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Ladies and gentleman and all you other internet nerds, e-thugs and video game addicted idiots lend me your ear... well your eyes anyways. After a short recess for undisclosed 'issues' (we have it on good authority that laziness was the key 'issue') I am pleased to welcome you back to the GBU and without further adue, here is your host; the one, the only... Steeljake!!
Thank you, thank you... all 12 emails I received in the interim were heart warming to say the least. Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated and even though many have wished me otherwise, I am in perfect health!
Half the season is gone and what looked like a snooze fest of a year has begun to take shape into what we all expected. The Saints and Colts still remain undefeated but I am pleased to announce that through rigorous investigation by the GBU staff we can report that no team will go 0-16. A few them might as well, but the minimum number of wins for the top pick in the 2010 drat will be 1 and it will be hotly contended.
This week saw a pretender turn into a contender, a coach play to win and still lose, more than one team was over looked, and we also finished the bye weeks. The NFC East had two out of three lose and the NFC North had one of three win. The race for the AFC Worst picked up right on cue and all is back to normal in the AFC South. The first to worst curse (say that 5 times fast) is sort of holding true with the Panthers strug-a-ling but thanks to the Bucs the worst they will fall to will likely be third place. The Colts have taken back what is rightly theirs as have the Pats in the AFC East. The AFC North could be on lock down, but the Bengals could still be the Bungles so it may to early to tell and the NFC West title I had given to the 9ers earlier this year seems to have a bird on it instead of a red and gold logo.
We have been away for so long and have so much to get to, so what do you say we get right to the meat?!?!
- Carolina Panthers
After starting 0-3 the Cardiac Cats have finally stopped the bleeding as of late, and by bleeding I mean Jake Delhomme throwing the ball to the guys wearing the wrong jersey. In his first three games he threw 7 picks to just 2 td's. In the last 6 the team is 4-2 and Jakey has 6 picks to 5 td's including the last three games with ZERO int's. The running game has finally shown up as well ranking 3rd in the NFL as of this week, but all this will probably be too little too late. At 4-5 with the Saints leading the division at 9-0 a wildcard berth will be the best they can do and even that will be an outside shot. This week they get the good for beating a divisional rival.
- Miami Dolphins
Two teams in a row in the good that started poorly... hmm. Maybe this is why you can't call a team dead in week 3. The Phins lost Chadwick and unfortunately for him they only got better. They may have lost their first three but they have since swept the Jets and beat the Bills once to get themselves back into a chance at the post season, albeit an outside one. Ronnie Brown has an undisclosed foot injury that will keep him out against the Panthers this week but Ricky should be sober enough to handle the load until he gets back.
- Minnesota Vikings
Ho-hum... played the Lions and beat them... shocking. Adrian Peterson is actually second in the league in rushing at this point, but to be fair the guy who is leading the numbers game is on a team that is 3-6. Favre is still trucking right along and wide out and kick return specialist Percy Harvin is making a strong case for offensive rookie of the year. With Seattle next on the schedule it is very reasonable to think the Vikings will just continue to roll right to the NFC North crown.
- Cincinnati Bengals
The Bungles aren't dead yet, but they are certainly on life support. To quote the great Coach Ditka this team has stolen the identity of their rival the Pittsburgh Steelers. They are playing scrappy tough football with a punishing defense and running game that will wear you out. With a sweep of both Pittsburgh and Baltimore in hand they look poised to take the AFC North crown and maybe this time Carson will get to play more than 5 seconds in a playoff game.
- New Orleans Saints
They may not be blowing teams out anymore, but they are still winning and that is all that matters. They seemed to have looked past the Rams and it almost cost them their perfect record. Good teams win the games they are supposed to but great teams win when they don’t have their best day on the field. In the playoffs that will get you a ticket home and a tee time but in the regular season you can scrape by from time to time. It is a good thing this kind of wake up call came now instead of in January.
- Tennessee Titans
What the heck is this? Vince Young comes back from exile at the behest of the owner and the team is on a winning streak? The defense still sucks but at least now they are running the ball. Second year man Chris Johnson is leading the league in rushing by more than 100 yards over Adrian Peterson and is averaging a monstrous 6.4 yards per carry. Jeff Fisher needs to buy him and V.Y. some new rims for their truck or some gold fronts or something for saving his job.
