Tomb Raider Gets a New Leading Lady?!

[Epidemik]

The Tomb Raider series is soon to be rebooted; a film is guaranteed, and based on Square Enix’s “No comment” when asked about a new game, we can assume that is coming too. But it looks like the beloved franchise is already destined for the sh*tter, thanks to the person playing the next Lara Croft: Kim Kardashian.

Yes, Tomb Raider has no hope left; to her credit, she is perfect for the role, the new franchise will be aimed at “a teen audience” according to a source. I think it’s obvious to all of us where this is going.

As every good money grabbing corporation knows, stick some fake boobs on any ailing franchise, and rake in the dollars. Sure, you will have just sold out true fans of the franchise, but who cares as long as your share holders are happy?

The next Tomb Raider film will be, let’s face it, crap. On top of hiring an actress who won “Worst Supporting Actress” in the “Worst Film of 2008”: Disaster Movie, the film will be shot in 3D, to hide almost certain failures in acting. Boobies in 3D? Great! Shame you’ll be throwing up as Kim tries to pull off a British accent. Or, worst of all, they change Lara into an American.

I’ve got nothing against Americans, but I don’t see how a US “version” of Lara would work. Does she live on some ranch in Alabama, go up on holidays to Alaska to hunt polar bears with Palin, and then search for new oil wells in Native Indian reserves?

There is just no way you can spin this to make it seem good for the franchise. However, the films aren’t really anything to cry over, they weren’t very good to begin with; it’s the most iconic female video games character at stake here.

Lara Croft, the archaeologist, first seen in the 1996 video game Tomb Raider, is an iconic video game character. It has to be true, the Guinness Book of World Records says so, twice. But since 2000, the franchise has been nothing but in decline. The games: ranging from awful to average, and the films: even worse.

All that keeps the games holding on is that her, and, with every crappy title that is put out, gamers grow further and further away from her. My fear is that when Kim’s acting coach calls up the director, and says she just can’t do a British accent, whoever is in charge won’t go, “Get me a new actress”, he’ll go, “Okay, keep Kim, change Lara’s accent, and add a couple more explosions to compensate”.

Square Enix will then be forced to change Lara into an American; and have to change the story around as well to suit this change in nationality. Instead of a charming English manor, Lara enjoys relaxing at the Playboy Mansion, where she reads up on Mayan artifacts via Wikipedia. The gameplay itself will be average, and the only thing keeping fans hanging on: Lara, will have been completely transformed, the game flops.

Bye, bye, beloved franchise; R.I.P

http://fronttowardsgamer.com/2010/07/20/r-i-p-tomb-raider-taken-from-us-by-kim/

 

[IamMedellin]

they are really missing the boat on this one...

Make it a Porno

 

[Misogi]

Fail.

 

[Champ]

As long as it has some type of nudity or lesbian make out scene ill watch it.

 

[krulmichael]

A Kardashian? Really....I'll pass. :smh:

 

[CCBrink]

I thought Angelina Jolie was the perfect person to play Lara Croft


This fine woman should be the new face of the Tomb Raider movie. She could definitely pull it off.

 

[krulmichael]

I thought Angelina Jolie was the perfect person to play Lara Croft


This fine woman should be the new face of the Tomb Raider movie. She could definitely pull it off.

She'd certainly be better than a Kardashian.

I think my girl Mila would be even better though.

 

[MvP]

I can fuck with it

 

[Tengo Juego]

Mila can't do it. She's Meg after all.