THE HAXOR: A Ravin HaxBall Franchise

[Ravin]

Player: Ravin
Nationality: Canadian
Status: Drafted 6th overall
Style: The Goal Scorer

[Ravin]

Draft Preview

He rose up the ranks to become one of the most feared strikers in the draft, and to Ravin, it’s just the way he loves to plays the game.

“I’ve just tried to use my god given talents to help my team,” Ravin says. “If scoring three goals a game helps my team then so be it.”

But over the last few exhibition matches, and with the recent draft preview coming out, questions about his defensive abilities have made some believe he isn’t deserving of a top spot in the draft, and could see him slip to the second round. Though it is not uncommon to find Ravin behind enemy lines, he makes a claim that he is where he should be.

“This isn’t tyke hockey where we all follow the puck and have an orgy around it. This is the pro’s, you play your position, you do your job and you do what you do best.”

Many of Ravin’s encounters close to his own net has lead to goals being scored, questioning his defence even more. But there are no questions about his ability to make a difference and put timely goals in the net. And other players know this, calling out his number for a back check every time Ravin hit’s the green.

“You have to watch him,” said a mystery player who didn’t want to be named. “You can’t let him get behind you.”

Ravin is currently listed as a top 5 pick in the Haxball league draft.

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

Draft Preview

The Mystery player has come forward, tweeting this week

"Yeah, he finds a way to score...against other goalies."

The mystery player is none other than ShaynDaPain. Who also oddly enough, we found an obscure post on...what is this? Virtualsportsdaily.com, where he posted this picture for Ravin.
:fedor:

The scouting reports are flying in now, after a couple of days of pre-draft gaming, and what we've seen from ShaynDaPain started out bad, but has blossomed into one of the leagues most versatile weapons.

Shayn, over here. Tell us what makes you so good on that field?

"My work ethic. While others are at home, sleeping at night, fapping at 4 am, I'm out there puting in work against dirty Mexicans, and Swedish retards that nobody can understand. All they do out there is yodel, I mean how can you communicate like that."

o....k.... So you practice?

"Practice? We're talking bout practice? GTFO"

Some other douchie reporter asks, "Shayn, can you tell us more about your aggressive goalie style?

"I'm no pussy. You callin me a pussy? Get your skates, or cleats on. We play this game on ice(hockey), grass(big) or turf(small), and I bring it hard bitches."

Same douchie reporter, "Could you elaborate on that?"

"I hate goalie. No seriously, I hate it. I'm just the best goalie on the planet, so I play it, to win. I'd much rather be out there with the Wing's, Len B's, and Ravins of the world. Stop asking about my defense anyhow, don't sleep on my offense, because I get buckets, son. You think you got me covered, I'll bank pass it to myself off the wall, slip past you, and snipe from a distance. Or I'll go in the and bang with the big boys, and corral the puck in. I don't have a weak spot in my game."

Pros: Very versatile. Cares about winning as a team. One of the best goalies alive, and looks for assists. His team scores in bunches, as he is great at keeping the ball in play on the offensive side of the field. Has a real nack for scrumming the ball forward through a pile of opponents, and pushing the pile into the goal.

Cons: Tends to have a bad lag issue from time to time, causing mistakes at random, if not critical moments. Sometimes kicks the puck in front of his own goal from the corner when he goes in and spams the kick button, as the puck flies off in a random direction. Could control the puck better in tight spots.

Draft grade: A-

edit: I posted here, because this will steam up into a heated rivalry I'm sure! Unless we somehow end up on the same team.

[EmpireWF]

Well, shayn's sold me.

[Ravin]

"At least ShaynDaPain understands his role," said Ravin after getting off the pitch. "It is no doubt when I see him in a pre-season game, I want him on my team. He hold down the fort and allows me to move up just abit."

Ravin has not faced Shayn in goal, but the two have teamed up for multiple wins. But Ravin isn't being friendly going into the draft and know's he is most likely going to face the way they call "da pain" sooner or later.

"I don't care if he thinks he is the best goalie, he needs to prove it against me. That is all there is about it."

[Ravin]

The Rise of a Star

Though still picked in the first round, Ravin fell to spot 6 in the draft, a shocker to the young sniper, who now has ground to make up on the five above.

"A bust in the top three. Anyone can play defence and sit in front of the goal. Ask those guys to score when you need it and then wish you had me," is all he said after the first five picks.

But the rise of the young star is stilling moving to new levels.

"It is one thing to be the face of a franchise," Ravin said. "But it is on an entire different level when you are the face of the league."

This comes after Ravin's likeness was used for the VSN Haxball League logo, depicting the star sniper doing what he does best, controlling the ball and moving it forward.

"It was a pure honour to do the job for the league, and I take it very seriously."

