Palooza's Top 125 Films of 2012

[Palooza]

96. John Carter

Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Willem Dafoe, Bryan Cranston, Dominic West, Mark Strong, Ciarin Hinds, Samantha Morton, James Purefoy, Thomas Haden Church, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara,

Director(s) - Andrew Stanton
Writer(s) - Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon
Source Material/Connections - Based off the "John Carter of Mars" novels by Edgar Rice Burroughs (most notably A Princess of Mars)
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - March 9
Runtime - 1 hour, 58 minutes
RT Score - 51%
Metacritic - 51/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - "Ock, ohem, oktei, weis, Jarsoom!" - John Carter
Review - And the Taylor Kitsch trifecta comes to an end. I actually saw this, and was released, first and I liked it more than I did the other two, but it's really not a good movie. No matter which way you slice it, this movie just was not very good. It's got cool effects and everyone and everyone is competent enough to keep it entertaining, but it's pretty much a complete mess. So much shit is going on and thrown around and it's all so ridiculous and lame. All the words and languages of Mars sound absolutely ridiculous when spoken out loud to a point of near hilarity. It's a joke at some point to watch Tim Riggins look up at a CGI alien Willem Dafoe and be like "Bro, what? I don't speak your language, man." This movie cost a bazillion dollars to make and pretty much bombed in theaters, so there's always a reason even the idiots who watch the normal trash Hollywood produces didn't go and see this movie. I like Timmy Riggins, though so I was pretty entertained by it's awfulness. I'd consider this a "disasterpiece" a so bad it's still pretty bad but entertaining nonetheless, unlike Battleship which is pretty close to intolerable and way too fucking long, this one runs a bit too long, too, but there's a ton of shit going down so it's okay, I guess.

I like Andrew Stanton and I'm gunna hate myself for beating up on Taylor Kitsch's movies, so I'm gunna keep this one brief. It's a bad movie, but I kinda liked it. The plot is so convoluted and messy that it's not even worth dissecting because we'll be here all day. It's on Starz, it deserves at least a hate-watch.
Spoiler Alert - This guy pretty much invented the good guys winning.
Rating - F

[Palooza]

95. Snow White and the Huntsman

Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, Chris Hemsworth, Sam Claffin, Sam Spruell, Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Nick Frost, Ray Winstone, Eddie Marsan, Toby Jones, Johnny Harris, Brian Gleeson, Vincent Regen, Noah Huntley, Liberty Ross, Christopher Obi

Director(s) - Rupert Sanders
Writer(s) - Evan Daugherty, John Lee Hancock, Hossein Amini
Source Material/Connections - Based on Snow White by the Brothers Grimm
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - June 1
Runtime - 2 hours and 8 minutes
RT Score - 48%
Metacritic - 57/100
Views - 1
Viewed - $2 movie theater
Quote - "I would rather die today than live another day of this death."
Review - Ignoring the sexual controversy that engulfed this movie (Kristen Stewart fucked the director), we will jump right into this movie's problem - Kristen Stewart and shitty directing. Wait what, you mean it's the same problem?! Blast, you're right.

Okay so this is Kristen Stewart when she is sad -

Happy -

Exhausted -

Getting fucked in the ass by a large black fellow -

It's her birthday

And finally, when her grandma died -


It's fun seeing Charlize Theron ham it up as a villain but it's wasted here. Kristen Stewart gives you nothing, Chris Hemsworth isn't given anything to do, the dwarves are funny for like 15 seconds and then you realize none of them are Peter Dinkalge, just short, fat actors CGI'd to make them look like little people, Rupert Sanders sucks and Snow White will probably fight vampires next. Fuck this movie.
Spoiler Alert - It's fucking Snow White whatchu think happens, bruh
Rating - F

[dell71]

You're pretty much right on about John Carter. It's bad, but entertaining.

I know I'm in the minority, but I actually like SW & the Huntsman. This is aside from Stewart's non-acting, of course. She's this generation's Keanu Reeves.

[Palooza]

Going for a little trip down to AC to see Berowsk's mom so I'll probably type a fuck ton of these up in the hotel and go hamburgers when I return.

[Senser81]

Going for a little trip down to AC to see Berowsk's mom so I'll probably type a fuck ton of these up in the hotel and go hamburgers when I return.

FIXED

[Palooza]

FIXED

You fix nothing, Roger Klotz.

[Palooza]

94 . The Awakening

Rebecca Hall, Dominic West, Imelda Staunton, Issac Hempstead-Wright, Lucy Cohu, Jon Shrapnel

Director(s) - Nick Murphy
Writer(s) - Stephen Volk, Nick Murphy
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - August 17 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 47 minutes
RT Score - 61%
Metacritic - 53/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "These boys aren't worried about bumps in the night. They are frighted... to death."
Review - There's not too much that needs to be said about this movie. It's a sloppy, convoluted mess of a ghost story that feels like a cheap knock off of The Others once it's all said and done.

