Week 3 is over... oh wait... I think Eli just got sacked again and Ben fumbled... ok now it's over!! This week the Broncos ride, the Seahawks soar, the 9ers dig a deeper hole... well you get the picture. Let's get it rolling with a these four things...
- The only thing for Steelers fans worse than being 0-3 is knowing the Browns are 1-2
- The teams Denver has played are really that bad, but Peyton is actually that good as well
- Bill Belicheat is still not talking about Gronk or Danny A
- Hanging out with Bryant McKinnie can be hazardous to your health, on a boat or a bus...
We have winners, losers and a few teams that just plain suck (I'm looking at you Dallas...) so let's get right down to it shall we?!?!?
- Kansas City Chiefs
I guess Andy Reid isn't as washed up as the city of brotherly love previously believed. 3-0 brings back memories of Montana and Allen. I am sure it felt good to go into Phily and show the Iggles that college offense's belong in college. With the Giants next up 4-0 isn't a lock but I wouldn't bet against it.
- Carolina Panthers
Look at that, you blew out a team that couldn't beat a high school girls field hockey team. Big deal.
- Cincinnati Bengals
You got lucky, period. A win is a win though so 2-1 is what you are. The Browns are up next and yes I am betting that you lose to them though if somehow you both could lose that would be ok too...
- Dallas Cowboys
See?!? I put you in the good. I would like to point out the two teams you beat this year have a combined record of 1-5. Just sayin'...
- Cleveland Browns
Good on ya Cleveland. You have finally risen above last place in the AFC North despite trading away your best player this past week in a move that shocked even the most jaded of Browns fans. Have fun with the Bungles next week.
- New England Patriots
The Pats aren't blowing teams out, nor are they answering questions about Gronk or Danny A, but they are wining. Maybe the Raiders need to give up that Just win baby slogan so that Foxboro can have it. Next up is the Dirty Birds and to be honest, I think a win is highly probable.
- Tennessee Titans
The last time the Titans beat the Chargers they were still called the Oilers and played a lot closer to Mexico than they do now. Jake Locker looks to be a franchise guy and with the Texans losing this week they are tied for the division. With a top 10 defense (7th overall) they have a shot at the AFC South title.
- New Orleans Saints
Oh as the Saints
(as the Saints)
Go rolling on
(Go rolling on)
To another win
and all Sean Payton does is grin
- Detroit Lions
2 turnovers in the 4th from the Deadskins is really what pushed this game over the edge, but as I said before a win is a win. Burelson's pizza mishap may hurt a lot more than it is funny though so hold your head up while you can.
- Miami Dolphins
The Chiefs and Phins have been two of the worst teams in the NFL for years, and now both are 3-0? I am not gonna wax poetic about Tannehill and Marino comparisons or anything, but from now on I will actually watch when Miami plays on TV...
- Seattle Seahawks
The 'You can only play who is on your schedule' cliche applies here. 3-0 is 3-0, period.
- Indianapolis Colts
After a close loss to the Phins last week the Colts looked very good against a very ugly 49ers team and walk away with a win. Sophmore slump? Not for those who are Lucky (get it? see what I did there was.. oh nevermind).
- Chicago Bears
Whomever new head coach Marc Trestman replaced the old Jay Cutlulz with that looks like Jay Cutlulz but plays like an actual quarter back is doing great. The Bears defense is still the Bears D, sans Urlcher et al. Winning close and then just dominating on the road, albeit against a horrid excuse for a Steelers team, is making Ditka and the Superfans get excited for more than just sitting in grill class.
- Denver Broncos
New team, new city, orange instead of blue uniforms... same old Peyton Manning. Last year they choked in the playoffs in true Colt fashion. Only time will tell if that monkey still rides on Peyton's neck. Until then... don;t bet against the Broncos unless you have money to burn.
And now for our weekly musical break...
And now for something completely different...
- Baltimore Ravens
You won? In dominating fashion and against an actual team? That's nice... But you're here for having Brian McKinnie on your team and then letting your players hang out with him and strippers on a bus. I guess it is a plus it wasn't on a boat...
- Green Bay Packers
Way to choke one away fellas... Did Mike and Aaron hug it out? Hey I heard Bret Favre thinks he can still play.
