Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[dell71]

Yo Yo Girl Cop
AKA Sukeban Deka: Kôdo nêmu = Asamiya Saki
Directed by Kenta Fukasaku.
2006. Not Rated, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Aya Matsuura
Rika Ishikawa
Erika Miyoshi
Shunsuke Kubozuka
Riki Takeuchi
Yui Okada
Yuki Saito
Hiroyuki Nagato

Captured in New York after her visa has expired a teenaged Japanese female ruffian is deported. Once back home, a secret law enforcement agency makes her work for them in exchange for getting her mom out of a New York prison where she is awaiting trial on charges of espionage. She is tasked to pose as a student and find out who is behind a website deemed responsible for several deaths at one high school and features an ominously mysterious countdown. Based on a Japanese manga. This is just plain dumb fun. Of course, you should realize this when you read the title. If not, then surely you’ll understand when you figure out our heroine’s weapon is indeed, a yo-yo. Granted, if I had a yo-yo like the ones in this movie I would’ve ran my high school, but I digress. The writing is hokey with dialogue that feels lifted directly from the manga’s pages. We can tell who the ex-good guy is, too soon (hint: think yo-yo). And the fight scenes? I did say yo-yos play a prominent role, didn’t I? Besides that, they all start with one or more of the combatants striking a serious martial arts pose. Now, don’t get it twisted. Those are all good things. Yes, you will occasionally shake your head and say “what the hell?” Watching it all the way through may make you question your own sanity and judgment…and mine, but never mind. Just know that if you like cheesy martial arts flicks, emphasis on cheesy, this is for you…and me, but never mind. Oh, if that’s not enough we get treated to a catfight between two babes in slinky leather outfits. What’s not to love? No silly, there are no fetishistic thoughts about Asian lesbians running through my head. Nope, none. I promise…never mind. It’s so bad, it’s awesome! Oh, subtitleophobes breathe easy, it's a Japanese movie but the dubbed English version plays on the DVD by default.

MY SCORE: -10/10

[dell71]

A Miyazaki Double Feature



Princess Mononoke
AKA Mononoke-hime
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki.
1999. Rated PG-13, 134 minutes.
Cast (English Version):
Clair Danes
Billy Crudup
Minnie Driver
Keith David
Gillian Anderson
Jada Pinkett-Smith
Billy Bob Thornton

After being infected by a demon and banished from his village, Ashitaka (Crudup) heads off, in search of a cure. Suddenly, he finds himself in the middle of a war between the creatures of a mystical forest and the people of a nearby mining village. Among the forest creatures is San (Danes), a human girl raised by wolves and hellbent on killing Lady Eboshi (Driver), the leader of the village. This is one of the most beloved movies to come out of the anime genre, ever. It’s easy to see why. Visually, it is a fantastic piece of work, showing off the potential of traditional flat 2D animation. It’s not the long, classic lines and regality of Disney. This is jagged, frenetic segments bouncing, darting, coiling, uncoiling and exploding all over the screen. Narratively, it flows smoothly, easily guiding us from one life-or-death moment to the next. Where it falls apart, for me, is the repeated blows to the head from its message. Nearly every line of dialogue drips with one anti-something sentiment or another, including anti-American. It has about a thousand small warnings about environmental protection, wrapped in one big one. I’m no staunch conservative, or liberal, for that matter. I don’t have an inherent problem with message movies, either. I just prefer them to practice subtlety, or have a sense of humor if they’re not. For example, I’m very much a fan of The Host, a Japanese monster movie from a few years ago. It also had a decidedly anti-American stance but it was sly enough that it wasn’t an obstacle and it displayed some wicked humor. With PM it felt like I was taking a sledgehammer to the back of the skull every few moments. Therefore, while I realize that “everyone else” just loves this movie and even I can recognize its dazzling veneer, it just wasn’t an enjoyable experience for me.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Miyazaki's
Spirited Away
AKA Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki.
2001. Rated PG, 125 minutes.
Cast (English Version):
Daveigh Chase
Jason Marsden
Suzanne Pleshette
Susan Egan
David Ogden Stiers
John Ratzenberger
Lauren Holly
Michael Chiklis
Bob Bergen