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

TMZ Report

We caught up with the soon to be professional Haxball superstar ShaynDaPain, while he was training in Randy Couture's gym. This is what he had to say in response to Ravin's recent comments.

"I mean, we've had a few scrimmages against each other, and in practice we've spotted up one on one. He's been a great teammate this summer. You look at his body of work at VSD University, and you can see what you get. He's the best open field player going into the draft. But he's never faced a goalie like myself.", he says as he's called back to the mat. "Listen, I've got to go, Randy's helping me loosen up my hips, strengthening my core. It's hard work, but I'm going into a league of men now, this ain't school ball anymore."

One more question Shayn, what do you think of Ravin going in the first round, and you haven't been picked yet?

"He deserves it. He's an exciting player, and I'm glad to see an old teammate's success paying off. I'm also a little pissed about it to be honest, because I know I'm in the elite level. I'm a little pissed I didn't get that first round money...I mean, recognition. You better believe I'm going to take back every penny he and the rest of the 1st rounders make more than me in blood. I'm not saying I'm going to go gunning for Ravin, but him, and all those first rounders are going down. When I get on the field, it's time to prove myself."

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

ShaynDaPain tweets @ShaynDaPain: "Honour? My Old VSD U Teammate spells honor funny."

[Ravin]

ShaynDaPain tweets @ShaynDaPain: "Honour? My Old VSD U Teammate spells honor funny."

@ShayneDaPain I'm Canadian you stupid fuck.

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

VSD University Superstars Enter the VSD Hexball League Together

Two all-american Haxballers were drafted this year by rival teams. The two VSD University teammates, Ravin and ShaynDaPain, tore up the pre-summer league together, picking up award after award together. They were apart of the record 10-1 big board game earlier in the year.

All-American forward Ravin, who will be a day one starter for [insert team name], is a more refined player. He has a pure position, and his talent lends itself to puting score after score on the board, making him a valued commodity. Slipping to last was unexpected, and only time will tell if this proves to be a fatal flaw by every other team before G-men picked him 6th overall.

The "slash" of the VSD University team, ShaynDaPain his the size, speed, and reflexes to play any position on the field. He first lined up with Ravin at forward, as the pair racked up point after point together. ShaynDaPain carried a league high 5 assists in one game, before an injury to G-men do to a Lag Interference Contusion, forced Shayn into the goalie spot. It was as if a Phoenix was born out of the ashes on that rink that day. He went 4 games, allowing only 2 goals, and completely shut out two teams back to back. In his short time playing goalie he quickly became the countries most feared goaltender, and later ranked 5th on Killgods goalie power rankings. This sleeper SDP, unexpectedly slipped to the 4th round, to be drafted by BonesMahoney.

It's not clear yet why the league underrated these two all-stars, or if the reports of long weekend parties in Vegas, with cocaine, hookers, and the cock fighting ring that was allegedly ran by the two teammates in Ravins next door neighbors backyard, had anything to do with their sudden fall in this years draft. Character issues have been a problem throughout the league lately. But their old coach assures us that all allegations are false, and that these two guys will prove all doubters wrong, he guarantees it.

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

@ShayneDaPain I'm Canadian you stupid fuck.

@Ravin No shit. Never woulda guessed it. So we're calling each other stupid fuck now that we're on different teams are we? Ok numbnuts, I'll be on the field whenever you're ready to roll.

[Ravin]

We are when you say I'm All-American. I take more offence to that then if I were on west's team.

[Shayn•Da•Pain]

We are when you say I'm All-American. I take more offence to that then if I were on west's team.

Think of it as all-north-american.

What do you call all-world, non-pro hockey players...I really don't know.

[Ravin]

Star Forward Left Out of Opening Games

It what could be called the worst move in Haxball history, Hax On, Hax Off started two games, losing both, without their star sniper in the line up. Ravin, the 6th pick overall in the draft, was held out of the starting line up, while his team allowed 11 goals in two games, and only scored six.

"Terrible coaching, terrible communication. This is not what I signed up for," said Ravin, who has not reported to his team yet today. "I'll report when I feel like it, since it is obvious that they will only tell me when to play when they feel like it."

Hax On, Hax Off fell victim to a Team Bones 4-0, and lost to VSN United 7-6. The game against VSN United was scheduled for Tuesday, but was played Monday night.

"Not a phone call, nothing. I show up to the stadium for practice, and find fans in the stands and have to find out from the guy selling hot dogs that a league game was going on."

No the speculation is, Ravin wants out. The sniper agent has been in talks with teams around the league, and there is significant interest in what he can bring to the table.

"At this point, I don't think they want my talent, so I am going to take it else where. I am officially asking for my release from the team. I'll make my own choice where I want to play."

More on this story as it develops.

[JBregz]

Might as well close this now.