- Arizona Cardinals
You suck and Carson Palmer is not any better of a choice as a QB than Matt Lienhart was. The end.
- San Diego Chargers
Really? You lost another game at the end? Maybe it wasn't just the coach and GM that needed to be changed. Way to show your heart people.
- New York Jets
I don't care if you won, you still suck. Have a nice day.
And now a message from our sponsor, the PR firm of Garrett and Jones...
<In my best cheesy TV Don Pardo voice>
Are you or your organization overratted, washed up or just plain awful? When people think of you and your company do the words 'You suck', 'bwhahahahaha!!!', 'loser', 'whiner' or 'buncha sorry bums...' come to their minds? If so, we can help! No, we don't actually know how to turn around your organization or clean up your image, in fact making it worse is more than likely, but what we can do is make people think you're so crazy that no one will notice you fail at life. Try these simple steps...
1. Over pay your employees; This is a great way to make people be loyal to you. Who needs respect when you can just buy people.
2. Never listen to anyone that is not you; This includes people who have been proven winners in your field and also anyone that has successfully changed the fortunes of multiple other companies and/or organizations.
3. Make your building so big it can be seen from space, then be sure to hype up the opening and bring in a weaker organization to help open it and lord it over them.
4. Be sure to let everyone know that you are the boss; this includes undermining your managers and ignoring the needs of the many for the wants of the one.
If you follow these steps you too can be larger than life, at least in your mind anyways. If you have any questions or would like a personal consultation just call 1-800-we-couldn't-win-a-one-man-race-with-ahead-start and we will be more than happy to lead you right into oblivion.
And now back to the show...
Ok, here it is!!! The worst of the week, the ugliest teams and my attempt to make fun of them. All right here in...
- Philadelphia Eagles
All that hype and week 3 this so called game changing offense is exposed. I wonder if Chip Kelly is prepared for pro level boo-birds? Fall flat a few more times and Chippy boy might want to pull a Petrino. I guess the old adage defense wins championships wasn't on the curriculum at Oregon.
- New York Football Giants
I am beginning to think Eli may have slipped the ol braciole to one of his o-lineman's best girl or something. Even David Carr was winching watching Eli get beat on like he stole something. Big blue has turned black and blue and there is no relief in sight.
- Minnesota Vikings
The best running back in the game is great... too bad that is all you have. 0-3 is 0-3. Have fun in the London Loser Bowl.
- Pittsburgh Steelers
Speaking of the London Loser Bowl... 0-3 and the Browns have a better record. Come on man!!! Just when it seemed a comeback and the slide to a winless three weeks might be avoided... fumblitis strikes again. It may be time to find that crew that sanitized the Cardinals facility after there MRSA outbreak and get them into the PNC complex. I still have no idea who 2 or our 4 linebakcers are. Oh by the way, Polamalu blocking the extra point was cool, but it didn't make me feel any better.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers
So I hear the NFL has denied you guys the use of the creamsicle uniform's. The league says it is due to player safety but I have it on good authority that the players still living that wore those ugly things sent a letter to Goodell begging him not to embarrass them further by letting this team wear those colors. Good thing there is a pirate ship already at your stadium because you can' have a real mutiny without some one walking the plank.
- Washington Deadskins
This one is short and sweet...
Hey Shanny!!!! Bench RG III before he gets you fired!!!
That is all.
- San Francisco 49ers
What. The. F%$k??!?!?! Is this the super bowl loser's curse? I think I hear Mike Singletary dropping his pants. Maybe Kap should spend less time trying to take Flacco's mighty wings and more time working at his game. Also, give the freakin' ball to Frank Gore!!! I have in fantasy and you're killing me smalls!!!
- Oakland Raiders
Well, at least Pryor can't remember this beating... too bad you guys have to take another drink of that kool aid later this year. Al Davis is dead but his legacy loses on.
- Jacksonville Jaguars
I have no words for how bad you are. Watching you play lowers everyone within 50 miles of that travesty's IQ. Please just move to LA already.
That is all we have for this week people, tune in next week when we hear Chip Kelly say 'I may have overstated the goals for our team this year.' Send all hate mail, love letters and death threats to gbu_central@yahoo.com and find us on Facebook (The GBU) and twitter @GBUCentral and as always remember this is just my opinion and that and $5 plus tax will get you a meatball sub all month at Subway!
