 10 million, as if it were lunch money, despite the fact that he already said he doesn't have the funds. the manager again tells you he has no money, but offers to barter instead. in a safe in the office of this concert venue is an ancient diamond-encrusted skull, miraculously devoid of any decomposition. you are appropriately skeptical about this exchange, but you call your lawyers and arrange a formal appraisal whereafter you decide to accept the skull if it is of sufficient value. of course, having learned your lesson from the previous payment issue, you first arrange to have the skull insured before any contract modification is signed.
just kidding. you accept the skull and hold it in your lap as you drive down the main streets of a war torn country that is apparently without government but replete with military hardware. your caravan of hummers (what else?) is hijacked by a mid-size military force and the skull is stolen by a female ninja who is rendered with just enough facial detail to match her equally low-def "middle eastern" accent. as a man birthed from the very asphalt of the streets, you react the only way you know how....you take up arms and begin shooting.
the next several hours are filled with a completely satisfying murderous rampage during which Fiddy and Co. kill literally everyone they meet. your enemies are rendered with tremendous attention to detail and clear respect for the people of the middle east: all Unspecifiedistani men all look exactly like present day Ringo Starr, except that they wear differently colored shirts.
the main villain changes several times as your allies repeatedly double-cross you in cheesy cutscenes. these betrayals are never things that cause 50 to feel the slightest hint of cynicism or take a moments pause when choosing the next person to trust. he is unconditionally trusting, with the innocense of a child. you can almost feel his hurt when his friends turn on him and he can barely muster the energy to call them "bitch."
it's worth noting that along the way you'll pick up several hundred thousand dollars, but 50 stays on task, relentlessly searching for this skull. along the way you will fight several helicopters. unfortunately, you use guns and not Rhymez. 50 destroys helicopters using RPG's and other missiles fired from the shoulder and aimed by eye. his skills are undeniably those of one birthed from the streets themselves.
whats the best feature of the game? well the cash you pick up is, of course, used for your mortgage payment and various other living expenses. kidding! you buy weapons, melée attacks, and best of all, TAUNTS. the L3 button, when presses, prompts 50 to say a random taunt phrase. these vary from "DIS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT!" to "YOU WANT A SHOT AT THE TITLE" to things far far dirtier. there are five "taunt packs" rated for their "braggin'" and obscenity.
I got all five before upgrading any of my guns.the best part of the game is that they failed to turn this feature off during cutscenes, and definitely do not limit your use during combat. hence, I just kept hitting the button throughout the game, even during the times when 50 was supposed to be having some kind of conversation with Yayo. thus, 50 ran around with a bad case of Tourette's, cursing wildly at enemies, allies, and especially at inanimate objects.
so, how do I rate this game? do you even have to ask?
50 / 10
50 Cent: Blood On the Sand is one of those games. it's a third person shooter built on the same engine as Gears of War, it has the same cover mechanic, and plays about the same. this pales in comparison to the story.
you play as 50, of course, along with a sidekick. I chose yayo. the game begins as you finish a concert in the middle east...the fair nation of Unspecifiedistan. as you walk offstage, you're notified that the 10 million you were promised for the concert isn't coming. the venue's manager tells you it was stolen. obviously there's no point in getting upset, it's not like the venue would pay in cash anyway. so, naturally, you contact your lawyers and go about your business while your label and the venue fight it out in court. you're called to
testify in court and a decent judgment is levied against the defendant. you (fiddy) know, in your heart, that it is unlikely that you will ever collect. it would be like drawing blood from a stone. hence the title, Blood in the Sand.
just kidding. you shove a gun in the guys face and demand that he produce 10 million, as if it were lunch money, despite the fact that he already said he doesn't have the funds. the manager again tells you he has no money, but offers to barter instead. in a safe in the office of this concert venue is an ancient diamond-encrusted skull, miraculously devoid of any decomposition. you are appropriately skeptical about this exchange, but you call your lawyers and arrange a formal appraisal whereafter you decide to accept the skull if it is of sufficient value. of course, having learned your lesson from the previous payment issue, you first arrange to have the skull insured before any contract modification is signed.
just kidding. you accept the skull and hold it in your lap as you drive down the main streets of a war torn country that is apparently without government but replete with military hardware. your caravan of hummers (what else?) is hijacked by a mid-size military force and the skull is stolen by a female ninja who is rendered with just enough facial detail to match her equally low-def "middle eastern" accent. as a man birthed from the very asphalt of the streets, you react the only way you know how....you take up arms and begin shooting.
the next several hours are filled with a completely satisfying murderous rampage during which Fiddy and Co. kill literally everyone they meet. your enemies are rendered with tremendous attention to detail and clear respect for the people of the middle east: all Unspecifiedistani men all look exactly like present day Ringo Starr, except that they wear differently colored shirts.
the main villain changes several times as your allies repeatedly double-cross you in cheesy cutscenes. these betrayals are never things that cause 50 to feel the slightest hint of cynicism or take a moments pause when choosing the next person to trust. he is unconditionally trusting, with the innocense of a child. you can almost feel his hurt when his friends turn on him and he can barely muster the energy to call them "bitch."
it's worth noting that along the way you'll pick up several hundred thousand dollars, but 50 stays on task, relentlessly searching for this skull. along the way you will fight several helicopters. unfortunately, you use guns and not Rhymez. 50 destroys helicopters using RPG's and other missiles fired from the shoulder and aimed by eye. his skills are undeniably those of one birthed from the streets themselves.
whats the best feature of the game? well the cash you pick up is, of course, used for your mortgage payment and various other living expenses. kidding! you buy weapons, melée attacks, and best of all, TAUNTS. the L3 button, when presses, prompts 50 to say a random taunt phrase. these vary from "DIS SOME FUCKED UP SHIT!" to "YOU WANT A SHOT AT THE TITLE" to things far far dirtier. there are five "taunt packs" rated for their "braggin'" and obscenity.
I got all five before upgrading any of my guns.the best part of the game is that they failed to turn this feature off during cutscenes, and definitely do not limit your use during combat. hence, I just kept hitting the button throughout the game, even during the times when 50 was supposed to be having some kind of conversation with Yayo. thus, 50 ran around with a bad case of Tourette's, cursing wildly at enemies, allies, and especially at inanimate objects.
so, how do I rate this game? do you even have to ask?
50 / 10
Last edited:
i never typed that
