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This time, Mr. TMQ assesses "what's wrong with the Colts."
Here's the best part:
If only Peyton Manning were an avid reader of this brilliant scribe.
Wait, it gets better:
Maybe when they stop winning the division title every god damn year?
Wait there's more ...
Yeah, Michael Vick and Philip Rivers are much better at dealing with a pass rush than that moron Peyton Manning. He is nothing without his offensive line keeping him upright, I tell you. If only he had the ability to play through chaos like those studs with no championships.
:obama:
You're right, not being good at blocking is really preventing Tamme from adequately replacing the tight end who has rarely ever been asked to block. And shouldn't you be dusting off your "late round guys are better than glory boys" premise and applying it to Tamme?
You mean an in injury to their starter? Meh, it happens.
:obama:
WHO FUCKING CARES?
I did not know this information. Thanks.
Trite cliche is trite. And it makes no sense. Has there ever in recorded history been a letter written home about a football team's great gameplan?
"Dear Mom,
Game went well. Gameplan was successful. We established the run early, got Addai and Brown involved and made sure to limit the amount of 5 and 7-step drops. Peyton also did a great job of checking into screens and draws in blitzing situations. Overall, it was a gameplan you can be proud of.
Your son,
Coach Caldwell"
I know that Mama Caldwell has really been bummed lately, she checks her mailbox every Monday morning, awaiting these letters about the last week's gameplan that never come. If only these gameplans were more worth writing home about.
Then why are you writing this?
Bold stuff. A franchise that has been riding high for 10 years MIGHT someday soon be declining, but nobody's willing to say for sure. Just know that it might happen.
Here's the best part:
• Predictable play calling. This column has been warning since before the Colts-Saints title game that the Indianapolis offense is too predictable. Tracy Porter's game-icing pick-six in the Super Bowl came, Porter said, because he knew what the Colts would run for the down-and-distance they were in. Two interceptions were returned for touchdowns by the Chargers on Sunday. One might be a fluke; two means the defense was guessing plays and jumping routes. Manning has always been so efficient that it didn't seem to matter if the Colts endlessly ran the same looks from the same formation. Now it matters.
Wait, it gets better:
• Bill Polian. He blows his stack often. Polian is good at assembling NFL teams but wore out his welcome at Buffalo and Carolina, in playoff years in both places, because he's so hard to take. How much longer 'til he wears out his welcome in Indianapolis?
Wait there's more ...
Offensive line woes. For years, Manning has rarely been sacked or hurried; he's accustomed to a clean pocket. When he's hit, he becomes antsy, and in 2010, he's being hit. Philip Rivers, Drew Brees, Ben Roethlisberger, Michael Vick -- these quarterbacks seem to like chaos and excel when the pocket breaks down. Manning is a straitlaced guy who wants everything just so. This season, it's not.
Dallas Clark. Last season, he won the coveted "longest award in sports," the Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback Non-Running Back NFL MVP. Clark was chosen for "his disruptive impact on opposing secondaries."
Clark's backup, Jacob Tamme, is OK but nowhere near as effective and not a good blocker.
Because the Indianapolis line has long been so good, the Colts' offense is based on five-man patterns, the hardest kind to defend. Against the Chargers, Indianapolis tried to run five-man patterns, and when this wasn't working, by the second half, Tamme was staying in the backfield to block. He did not do well. The Colts have a blocking tight end on the roster, Gijon Robinson, but they use him only at the goal line because they've always believed pinpoint Manning passes are the answer to all questions. Problems at tight end are spoiling this formula -- and, perhaps, proving Clark truly was last season's non-quarterback non-running back MVP.
Gary Brackett. He was a finalist for the 2009 TMQ award. The little-known, undrafted Brackett numbers among the NFL's best defensive players. His absence is hurting the Colts much more than the absence of perennially injured Bob Sanders.
WHO FUCKING CARES?
Tony Dungy. He's in the broadcast booth rather than on the Colts' sideline.
New coach Jim Caldwell looks lost much of the time. Caldwell compiled a poor Super Bowl game plan, and his 2010 game plans haven't been worth writing home about, either. Does Caldwell even understand this? That's the big worry.
"Dear Mom,
Game went well. Gameplan was successful. We established the run early, got Addai and Brown involved and made sure to limit the amount of 5 and 7-step drops. Peyton also did a great job of checking into screens and draws in blitzing situations. Overall, it was a gameplan you can be proud of.
Your son,
Coach Caldwell"
I know that Mama Caldwell has really been bummed lately, she checks her mailbox every Monday morning, awaiting these letters about the last week's gameplan that never come. If only these gameplans were more worth writing home about.
With five weeks remaining, the Colts could still make a run -- I'd put a chip on them before I'd put it on several teams with better records.
But the spoiled, booing Indianapolis spectators ought to cheer while they can because this franchise might be entering a cycle of decline.
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