- The only thing for Steelers fans worse than being 0-3 is knowing the Browns are 1-2
- The teams Denver has played are really that bad, but Peyton is actually that good as well
- Bill Belicheat is still not talking about Gronk or Danny A
- Hanging out with Bryant McKinnie can be hazardous to your health, on a boat or a bus...
We have winners, losers and a few teams that just plain suck (I'm looking at you Dallas...) so let's get right down to it shall we?!?!?
The Good
- Kansas City Chiefs
I guess Andy Reid isn't as washed up as the city of brotherly love previously believed. 3-0 brings back memories of Montana and Allen. I am sure it felt good to go into Phily and show the Iggles that college offense's belong in college. With the Giants next up 4-0 isn't a lock but I wouldn't bet against it.
- Carolina Panthers
Look at that, you blew out a team that couldn't beat a high school girls field hockey team. Big deal.
- Cincinnati Bengals
You got lucky, period. A win is a win though so 2-1 is what you are. The Browns are up next and yes I am betting that you lose to them though if somehow you both could lose that would be ok too...
- Dallas Cowboys
See?!? I put you in the good. I would like to point out the two teams you beat this year have a combined record of 1-5. Just sayin'...
- Cleveland Browns
Good on ya Cleveland. You have finally risen above last place in the AFC North despite trading away your best player this past week in a move that shocked even the most jaded of Browns fans. Have fun with the Bungles next week.
- New England Patriots
The Pats aren't blowing teams out, nor are they answering questions about Gronk or Danny A, but they are wining. Maybe the Raiders need to give up that Just win baby slogan so that Foxboro can have it. Next up is the Dirty Birds and to be honest, I think a win is highly probable.
- Tennessee Titans
The last time the Titans beat the Chargers they were still called the Oilers and played a lot closer to Mexico than they do now. Jake Locker looks to be a franchise guy and with the Texans losing this week they are tied for the division. With a top 10 defense (7th overall) they have a shot at the AFC South title.
- New Orleans Saints
Oh as the Saints
(as the Saints)
Go rolling on
(Go rolling on)
To another win
and all Sean Payton does is grin
- Detroit Lions
2 turnovers in the 4th from the Deadskins is really what pushed this game over the edge, but as I said before a win is a win. Burelson's pizza mishap may hurt a lot more than it is funny though so hold your head up while you can.
- Miami Dolphins
The Chiefs and Phins have been two of the worst teams in the NFL for years, and now both are 3-0? I am not gonna wax poetic about Tannehill and Marino comparisons or anything, but from now on I will actually watch when Miami plays on TV...
- Seattle Seahawks
The 'You can only play who is on your schedule' cliche applies here. 3-0 is 3-0, period.
- Indianapolis Colts
After a close loss to the Phins last week the Colts looked very good against a very ugly 49ers team and walk away with a win. Sophmore slump? Not for those who are Lucky (get it? see what I did there was.. oh nevermind).
- Chicago Bears
Whomever new head coach Marc Trestman replaced the old Jay Cutlulz with that looks like Jay Cutlulz but plays like an actual quarter back is doing great. The Bears defense is still the Bears D, sans Urlcher et al. Winning close and then just dominating on the road, albeit against a horrid excuse for a Steelers team, is making Ditka and the Superfans get excited for more than just sitting in grill class.
- Denver Broncos
New team, new city, orange instead of blue uniforms... same old Peyton Manning. Last year they choked in the playoffs in true Colt fashion. Only time will tell if that monkey still rides on Peyton's neck. Until then... don;t bet against the Broncos unless you have money to burn.
And now for our weekly musical break...
And now for something completely different...
The Bad
- Baltimore Ravens
You won? In dominating fashion and against an actual team? That's nice... But you're here for having Brian McKinnie on your team and then letting your players hang out with him and strippers on a bus. I guess it is a plus it wasn't on a boat...
- Green Bay Packers
Way to choke one away fellas... Did Mike and Aaron hug it out? Hey I heard Bret Favre thinks he can still play.
- Arizona Cardinals
You suck and Carson Palmer is not any better of a choice as a QB than Matt Lienhart was. The end.
