Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[dell71]

I agree with Star Trek. Didn't watch Miss March, not planning to it - male teen-ness be damned. No one in my school has fucking mentioned it, so stop blaming these stupid movies on us being juvenile... Goodness, I watch more horror movies because of bitches than I do terrible comedies because there are bitchess in them... [/rant?]

Not blaming it on you, but on the studios that greenlight them because they think you'll flock to anything with boobs and partying. That said, I can see it being popular with teenage guys cuz honestly that's the sort of movie I might've enjoyed back when I was 13. I don't know exactly how old you are but I stand by my disclaimer, if the sight of breasts onscreen don't make you giggle, point & blush you're too mature for Miss March. Sounds like you are, so don't sweat it.

Anywho, my little sister sorta made me watch G-Force last night. That was the worst piece of shit I've ever seen. You should watch it just to give it your first (second? third?) 0.

It's at my house right now, waiting for me to watch it with my kids.

Anywho, watching G.I. Joe for the second time (first all the way through)... I don't know if you've seen it... I'd give it a 6/7 out of ten, except for the flashbacks. The story isn't great, but they really interrupt it.

Flashbacks counted, I give it a 4 or 5. Don't feel right doing any better than that...

Very few summer action/comedies are any good. I think Iron Man, was, but it had Robert Downey as a lead... If you can't do decent with him, you don't deserve ANYTHING!!!...

Anywho, in this GIJ movie, Marlon is a tad vaudevile-esque, but not anywhere near close to being as terrible as the two niqqas in Transformers. That shit was fucking terrible, but people hardly remember, because it was a damned Summer comedy...

Keep it up.

I reviewed it a few pages back: http://www.virtualsportsnetwork.com/...&postcount=469

(Again, all reviews will be archived by Jan. 2)

Honestly, whether they screwed with the source material or not, I agree with Buzzman and find the flashbacks involving Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow the best part of the movie.

Yeah, Marlon was buffoonish but I agree, not anywhere near as bad as the minstrel-bots from Revenge of the Fallen.

[dell71]

Way of the Gun
2000. Rated R, 119 minutes.
Director: Christopher McQuarrie.
Starring Ryan Phillipe, Benicio del Toro, Juliette Lewis, Taye Diggs.
Two small-time crooks stumble upon the news of a woman being paid $1 million cash to be a surrogate mom and set out to abduct her in hopes of collecting some ransom money for themselves. Schemes, revelations and gunfights ensue. Lots of gunfights. Though it obviously owes much to the films of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie's Lock, Stock and Smoking Barrels its pretty outstanding in it's own right. It skips on most of the zaniness of those influences but still manages a subtle and very dark humor amidst the hail of bullets. As usual, del Toro is great but its the old vet James Caan that stands out. His work here is nothing short of amazing and slyly menacing. Juliette Lewis, as our pregnant lady, is nearly as good. Oh, can't forget the Sarah Silverman cameo at the beginning, which is just awesome. Still, its called Way of the Gun for a reason. Those shootouts are a thing of flesh-piercing beauty. And its definitely not one of those movies where the good guys hit something nearly everytime they squeeze the trigger. Then again, there really aren't any good guys. And the movie is better for it.
MY SCORE: 8/10

[dell71]

Fighting
2009. Rated PG-13, 105 minutes.
Director: Dito Mantiel.
Starring Channing Tatum, Terrence Howard, Zulay Henao, Luis Guzman.

Plot: Down-on-his-luck Shawn (Tatum), who sells bootleg and counterfeit merchandise, meets Harvey (Howard) who gets him into street fighting for money and pretty much acts as his agent.

The Good: The fight scenes, basically the reason this movie is made, are solid. They don't seem nearly as choreographed as most movie fights and that adds much-welcomed realism to the proceedings. They also come close enough together to keep things entertaining. Terrence Howard turns in a fun performance in which he gets to ramble on in a pitch a little higher than his normal speaking voice. Also, Luis Guzman continues to be an outstanding character actor.

The Bad: Without anyone admitting it, its really a remake of the Charles Bronson classic Hard Times, a personal fave of mine. To pull that off we needed bigger personalities. Howard's work was good, but the work of James Coburn from the original in essentially the same role is brilliant. Having better material to work with doesn't hurt. Sadly, there's a much bigger gap in the performances of Tatum and Bronson as the fighter, in both portrayal and the way they're written. Bronson oozes both the mystery and ruggedness befitting the role while Tatum does not. What Channing has is good looks and a strong urban vibe. This leads us to the other problem with him in the role. They're trying to pass him off as a small-town Alabama kid trying to make his way in the big city. Not only does Tatum fail to convey this, he doesn't even try and seems to have never spent even one minute outside the shadow of skyscrapers. Analytical points aside, the movie is wholly predictable with laughable villains so, at times, it can get boring.

