Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[dell71]

Alpha and Omega
Directed by Anthony Bell and Ben Gluck.
2010. Rated PG, 88 minutes.
Cast:
Justin Long
Hayden Panettiere
Dennis Hopper
Danny Glover
Christina Ricci
Larry Miller
Kevin Sussman
Chris Carmack
Brian Donovan

Humphrey (Long), a young fun-loving wolf, has a thing for his friend Kate (Panettiere). The problem is its forbidden for the two of them to get together. She is an Alpha, which implies some nobility, while he is an Omega. Even though they’re both part of the Western pack, I think, the two aren’t supposed to mix. The Eastern pack are apparently a more vicious sort and have depleted the source of food in their own region. Of course, this means they’re coming around the Western pack and horning in on all the hunts. Eventually, it’s revealed that it it is Kate’s responsibility to marry Garth (Carmack) of the Eastern pack. This will unite the packs, ending all the fighting and animosity. Of course, before this can happen Kate and Humphrey are captured by humans and dragged off to Idaho. Now, they have to make it back to Jasper National Park to keep the rest of the wolves from killing each other.

I’ve given you, roughly, the first third of the movie. If you can’t figure out the rest, there’s no hope for you. This is standard kiddie-fare from jump with various excursions into being substandard. Narratively, this is a lazy rehash that offers nothing new. Well, maybe the degree of laziness is new. Too many questions go unanswered. I’m not just talking questions folks like me would ask, either. I’m talking simple stuff that my kids would ask. How just a couple of wolves are Omegas? How did they get to be Omegas? Maybe, I just missed those. Maybe, by that time I didn’t care enough to pay attention. If these things were explained, I apologize. As far as the rest of the script goes, it’s…um…meh, at best. Every now and again, something mildly amusing happens. Mostly it’s just there, taking up space I could’ve used to watch a better movie.

Visually, Alpha and Omega doesn’t daze and amaze, either. By today’s standards, the animation is barely adequate, at least in 2D. It was released in theaters as a 3D experience I’m glad to have missed. It’s look isn’t distinctive, nor does it do anything noteworthy within its confines. This is hardly what I would call dazzling to the eye. Much like the story, it mundanely goes about the task of telling us a tale we’ve already heard quite a few times.

A&O is what I call a babysitter movie. It’s one you can put on to mind the kid for an hour and a half while you tend to more important matters like watching grass grow. They’ll likely enjoy it, well enough, not love it. If you’re forced to watch by an unending barrage of pleas you may think your children hate you when it’s over. Why else would they make you suffer through this?

MY SCORE: 3.5/10

[padman59]

A&O is what I call a babysitter movie. It’s one you can put on to mind the kid for an hour and a half while you tend to more important matters like watching grass grow. They’ll likely enjoy it, well enough, not love it. If you’re forced to watch by an unending barrage of pleas you may think your children hate you when it’s over. Why else would they make you suffer through this?

I've felt like that many times after having to babysit my nephew. You can only take so much of these movies before you want to throw the dvd out the window.

[dell71]

Red
Directed by Robert Schwentke.
2010. Rated PG-13, 111 minutes
Cast:
Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Morgan Freeman
Helen Mirren
Karl Urban
Brian Cox
Julian McMahon
Richard Dreyfuss
Ernest Borgnine

Frank (Willis) is a retired CIA agent who has taken a shine to Sarah (Parker), a telephone customer service rep. Soon enough, he suddenly makes his way to her apartment in Kansas City because the agency is apparently out to kill him for something we don’t yet know and to kill her pretty much just because. Since she doesn’t really know Frank, other than their frequent phone conversations, he has to drag her along, kicking and screaming. Traipsing across the country, narrowly escaping death while getting “the band” back together to help him figure thing thing out ensues.

