Another week down in the NFL Season and the GBU is ready to offer opinions and observations that will no doubt ruffle a few feathers... ask us if we care... We have 3 awards to give out this week, 10 teams in the Good, 6 teams in the Ugly and a partridge in a pear tree. Let's get this going with a 4 things I know are true (nod to Max Kellerman of course):
- Aaron Rodgers is still mad
- The Ravens without Ray Lewis are the Cleveland Browns
- Cam Newton is VY's 2nd cousin
and
- The Buccaneers choked long before the now infamous play at the end of the game
Now to our awards!!
The first award is the Vladi Divac Oscar for best flop and that goes to the Pittsburgh Steelers Emanuel Sanders for his timely cramp in the 4th quarter that saved a time out:
When reached for comment Sanders' had this to say; 'You know it was chilly and my legs had been cramping, so it just kinda...oww!!! Trainer!!!'
Our next award is the dead ringer for a cartoon character award and that goes to Eli Manning for his week in and week out striking resemblance to Droopy the Dog!! Congrats Eli, how do you feel?
Our last award is from our friends at Stay-free women's hygiene products. It is the cry me a river because our maxi pads can absorb even man-tears award and it goes to Cam Newton!
The sweater was the clincher, congrats Camilla!
Ok, enough with the pre-game activities let's get this thing started!!!
Tennessee Titans
Well this is two in row, though it did take almost 200 yards rushing from CJ2k and a last second td throw to Nate You-will-always-be-a-Steeler-to-me Washington to beat the lowly Bills, but as we say here at GBU Central, a win is a win. The Colts are up next with a chance for the ex-Oilers to get back to .500 and with the division likely out of reach every win they can get will be precious in the wild-card hunt.
Houston Texans
So, you get embarrassed by Green Bay then pass that pain on to the Ravens? Hey, that's cool by me. I understand J.J. Swatt was heard telling Ray Rice, who was held to just 45 yards on the ground, that he had eaten burritos bigger than him. Maybe the Texans just had a bad game last week, or maybe the Ravens suck, either way the win is good for the best record in the AFC and it looks like a division title is within reach.
Dallas Cowboys
Ugh, this never makes me smile...
Dallas did get the win this week, though they struggled against what amounts to a college team, but in all fairness a win is a win. Despite Dez I-always-cry-for-a-flag Bryant doing his best to suck I think the coaching staff needs to send Cam Newton a thank you note for making Romo not the worst QB on the field for once in his life. The Giants visit the Jerry Dome next and we all remember JJ's 'beat the Giants ass' quote from this offseason...
I need a shower... I feel dirty...
Indianapolis Colts
Another win? I know it was the Browns but hey, 3 wins will get anyone who bet the over for your season a few bucks. Luck didn't throw any TD's, but he ran for 2... Peyton Manning never did that!
New York Football Giants
What do the Giants do? They win. It ain't always pretty, but that's what they do. Eli 'Droopy' Manning might look a little slow on the uptake but he sure knows how to win a football game. Next week they head into Texas to attempt to make the Cowboys pay for Jerry Jones' diarrhea of the mouth. I am not a betting man per se, but I wouldn't put money against Big Blue.
Green Bay Packers
Yup, Aaron Rodgers makes stupid commercials, but he sure can chuck that pigskin. 2 wins in a row is one away from starting a streak and with the injured Jags up next the odds are good. It will take some grinding to make a run at the division with the Bears and Vikes both at 5 wins but with the Discount Double Checker feeling slighted impossible it is not.
New Orleans Saints
Ok, that's 2 wins... out of 6 games. Still claim that Sean Payton not being there isn't an issue? Have fun with the Bronocs next week...
New England Patriots
Tom Terrific never looks good against Rex Ryan and the Jets and this week was no exception, but with Sanchez on the other side what was there ever to worry about? The Phins were idle this week and with a loss by Buffalo this win gives the Pats their rightful spot in the AFC East in the big boy chair.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Nothing helps a road losing streak than a trip to Cincinnati. The food is bad, the weather sucks and so does the team that calls that city home. Johnathan Dwyer ran like a bus, the defense actually showed up in the 4th quarter and presto-change-o the Steelers get to .500! With the Ravens looking winged and the Bungles and Browns, well looking like the Bungles and the Browns, a shot at the division is not all together out of the question.