The Ugly: That's a man, baby!

Recommendation: Its one of those movies that doesn't do anything terribly wrong but nothing terribly right, either. Its efficiently made, but not very good nor very bad, just kind of there. Action junkies may enjoy it but even for them there's really nothing particularly memorable.

The Opposite View: Scott Tobias, The Onion (AV Club)

What the Internet Says: 5.2/10 on imdb.com (12/21/09), 41% on rottentomatoes.com, 61/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5/10

[trojan49er]

loved Way of the Gun. Some of the best shootout scenes I've seen...probably because they were all done by a former Navy SEAL

[dell71]

The Hangover
2009. Rated R, 100 minutes.
Director: Todd Phillips.
Starring Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha.

Plot: Doug's (Bartha) buddies take him to Las Vegas for his proverbial last night of freedom before getting married. AFter a wild night of which no one can remember a thing, Doug has turned up missing and the boys scour the capital of sin trying to find him.

The Good: Yes, our heroes are stupid. However, they're stupid in a way that's not at all unlike many of us when we've over-indulged the night before and try to piece together how shamefully we behaved. Years later, we can laugh at ourselves or if it happened to someone else we can laugh at them, immediately. Well, here its happened to someone else. Two other elements heighten both our amusement and the stakes. First, no one in group remembers anything at all from what was obviously a "good" night (the boys awake to find a live chicken, a baby and a full grown tiger in their hotel suite). Second, the groom-to-be is nowhere to be found. This easily sets up our heroes to go numerous places, trying to retrace their steps. The movie exploits this well and keeps us laughing. On top of that, just when we may be getting a little bored with the boys, we're introduced to a character that gets us cracking up all over again. Heather Graham (playing stripper Jade), Ken Jeong (Mr. Chow) and surprisingly enough, Mike Tyson (himself) all handle their roles perfectly.

The Bad: I was kinda hoping for flashbacks as the boys uncovered each piece of the prior night's mystery. These may have lengthened the movie quite a bit but may have also added to the hijinks and shenanigans, making it even funnier. We get it once in the form of security footage but I'm greedy and wanted more. I'm also on the fence about the ladies left at home. Should they have had some sort of bachelorette bash and gotten into their own bit of trouble? I'm not sure if I think that would've helped or finally pushed it too far over the top.

The Ugly: What happens to Stu's tooth. Ouch!

Recommendation: This is definitely "a guy thing." I found it thoroughly entertaining, and laughed all the way through. My wife, on the other hand, was only mildly amused. More than that I got the feeling most women would react this way. That said, though it is raunchy, its not so raunchy it will totally disgust them, usually. So guys, if you're just going to watch alone or with the fellas, have at it. If its your turn to pick the flick for movie night with your gal, proceed with caution. Think back to how she felt about The 40 Year Old Virgin or maybe Superbad or I Love You, Man and decide accordingly.

The Opposite View: John J. Puccio, DVDTown.com

What the Internet Says: 8.0/10 on imdb.com (12/21/09), 78% on rottentomatoes.com, 73/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 9/10

[Fox1994]

Way of the Gun
2000. Rated R, 119 minutes.
Director: Christopher McQuarrie.
Starring Ryan Phillipe, Benicio del Toro, Juliette Lewis, Taye Diggs.
Two small-time crooks stumble upon the news of a woman being paid $1 million cash to be a surrogate mom and set out to abduct her in hopes of collecting some ransom money for themselves. Schemes, revelations and gunfights ensue. Lots of gunfights. Though it obviously owes much to the films of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie's Lock, Stock and Smoking Barrels its pretty outstanding in it's own right. It skips on most of the zaniness of those influences but still manages a subtle and very dark humor amidst the hail of bullets. As usual, del Toro is great but its the old vet James Caan that stands out. His work here is nothing short of amazing and slyly menacing. Juliette Lewis, as our pregnant lady, is nearly as good. Oh, can't forget the Sarah Silverman cameo at the beginning, which is just awesome. Still, its called Way of the Gun for a reason. Those shootouts are a thing of flesh-piercing beauty. And its definitely not one of those movies where the good guys hit something nearly everytime they squeeze the trigger. Then again, there really aren't any good guys. And the movie is better for it.
MY SCORE: 8/10

Did I tell you? With this review, you just qualified for your 72 virgins in the afterlife.