- Washington Redskins
Despite having a lame duck for a head coach this team managed to beat the Broncos to keep them on their losing streak. There isn't much good going around at Fed Ex field these days so I am sure they will take what they can get.
- Green Bay Packers
This team just cannot decide who they are. They beat the Bears soundly in week 1 then decided they couldn't protect their quarterback. The Cowboys rolled into Lambeau thinking they would just cruise on through and get a W to boot but the Packers D said not so quick my friends. After giving up over 70 points in their last three games the Packers shut down the Cowboys and if not for a garbage time TD they would have pitched a shut out. This team has talent and the shadow of Favre is not as dark as it was last year, but they still have a long way to go.
- San Diego Super Chargers
What’s that? The Bolts have finally decided to start playing like a pro football team? That must mean it is past week 8... Yup it sure is; two weeks past to be exact. Right on cue the Chargers start to crank it up, though it may not be enough to save Norv or A.J, well at least the fans hope it isn't. Maybe it is the weak division they play in or the fact that they won the AFC Worst with an 8-8 record last year but this team has come back from looking dead in the water to being tied for the division lead with the Broncos, who themselves have slipped as of late. Can anyone guess what the marquee game of the week will be in week 11?
- Indianapolis Colts
Right now Peyton Manning is writing a thank you note to Bill Bellicheat, let's take a peek shall we?
Dear Mr. Bill,
I am just writing to say thank you for not trusting a defense that I put up 14 points and 140 yards on in 4 minutes. I wanted to drive the 70 yards or so to bust that ass, but 29 or 70 is the same thing for me. I even took my sweet time and let the clock run while I used the short field to dismantle your demoralized defense and prove once again that even though Thomas has three rings to my one, I will always be better than him. If that was me on 4th and 2 I would have scored a 72 yard td instead of coming up 1 yard short. Thanks again and please don't go changing.
Best Regards;
Peyton Manning, GOAT
And for a musical interlude... everyone do the pogo! Hit it boys!!!
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMD7Ezp3gWc"]YouTube- The Ramones - I wanna be sedated[/ame]
...and now back to our regularly scheduled idiocy.
- San Francisco 49ers
Yes, I am well aware they won that travishamockery of a game, but when you get 5 interceptions and only win by a score of 10-6 then you have issues. If they played any other team besides the Jay Cutler lead Bears they would have been stomped out. The good news is the defense looks great in the land of hills and trolleys but their offense... well frankly it's offensive. I picked them to win the NFC West and while it looked like I was a great prognosticator earlier, like all things it turned to crap. So much for looking smart; I am officially off the 9ers band wagon.
- Atlanta Falcons
This team was having a hard time finding its identity this year but the last few weeks have made it crystal clear: they are still rebuilding and last year was something of a fluke. I am not saying that Matt Ryan is a bust, but his enshrinement in Canton will be delayed a few more years at the very least. Michael Turner finally got his mojo back only to get injured this week and that young defense is learning things the hard way. They travel to the Meadowlands to face a Giants team on skid and while it should be easy pickin's with their own struggles that may not be the case.
- Buffalo Bills
Boom!!!!!!!! That huge explosion on Sunday was Team Obliterator (props to Skip Bayless as he named him that) roasting his coaches and team mates in his frustration. I personally lost 10 bucks due to him not being able to hold it in until week 12, but we all knew it was coming. I guess getting rocked by the Titans was more than he could take. Say good bye to coach Jauron as well.
- Denver Broncos
The Ravens put out the script and the Steelers and the Redskins just followed the bouncing ball. Three games is an official losing streak and with the loss this week they fall into a tie with the Chargers for the AFC West just in time to play them for the second time this year. Kyle Orton got hurt and there was a Chris Simms sighting (I forgot he was a lefty...) and if Orton can't get right there will be another one this week. The running game has grinded to a halt and even the best defense's get tired when the offense keeps going three and out. If they lose this week the panic button will be pressed and all that goodwill McDaniels has built up will be flushed right down the toilet.
