Everyone's so mad at
Ilya Kovalchuk(notes) and I don't blame 'em.
This constant back-and-forth between Kovy and his agent and the
Los Angeles Kings and the
New Jersey Devils and the
New York Islanders ... no not the Islanders but maybe the
Atlanta Thrashers ... OK not them either ... it's just maddening.
In fact, it's too much for some of our most stalwart reporters to handle.
"OK,"
tweeted ESPN's Pierre LeBrun, "that's last Kovalchuk update from this cat until the guy finally signs. I'm sick of this story. Over and out."
Well, alright, first of all I didn't know LeBrun was enough of a jazz musician to call anyone a "cat," but then I still haven't watched the last two episodes of "Treme," so maybe he makes a cameo and proves me wrong. Second, you're absolutely right, Pierre.
This saga has literally dragged on interminably for eight days because this prima donna, who just so happens to be the best pure goal-scorer to hit the open market in years -- as if that matters! -- wants to do prima donna-y things; like weigh his options between several suitors.
Will he stay with his current team, one with a rich tradition of winning (just not in the last few years) and a solid veteran core? Or will he take more of a gamble, signing with an up-and-coming team that many experts around the league agree will be ready to compete for a Stanley Cup in a few years?
Joke's on you, Ilya: We don't care!
You can sign with the Devils or the Kings and it won't matter even a little to us. You'll just be another punk that overplayed your hand by demanding a salary commensurate to your skill level and doing something as conceited as playing some teams off each other to get a better price for your services -- which is something no free agent has
ever done before.
This whole situation has me and every other hockey writer furious. Maybe it wouldn't be that way if your agent hadn't
tweeted that a decision was coming "today" like four days ago! Between that and all those power plays where you stayed out there the whole two minutes, it would appear as though you think the laws of time don't apply to you. Well they do, and we're SICK OF THIS!
I would also be less annoyed with you if you'd ask stupid Dean Lombardi to either choose between actively pursuing you or not. This will-he-won't-he crap is REALLY starting to bother me and if it goes on for another, I don't know, six or eight weeks, I'm gonna be pretty steamed, let me tell you.
So here's an ultimatum, Ilya. Unless you want more prominent hockey writers -- who get paid far more than normal hockey fans to just sit around and write about hockey and appear on the TV and radio and talk about hockey -- to really truly care where you sign, you'll do it soon. Or else some other reporters and I are gonna get together and really cause problems by not reporting on something everyone else is going to report on regardless of how much of a stink we make.
So what'll it be, Ilya? In or out? Please make this massive, life-changing decision that will affect you and your entire young family for years as quickly as possible so we can return to our long summer of making fun of Darryl Sutter.
That would really make things easier for me.
