A Dialogue Between An Extremely Frustrated Gamer And Madden Tech Support

[July 4 1776]

OMG this is hillarious. I cant wait for Madden NHL to come out lmao

Got from http://deadspin.com/5915933/
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You are now ready to chat with Manish.

Manish:
Thanks for contacting EA Help! My name is Manish how may I help you?

you:
i need help with madden 12 online franchise

Manish:
Okay.
Manish:
May I know what problem you are facing with your online pass?

you:
the commissioner of my league has advanced the online franchise to the next week, but it hasn't worked for me

Manish:
Is it coming invalid?

you:
no, it's simply not advancing the week for my particular team, i'm still stuck on the week previous

Manish:
Have you tried to re-download your online pass?

you:
what the hell are you talking about? what is an online pass?

Manish:
There is no online franchise in Madden 12.

you:
really? well what in god's name have i been playing for the past 9 months then? it certainly seems like there was an online franchise, unless this whole thing has been one epic lsd trip

Manish:
Do you want to play online?

you:
no you dolt. let me start from scratch. do you know what madden 12 is?

Manish:
Yes.
Manish:
I know.

you:
what is it?

Manish:
It is a game.

you:
what kind of game?

Manish:
Sports.

you:
what sport?

Manish:
We have many titles like madden nhl and madden nfl.
Manish:
May I know your first and last name please?

you:
there is no madden nhl

Manish:
Yes, there is is national hockey league.

you:
yes, but it is not Madden, you goofball
you:
may i know your first and last name please?

Manish:
May I know the exact problem that you are facing with?

you:
i already told you what my problem is once. but now i have a new problem. i am speaking with a resident of india who has never owned, or even played an EA video game and it is extremely frustrating. Have you ever had someone patronize you and pretend like they are trying to be helpful when really they are just wasting your time with idiocy?.

Manish:
I am sorry, if I have provided you wrong response.

you:
you have no idea what i'm talking about, at all, do you

Manish:
I can understand your concern. Please don't worry, I will try my best to help you out.

you:
Manwich, can you tell me how much you are making in New Delhi for this job?

Manish:
My name is Manish.

you:
Could you please answer my question, manwich?

Manish:
What question?

you:
can you tell me how much you are making in New Delhi for this job?

Manish:
I couldn't share this information with you.

you:
Ok. Well let's just pretend it's 8 rupees per hour.
you:
I would like for you to do the following: take the 2 rupees you earned for wasting my time this afternoon, and go buy some matches
you:
come back to your desk, and then use the matches to set your computer on fire. at least this way you won't be wasting any electricity

Manish:
I am sorry if I had disappoint you.

you:
you have disappointed me. greatly. and i do not accept your apology

Manish:
I understand that.

you:
is there anyone in New Dehli that has actually played Madden 12??

Manish:
Should we start again?

you:
Manwich, is there anyone in New Dehli that has actually played Madden 12??

Manish:
I appreciate if you pronounce my name correctly as Manish.

you:
Is it frustrating? It's kind of like you asking me about Online Pass when I specifically asked you about Madden 12 Online Franchise

Manish:
What you want to know about Madden 12 Online Franchise?

you:
Do you know what it is?

Manish:
Which platform (Xbox 360, PC, PS3) are you playing the game on?

you:
PS3

Manish:
May I have your PSN ID?

you:
no - not until you can tell me what Madden 12 Online Franchise is
you:
Because earlier in our conversation, you accused me of being an LSD addict and told me that there was no such thing

Manish:
Up to 32 players can take part in an online franchise.

you:
no shit? 32?

Manish:
Sorry.
Manish:
I apologize for the inconvenience it may have caused, but the question you've submitted seems to be related to the mechanics of playing the game. Due to the high volume of contacts we receive, Customer Support is only able to assist with issues related to billing and accounts and of a technical nature, such as error messages, game lock-ups, or game crashes.
Manish:
The best way to get this information straight to our developers is through the forums.The Developers review the forums regularly as it is the best way to gather suggestions for the games and improvise them.
Manish:
Thank you for contacting EA. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Manish:
Just to ensure that I haven't lost you, could you please confirm whether we are still connected?

you:
oh i am still here

Manish:
Okay.

you:
you are not very bright.
you:
i would ask for your supervisor, but i can only imagine how stupid the person that trained you is. That sounds awful, so I will pass on that idea.
you:
How's the weather in New Dehli today?

Manish:
Its good.

you:
Manwich. Can you confirm that we are still connected?

Manish:
Yes, we are.

you:
you know what, fuck it. have a lovely day.

Your chat session has ended.

[krulmichael]

Manwich.

[Chrispy]

lol @ madden nhl

[spiker]

These mindless CSR's are the worst. The buffer that they serve between the company and customer only serves to further enrage the customer. I called Comcast last week and before I speak with them, they need to confirm my identity. That is completely fine and I understand why they do it. I give this woman (who was also speaking ESL, like Manwich) my name, phone number, and address which you'd think is more than enough to confirm my identity. Nope. She needs my account number too as if my name, phone number, and address weren't enough. She starts rambling on with some shitty nonsensical excuses and mentions my social security number too, which I subsequently offer up, but she insists that she needs my account number still. Well, the particular reason why I'm calling is because I had cancelled my service and I needed to find out what exactly hardware I needed to return. I have paperless billing i.e. I need internet to look at my bill to get my account number which I obviously don't have because I've already cancelled my service! I explained all of this to her and she continues on with her scripted CSR responses, which further serves to piss me off. I ended the call by telling her that after I hang up on her useless ass, I was immediately going to call back to get someone else who would give me the information I need. So I call right back, talk to a white guy in a different department, and what do you know... I get the info I need without having to provide my account number. All of this served to remind me why I was cancelling Comcast in the first place.

Back to OP, I don't know that I'd ever try to contact a CSR from a video game company for something like that. Even if the CSR is helpful and intelligent, it's not like I'd expect to ever talk to a developer or engineer with the capability of fixing your problem.

[bucky]

You're beef is with the companies that outsource their customer support, not the poor guy trying to make a living in New Dehli. The OP was kind of an ass. There is no reason to be abusive to them. And no reason to not just ask for a supervisor until they get you to someone in the states that know what they are doing. This poor guy in New Dehli has some step by step sheet in front of him that he follows. You want to be obnoxious, go tell EA off. The guy in New Dehli deserves to be treated better.

I hate this outsourcing of support as much as anyone. It's completely useless. I know more about the problem then they do. I just automatically ask for the manager, nicely tell the manager that so and so was very polite, but I need to speak with someone that will be able to help me with this particular problem. I usually end up talking to some higher tech support back here in the states.