One of the only satisfying scenes of the movie is the opening one where famous ghost-debunker, Florence (Rebecca Hall) embarrasses a bunch of amateurs who are trying to falsify a haunting. After that is where the wheels start to fall off. Florence is soon invited to a school for young boys by a WWI vet/teacher (Dominic West) to test the validity of claims by young boys that there is a ghost of a former student lurking the halls. Sounds pretty generic right? It is, and in trying too hard to think outside of the box, they wind up with a mess of a plot. From here, all the students leave for break, leaving only McNutty, Hall, Maude the housekeeper (, the creepy groundskeeper and one young boy whose parents live in India named Tom (Bran Stark). From here we deal with the ghost and slowly Hall's Florence begins questioning everything she's ever known, becomes paranoid and suspicious of everyone, develops a mutual attraction to McNutty, realizes she has a personal connection to the house itself and unravels the "mystery" of the young ghost boy, which if you care I will spoil right now so be warned - It turns out that Bran Stark was Florence's little brother and he died when they were kids because their dad was abusive or a drunk or their mom was, I really forget, but having a character wind up being a ghost is a really cheap twist and really left a horrible taste in my mouth. A twist like that can either make up for the mess of the plot or make it even worse, this film it turned out to be the latter.

Spoiler Alert - Shyamalan Twist
Rating - F

[MvP]

Why do you even subject yourself to this filth.

[Palooza]

Why do you even subject yourself to this filth.

Can't know what's good unless you know what's bad. Watching awful movies has become a bit of a guilty pleasure to me, I secretly love how bad they are; I love to hate-watch and I love to come on here and criticize the awful shit.

[Palooza]

93 . Salmon Fishing in the Yemen

Ewan McGregor, Emily Blunt, Kristen Scott Thomas, Amr Waked, Rachael Sterling, Catherine Steadman, Tom Mison

Director(s) - Lasse Hallestrom
Writer(s) - Simon Beaufoy
Source Material/Connections - based on the novel of the same name by Paul Torday
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - March 9 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 52 minutes
RT Score - 67%
Metacritic - 58%
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "I don't know anyone who goes to church anymore. On Sundays, we got to Target."
Review - This movie has a lot of things wrong with it, it's just disguised as something good because it's a shitty romantic comedy with a ridiculous story and competent actors playing the lead roles. Don't let any of this fool you, there is nothing new here. This is a generic rom-com that gets stuck in all the lame rom com tropes that we've seen. This movie tries to be smart, but the irony of the book it is based off of has been completely lost. Instead we find ourselves in a world on Nicholas Sparks, convenient since the director of this has also made Dear John and the just-released-yesterday, Safe Haven (not to mention a documentary on ABBA). The plot is pretty self explanatory when looking at the title - In an effort to create peace or a spark in the middle east, press wise, a government official (played extremely over the top and bitchy by Kristen Scott Thomas) hires some young professional (Emily Blunt) to figure out how to get salmon fishing to the Yemen. Ewan MacGregor has a gross looking wife and is also the #1 expert of fish or something. He thinks it's a horrible idea but he comes around and they fall in love and even though things get bumpy it all works out. Oh and side-story - Emily Blunt's dating this military dude and he goes to Afghanistan and is reported missing and is never seen from again until after we get salmon fishing in the Yemen and he comes back as a shell shocked hero, but Emily Blunt dumps him anyway for Ewan MacGregor's fish nerd, oh British-Hollywood. You slay me.

In short this movie is - well acted, poorly written, unfunny, ridiculous, corny, stupid, over the top and cliche. Stupid rom-com is stupid.
Spoiler Alert - We have salmon fished... IN THE YEMEN.
Rating - F

[Maynard]

i have not seen any of the movies on this list

[MvP]

Can't know what's good unless you know what's bad. Watching awful movies has become a bit of a guilty pleasure to me, I secretly love how bad they are; I love to hate-watch and I love to come on here and criticize the awful shit.

Makes sense. It's a time thing for me, I guess. I don't watch movies too often so when I do I'd prefer it to be a critically acclaimed film. I definitely have my guilty pleasures though.

[Palooza]

Makes sense. It's a time thing for me, I guess. I don't watch movies too often so when I do I'd prefer it to be a critically acclaimed film. I definitely have my guilty pleasures though.

125 movies in one year might seem ridiculous, but it's only like 2 and a fraction movies a week, which is very plausible. What we don't factor in here is the number of television episodes and movies from
before 2012 I watched all last year. THAT would be a ridiculous amount of time "wasted".

[Palooza]

I at work but I wanna say there are about 20 more Fs to go which I am
hopeful to getthem all up by today.

[mgoblue2290]

The Savages review is my favorite so far. I haven't seen it and never will but I watched the trailer once and your review is basically how I figured it would go down. The dream ending shit was something Oliver Stone probably considered a modern day Good Bad and Ugly ending but wait not really.