The band is made up of other former black-ops specialists from various organizations that comprise Frank’s friends. There’s Marvin (Malkovich) who is so paranoid, he lives underground. Joe (Freeman) scopes out nurses at the rest home where he resides. Finally, there’s Victoria (Mirren). She’s a foxy older lady who has a thing for high-caliber firearms.

Red does what it does well enough that we can overlook what it is not so good at. It’s good at letting its cast use their familiar personas to draw laughter. Malkovich is particularly effective here, at his neurotic best. It’s good at keeping us guessing what’s really going on without becoming bogged down with maintaining the suspense. It is also surprisingly good at action, given that most of the cast is well beyond their physical primes. Though longtime action hero Willis does have a number of bright spots, its Mirren who shines brightest in this area. Thankfully, we don’t see her trying to perform any superhuman feats. That would be laughable, in a bad way. Instead, she does things she can be reasonably expected to and makes them infinitely more watchable than they should be. Her irrepressible presence makes her compelling in any role. When that is combined with the affinity most action fans have for gunfire, she’s doubly so. Her character also provides us with an interesting subplot about something from her past that may become her present.

What this movie doesn’t do well is develop its characters. For the most part, it skips that task. It prefers to rely on the fact that we expect certain things from each other and tries its darndest to give it to us. It never feels like we’re watching Frank, Marvin, Joe and Victoria. We’re always watching Bruce Willis from the Die Hard movies, John Malkovich from his Coen brothers flicks, Morgan Freeman the wise old sage and Helen Mirren the regal British lady. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just renders the movie a bit shallow. Then again, I think shallow may be the point.

Recently, there have been a slew of similarly themed movies. Though this doesn’t revel in its own ridiculousness quite the way The A-Team does, I find it just as enjoyable. It finds its own level of plausible absurdity and runs with it. It’s what The Expendables tries to be and what The Losers can only dream of being.

MY SCORE: 7/10

[dell71]

The Bounty Hunter
Directed by Andy Tennant.
2010. Rated PG-13, 110 minutes.
Cast:
Jennifer Aniston
Gerard Butler
Christine Baranski
Siobhan Fallon
Dorian Missick
Matt Malloy
Jason Kolotouros
Joel Garland

Bounty hunter Milo (Butler) is having a tough time coping with his divorce from reporter Nicole (Aniston). In fact, he’s only a bounty hunter because he drank himself off the police force after they broke up. Lo and behold, Nicole goes and gets herself arrested and becomes a fugitive when she misses her court date. Guess who gets the call to find her and haul her off to jail? If I have to actually tell you, you are stupid. Sorry, poetic verbage occasionally gets in the way of what I’m really trying to say. I’m just keeping it simple for the intelligence impaired.

Anyhoo, that’s the plot. Alleged hilarity ensues. Oh, almost forgot something. The reason Nicole skips bail is because she’s chasing a tip on a juicy story. Of course, this story may get her killed. This means that after Milo has picked her up and is trying to get her to prison, they have some angry and armed thugs hot on their tail. In case that isn’t enough, he’s got a set of bad guys chasing him, too. It seems he’s run up some sizable gambling debts.

Okay, this could work. The premise seems interesting enough. Our stars are likeable. I’ve not long ago seen Knight and Day and Killers. Both were aiiight. This has got to be on par with those, right? No, it’s not. This is a string of rom-com and action flick clichés positioning themselves one after another right through the inevitable, totally unsurprising ending. Somewhere, there’s a room full of trained monkeys banging out a class action suit on their keyboards because they didn’t get credit for churning out the screenplay. In short, the jokes aren’t funny, the action isn’t exciting, there are no twists we don’t see coming. Can you say paint-by-numbers?

A movie of this type can save itself if it has but one quality. There has to be some sizzle between our leads. There is none. Guys who are already in love with Aniston are in luck. I’ve never been one to proclaim her the definition of hotness, as many have. Still, I have to concede she looks rather good, here. It’s probably the best I’ve seen her. That’s fine for skuzzy dudes who have to refrain from licking the screen when she appears. Sadly, its not nearly enough to generate any electricity between here and Butler that transcends the screen. They are a flat couple in a flat movie.