- San Diego Chargers
Really? You lost another game at the end? Maybe it wasn't just the coach and GM that needed to be changed. Way to show your heart people.
- New York Jets
I don't care if you won, you still suck. Have a nice day.
And now a message from our sponsor, the PR firm of Garrett and Jones...
<In my best cheesy TV Don Pardo voice>
Are you or your organization overratted, washed up or just plain awful? When people think of you and your company do the words 'You suck', 'bwhahahahaha!!!', 'loser', 'whiner' or 'buncha sorry bums...' come to their minds? If so, we can help! No, we don't actually know how to turn around your organization or clean up your image, in fact making it worse is more than likely, but what we can do is make people think you're so crazy that no one will notice you fail at life. Try these simple steps...
1. Over pay your employees; This is a great way to make people be loyal to you. Who needs respect when you can just buy people.
2. Never listen to anyone that is not you; This includes people who have been proven winners in your field and also anyone that has successfully changed the fortunes of multiple other companies and/or organizations.
3. Make your building so big it can be seen from space, then be sure to hype up the opening and bring in a weaker organization to help open it and lord it over them.
4. Be sure to let everyone know that you are the boss; this includes undermining your managers and ignoring the needs of the many for the wants of the one.
If you follow these steps you too can be larger than life, at least in your mind anyways. If you have any questions or would like a personal consultation just call 1-800-we-couldn't-win-a-one-man-race-with-ahead-start and we will be more than happy to lead you right into oblivion.
And now back to the show...
Ok, here it is!!! The worst of the week, the ugliest teams and my attempt to make fun of them. All right here in...
The Ugly
- Philadelphia Eagles
All that hype and week 3 this so called game changing offense is exposed. I wonder if Chip Kelly is prepared for pro level boo-birds? Fall flat a few more times and Chippy boy might want to pull a Petrino. I guess the old adage defense wins championships wasn't on the curriculum at Oregon.
- New York Football Giants
I am beginning to think Eli may have slipped the ol braciole to one of his o-lineman's best girl or something. Even David Carr was winching watching Eli get beat on like he stole something. Big blue has turned black and blue and there is no relief in sight.
- Minnesota Vikings
The best running back in the game is great... too bad that is all you have. 0-3 is 0-3. Have fun in the London Loser Bowl.
- Pittsburgh Steelers
Speaking of the London Loser Bowl... 0-3 and the Browns have a better record. Come on man!!! Just when it seemed a comeback and the slide to a winless three weeks might be avoided... fumblitis strikes again. It may be time to find that crew that sanitized the Cardinals facility after there MRSA outbreak and get them into the PNC complex. I still have no idea who 2 or our 4 linebakcers are. Oh by the way, Polamalu blocking the extra point was cool, but it didn't make me feel any better.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers
So I hear the NFL has denied you guys the use of the creamsicle uniform's. The league says it is due to player safety but I have it on good authority that the players still living that wore those ugly things sent a letter to Goodell begging him not to embarrass them further by letting this team wear those colors. Good thing there is a pirate ship already at your stadium because you can' have a real mutiny without some one walking the plank.
- Washington Deadskins
This one is short and sweet...
Hey Shanny!!!! Bench RG III before he gets you fired!!!
That is all.
- San Francisco 49ers
What. The. F%$k??!?!?! Is this the super bowl loser's curse? I think I hear Mike Singletary dropping his pants. Maybe Kap should spend less time trying to take Flacco's mighty wings and more time working at his game. Also, give the freakin' ball to Frank Gore!!! I have in fantasy and you're killing me smalls!!!
- Oakland Raiders
Well, at least Pryor can't remember this beating... too bad you guys have to take another drink of that kool aid later this year. Al Davis is dead but his legacy loses on.
- Jacksonville Jaguars
I have no words for how bad you are. Watching you play lowers everyone within 50 miles of that travesty's IQ. Please just move to LA already.
That is all we have for this week people, tune in next week when we hear Chip Kelly say 'I may have overstated the goals for our team this year.' Send all hate mail, love letters and death threats to gbu_central@yahoo.com and find us on Facebook (The GBU) and twitter @GBUCentral and as always remember this is just my opinion and that and $5 plus tax will get you a meatball sub all month at Subway!
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