Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[Champ]

Ever watch Benny and Joon?

[dell71]

Have not.


Love when you guys come up with stuff I've missed (no sarcasm).

[KillaK]

Have you seen the Social Network? I liked it but I didn't think it was amazing like so many other people thought. I'm curious about your feelings on it.

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

Despicable Me
Directed by Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud.
2010. Rated PG, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Steve Carrell
Jason Segel
Russell Brand
Julie Andrews
Will Arnett
Kristen Wiig
Miranda Cosgrove
Dana Gaier
Elsie Fisher

Gru (Carrell) is a supervillain who’s day just been ruined. Someone else has just pulled off the greatest heist of all time. It’s so big, it’s said the new villain responsible makes all others look lame. Not one to take being outdone lightly, Gru devises a plan to steal the moon. His plan involves adopting three little girls from the local orphanage. However, after that happens Gru finds he’s gotten much more than he bargained for. We watch his relationship with the girls grow as he tries to simultaneously plot his crime. As expected, there is much cuteness in this. However, the girls are a distraction and seem to be softening the ornery Gru.

Most of our comedy comes from the minions. These little yellow guys are, by far, my favorite part of the movie. It doesn’t even matter that you can’t understand a word they say. They’re just plain fun and totally willing to do all the dirty work. Our action is derived from Gru’s interactions with Vector (Segel), the villain Gru is trying to one up. When the two get together, there are plenty of fireworks.

DM is a very solid kiddie flick. Though there is some, it isn’t overrun with bathroom humor and the things meant for adults don’t completely fly over the kids’ heads. It’s an enjoyable hour and a half that doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but gives us a fun ride.

MY SCORE: 7/10

Didn't like it. I love a good kiddie flick...this one, didn't do it for me.

[Primetime]

I really liked DM. Great to watch with the young ones. I made $100 watching this movie with Jermichael Finley's kid. Easiest money I've made in years.

(I had a couple classes with Finley's wife at UWGB, that's how I got the in with his child.)

[BrntO4Life]

Dell, watch Diner!

[Houston]

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Directed by David Slade.
2010. Rated PG-13, 124 minutes.
Cast:
Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson
Taylor Lautner
Billy Burke
Bryce Dallas Howard
Peter Facinelli
Anna Kendrick
Xavier Samuel
Dakota Fanning
Michael Welch
Jackson Rathbone

This entire series gives me cause to rant. For three movies now, I’ve had to endure whiny, annoying, sexually frustrated teenagers say “woe, is me” and take two full hours to say it, each time. What am I gonna do, not watch them? The women in my house eat this stuff up. “The women” consists of my two pre-teen daughters and my wife who is…um…not a pre-teen. I think she’ll be okay with that.

Anyhoo, before I go too far off the deep end, let me give the particulars for those of you who’ve been living under a rock. Human girl Bella (Stewart) is still trying mightily to get into vampire Edward’s (Pattinson) pants. He’s an old-fashioned sort, maybe because he’s over 100 years old, but whatever. He asks her to marry him roughly every five minutes. Somehow, she thinks that’s too big a commitment but begs him to either take her virginity or change her into a vampire for all eternity. He agrees to do the latter after Bella’s high school graduation, but only on the condition she marry him, of course. Even though she’s ready to become one of the undead, she’s not as sure about the marriage thing because she also has strong feelings for werewolf Jacob (Lautner). Jacob spends all his energy trying to lure Bella away by badmouthing Edward and standing around with no shirt on. Like Edward, he makes jealous. He makes me seriously consider dropping twenty bucks on a Shake-Weight I’ll probably never use.

Oh yeah, there’s lots of action this time around. That’s because Victoria (Howard) is still pissed about ther boyfriend getting killed in the first movie and is organizing an army of
”newborns” to go after Bella. Normally, something like that would be a spoiler, but its painfully obvious from very early on. What’s laughable is that they try to hide it for quite some time as if we ever doubted her involvement. By the way, “newborns” are those newly transformed into vampires.

Much has been written about how The Twilight Saga is merely a Mormon plea for pre-marital abstinence. I’ve no problem with that, the vampire is a great choice to build such a metaphor. However, our creature of the night is completely neutered. Being a vampire, like many view having sex for the first time, should be both a blessing and a curse. Sure, they have immense power, but their weaknesses should be huge detriments. I imagine the author believes sex before marriage to be a sin, a black mark on one’s soul. There’s also the possibility of unwanted pregnancy and disease. All of thes could be perfectly manifested in the horrific things vampires must do to survive and the simple fact that daylight is fatal to them.

There is no real downside to being a vampire in this series. In this world, vampires are only killed by others like them. They can learn to survive without having to pose a threat to humans, and daylight doesn’t kill them. It makes them sparkle like a diamond, but causes no physical discomfort. The only drawback, should you avoid being killed by other bloodsuckers, is you’ll live forever and get bored from time to time, repeat high school and move every few years. That’s it? Sign me up, now!

