BrntO4Life
My Aunt Ida Smokes.
BrntO4Life returns to the gridiron to coach the RedHawks
OXFORD - After a dismal 1-11 campaign in 2009, the administration at Miami University surprisingly decided to move in a new direction regarding the coaching staff.
After only one season at the helm, Head Coach Michael Haywood was unceremoniously fired by Athletic Director Brad Bates.
"It's not that Michael did anything wrong as a coach," Bates stated at a press conference to announce the decision. "I spent two summers wandering the Mojave Desert with an Algerian shaman, of which I believe his powers of foresight transferred to me. For some reason, I just feel like Haywood might do something violent within the next year and I want to head it off at the pass."
With such bizarre reasoning behind the decision, it should come as no surprise that the coaching search would be equally as strange.
Rumors swirled about who the new coach might be, with big names such as Mike Leach, Bobby Bowden, and Vince Lombardi entering the equation.
"We knew it was going to be tough to get any one of those guys in here. Leach wanted more money, Bowden wanted offensive playcalling duties, and Lombardi - we couldn't get the guy to talk to us."
While the big names weren't working out, Bates found his man in the 11th hour.
At a press conference at 9:00AM, Bates announced the hiring of Burt Derkman, a virtual unknown who spent half of one season coaching Eastern Michigan in 2007.
Midway through his first stint as a head coach, after a close double-overtime loss in Ann Arbor to the Wolverines, Coach Derkman was videotaped sprinting naked into the woods screaming about "reaching Galapagos by mounting a Killer Whale".
When he was detained by authorities and given a blood test, Derkman was found to have copious amounts of PCP, baby powder, and catnip in his bloodstream.
None of this deterred Bates from hiring him, stating, "We've been looking for a coach with a bit of a crazy streak for some time now. It looks like we found him."
Derkman himself was not present for the press conference, but will be in Oxford within the coming days.
The Miami(OH) RedHawks are a 2-star program in the East Division of the Mid-American Conference.
GAME INFO
Platform: Xbox 360
Mode: Varsity for gameplay and All-American for recruiting
Game length: 8-minute quarters
Sliders: A set from OS, but I can't remember which ones.
Playbook: Miami(OH) for Offense,
TEAM INFO
OVR: 65
Offense: 66
Defense: 69
Prestige: 2 stars
RULES
Not really any rules for now. May update when the program improves.
Year: 1 of 3
Goals: Beat Rival - Cincinnati, Receive a bowl bid, Beat Florida
OXFORD - After a dismal 1-11 campaign in 2009, the administration at Miami University surprisingly decided to move in a new direction regarding the coaching staff.
After only one season at the helm, Head Coach Michael Haywood was unceremoniously fired by Athletic Director Brad Bates.
"It's not that Michael did anything wrong as a coach," Bates stated at a press conference to announce the decision. "I spent two summers wandering the Mojave Desert with an Algerian shaman, of which I believe his powers of foresight transferred to me. For some reason, I just feel like Haywood might do something violent within the next year and I want to head it off at the pass."
With such bizarre reasoning behind the decision, it should come as no surprise that the coaching search would be equally as strange.
Rumors swirled about who the new coach might be, with big names such as Mike Leach, Bobby Bowden, and Vince Lombardi entering the equation.
"We knew it was going to be tough to get any one of those guys in here. Leach wanted more money, Bowden wanted offensive playcalling duties, and Lombardi - we couldn't get the guy to talk to us."
While the big names weren't working out, Bates found his man in the 11th hour.
At a press conference at 9:00AM, Bates announced the hiring of Burt Derkman, a virtual unknown who spent half of one season coaching Eastern Michigan in 2007.
Midway through his first stint as a head coach, after a close double-overtime loss in Ann Arbor to the Wolverines, Coach Derkman was videotaped sprinting naked into the woods screaming about "reaching Galapagos by mounting a Killer Whale".
When he was detained by authorities and given a blood test, Derkman was found to have copious amounts of PCP, baby powder, and catnip in his bloodstream.
None of this deterred Bates from hiring him, stating, "We've been looking for a coach with a bit of a crazy streak for some time now. It looks like we found him."
Derkman himself was not present for the press conference, but will be in Oxford within the coming days.
The Miami(OH) RedHawks are a 2-star program in the East Division of the Mid-American Conference.
GAME INFO
Platform: Xbox 360
Mode: Varsity for gameplay and All-American for recruiting
Game length: 8-minute quarters
Sliders: A set from OS, but I can't remember which ones.
Playbook: Miami(OH) for Offense,
TEAM INFO
OVR: 65
Offense: 66
Defense: 69
Prestige: 2 stars
RULES
Not really any rules for now. May update when the program improves.
Year: 1 of 3
Goals: Beat Rival - Cincinnati, Receive a bowl bid, Beat Florida