I saw this movie this summer. Great cast, dark humor writing. I loved it... how everything was interwoven. No plot-holes.

Sarah Silverman's cameo was really, really awesome.

"He'll fuck you in the ass and make you watch. He's not even gay, but he'll do it."

"Hey, hey, I got this. Look, she's got a big mouth but she's right. I'll fuck you silly and beat you stupid."

Priceless.

[James2Stapleton]

Dell what do you think of Zombieland and Rec. (Rec) is the movie that Quarantine was based on

[Buzzman]

go back a few posts, Dell reviews Zombieland and on the 1xst page he reviewed Quarentinte and meantions REC in it.

[dave]

I'm waiting for your Avatar review, Dell.

[dell71]

go back a few posts, Dell reviews Zombieland and on the 1xst page he reviewed Quarentinte and meantions REC in it.

This. Though I haven't actually seen REC, itself. I will soon, though.

I'm waiting for your Avatar review, Dell.

I'm waiting to see it. I'm trying to get it in before New Years. Wish me luck.

Fox, I'll definitley be looking for my 72 virgins when I die.

[dell71]

Swamp Thing
1982. Rated PG, 91 minutes.
Director: Wes Craven.
Starring Adrienne Barbeau, Louis Jourdan, Dick Durock, Adrienne Barbeau's Breasts.
Dr. Alec Holland (Ray Wise) and his sister Linda (Nannette Brown) have developed one formula that may end world hunger, somehow, and another formula that can combine plant and animal tissue. When the bad guys try to get their hands on the former, the good doc accidentally ingests some of the latter and transforms into a man/plant on a mission to get both formulas back and is in love with government agent Alice Cable (Barbeau). Based on the DC comic. Action scenes consist largely of our hero grabbing random bad guys and flinging them a few feet or boats trying to run over him but careening 10 feet in the air when they make contact. Dialogue switches from crudely sexual early on to extra-hokey the rest of the way. Plotholes are prevalent, especially concerning what our hero can and cannot do. And if you are wondering why I gave Adrienne Barbeau's Breasts separate billing (and capitalization) its because they are absolutely the stars of the show. Adorned in an array of tank tops and low-cut numbers they bounce, frolic and jiggle incessantly whenever she moves any part of her body. When she's not moving they magnificiently gleam in the light. Just so you know I'm not exaggerating, they get close-ups throughout the movie and even have their own controversy. There is a scene of Barbeau bathing in the lake which initially included a lenghty point-blank range shot of them fully exposed just above the water (as well as some other toplessness). This was removed from the American version to gain the PG rating needed to maximize box-office potential (this is in the days either just before or just after PG-13 was created so it was either PG or R for most flicks). Still, a shorter side shot from further away remained. Fast forward 20 or so years, the scene was fully restored for a special edition DVD that MGM "mistakenly" left labeled as rated PG. A few complaints from unsuspecting and upset parents later and that version was yanked from shelves, went out of print and is a bit difficult to find. No matter which version you see, you'll get a terrible super-hero flick that's both intentionally and unintentionally funny with bad rubber costumes making it a quick, fun and campy hour and a half. It's also proof that famed director Wes Craven should stick to horror. Yeah, its so bad, its awesome!
MY SCORE: -10/10

[Maynard]

swamp thing lmao......u poor guy

have you seen the big chill? i am curious what you think

[NAHSTE]

LOL, Swamp Thing. I remember the TV show to this in my early childhood. Never knew it was actually a full length film though.

[dell71]

swamp thing lmao......u poor guy

have you seen the big chill? i am curious what you think

Since I gave Swamp Thing the "SBIA" seal of approval, I actually enjoyed it. I saw it as a kid when it first came out & watched it again to see if it was as bad as I remembered. Yup, I was right...but that's a good thing. ;)

BTW, I believe the "fully restored" version can be found online. Not that anyone cares.

Similarly, I saw The Big Chill years ago and don't remember much about it. Maybe, I'll check it out again.

[JayDizzle]

Having seen some of your retrospectives Dell, I gotta recommend the new Sherlock Holmes movie with any of the old black and white teleplays.

Just caught the new flick but if I divulged more, it might sway your opinion...