- New England Patriots
No, they didn't make it to the bad just for that crazy call Bellicheat made on 4th and 2. Truth be known while I disagree with the call I can see why he did it and with his track record of being successful at it wasn't a bad call. What was bad was the timeout they wasted on 3rd down and then again on the 4th down when they couldn't get their people on the field in time. Even the golden boy was sure they were going to punt. The reason Bellicheat didn't, or maybe in his mind couldn't, punt is that in the 4th quarter the Pats had a 20 point lead and looked to be cruising. They forced 7 punts and 2 picks on that Manning lead juggernaut up to that point... and then the Colts woke up. In a span of just over 4 minutes a 20 point lead turned into a 6 point one and Bellicheat panicked. Bruschi cried on ESPN that Bill didn’t trust his defense and looking at the facts what reason did have to do so? Just like Chris Rock said about Cris Brown, I don't agree with what he did, but I understand it.
And now for a word from our sponsor: The Roy Williams 3 easy steps to being a bust in the NFL (not to be confused with the Terrell Owens 5 sure fire ways to be hated).
"Have you always wanted to burn bright and fade fast on one the biggest stages in sports? Do you desire to be the joke of what is supposed to be America's team? If so, I have just thing for you! For a limited time you can get the patented Roy Williams 3 easy steps to becoming irrelevant in big D. Here is Roy to show you what you get!!"
Roy: "Thanks Bob. That’s right people; I can show you how to burn out faster than a bottle rocket on the 4th of July in just three easy steps. Let's go to the big board and I will walk you right through the steps.
Step 1: Be overrated from day one.
This was easy for me as the guy that drafted me had a hard on for tall semi slow wide receivers. Add to that I played on a team that was beyond terrible and even a cracked piece of glass will shine like a diamond.
Step 2: Get traded to a contender in a blockbuster deal then blame your bad showing and slow start on the current number one wide out hogging all the throws in practice.
I was so overrated in Detroit that when they traded me they got 4 picks for me including a 1st rounder. Everyone hated T.O. anyways so I just piled on; also I planted a seed in his mind that Romo and Witten were drawing up plays in their room on the road. Brilliant no?
Step 3: Get your shot at being the man and then get outshined by a tight end and some dude named Miles
Well, to be honest I didn’t think they would cut Owens until next year, but hey do what you got to do. it should be easy for me to get stats with Witten getting doubled and Miles drawing triple coverage, but remember the first step is to be overrated and I got that covered!"
Announcer (looking very uncomfortable):"Ok, well thank you Roy... Ok folks just call 1-800-I'm-a-loser-and-I-don't-care and for just $19.99 plus processing we will rush you Roy's quick and easy 3 steps to being a bust. As a bonus we will also thrown in the 'How to handle locker room reporters' 3 disc set by Ryan Leaf! Hurry call now!"
And now back to our regularly schedule asshattery...
It is time once again boys and girls for that special section we dedicate to those who have failed epically and will be roasted by someone they not only don't know but don't care about. No more nicey nicey, it is time for...
- Chicago Bears
After week one I posted a check list for the Bears to have a losing season... let's grab that real quickly shall we?
1. Overrated quarter back ... check.
2. Absolutely clueless wide receiver corps ... check.
3. An offensive coordinator so bad he couldn't call plays for the Colts ... check.
4. A great looking defense on paper that puts people on IR weekly ... check.
5. A loss on primetime TV in which the QB throws at least 4 picks ... check.
Well folks it looks like the Bears are right on schedule. Neckbeard would have gave the raspberry again but he is on a losing streak himself and much like the rest of the Bears fans is too drunk to speak.
- New York Jets
It has gone oddly quiet at Gang Green HQ and for good reason. Despite having the number one rushing attack in the league this team continues to lose and there is only one person to blame. Mark Sanchez has turned into Dirty Sanchez and if he actually plays all 16 games as the starter I will be shocked. I am saying the kid is a bust, but he is a rookie and it is showing. I wonder what kind of trash talk Rex will do this off-season when he is picking in the top 10 in the draft?