On the way to their new home, Chihiro (Chase) and her family stop and explore an abandoned amusement park. Suddenly, her parents undergo a strange transformation and she finds herself surrounded by dangerous spirits. Miyazaki draws us in with some amazing sights. Though not quite as visually ambitious as his Princess Mononoke he still does some spectacular things with the medium. To compliment what we see, what we feel is just as good. The story is fluidly told, moving easily from harrowing situation to another and conveying a real sense of danger with each. Along the way, we meet fascinating characters but are never sure who they really are due to all the shapeshifting and ulterior motives. This leads to lots of twists and creates a number of subplots. Amazingly, it never feels convoluted. In the end, it’s a movie far more about the journey than the destination. Where Chihiro is going is much less important that how she gets there. It is truly a movie enhanced by its visuals not engulfed by them.

MY SCORE: 9/10

[dell71]

The Hip Hop Project
Directed by Matt Ruskin.
2006. Rated PG-13, 88 minutes.
Cast:
Chris “Kazi” Rolle
Diana “Princess” Lemon
Christopher “Cannon” Mapp
Robin “Kheperah” Kearse
Louis Martinez
Sway
Russell Simmons
Bruce Willis

Plot: A New York City youth program offers high school aged aspiring rappers the opportunity to help make a collaborative album. However, they have to straighten out their lives and develop their subject matter, first.

The Good: Watching these people deal with harsh realities and learn life lessons while realizing there is more to their craft than gangsta-posturing is compelling drama. Included in that drama is program director Chris “Kazi” Rolle, an aspiring artist himself. We watch him deal with his own issues regarding his mother and watch him go to great lengths to absolve himself of the hurt she’s caused throughout his existence. Then, we see a few of the kids go through their own ups and downs. Typically, in a film such as this our wayward teens would already be hardened criminals. Here, they’re refreshingly not. However, they’re still a bit misguided, feeling disenfranchised and possibly heading down that path.

The Bad: Though there appears to be about a dozen kids in the program, most of the focus is on the program director and two of the kids, Princess and Cannon. The others are generally faces in the background who occasionally step up to give us a verse. We also know that at least one youngster dropped out of the program, thanks to a single line in one of those verses. Other than that, it’s never mentioned and might not have been noticed if it weren’t practically highlighted and delivered with conviction. Seeing how our heroic leader deals with an apparent failure would’ve added a needed, maybe even important dimension.

The Ugly: Mom’s apathy.

Recommendation: Obviously, if you’re a hip hop fan or are intrigued by the creative process then you should be all over this. However, the stories it tells are interesting enough for non-fans, as well. It’s just a spirited documentary that’s often as loud and boisterous as hip hop can often be. Still, it reveals real human beings beneath all that sound and fury.

The Opposite View: Bill White, Seattle Post-Intelligencer

What the Internet Says: 5.2/10 on imdb.com (4/20/10), 60% on rottentomatoes.com, 66/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7/10

[dell71]

In the Loop
Directed by Armando Iannucci.
2009. Rated R, 106 minutes.
Cast:
Peter Capaldi
Tom Hollander
Gina McKee
James Gandolfini
Chris Addison
Anna Chlumsky
Paul Higgins
Mimi Kennedy
Alex Macqueen
Olivia Poulet
David Rasche

Plot: When British Minister for International Development, Simon Foster (Hollander), goes on record saying that war in the Middle East is "unforeseeable," he becomes a pawn in the game between the pro-war and anti-war factions of the U.S. government. Based on the BBC sitcom The Thick of It.

The Good: The script is magnificently clever, and funny. It is political satire of the highest order. It thrives on organized chaos and showcases people who aren't quite as smart as they think they are. There is also the constant jockeying for position by people with power. All of this is tied together by the uniformly brilliant performances of the cast. In particular, Peter Capaldi as potty-mouthed aid to the British Prime Minister Malcolm Tucker is relentlessly hilarious. His is one of 2009's best and most overlooked performances.

The Bad: It satirizes events from the months leading up to the US and UK officially involving themselves as allies in war in the Middle East in 2003. In a world where the news cycle is ridiculously fast, it can feel dated from time to time. Like most satire, it it occasionally too smart for its own good. As a result, it limits its own audience to those who rebel against what pops up in the multiplexes.

The Ugly: Any one of Malcolm's expletive-filled tirades.