Chicago Bears Defense
Yes I said defense because when the Bears win it is in spite of Jay Cutlulz, and that is exactly what went down Monday. Every year we hear how they are getting old and every year they keep that team in the hunt despite the whining-est, cryin-est punkass-est bitch of a quarter back they have.
And now for a musical interlude...
We now return you to the insults!
San Francisco 49ers
What's that? You won and Frank Gore ran all up and down the field? Great job, too bad I have Frank and Vernon Davis, who got no passes thrown to him, on my fantasy team. You guys cost me a win and for that you get the bad. Good division game tho...
Cleveland Browns
Hey look at it this way, you only made the bad this week due to your win last week against the Bungels, otherwise you would be in the Ugly where you belong. See ya there next week!
Washington Redskins
RG III looked against the Giants and the team as a whole played pretty good, but this is the NFL not rec-league and there are no moral victories especially in a division game. Steelers are coming up next... on the road. Have fun.
New York Jets
So close and yet so far away huh Rexy? Again, no moral victories in the NFL, though there wasn't even a glimpse of one here. Once again The Sanchize proves why he would have better cast on the Jersey Shore as douche bag #3 than an NFL QB. Is it Tebow time yet?
Oakland Raiders
Yeah, I know you bums actually won a game... in overtime against a team that you took out their starting qb and running back. Still, with no offense for the Jags to speak of it took Seabass' drunken leg to get the win. Good job...
Now for a word from our sponsor...
Have a team or company under your sole direction that is under-performing or flat out failing? Do you and anyone with more than 3 brain cells know it's your fault? Why take the blame yourself when you can duck the proverbial pie in the face and have it hit the next guy in line, or even someone who seemingly has little to nothing to do with the real issues? Well now you can! Just call now and we will send you the Andy Reid and his Mustache's sure fire system to keep a job you don't deserve.
That's right folks you will valuable learn skills like:
- How to hire people not qualified to do the job you need them to
- How to take the obvious strength of your organization away
- Not one but three ways to lie directly to the media while serving up a scapegoat the following day
And many more! Act now and we will throw in a genuine fake replica of Andy's famous Mustache! Just call 1-800-No-One-Knows-How-I-Keep-This-Job now! Operators are standing by!
*Brought to you by Bad Newz Kennel Dog Grooming and Boarding.
It is now time for the part everyone waits for!! Where we rip apart teams, players and coaches even though we have no credibility to do so! It's mean, it's nasty!!! It's...
Seattle Seahawks
So Russel is the man huh? Keep reading those press clippings guys, right into your off-season vacation, which will begin the first week of January.
Carolina Panthers
Cam 'VY' Newton cried like the girl he is at the post game and by now no one is shocked. In reaction to Newton sucking the team fired it's GM. Odd, seeing as how Ron Rivera being their head coach should have been a clue as to why this team has a college style offense and a lack of discipline on the field. Maybe this is a page from the Andy Reid deflecting blame book?
Baltimore Ravens
Yes it's true I was one of those not sounding the alarm with Ray Lewis going out for the season last week, but hey nobody's perfect right? I mean Ray Ray is treated like a saint even though he was implicated in not one but two murders of human beings as apposed to canine's but who am I to judge anyone? Joe Flacco is still overrated and without a running game he is basically Mark Sanchez but still allowed in the pool at the country club. Anyone really shedding a tear for the Ratbirds? I thought not... stfu bmore...
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Before I hear how the Bucs had a chance to tie and got jobbed by the rule book I would like to point out that they gave up a 21-7 lead on a 21 point swing before half. So you can all, and that means you BigBucs over at VSN, just hush. The Bucs are garbage and not even hot garbage at that.
Cincinnati Bungles
Yep, welcome back the Bungles to Cincinnati. In true Bungle fashion they have lost two division games in a row on what is now a true losing streak that started 3 weeks ago in Miami. In both division games they held a lead and in both games they coughed if up. Failure on all levels cost them this game with zero adjustments by the OC to the quick passes Dalton was throwing to the lack of any kind of push up front to slow down a running back who had one foot on the practice squad. Good to see things back to normal for you Cincy.
Detroit Lions
Speaking of being back to normal...
That's all we have for this week folks, tune in next week when we will hear Andy Reid say 'I fired the waterboy to send a message to the special teams coach.' Until next time, please remember that this is my opinion and that and $5.00 + tax will get you a meatball sub from Subway. Follow us on twitter @GBUCentral or email us at gbu_central@yahoo.com or on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SJMusings.