Let’s back up a bit to the whole daylight thing. Not only would its deadliness to vampires have helped the abstinence purpose, it’s a key component in the mythology of such creatures. Starting with the first movie, this franchise stomps that tradition into the ground. In this installment, they drive a wooden stake right through its proverbial heart. They don’t even pretend the sun even matters. What used to be a full-on shine is now looks more like someone across the room trying to get their watch to reflect off them. It’s so faint, it’s hardly noticeable. There are multiple scenes of vampires standing around, or fighting, in wide open fields in the middle of the day. Bram Stoker is probably spinning in his grave.

You’re probably saying to yourself “I already know all that, how’s the movie?” That depends. If you’re a fan of the franchise then you’ll be very pleased. If not, maybe. A huge point in Eclipse’s favor is that it is far less depressing than its predecessor, New Moon. That one was a full-on mope-fest seemingly designed to inspire millions of young girls to leap untethered from the nearest tall building, on top of being dumb. At least, this is just dumb. I will say this: the scenes which all three participants in our love triangle share are actually fun in a morbid, so bad it’s awesome sort of way. The dialogue is beyond trite, but it is contentious. It helps that the possibility of an all-out brawl erupting feels high. In addition, the action I mentioned earlier kicks thins up a notch. Granted, it looks kind of hoke with vampires breaking like porcelain, but at least something is happening. Sue me, or just never forgive, but because of these things and expecting to see the worst movie ever made, I actually almost kinda-sorta enjoyed it. For my money, it’s the best of a very bad trilogy.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

To see what I thought of its predecessors, click the title:

Twilight
The Twilight Saga: New Moon

I watched this movie just to see the fight at the end and it was more of a massacre. They spend all that time talking about how dangerous new vampires would be and when they finally arrived they didn't do anything.

IMO the only interesting part of this movie was at the end when those Roman looking vampires showed up and killed that little girl at the end.

I think the series could be alot better with a better director.

[dell71]

Have you seen the Social Network? I liked it but I didn't think it was amazing like so many other people thought. I'm curious about your feelings on it.

Watching this weekend.

I really liked DM. Great to watch with the young ones. I made $100 watching this movie with Jermichael Finley's kid. Easiest money I've made in years.

(I had a couple classes with Finley's wife at UWGB, that's how I got the in with his child.)

Cool.

I watched this movie just to see the fight at the end and it was more of a massacre. They spend all that time talking about how dangerous new vampires would be and when they finally arrived they didn't do anything.
IMO the only interesting part of this movie was at the end when those Roman looking vampires showed up and killed that little girl at the end.

I think the series could be alot better with a better director.

A disappointment? Yes. Better than anything else that's happened in this series? Yes again.

[Gonzo]

My dude, I don't really ever post in here, but I do read it every time you update it. Safe to say you've snuck a few goodies into my back pocket to share with friends.

Good stuff man, just lettin' ya know you got a reader in me.

[dell71]

Gummo
Directed by Harmony Korine.
1997. Rated NC-17, 89 minutes.
Cast:
Jacob Reynolds
Darby Dougherty
Chloë Sevigny
Nick Sutton
Carisa Glucksman
Wendall Carr
Ellen M. Smith
Charles Matthew Coatney

I don’t know what I just watched. Bear with me. We can get through this, together. I think.

What is Gummo about? I haven’t the foggiest idea. I’ll hazard a guess, sorta. At the start, we’re told a tornado came through Xenia, Ohio and killed a bunch of people and animals alike. Then we spend the next hour and a half with a number of the locals, most of whom are teenagers. Much of that time, we hang out with two boys who roam around town killing stray cats and collecting odds and ends to sell to a local storeowner. With their earnings they pay some sleazy guy so they can each have sex with a mentally challenged girl that I think is the guy’s relative of some sort. The older of the two boys lives with his dad who has wild drinking parties and includes him in the action. The younger boy lives with his mom, a widower who seems to be a hoarder with stacks of junk all over the house. Neither parent appears to have a clue or care what their child is doing most of the day.

There’s also a set of sisters, three of them, to be exact. The older two put most of their effort into making themselves look pretty to boys that obviously aren’t interested in them while the youngest just follows behind. Throw in another mentally challenged girl, the transvestite boy who is also fond of killing cats and the numerous random people who all get their moment in the sun and we feel like we’ve at least met just about everyone in town. And I haven’t even mentioned the random boy we keep seeing who runs around town with no shirt on and bunny ears on his head. Those with disabilities aside, we don’t like any of them. And most of them seem physically dirty. Even when one takes a bath, the water he’s sitting in is nearly black. Yet, he cheerfully drinks some and even eats a candy bar after it fell into the muck. No, Mom doesn’t mind.