- Pittsburgh Steelers
Swept by Cincinnati for the first time since 1998 and the o-line went back to its old tricks. Add to that offensive coordinator Bruce Aryans doing his best Andy Reid impression by going 5 wide almost every 2nd down and on short yardage for 3rd down. I know Ben wants to be an elite QB, and I believe he can be, but don't forget to run the ball!! Jeff Reed didn't miss any field goals this time but he did a great matador impression on a kick return that will certainly land him some stadium steps to run. Troy got hurt and Ben was sacked 4 times and pressured all day. It's a good thing the Chiefs are up next.
- Dallas Cowboys
In the past 4 weeks we have seen the Cowboys begin to show signs of being a good team, but like they say one 'oh crap' can erase a million 'at-a-boys'. Roy Williams is turning into a bust and with Witten and Austin drawing the bulk of the coverage you would think he would get into beast mode. The Cowboys went into Lambeau and managed to score 7 points against a team that gave Tampa Bay and rookie quarter back their first win and put up 38 on them. Ware singed a big new deal and has exactly 7 sacks to show for it. They get Washington and Oakland to close out November before Romo turns back into a pumpkin but the good news is the Eagles, Giants and Redskins don't look much better right now.
- Philadelphia Eagles
So let me get this right... McNasty passed for 450 yards and you lost?!?! I know Westbrook got his eggs scrambled again ( I wish him well to be honest) but 450 yards passing and this team loses? McNabb's contract is up at the end of the year and if he goes Andy and his mustache might be following him out the door.
- Cleveland Browns
New QB, same result. I saw a stat on ESPN this morning that on passes over 10 yards Quinn was 0-10 last night. Mangini is being investigated by the NFLPA and his buddy the GM has already been fired for cause. This team is so bad the fans can’t even organize a late walk in at home to help embarrass the team on national TV, as if them playing wasn't enough. To say the Browns suck is offensive to the word suck right now. Oh look, the Browns play the Lions next week...
That’s all I have time for this week. All comments Good, Bad and Ugly are welcome and can be sent here. You can also sign up for an email copy to be sent to you the moment that the GBU is published. As always, please remember that this is only my opinion and that and $843.17 will fix the damage to your car done by some crazy woman with no insurance. Look for the Game(s) of the Week feature which comes out on Thursday's and tune in next week when we will hear Bill Belicheat say:
"I dunno, 4th and 2 or whatever it was... I thought we could get the yard, or two yards or whatever it was."
Thank you, thank you... all 12 emails I received in the interim were heart warming to say the least. Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated and even though many have wished me otherwise, I am in perfect health!
Half the season is gone and what looked like a snooze fest of a year has begun to take shape into what we all expected. The Saints and Colts still remain undefeated but I am pleased to announce that through rigorous investigation by the GBU staff we can report that no team will go 0-16. A few them might as well, but the minimum number of wins for the top pick in the 2010 drat will be 1 and it will be hotly contended.
This week saw a pretender turn into a contender, a coach play to win and still lose, more than one team was over looked, and we also finished the bye weeks. The NFC East had two out of three lose and the NFC North had one of three win. The race for the AFC Worst picked up right on cue and all is back to normal in the AFC South. The first to worst curse (say that 5 times fast) is sort of holding true with the Panthers strug-a-ling but thanks to the Bucs the worst they will fall to will likely be third place. The Colts have taken back what is rightly theirs as have the Pats in the AFC East. The AFC North could be on lock down, but the Bengals could still be the Bungles so it may to early to tell and the NFC West title I had given to the 9ers earlier this year seems to have a bird on it instead of a red and gold logo.
We have been away for so long and have so much to get to, so what do you say we get right to the meat?!?!
The Good
- Carolina Panthers
After starting 0-3 the Cardiac Cats have finally stopped the bleeding as of late, and by bleeding I mean Jake Delhomme throwing the ball to the guys wearing the wrong jersey. In his first three games he threw 7 picks to just 2 td's. In the last 6 the team is 4-2 and Jakey has 6 picks to 5 td's including the last three games with ZERO int's. The running game has finally shown up as well ranking 3rd in the NFL as of this week, but all this will probably be too little too late. At 4-5 with the Saints leading the division at 9-0 a wildcard berth will be the best they can do and even that will be an outside shot. This week they get the good for beating a divisional rival.