- Aaron Rodgers is still mad
- The Ravens without Ray Lewis are the Cleveland Browns
- Cam Newton is VY's 2nd cousin
and
- The Buccaneers choked long before the now infamous play at the end of the game
Now to our awards!!
The first award is the Vladi Divac Oscar for best flop and that goes to the Pittsburgh Steelers Emanuel Sanders for his timely cramp in the 4th quarter that saved a time out:
When reached for comment Sanders' had this to say; 'You know it was chilly and my legs had been cramping, so it just kinda...oww!!! Trainer!!!'
Our next award is the dead ringer for a cartoon character award and that goes to Eli Manning for his week in and week out striking resemblance to Droopy the Dog!! Congrats Eli, how do you feel?
Our last award is from our friends at Stay-free women's hygiene products. It is the cry me a river because our maxi pads can absorb even man-tears award and it goes to Cam Newton!
The sweater was the clincher, congrats Camilla!
Ok, enough with the pre-game activities let's get this thing started!!!
The Good
Tennessee Titans
Well this is two in row, though it did take almost 200 yards rushing from CJ2k and a last second td throw to Nate You-will-always-be-a-Steeler-to-me Washington to beat the lowly Bills, but as we say here at GBU Central, a win is a win. The Colts are up next with a chance for the ex-Oilers to get back to .500 and with the division likely out of reach every win they can get will be precious in the wild-card hunt.
Houston Texans
So, you get embarrassed by Green Bay then pass that pain on to the Ravens? Hey, that's cool by me. I understand J.J. Swatt was heard telling Ray Rice, who was held to just 45 yards on the ground, that he had eaten burritos bigger than him. Maybe the Texans just had a bad game last week, or maybe the Ravens suck, either way the win is good for the best record in the AFC and it looks like a division title is within reach.
Dallas Cowboys
Ugh, this never makes me smile...
Dallas did get the win this week, though they struggled against what amounts to a college team, but in all fairness a win is a win. Despite Dez I-always-cry-for-a-flag Bryant doing his best to suck I think the coaching staff needs to send Cam Newton a thank you note for making Romo not the worst QB on the field for once in his life. The Giants visit the Jerry Dome next and we all remember JJ's 'beat the Giants ass' quote from this offseason...
I need a shower... I feel dirty...
Indianapolis Colts
Another win? I know it was the Browns but hey, 3 wins will get anyone who bet the over for your season a few bucks. Luck didn't throw any TD's, but he ran for 2... Peyton Manning never did that!
New York Football Giants
What do the Giants do? They win. It ain't always pretty, but that's what they do. Eli 'Droopy' Manning might look a little slow on the uptake but he sure knows how to win a football game. Next week they head into Texas to attempt to make the Cowboys pay for Jerry Jones' diarrhea of the mouth. I am not a betting man per se, but I wouldn't put money against Big Blue.
Green Bay Packers
Yup, Aaron Rodgers makes stupid commercials, but he sure can chuck that pigskin. 2 wins in a row is one away from starting a streak and with the injured Jags up next the odds are good. It will take some grinding to make a run at the division with the Bears and Vikes both at 5 wins but with the Discount Double Checker feeling slighted impossible it is not.
New Orleans Saints
Ok, that's 2 wins... out of 6 games. Still claim that Sean Payton not being there isn't an issue? Have fun with the Bronocs next week...
New England Patriots
Tom Terrific never looks good against Rex Ryan and the Jets and this week was no exception, but with Sanchez on the other side what was there ever to worry about? The Phins were idle this week and with a loss by Buffalo this win gives the Pats their rightful spot in the AFC East in the big boy chair.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Nothing helps a road losing streak than a trip to Cincinnati. The food is bad, the weather sucks and so does the team that calls that city home. Johnathan Dwyer ran like a bus, the defense actually showed up in the 4th quarter and presto-change-o the Steelers get to .500! With the Ravens looking winged and the Bungles and Browns, well looking like the Bungles and the Browns, a shot at the division is not all together out of the question.
Chicago Bears Defense
Yes I said defense because when the Bears win it is in spite of Jay Cutlulz, and that is exactly what went down Monday. Every year we hear how they are getting old and every year they keep that team in the hunt despite the whining-est, cryin-est punkass-est bitch of a quarter back they have.
