Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[Ralnakor]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
2009. Rated R, 92 minutes.
Director: Patrick Tatopoulos
Starring Michael Sheen, Rhona Mitra, Bill Nighy, Steven Mackintosh.

Plot: The origins of the ongoing war between Vampires and Werewolves...Lycans, in Underworld lingo. Prequel to the earlier movies in the series.

The Good: The movie is tightly paced with the dialogue being used to effectively link action scenes. Those action scenes are relentlessly gory and consistently try to "wow" us. The script is brave enough to forcefully imply the obvious parallels between this story and real life slavery as it existed in this country in centuries passed.

The Bad: One of the major problems with prequels is the audience generally knows way too much going in, making it difficult to build tension. It's especially hard in this case since the original movie told us nearly everything with a flashback scene that took maybe 2 minutes. This movie simply tries to stretch that flashback scene to a full-length feature and suffers from over-extending itself. What viewers are left to do is hope the action scenes make up for the lack of mystery. They try but the filmmakers intentions in that department exceed their budget. Granted, most of the movie takes place at night but its so poorly lit, its almost like watching a black screen for 90 minutes. What you can see, namely hundreds of cgi werewolves...lycans...darting through the woods and blood spurting everywhere, looks cheap. Making matters worse, our lead warrior/female vampire is barely more interesting than a bump on a log. Where Kate Beckinsale brought a sexy iciness to essentially the same role (but not the same character), Rhona Mitra as Viktor's (Nighy) daughter Sonja has absolutely zero presence.

The Ugly: That poor guy, make that about a dozen poor guys that get impaled on rather large spears.

Recommendation: What may help this movie is a viewer who isn't familiar with the franchise. For those of us that are, it's the story you already know which renders the whole thing a rather boring affair.

The Opposite View: Joe Leydon, Variety

What the Internet Says: 6.6/10 on imdb.com (8/5/09), 32% on rottentomatoes.com, 44/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4/10

Much as I enjoy seeing Rhona Mitra in a movie, I suspected this movie would be crap and it would seem I wasn't wrong. Definitely going to be avoiding this one unless I get a freak rental spring up.

Any word on Santa's Slay Dell? Lol, I apologize for pushing, just one of those movies that upon seeing the first time, my first thought was of how much you'd love it.

Any intention on seeing that Neill Blomkamp movie District 9?

[dell71]

Shouldn't this be posted in The Studio??

The Studio disappeared earlier in the week.

Much as I enjoy seeing Rhona Mitra in a movie, I suspected this movie would be crap and it would seem I wasn't wrong. Definitely going to be avoiding this one unless I get a freak rental spring up.

Any word on Santa's Slay Dell? Lol, I apologize for pushing, just one of those movies that upon seeing the first time, my first thought was of how much you'd love it.

Any intention on seeing that Neill Blomkamp movie District 9?

Funny, I thought about Santa's Slay before coming back into this thread. It's showing up as a "long wait" in my Blockbuster queue. Since my curiousity is up, I'll see if my local BB has a copy on the shelf when I go up there this weekend.

Yes, I'm going to see District 9, just not sure if I'll make it to a theater to do so.

[dell71]

Coraline
2009. Rated PG, 100 minutes.
Director: Henry Selick.
Starring Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Robert Bailey Jr., John Hodgeman.

Plot: In her new home, Coraline (Fanning) discovers a portal to an alternate world with far more attentive versions of her parents and where everything is just a little too perfect.

The Good: At its core, its an update of Alice in Wonderland. That said, it is an effective one. The team behind The Nightmare Before Christmas gives it the appropriate creepiness and oddness. It has a sly sense of humor that, admittedly, might go over the head of some of its target audience. Unlike many animated movies, it doesn't just string together a bunch of exciting scenes, it actually builds tension as it goes along.

The Bad: To build that tension takes a tad too much time. This makes the early part of the movie a bit of a chore to get through. Rather than getting to the point directly, it meanders along its path. That part of the movie would've been helped by having more 3-D stuff. For a 3-D movie, the technology was used rather sparingly.

The Ugly: The old lady with the enormous boobs showing up, on stage, "practically naked."

Recommendation: This is a solidly creepy film that uses effective storytelling and its own all around weirdness to hold your attention. As mentioned, the early parts drag a little and may lose some. Those that hang on will enjoy a nice ride.

The Opposite View: Desson Thomson, Washington Post

What the Internet Says: 8.0/10 on imdb.com (8/7/09), 88% on rottentomatoes.com, 80/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7/10


Disclaimer: My 3-D experience may have been hindered a bit by my lack of a modern TV. There was very little color & very few things actually seemed to "jump out" at you.

[dell71]

Watchmen
2009. Rated R, 162 minutes.
Director: Zack Snyder.
Starring Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

Plot: In the year 1985, it seems someone is hunting down and killing costumed heroes, most of whom belonged to the crime fighting group known as Watchmen. The remaining members try to figure out who is responsible and why.