MY SCORE: 2/10

[dell71]

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2
Directed by Alex Zamm.
2011. Rated G, 83 minutes.
Cast:
George Lopez
Odette Annable
Zachary Gordon
Emily Osment
Loretta Devine
Bridgit Mendler
Susan Blakely
Ernie Hudson
Morgan Fairchild

Papi (Lopez) and Chloe (Annable) are back for another canine adventure. Our loving couple get hitched right at the beginning and are very shortly the proud parents of a litter of pups. Aside from the cuteness factor the movie is obviously going for, this is completely irrelevant. Aside from the fact these are talking dogs, the only thing you really need to know is that the people who own the house they live in, are in danger of losing it. No, these aren’t the same people from the first movie, again irrelevant. Anyhoo, guess what’s coming up to give the happy couple a chance to save the home of “their humans”? If you said dog show with enough prize money to keep the place out of foreclosure, you guessed right. As a child, my mother used to tell me “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” O…kaaaaayyy, I think I’m done here.

MY SCORE: 0/10

Sidenote: I promise, better movies are coming up. This has been a rough stretch of flicks.

[dell71]

BTW, for you guys who rarely, if ever, venture into The Locker Room, please click the link below:

Cast Your Ballot: VSN's Greatest Movies of All Time

Thanks.

[Buzzman]

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 - Funniest review I have ever read. You nearly killed me.

[dell71]

Dell’s Classics Presents:



M
Directed by Fritz Lang.
1931. Not Rated, 117 minutes. German.
Cast:
Peter Lorre
Otto Wernicke
Frau Beckmann
Inge Landgut
Theodor Loos
Rudolf Blümner
Georg John
Ernst Stahl-Nachbaur

A child murderer has been terrorizing the town for quite some time. Everyone is on edge. The police are working day and night on seemingly never-ending shifts to find the killer. Still, children keep disappearing. Honest citizens become suspicious of one another. Dishonest citizens are upset that added attention from the law is hurting their businesses. Our killer taunts the authorities with letters to them and to the press. Yet, he remains undetected.

What follows are multiple and exhausting investigations that come to run simultaneously. We see the police using every available tool to apprehend the murderer and try explaining themselves to an impatient public when they don’t. Criminals have meetings to decide how they will deal with the situation. The task of catching the guilty party saturates every second of every day.

From time to time, we get to see this monster for ourselves. Though those around him know nothing, his identity is no mystery to us. We get to know what triggers his most heinous actions and how he operates. Before it’s all over, we hear his explanation. It’s a plea for sympathy. However, he is not only pleading with those in the movie. He’s also pleading with those watching.

That the killer is caught is not a spoiler. Indeed, it eventually becomes a mere matter of time before he is. The real question becomes who will catch him and what will they do with him. In most films, his capture would serve as our climax. Here, it is the axis that turns our tale. This is what makes M special. Even now, 80 years since its release, it refuses to be strait-jacketed into cliché. It still has the strength to go beyond the point where most pictures quit. Those movies are content to leave us with the tidy, happy ending. M is not. It has questions to ask you. It wants to know what you believe in.

MY SCORE: 10/10

[Juggernaut]

Yo Dell, have you seen the movie Paprika?

If you haven't, your in for a treat. It's the movie that was the inspiration for Inception.

WATCH Paprika anime MOVIE online for FREE

edit:

Man, how'd you give Princess Mononoke a 5.5? At least you gave Miyazaki's Spirited Away a 9.

edit2: You should watch Howl's Moving Castle as well.

[BigHouseUSA]

God, I love M.

[Houston]

Yo Dell, have you seen the movie Paprika?

If you haven't, your in for a treat. It's the movie that was the inspiration for Inception.

