Kellen Winslow Jr. was masturbating in his car

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  • Maynard
    stupid ass titles
    • Feb 2009
    • 17876

    Kellen Winslow Jr. was masturbating in his car



    When Jets tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested for possession of synthetic marijuana outside a Target in East Hanover back in November, police were called to the scene because a woman thought she saw him masturbating in his vehicle in the parking lot, according to court documents.

    The redacted incident report from East Hanover police shows that on Nov. 19 at 5:30 p.m., cops responded to a call from a woman who said she had parked her vehicle in a spot to the right of a black Cadillac Escalade outside the Target along Route 10. A man was sitting inside the Escalade with the window open, said the woman, whose name was redacted in the incident report. That man would later be identified as Winslow, 30, who lives in Madison.

    From the report:

    As she exited her vehicle, she commented to the male regarding how cold it was. As she stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating. [The woman] provided a written statement regarding her account.
    By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly "slouched in his seat and moving around." Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost.

    The cop noticed Winslow was wearing "dark colored" sweatpants and wrote that "his genitals were not exposed." But the cop also noticed "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console" and plastic bags marked "Mr. Happy" and empty plastic containers of "Funky Monkey" scattered throughout the vehicle.

    Winslow allegedly told police he smoked the "Mr. Happy" and "Funky Monkey" at his home to relax because the NFL doesn't drug test for it, and that he buys the stuff on the internet and at gas stations. Police say he consented to a vehicle search, and after a few items were seized into evidence, Winslow was free to go.

    Lab tests that came back on Dec. 23 revealed Winslow was in possession of synthetic marijuana. He was formally charged on Dec. 30, and last week he pleaded not guilty before a judge in Superior Court in Morristown.

    The incident report lists lewdness among the alleged crimes, but Winslow was not charged with anything relating to alleged lewdness.

    A 10-year NFL veteran, Winslow just finished his first season with the Jets. He is scheduled to be an unrestricted free agent in 2014.

    The entire East Hanover police incident report can be found below.
  • CCBrink
    Awkward Swag
    • May 2009
    • 4261

    #2
    TWO open containers of Vaseline



    Comment

    • ThomasTomasz
      • Dec 2024

      #3
      Moral of the story, if you are at Target or any other store and are caught masturbating, your excuse is that you were lost and looking for Boston Market.

      Comment

      • dope
        Allons-y!
        • Feb 2009
        • 2096

        #4
        winslow is close but he's no eddie griffin

        Comment

        • Garrett67
          Glory Hole Monitor
          • Feb 2009
          • 4538

          #5
          Who hasn't grabbed a couple bags of weed, raided the medicine cabinet for the slippery substance and headed out to a shopping mall parking lot to rub one out?


          Heck, if you jumped in my car right now you would probably slide out the other door.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


          Comment

          • Tailback U
            No substitute 4 strength.
            • Nov 2008
            • 10282

            #6
            Originally posted by CCBrink
            TWO open containers of Vaseline
            He is black so he could have just been using it for his ashy weiner.
            Last edited by Tailback U; 01-17-2014, 01:43 PM.

            Comment

            • Hasselbeck
              Jus' bout dat action boss
              • Feb 2009
              • 6175

              #7
              Wonder if he was screaming out "I'm a fuckin soldier!" as he was jerkin it.
              Originally posted by ram29jackson
              I already said months ago that Seattle wasn't winning any SB

              Comment

              • ram29jackson
                Noob
                • Nov 2008
                • 0

                #8
                dad, Hall of Fame

                son, hall of shame





                Comment

                • CCBrink
                  Awkward Swag
                  • May 2009
                  • 4261

                  #9


                  I DON'T GIVE A HELL



                  Comment

                  • Garrett67
                    Glory Hole Monitor
                    • Feb 2009
                    • 4538

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Hasselbeck
                    Wonder if he was screaming out "I'm a fuckin soldier!" as he was jerkin it.

                    After watching the video posted, I get this now.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


                    Comment

                    • NAHSTE
                      Probably owns the site
                      • Feb 2009
                      • 22233

                      #11
                      minus ownership of a car, this pretty much describes Rudi's typical night out
                      Last edited by NAHSTE; 01-17-2014, 03:20 PM.

                      Comment

                      • ThomasTomasz
                        • Dec 2024

                        #12


                        Police report is posted there.

                        Comment

                        • Hasselbeck
                          Jus' bout dat action boss
                          • Feb 2009
                          • 6175

                          #13
                          Originally posted by ram29jackson
                          I already said months ago that Seattle wasn't winning any SB

                          Comment

                          • tigstah
                            Mr. Casual Gamer
                            • Mar 2009
                            • 2406

                            #14
                            that is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo damn funny. 2 containers of vaseline.....
                            lawd.......i am crying right now.

                            Comment

                            • LiquidLarry2GhostWF
                              Highwayman
                              • Feb 2009
                              • 15429

                              #15
                              Story time?

                              I've probably told this story in the chatbox before...but whatever.

                              I, too, have seen Kellen Winslow Jr. masturbating. He was a notorious public masturbator at UM. He would do it in the locker room all of the time. Chicks on campus saw him do it in his car. Every athlete I knew at UM also saw him jerk one off countless times. He's got no shame.

                              The type of dude you'd walk in on, he'd look you right in the eye and keep going.

                              For those of you wondering (and yes, I know 3/4ths of VSN wants to know...)...

                              Empire would love to see Kate Upton with him, if you know what I mean.

                              Comment

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