The Good: Though there are special fx everywhere, this is a character driven story. It contains several compelling figures and a fairly well played love triangle. Decisions are arrived at through some sort of rational process rather than a reliance on superpowers. Then again, it seems most of them don't actually have any superpowers. A movie about superheroes who spend more time talking about and investigating what's going on than actually fighting crime needs strong performances. This movie gives us three: Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian, Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach and Carla Gugino as the original Silk Spectre who simply stole every scene in which she appeared.

The Bad: The whole movie is mired in its own self-importance. It wants two things really badly. First and foremost, it wants to make sure you know you're watching a comic book based...ahem...graphic novel based movie aimed at mature adults. So unlike Sin City, for instance, there's no sense of fun. It's a humorless noir with some sex, a blue guy that walks around naked and such a serious mindset it becomes a drag. Second, it wants to teach us a lesson. That's fine and dandy but the lesson is a little murky due to the fact we're given the type of ending I hate most. It's the type the filmmakers try to pass off as upbeat and happy but if you think about it for ten seconds you realize that just about everything is really screwed up.

The Ugly: Alright geeks, here's your chance to teach me something. Why the hell does the stain on Rorschach's mask keep moving around?

Recommendation: Comic book fans, go ahead and carve a three hour chunk out of your day to watch this and judge for yourself. If you're not a comic book fan you might still like it because the characters are about as grounded in reality as the genre can get. The key word is "might". It drags in places but overall its a solid effort with some nice visuals, interesting characters realized by strong performances and a retarded ending.

The Opposite View: Karina Montgomery, Cinerina

What the Internet Says: 7.9/10 on imdb.com, 64% on rottentomatoes.com, 56/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

[FishStickZ]

Good review. Probably rate it a little higher myself, but I definitely see how the scale for this movie could tip in either direction.

Oh and btw, his mask is heat and pressure sensitive.

[NAHSTE]

Good review. Probably rate it a little higher myself, but I definitely see how the scale for this movie could tip in either direction.

Oh and btw, his mask is heat and pressure sensitive.

Just to add to this, in the GN, they show him finding the mask at a murder scene. It is taken from a dress that was created with a technology developed by Dr. Manhattan. Rorschach finds the dress at murder victim's Kitty Genovese's house and cuts it up.

[Buzzman]

I thought the opening sequence where they try and catch you up on what has happened over the years was long and confusing.

[dell71]

I thought the opening sequence where they try and catch you up on what has happened over the years was long and confusing.

Meh...it was definitely long but I followed it okay. Though, I will say a movie about the lesbian superhero has potential. ;)

[dell71]

Santa's Slay
2005. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Director: David Steiman
Starring Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emelie de Ravin, Robert Culp.
One Christmas, Santa (pro wrester Goldberg) comes to the small town of Hell (yes, really) and murders, or attempts to murder everyone he comes across. For about the first hour or so, you get the surreal experience of watching two separate movies at once. In one, we follow around a teenage boy (the "cleverly" named Nicolas Yuleson played by Douglas Smith) who has no Christmas spirit and a nutjob for a grandfather. The other movie is made up entirely of Santa randomly showing up somewhere and killing whoever is present. The two stories eventually meet and that's when the camp really goes into overdrive. Throughout, the killings are morbidly funny (did you know the star on your Christmas tree is akin to a ninja star?), the special fx are awful, the acting is terrible and the dialogue is horrible. Whenever Santa speaks it truly sounds like a WWE interview (can't be any coincidence, can it?). If all that isn't enough, somehow the Olympic sport that makes the least sense, curling, is a factor in the outcome. It's also surprising, make that shocking how many semi-famous actors signed on just to to be slaughtered (James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and Tiny Lister among others). And just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, something dumber happens. This is truly so bad its awesome! To put it another way, think about the movie See No Evil. That movie also stars a WWE star (Kane) as the psycho killer in a horror flick. The makers of See No Evil knew well enough to hide him behind a mostly silent persona. It's not a great movie but as far as horror goes, its not too bad which makes it far and away better than Santa's Slay. That said, I'll probably watch Santa's Slay 10 more times before watching See No Evil again.
MY SCORE: -10/10

[Ralnakor]

Santa's Slay
2005. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Director: David Steiman
Starring Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emelie de Ravin, Robert Culp.
One Christmas, Santa (pro wrester Goldberg) comes to the small town of Hell (yes, really) and murders, or attempts to murder everyone he comes across. For about the first hour or so, you get the surreal experience of watching two separate movies at once. In one, we follow around a teenage boy (the "cleverly" named Nicolas Yuleson played by Douglas Smith) who has no Christmas spirit and a nutjob for a grandfather. The other movie is made up entirely of Santa randomly showing up somewhere and killing whoever is present. The two stories eventually meet and that's when the camp really goes into overdrive. Throughout, the killings are morbidly funny (did you know the star on your Christmas tree is akin to a ninja star?), the special fx are awful, the acting is terrible and the dialogue is horrible. Whenever Santa speaks it truly sounds like a WWE interview (can't be any coincidence, can it?). If all that isn't enough, somehow the Olympic sport that makes the least sense, curling, is a factor in the outcome. It's also surprising, make that shocking how many semi-famous actors signed on just to to be slaughtered (James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and Tiny Lister among others). And just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, something dumber happens. This is truly so bad its awesome! To put it another way, think about the movie See No Evil. That movie also stars a WWE star (Kane) as the psycho killer in a horror flick. The makers of See No Evil knew well enough to hide him behind a mostly silent persona. It's not a great movie but as far as horror goes, its not too bad which makes it far and away better than Santa's Slay. That said, I'll probably watch Santa's Slay 10 more times before watching See No Evil again.
MY SCORE: -10/10