WATCH Paprika anime MOVIE online for FREE

edit:

Man, how'd you give Princess Mononoke a 5.5? At least you gave Miyazaki's Spirited Away a 9.

edit2: You should watch Howl's Moving Castle as well.

Ha whats funny is that I watched Paprika literally the day before I saw the first Inception trailer. I looked online to see if there was anything about Inception being inspired by that movie but I didn't find anything.

Personally I think Princess Mononoke was alot better then Spirited Away.

I'm thinking Dell would be more a fan of Animes that are more down to Earth. I don't know though, it's hard recommending anime to someone who's not a big fan of them.

Anywho, Dell have you head of Grave of the Fireflies?

[Champ]

Ha whats funny is that I watched Paprika literally the day before I saw the first Inception trailer. I looked online to see if there was anything about Inception being inspired by that movie but I didn't find anything.

Personally I think Princess Mononoke was alot better then Spirited Away.

I'm thinking Dell would be more a fan of Animes that are more down to Earth. I don't know though, it's hard recommending anime to someone who's not a big fan of them.

Anywho, Dell have you head of Grave of the Fireflies?

I always thought Animes are fro Asians and pale ass white kids.

[Juggernaut]

I always thought Animes are fro Asians and pale ass white kids.

Im neither asian or pale, I'm actually pretty tan for a white boy.

And Houston, there are too many similarities and I think Nolan came out and said he saw this movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw72EyG2z7s&feature=player_embedded#at=51

[Houston]

I always thought Animes are fro Asians and pale ass white kids.

Maybe you've never heard of Pokemon


In all seriousness there are some Anime series and movies that are down right amazing. It's foolish to skip out on a good story just because it's a cartoon.


In comparison you can refuse to watch romance movies because they're "chick flicks", but by doing so you'll miss out on gems like Eternal Sunshine, 500 Days of Summer etc....

Im neither asian or pale, I'm actually pretty tan for a white boy.

And Houston, there are too many similarities and I think Nolan came out and said he saw this movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw72E...embedded#at=51

Yeah I don't doubt it, I was pretty sure Nolan got Inception from Paprika.

Also on the right of that video they have a video for Perfect Blue and Black Swan. You seen Perfect Blue? I rented it from Blockbuster when I was only like 10 and that movie mind fucked me, I see the similarities. Even though I hated it at the time, I'd recommend it to fans of Black Swan that don't mind anime.


P.S-Sorry bout the hi-jack Dell.

[dell71]

Yo Dell, have you seen the movie Paprika?

If you haven't, your in for a treat. It's the movie that was the inspiration for Inception.

WATCH Paprika anime MOVIE online for FREE

edit:

Man, how'd you give Princess Mononoke a 5.5? At least you gave Miyazaki's Spirited Away a 9.

edit2: You should watch Howl's Moving Castle as well.

I will definitely check out Paprika.

PM was just overbearing to me. Great to look at, not great to watch, imho. But obviously, I loved Spirited Away.

Been meaning to watch Howl's Moving Castle for quite awhile. Thanks for the reminder.

Ha whats funny is that I watched Paprika literally the day before I saw the first Inception trailer. I looked online to see if there was anything about Inception being inspired by that movie but I didn't find anything.

Personally I think Princess Mononoke was alot better then Spirited Away.

I'm thinking Dell would be more a fan of Animes that are more down to Earth. I don't know though, it's hard recommending anime to someone who's not a big fan of them.

Anywho, Dell have you head of Grave of the Fireflies?

I don't mind crazy anime at all. I used to watch them fairly regularly. PM just didn't do it for me.

I've heard of Grave of the Fireflies, just haven't watched it yet.

In all seriousness there are some Anime series and movies that are down right amazing. It's foolish to skip out on a good story just because it's a cartoon.


In comparison you can refuse to watch romance movies because they're "chick flicks", but by doing so you'll miss out on gems like Eternal Sunshine, 500 Days of Summer etc....

100% agree.