I gather all the dirtiness must mean something. I feel I’m missing some deep metaphor that might change my view of the world, or at least of this film. Then I think back to something famed critic Roger Ebert once said, I’m paraphrasing, “If you can’t tell what something symbolizes, it doesn’t.” That becomes my outlook on the whole movie. It’s striving hard to tell me something without actually telling me, so I’m not getting it. The pretentious voice-overs don’t help. It just goes on showing me one deplorable act after another with seemingly no purpose besides voyeurism. There is no plot, nor does there seem to be any social commentary or moral to be learned. The camera is simply pointed at these unlikeable people without framing them in any manner that might suggest a point to it all.

Along the way, we forget about the tornado until its winds take over the soundtrack at the film’s conclusion. By this time, our sympathy has been exhausted, or turned into mortification. Gummo fails to be the human tragedy the filmmaker appears to want it to be. Instead, it feels more like Mother Nature practicing natural selection.

MY SCORE: 5/10

[dell71]

Killers
Directed by Robert Luketic.
2010. Rated PG-13, 93 minutes.
Cast:
Ashton Kutcher
Katherine Heigl
Tom Selleck
Catherine O’Hara
Rob Riggle
Alex Borstein
Lisa Ann Walter
Kevin Sussman
Katheryn Winnick
Martin Mull

Jen (Heigl) is trying to get over being dumped. To cope, she’s decided to go on vacation abroad with her parents. Not long after the plane lands, she meets pretty boy Spencer (Kutcher). Unbeknownst to her, he happens to be an assassin for some government organization, the blah blah blah as he puts it. Since the two fall head over heels for each other he quits his rather unique job for a chance at normalcy with her. Fast forward three years, the lovely young couple is now married and are very regular suburbanites. Since all of this happens in the first 15 minutes or so, something else has to happen. That something else is Spencer getting a message from his old boss who wants him to do another job. To make a long story short, Spencer suddenly finds himself with a $20 million bounty of his head and just about everyone trying to collect.

Killers does a nice job mixing the action-flick with the romantic comedy. The comedy portion depicts a young couple who’s relationship appears to have hit a plateau, at least in Jen’s eyes. There’s the usual bad advice from her friends, conflicts between her job and personal life, dad and hubby not getting along, etc. Not exactly groundbreaking stuff, but it’s handled decently. On the action side, the scenes are fun, mostly because the people coming after him are hardly your typical bunch of movie goons and henchmen. They’re seemingly normal, if somewhat annoying people. Kutcher’s character helps in this, also. Even though he still looks like an underwear model, his character isn’t quite the Superman that Tom Cruise is in Knight and Day. He gets knocked around plenty actually seems mortal.

On the other hand, Kutcher the actor is problematic. It’s not that he does a bad job. I’m not one of those Ashton haters who just has a disdain for everything he does. It’s just hard to believe that this guy was ever the stone-cold killer he’s made out to be. I hate to keep going back to Knight and Day, but they’re similar and came out about the same time, if I remember correctly. In that one, Cruise is easier to digest as a walking murder weapon. The Tom Cruise persona lends itself to that better. Let’s face it, most of us who don’t practice Scientology think he’s at least a little crazy. The tabloids would have you believe he keeps Katie Holmes chained to a wall in his dungeon. Cruise killing a bunch of people while flashing that winning smile is more believable. Kutcher comes off as the guy from Punk’d or as Demi Moore’s boy-toy. Not quite the same, is it?

A bigger problem than our hero is our villain. Once we find out who is behind all this, we’re not really surprised, yet somehow we also still don’t anything. What happened, and why, to bring us to the point at which we inevitably arrive is never really clear. Of course, this means there is really no solution. More or less, we abruptly get told “Happily ever after, the end.” Sure, that gets us out of the movie, but hardly completes the story.

Killers is actually fun in a non-threatening sort of way, despite all the violence. For the most part, when people die it’s a very 1950s style bloodless death and there are plenty of gags within the action. Heigl, as the damsel in distress/frantic wife is solid, though the chemistry between her and her co-star is lacking. Catherine O’Hara as Jen’s mom has a number of the film’s funnier moments. It won’t make you forget Die Hard, but it has its moments.

MY SCORE: 5/10

[Buzzman]

Killers is definitely not as bad as everyone automatically pans it out to be.

[Palooza]

I saw Gummo in my post-modern surrealism class. It is so god damn weird, out there, ridiculous, etc etc etc

I think I liked it, though.

[dell71]

I saw Gummo in my post-modern surrealism class. It is so god damn weird, out there, ridiculous, etc etc etc

I think I liked it, though.

I wouldn't mind that, if it meant something. It's actually well made...just pointless.

That, or I completely missed the point, which is possible.

[Champ]

I actually watched Gummo in one of my classes as well. It was the weirdest movie I have ever encountered. It was ridiculous.