YES!!!!!

[dell71]

Street Kings
2008. Rated R, 107 minutes.
Director: David Ayer.
Starring Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans.

Plot: "Get 'em at all cost" detective Tom Ludlow (Reeves) sets out to avenge the death of his former partner, Officer Washington (Terry Crews) even though the two hated each other.

The Good: Despite the fact that its painfully obvious to whom the path leads right from the start, it still manages to keep your interest. It does so by sending our hero on a number of intriguing and dangerous excursions. It also helps that...and I can't believe I'm actually going to say this...Keanu Reeves is pretty good. Maybe he just has fewer "Keanu" moments here than normal. Having Forest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie to play off doesn't hurt, either.

The Bad: There's no mystery here. The identity of the bad guy is supposed to be a big secret but that person practically announces themselves as the villain several times early in the movie. For our hero to not have figured that out within two minutes of his former partner's murder he'd have to be a mental midget. Then again, he does proceed to get several people killed through his astute detective work. Since there is no real mystery, only crazy scenarios that either lead to a shootout or a chase, the whole thing falls apart as we go along. Even the last ditch attempt to save itself fails miserably.

The Ugly: The clerk in the convenience store who gets killed. Poor guy had nothing to do with anything.

Recommendation: If you're looking for a cop movie vaguely reminiscent of Training Day have at it. Though it eventually crumbles under its own weight, it isn't boring. If nothing else you'll take up both hands, if not more, counting all of the kinda-sorta famous actors and rappers in the supporting cast.

The Opposite View: Graham Killeen, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 7.0/10 on imdb.com (8/17/09), 37% on rottentomatoes.com, 55/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

[Buzzman]

I liked Steet Kings. One of Reeves better ones.

[dell71]

I liked Steet Kings. One of Reeves better ones.

Like I said, it was enjoyable to sit through but I knew who the bad guy was within the first 10 minutes. That took a lot of wind out of the sail for me.

[NAHSTE]

Street Kings
2008. Rated R, 107 minutes.
Director: David Ayer.
Starring Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans.

Plot: "Get 'em at all cost" detective Tom Ludlow (Reeves) sets out to avenge the death of his former partner, Officer Washington (Terry Crews) even though the two hated each other.

The Good: Despite the fact that its painfully obvious to whom the path leads right from the start, it still manages to keep your interest. It does so by sending our hero on a number of intriguing and dangerous excursions. It also helps that...and I can't believe I'm actually going to say this...Keanu Reeves is pretty good. Maybe he just has fewer "Keanu" moments here than normal. Having Forest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie to play off doesn't hurt, either.

The Bad: There's no mystery here. The identity of the bad guy is supposed to be a big secret but that person practically announces themselves as the villain several times early in the movie. For our hero to not have figured that out within two minutes of his former partner's murder he'd have to be a mental midget. Then again, he does proceed to get several people killed through his astute detective work. Since there is no real mystery, only crazy scenarios that either lead to a shootout or a chase, the whole thing falls apart as we go along. Even the last ditch attempt to save itself fails miserably.

The Ugly: The clerk in the convenience store who gets killed. Poor guy had nothing to do with anything.

Recommendation: If you're looking for a cop movie vaguely reminiscent of Training Day have at it. Though it eventually crumbles under its own weight, it isn't boring. If nothing else you'll take up both hands, if not more, counting all of the kinda-sorta famous actors and rappers in the supporting cast.

The Opposite View: Graham Killeen, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 7.0/10 on imdb.com (8/17/09), 37% on rottentomatoes.com, 55/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Thought this movie sucked balls. I think Keanu was his usual self, but the worst was hearing Forest Whittaker do a "Denzel in Training Day" impression for 2 hours. I mean seriously, the gruff voice he tried to use just sounded comical. I didn't really expect much going in, but I still expected better.

[dell71]

Thought this movie sucked balls. I think Keanu was his usual self, but the worst was hearing Forest Whittaker do a "Denzel in Training Day" impression for 2 hours. I mean seriously, the gruff voice he tried to use just sounded comical. I didn't really expect much going in, but I still expected better.

Though I didn't comment on it, I thought Whitaker was a little off as well. However, to me it sounded more like a fake mafia boss accent.