- Miami Dolphins
Two teams in a row in the good that started poorly... hmm. Maybe this is why you can't call a team dead in week 3. The Phins lost Chadwick and unfortunately for him they only got better. They may have lost their first three but they have since swept the Jets and beat the Bills once to get themselves back into a chance at the post season, albeit an outside one. Ronnie Brown has an undisclosed foot injury that will keep him out against the Panthers this week but Ricky should be sober enough to handle the load until he gets back.
- Minnesota Vikings
Ho-hum... played the Lions and beat them... shocking. Adrian Peterson is actually second in the league in rushing at this point, but to be fair the guy who is leading the numbers game is on a team that is 3-6. Favre is still trucking right along and wide out and kick return specialist Percy Harvin is making a strong case for offensive rookie of the year. With Seattle next on the schedule it is very reasonable to think the Vikings will just continue to roll right to the NFC North crown.
- Cincinnati Bengals
The Bungles aren't dead yet, but they are certainly on life support. To quote the great Coach Ditka this team has stolen the identity of their rival the Pittsburgh Steelers. They are playing scrappy tough football with a punishing defense and running game that will wear you out. With a sweep of both Pittsburgh and Baltimore in hand they look poised to take the AFC North crown and maybe this time Carson will get to play more than 5 seconds in a playoff game.
- New Orleans Saints
They may not be blowing teams out anymore, but they are still winning and that is all that matters. They seemed to have looked past the Rams and it almost cost them their perfect record. Good teams win the games they are supposed to but great teams win when they don’t have their best day on the field. In the playoffs that will get you a ticket home and a tee time but in the regular season you can scrape by from time to time. It is a good thing this kind of wake up call came now instead of in January.
- Tennessee Titans
What the heck is this? Vince Young comes back from exile at the behest of the owner and the team is on a winning streak? The defense still sucks but at least now they are running the ball. Second year man Chris Johnson is leading the league in rushing by more than 100 yards over Adrian Peterson and is averaging a monstrous 6.4 yards per carry. Jeff Fisher needs to buy him and V.Y. some new rims for their truck or some gold fronts or something for saving his job.
- Washington Redskins
Despite having a lame duck for a head coach this team managed to beat the Broncos to keep them on their losing streak. There isn't much good going around at Fed Ex field these days so I am sure they will take what they can get.
- Green Bay Packers
This team just cannot decide who they are. They beat the Bears soundly in week 1 then decided they couldn't protect their quarterback. The Cowboys rolled into Lambeau thinking they would just cruise on through and get a W to boot but the Packers D said not so quick my friends. After giving up over 70 points in their last three games the Packers shut down the Cowboys and if not for a garbage time TD they would have pitched a shut out. This team has talent and the shadow of Favre is not as dark as it was last year, but they still have a long way to go.
- San Diego Super Chargers
What’s that? The Bolts have finally decided to start playing like a pro football team? That must mean it is past week 8... Yup it sure is; two weeks past to be exact. Right on cue the Chargers start to crank it up, though it may not be enough to save Norv or A.J, well at least the fans hope it isn't. Maybe it is the weak division they play in or the fact that they won the AFC Worst with an 8-8 record last year but this team has come back from looking dead in the water to being tied for the division lead with the Broncos, who themselves have slipped as of late. Can anyone guess what the marquee game of the week will be in week 11?
- Indianapolis Colts
Right now Peyton Manning is writing a thank you note to Bill Bellicheat, let's take a peek shall we?
Dear Mr. Bill,
I am just writing to say thank you for not trusting a defense that I put up 14 points and 140 yards on in 4 minutes. I wanted to drive the 70 yards or so to bust that ass, but 29 or 70 is the same thing for me. I even took my sweet time and let the clock run while I used the short field to dismantle your demoralized defense and prove once again that even though Thomas has three rings to my one, I will always be better than him. If that was me on 4th and 2 I would have scored a 72 yard td instead of coming up 1 yard short. Thanks again and please don't go changing.
Best Regards;
Peyton Manning, GOAT
And for a musical interlude... everyone do the pogo! Hit it boys!!!
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMD7Ezp3gWc"]YouTube- The Ramones - I wanna be sedated[/ame]
...and now back to our regularly scheduled idiocy.
