Wrecked

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

This movie sucked, but I couldn't stop watching it...crazy weird like that. But the whole time I wanted to yell at him to STAND THE FUCK UP AND HOBBLE! More on that in my review below.

 

The movie starts with a man who wakes up in a wrecked car. Apparently he was in a bad auto accident, when a car full of what we find out to be bank robbers, goes off a dirt road down a steep wooded mountain ledge. His leg is pinned under the dash and he's stuck there. So he spends the first 30 - 40 minutes of the movie stuck in the car. He has amnesia as well, so he doesn't know his own name or how he got there.

There is a man in the back seat, he checks his wallet, named George. "Were we friends George?" He asked the dead body. The man finds a credit card under his seat, Raymond Plazzy. His name is Raymond. He also finds a revolver under the driver seat, fully loaded with two shots fired. He spends the next couple days stuck in the car, and finally unjams the door, and wriggles himself free. His leg is broken and bleeding. He splints his leg using sticks, the seat belt, his pants belt, and some seat foam from the car. All in all, a shitty job of splinting his leg TBH. So now he has a splint, and instead of grabbing one of the many tree limbs around and using as a crutch, HE SPENDS THE ENTIRE MOVIE CRAWLING AROUND ON HIS GUT!!! GTFUP YOU STUPID BITCH!

BTW, there is a mountain lion randomly showing up throughout the movie and dragging corpses away.

Raymond keeps hallucinating about a woman, he doesn't know why, until he hears on the radio that Harry Someguy, George Soandso, and Raymond Plazzy are wanted for a bank robbery and for the murder of a woman. He checks the trunk. Full of money. So he's wanted. Plot thickens slightly.

He leaves the money in the trunk for some fucking reason. So he starts crawling up toward the road, when a hunter finds the car. The hunter is taking the bags of money out the trunk, see's Raymond, and they point their guns at each other. The Hunter eventually grabs the money and runs off. Raymond crawls back to the car eventually and see's the hunter left one bag of money behind.

So instead of crawling uphill again, Raymond crawls downhill toward the hunter's direction...downhill, away from the road. Raymond is still hallucinating and seeing this woman. There is a dog hanging around that Raymond befriends, and has a couple "moments" with. Playing fetch, sharing beef jerky that he randomly finds in the forest...ok.

So Raymond comes to a river, and try's to cross it. BTW, it's a pretty big river, obviously deep, and he has a fucked up leg. What ever made him think he could cross it, I don't know... He fails, and gets swept down river. So he spends the next couple days crawling around the forest when he gets out, finds a cave, full of bones and what I assume is the hunters body. The mountain lion got him I think. He finds a cell phone in the lions den BTW, lucky him...it doesn't have a signal...not so lucky.

So Raymond crawls for another day or two, and hallucinates about the woman one last time. This time, in his hallucination he pulls her to the ground, gets on top of her, chokes her out, and fires his last bullet into her head...a hallucination of course, but he just had to kill this bitch who keeps showing up to mock him.

So he keeps crawling and low and behold, he's back at the car. A-mazing. Why didn't you just crawl up to the fucking road to begin with, you fucking jackass!

So this time he crawls up the hill and eventually makes it. He finds another man up there dead, clinching a fat bag of money. Raymond crawls over to him and finds his wallet in his back pocket...his name is Raymond Plazzy. So he's not Raymond, but who is he? Backflash, he's back in the car with his girlfriend, that's right, the woman he's been hallucinating about. He gets out, buys some groceries. When he comes out she's sitting across the street on the bench reading a book, yeah because every time I go grocery shopping my woman sits outside and reads a book instead of arguing with me about what I like to eat, and what she's going to put in the cart...but I digress.

As she stands up boom, a bank alarm goes off. The robbers grab him and throw him into his car...because these fucktard bank robbers didn't plan for a getaway driver/car waiting outside, instead they planned on grabbing a random person and hijacking them right on the spot...ok.

So now we're back to this dude on the hill. The mountain lion shows up and looks hungry. He pushes Raymond's dead body toward the cat. Raymond is still clinching the bag of money, and I myself would have grabbed it away from him. I'm just saying. So the cat pulls this dead Plazzy dude off the road and away.

This noname fella pulls out the phone, oh look, it works now. A ranger picks him up and he's now in the truck. He puts his seat belt on and the final flashback happens...he's in the seat of his own car with the bank robbers now, puting his seat belt on as they flea down this dirt road. He clicks the belt, looks out of the corner of his eye at the steering wheel..and bam! He himself quickly jerks the car off the road. He caused the accident.

So all in all, I just wrote the shittiest movie review ever in VSD history, and you read it. Good for us.

Grade: DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!