And now for a musical interlude...
We now return you to the insults!
The Bad
San Francisco 49ers
What's that? You won and Frank Gore ran all up and down the field? Great job, too bad I have Frank and Vernon Davis, who got no passes thrown to him, on my fantasy team. You guys cost me a win and for that you get the bad. Good division game tho...
Cleveland Browns
Hey look at it this way, you only made the bad this week due to your win last week against the Bungels, otherwise you would be in the Ugly where you belong. See ya there next week!
Washington Redskins
RG III looked against the Giants and the team as a whole played pretty good, but this is the NFL not rec-league and there are no moral victories especially in a division game. Steelers are coming up next... on the road. Have fun.
New York Jets
So close and yet so far away huh Rexy? Again, no moral victories in the NFL, though there wasn't even a glimpse of one here. Once again The Sanchize proves why he would have better cast on the Jersey Shore as douche bag #3 than an NFL QB. Is it Tebow time yet?
Oakland Raiders
Yeah, I know you bums actually won a game... in overtime against a team that you took out their starting qb and running back. Still, with no offense for the Jags to speak of it took Seabass' drunken leg to get the win. Good job...
Now for a word from our sponsor...
Andy Reid's Pass-the-buck PR School
Have a team or company under your sole direction that is under-performing or flat out failing? Do you and anyone with more than 3 brain cells know it's your fault? Why take the blame yourself when you can duck the proverbial pie in the face and have it hit the next guy in line, or even someone who seemingly has little to nothing to do with the real issues? Well now you can! Just call now and we will send you the Andy Reid and his Mustache's sure fire system to keep a job you don't deserve.
That's right folks you will valuable learn skills like:
- How to hire people not qualified to do the job you need them to
- How to take the obvious strength of your organization away
- Not one but three ways to lie directly to the media while serving up a scapegoat the following day
And many more! Act now and we will throw in a genuine fake replica of Andy's famous Mustache! Just call 1-800-No-One-Knows-How-I-Keep-This-Job now! Operators are standing by!
*Brought to you by Bad Newz Kennel Dog Grooming and Boarding.
It is now time for the part everyone waits for!! Where we rip apart teams, players and coaches even though we have no credibility to do so! It's mean, it's nasty!!! It's...
The Ugly
Seattle Seahawks
So Russel is the man huh? Keep reading those press clippings guys, right into your off-season vacation, which will begin the first week of January.
Carolina Panthers
Cam 'VY' Newton cried like the girl he is at the post game and by now no one is shocked. In reaction to Newton sucking the team fired it's GM. Odd, seeing as how Ron Rivera being their head coach should have been a clue as to why this team has a college style offense and a lack of discipline on the field. Maybe this is a page from the Andy Reid deflecting blame book?
Baltimore Ravens
Yes it's true I was one of those not sounding the alarm with Ray Lewis going out for the season last week, but hey nobody's perfect right? I mean Ray Ray is treated like a saint even though he was implicated in not one but two murders of human beings as apposed to canine's but who am I to judge anyone? Joe Flacco is still overrated and without a running game he is basically Mark Sanchez but still allowed in the pool at the country club. Anyone really shedding a tear for the Ratbirds? I thought not... stfu bmore...
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Before I hear how the Bucs had a chance to tie and got jobbed by the rule book I would like to point out that they gave up a 21-7 lead on a 21 point swing before half. So you can all, and that means you BigBucs over at VSN, just hush. The Bucs are garbage and not even hot garbage at that.
Cincinnati Bungles
Yep, welcome back the Bungles to Cincinnati. In true Bungle fashion they have lost two division games in a row on what is now a true losing streak that started 3 weeks ago in Miami. In both division games they held a lead and in both games they coughed if up. Failure on all levels cost them this game with zero adjustments by the OC to the quick passes Dalton was throwing to the lack of any kind of push up front to slow down a running back who had one foot on the practice squad. Good to see things back to normal for you Cincy.
Detroit Lions
Speaking of being back to normal...
That's all we have for this week folks, tune in next week when we will hear Andy Reid say 'I fired the waterboy to send a message to the special teams coach.' Until next time, please remember that this is my opinion and that and $5.00 + tax will get you a meatball sub from Subway. Follow us on twitter @GBUCentral or email us at gbu_central@yahoo.com or on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/SJMusings.