The Bad
- San Francisco 49ers
Yes, I am well aware they won that travishamockery of a game, but when you get 5 interceptions and only win by a score of 10-6 then you have issues. If they played any other team besides the Jay Cutler lead Bears they would have been stomped out. The good news is the defense looks great in the land of hills and trolleys but their offense... well frankly it's offensive. I picked them to win the NFC West and while it looked like I was a great prognosticator earlier, like all things it turned to crap. So much for looking smart; I am officially off the 9ers band wagon.
- Atlanta Falcons
This team was having a hard time finding its identity this year but the last few weeks have made it crystal clear: they are still rebuilding and last year was something of a fluke. I am not saying that Matt Ryan is a bust, but his enshrinement in Canton will be delayed a few more years at the very least. Michael Turner finally got his mojo back only to get injured this week and that young defense is learning things the hard way. They travel to the Meadowlands to face a Giants team on skid and while it should be easy pickin's with their own struggles that may not be the case.
- Buffalo Bills
Boom!!!!!!!! That huge explosion on Sunday was Team Obliterator (props to Skip Bayless as he named him that) roasting his coaches and team mates in his frustration. I personally lost 10 bucks due to him not being able to hold it in until week 12, but we all knew it was coming. I guess getting rocked by the Titans was more than he could take. Say good bye to coach Jauron as well.
- Denver Broncos
The Ravens put out the script and the Steelers and the Redskins just followed the bouncing ball. Three games is an official losing streak and with the loss this week they fall into a tie with the Chargers for the AFC West just in time to play them for the second time this year. Kyle Orton got hurt and there was a Chris Simms sighting (I forgot he was a lefty...) and if Orton can't get right there will be another one this week. The running game has grinded to a halt and even the best defense's get tired when the offense keeps going three and out. If they lose this week the panic button will be pressed and all that goodwill McDaniels has built up will be flushed right down the toilet.
- New England Patriots
No, they didn't make it to the bad just for that crazy call Bellicheat made on 4th and 2. Truth be known while I disagree with the call I can see why he did it and with his track record of being successful at it wasn't a bad call. What was bad was the timeout they wasted on 3rd down and then again on the 4th down when they couldn't get their people on the field in time. Even the golden boy was sure they were going to punt. The reason Bellicheat didn't, or maybe in his mind couldn't, punt is that in the 4th quarter the Pats had a 20 point lead and looked to be cruising. They forced 7 punts and 2 picks on that Manning lead juggernaut up to that point... and then the Colts woke up. In a span of just over 4 minutes a 20 point lead turned into a 6 point one and Bellicheat panicked. Bruschi cried on ESPN that Bill didn’t trust his defense and looking at the facts what reason did have to do so? Just like Chris Rock said about Cris Brown, I don't agree with what he did, but I understand it.
And now for a word from our sponsor: The Roy Williams 3 easy steps to being a bust in the NFL (not to be confused with the Terrell Owens 5 sure fire ways to be hated).
"Have you always wanted to burn bright and fade fast on one the biggest stages in sports? Do you desire to be the joke of what is supposed to be America's team? If so, I have just thing for you! For a limited time you can get the patented Roy Williams 3 easy steps to becoming irrelevant in big D. Here is Roy to show you what you get!!"
Roy: "Thanks Bob. That’s right people; I can show you how to burn out faster than a bottle rocket on the 4th of July in just three easy steps. Let's go to the big board and I will walk you right through the steps.
Step 1: Be overrated from day one.
This was easy for me as the guy that drafted me had a hard on for tall semi slow wide receivers. Add to that I played on a team that was beyond terrible and even a cracked piece of glass will shine like a diamond.
Step 2: Get traded to a contender in a blockbuster deal then blame your bad showing and slow start on the current number one wide out hogging all the throws in practice.
I was so overrated in Detroit that when they traded me they got 4 picks for me including a 1st rounder. Everyone hated T.O. anyways so I just piled on; also I planted a seed in his mind that Romo and Witten were drawing up plays in their room on the road. Brilliant no?
Step 3: Get your shot at being the man and then get outshined by a tight end and some dude named Miles
Well, to be honest I didn’t think they would cut Owens until next year, but hey do what you got to do. it should be easy for me to get stats with Witten getting doubled and Miles drawing triple coverage, but remember the first step is to be overrated and I got that covered!"
