Tweet
-we are back and rolling. Sorry, been distracted by the on-going European championships.
-the 7th iteration of In Your House has a reasonable looking card, headlined by a strong main event. Unfortunately, the Ultimate Warrior is also on the card. Fuck.
-the version I have kicks off with the Free For All pre-show. Dox Hendrix is in front the live Nebraska crowd, running down the card. Then we get to a dark match.
-the undercard match is The 1-2-3 Kid taking on “Wild Man” Marc Mero. Sable is accompanying Mero to the ring and my interest level in this match goes up several cup sizes. Triple H gets involved in the match as he introduced Sable at WM, which I straight up forgot until I watched WM prior to this one. The match itself is pretty solid, ending in a DQ when Trips gets directly involved. Not a bad match. Not PPV caliber but it would have made a pretty decent TV match. I tend to forget how well Waltman could work.
-we are then treated to a backstage interview with the Ultimate Warrior which is typical intense nonsense from the man I adored as a Little Warrior. Don't judge me, I was a fucking kid. After the promo, Marlena and Goldust appear, giving the Warrior a face-full of cigar smoke and then gold dust, which apparent combine to turn the Warrior into an ape. I don't know is going on here so I'm just going to move along.
-we reach the event itself, and the commentary is Vince McMahon and Jerry Lawler. Which probably means that at some point while watching this, I will be fighting the urge to stab myself in the ears with something really sharp. Luckily for both you and I, my self control is strong and I will use something dull for the ear-stabbing.
-our opening match is The British Bulldog (with Owen Hart, Jim Cornette, and Clarence Mason) facing Jake Roberts (with snake). Lawler actually makes a good point about how everyone that Roberts faces is afraid of snakes. Instead of a match, we get a comedy segment (I think its supposed to be comedy) where Cornette faints from seeing the snake and Jake has to take the snake to the back, so he comes back out with a really oiled up big man, the incomparable Ahmed Johnson. Why does he always look like he's ready for an oil wrestling match? Has there ever been a more greased-up wrestler than Ahmed Johnson in 1995 and 1996? We get a tag team match. The first bit is relatively watchable, as Roberts does his thing, but things kinda tank from there. My interest wanes. Meh match.
-now we get Goldust against the Ultimate Warrior. The thought of this one makes me cringe. Warrior chases the IC champion out of the ring and we don't really have a match at all. Warrior grabs Goldust's robe and sits in his chair in the center of the ring, smoking Marlena's cigar. Finally Goldust returns and they share a moment, then Warrior clotheslines Goldust out of the chair, andt hen the champ gets counted out. Wikipedia says it was a seven and a half minute match. Seven minutes and fifteen seconds of nothing, with fifteen seconds of action... I bet Warrior still gassed. You can't even consider this one a match. I'm not at all disappointing by that fact, considering it was the Ultimate Warrior involved.
-its Vader time! He will face Razor Ramon is what could be a solid match. It turns out to be just that – solid. Not outstanding and not amongst the best of either man, but hard-fought and a tough win for Vader. Afterward, Vader is told he will face Yokozuna on the next In Your House. So I have that to look forward to.
-Godwinns. Bodydonnas. Mother of gawd. Upon realization that Sunny is involved, my interest goes up. Significantly. I loved Sunny back in the day and unlike the Ultimate Warrior, I feel no shame for that. The match... is a match. Standard tag fare. Heels win cheap to retain the belts.
-finally we get to the main event. Well, we get a lengthy recap of the whole story sequence going back a couple of years. But we're getting close. I know this is Diesel's final match in the WWF, so not much question on how it ends.
The match is good. Really good. Great? Maybe. Diesel looks like a monster and Michaels sells his ass off, showing great resilience as he gets shit stomped for awhile. He blasts the challenger with a fire extinguisher to gain the advantage. In a crowning moment of awesome, Diesel takes the artificial leg from Mad Dog Vachon and attempts to use it as a weapon, but HBK gives him a nasty-looking low-blow and then wins with Sweet Chin Music.
-according to Wikipedia, there were three dark matches – Savio Vega over Steve Austin, Triple H over Marc Mero, and The Undertaker over Mankind. Considering how much of a one-match card this really was, any of those would have made this potentially a much stronger PPV.
-it intrigues me that Diesel's very last match in the WWF was one of his best. He takes a lot of flack – and rightfully so – for having a pretty terrible world title reign. Yet he was a very capable big man who could put on a solid match. With a good opponent and some motivation, he was as good as almost any other big man out there. Not on the level of The Undertaker at his best, but maybe not that far from 'Taker on his average night. Six weeks after this pay per view, Nash would debut on WCW Nitro to join Scott Hall. He and Hall had those lucrative, guaranteed contracts and I don't think he's ever been motivated since. Its a shame in a way.
-this is pretty much a pure one-match card. There is the main event and the rest. Of the rest, only Razor versus Vader really even feels like a PPV-caliber match. Two of the matches are more angles than matches, and one of those wasn't actually a match at all. Nothing about it was particularly painful to watch or offensive to my sensibilities, but its was all rather forgettable outside of the main event.
Results
Owen Hart & The British Bulldog d. Jake Roberts & Ahmed Johnson
The Ultimate Warrior d. Goldust
Vader d. Razor Ramon
The Bodydonnas © d. The Godwinns for the WWF Tag Team championships
Shawn Michaels d. Diesel in a No Holds Barred Match for the WWE World Heavyweight championship
Recommended
Diesel versus Shawn Michaels
Comment