Announcer (looking very uncomfortable):"Ok, well thank you Roy... Ok folks just call 1-800-I'm-a-loser-and-I-don't-care and for just $19.99 plus processing we will rush you Roy's quick and easy 3 steps to being a bust. As a bonus we will also thrown in the 'How to handle locker room reporters' 3 disc set by Ryan Leaf! Hurry call now!"
And now back to our regularly schedule asshattery...
It is time once again boys and girls for that special section we dedicate to those who have failed epically and will be roasted by someone they not only don't know but don't care about. No more nicey nicey, it is time for...
The Ugly
- Chicago Bears
After week one I posted a check list for the Bears to have a losing season... let's grab that real quickly shall we?
1. Overrated quarter back ... check.
2. Absolutely clueless wide receiver corps ... check.
3. An offensive coordinator so bad he couldn't call plays for the Colts ... check.
4. A great looking defense on paper that puts people on IR weekly ... check.
5. A loss on primetime TV in which the QB throws at least 4 picks ... check.
Well folks it looks like the Bears are right on schedule. Neckbeard would have gave the raspberry again but he is on a losing streak himself and much like the rest of the Bears fans is too drunk to speak.
- New York Jets
It has gone oddly quiet at Gang Green HQ and for good reason. Despite having the number one rushing attack in the league this team continues to lose and there is only one person to blame. Mark Sanchez has turned into Dirty Sanchez and if he actually plays all 16 games as the starter I will be shocked. I am saying the kid is a bust, but he is a rookie and it is showing. I wonder what kind of trash talk Rex will do this off-season when he is picking in the top 10 in the draft?
- Pittsburgh Steelers
Swept by Cincinnati for the first time since 1998 and the o-line went back to its old tricks. Add to that offensive coordinator Bruce Aryans doing his best Andy Reid impression by going 5 wide almost every 2nd down and on short yardage for 3rd down. I know Ben wants to be an elite QB, and I believe he can be, but don't forget to run the ball!! Jeff Reed didn't miss any field goals this time but he did a great matador impression on a kick return that will certainly land him some stadium steps to run. Troy got hurt and Ben was sacked 4 times and pressured all day. It's a good thing the Chiefs are up next.
- Dallas Cowboys
In the past 4 weeks we have seen the Cowboys begin to show signs of being a good team, but like they say one 'oh crap' can erase a million 'at-a-boys'. Roy Williams is turning into a bust and with Witten and Austin drawing the bulk of the coverage you would think he would get into beast mode. The Cowboys went into Lambeau and managed to score 7 points against a team that gave Tampa Bay and rookie quarter back their first win and put up 38 on them. Ware singed a big new deal and has exactly 7 sacks to show for it. They get Washington and Oakland to close out November before Romo turns back into a pumpkin but the good news is the Eagles, Giants and Redskins don't look much better right now.
- Philadelphia Eagles
So let me get this right... McNasty passed for 450 yards and you lost?!?! I know Westbrook got his eggs scrambled again ( I wish him well to be honest) but 450 yards passing and this team loses? McNabb's contract is up at the end of the year and if he goes Andy and his mustache might be following him out the door.
- Cleveland Browns
New QB, same result. I saw a stat on ESPN this morning that on passes over 10 yards Quinn was 0-10 last night. Mangini is being investigated by the NFLPA and his buddy the GM has already been fired for cause. This team is so bad the fans can’t even organize a late walk in at home to help embarrass the team on national TV, as if them playing wasn't enough. To say the Browns suck is offensive to the word suck right now. Oh look, the Browns play the Lions next week...
That’s all I have time for this week. All comments Good, Bad and Ugly are welcome and can be sent here. You can also sign up for an email copy to be sent to you the moment that the GBU is published. As always, please remember that this is only my opinion and that and $843.17 will fix the damage to your car done by some crazy woman with no insurance. Look for the Game(s) of the Week feature which comes out on Thursday's and tune in next week when we will hear Bill Belicheat say:
"I dunno, 4th and 2 or whatever it was... I thought we could get the yard, or two yards or whatever it was."
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