Recommendation: The movie ItL has been most compared to is the Stanley Kubrick classic Dr. Strangelove. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of that movie, but I am of this one. If you're looking for a political satire, grab this. Steer clear if you think Pineapple Express is the height comedy.

The Opposite View: Mark Demetrius, FilmInk (Australia)

What the Internet Says: 7.6/10 on imdb.com (4/22/10), 93% on rottentomatoes.com, 83/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 9/10

[dell71]

Planet 51
Directed by Javier Abad and Jorge Blanco.
2009. Rated PG, 91 minutes.
Cast:
Dwayne Johnson
Jessica Biel
Justin Long
Gary Oldman
Seann William Scott
John Cleese
Freddie Benedict
Alan Mariott
Matthew Horne
James Corden

Plot: An astronaut from Earth lands on a planet far, far away in what appears to be their version of the 1950s. Of course, the inhabitants think he is there to take over and/or destroy their world.

The Good: It has fun while committing a nice bit of turnabout. Here, we are the alien invaders that are completely misunderstood. It uses the 1950s as a nice homage to the time when hostile alien takeover movies enjoyed their first boom. The kids will enjoy the quick pace. For adults, there are lots of lots of references to other sci-fi movies, much like what was done in Monsters vs. Aliens.

The Bad: I understand this is a kids comedy but there are way too many bumbling idiots running around. We never really get a palpable sense of danger. The outcome never actually seems in doubt. After a while, all those sci-fi references cease being clever and become overkill that was already likely to go over the heads of its target audience, anyway.

The Ugly: My two daughters actually “got” the antenna joke. I need to buy a shotgun.

Recommendation: It’s a decent kiddie-flick with lots of fun moments. It never involves your emotions like Up or Wall-E but, you can do worse when looking for a time-passer. I liked it well enough but was hardly blown away.

The Opposite View: Cynthia Fuchs, Pop Matters

What the Internet Says: 6.1/10 on imdb.com (4/23/10), 22% on rottentomatoes.com, 39/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6/10

[dell71]

Dell's Classics Presents:


Once Upon a Time in the West
AKA C'era una volta il West
Directed by Sergio Leone.
1969. Rated R, 165 minutes.
Cast:
Charles Bronson
Henry Fonda
Claudia Cardinale
Jason Robards
Frank Wolff
Gabriele Ferzetti

Director Sergio Leone gives us another man with no name. This time that man is played by Charles Bronson instead of Clint Eastwood. “The Man” as he’s listed in the credits, shows up in town to settle a score with the local bad guy played excellently by the normally heroic Henry Fonda. Fonda's Frank is truly one of great film villains. Oh, there’s also the little matter of Frank’s gang gunning down what they believe is the entire McBain family only to find out the wife of the family’s patriarch, who they believed to be single, has gotten into town just in time to bury the bodies left behind. She is played by Claudia Cardinale, stunning both in her portrayal and her look. There is a specific reason the family was killed but to say why would be giving things away. It’s not as fun-loving or over-the-top as the Eastwood trilogy but it’s no less masterful in its execution. It’s figuratively dark, literally dusty and as we find out early, indiscriminately violent. It does drag a tad in places. That partly stems from how serious it takes itself and partly from Leone’s style which typically leans toward creating epics. That said we get what is arguably the greatest Western ever made and it came out at a time when the genre as a whole didn’t have much life left.

MY SCORE: 10/10

[dell71]

Run Fatboy Run
Directed by David Schwimmer.
2007. Rated PG-13, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Simon Pegg
Thandie Newton
Hank Azaria
Dylan Morgan
Harish Patel
India de Beaufort
Matthew Fenton

Plot: Dennis (Pegg) leaves Libby (Newton) pregnant and alone at the altar. Five years later, he decides to run the London Marathon in hopes of proving to her, and himself, that he is a changed man capable of commitment.

The Good: The whole thing is a funny riff on Rocky and the hundreds (thousands?) of underdog movies that have copied it. The dialogue is sharp and the over-the-top stuff is spaced nicely. Therefore, it never feels like an unending string of pratfalls like lots of other so-called comedies. Simon Pegg proves once again to have impeccable comic timing. Drawing laughter seems to effortless for him. Even the constantly efforting Hank Azaria appears more at ease, giving one of his better performances. As the far-too-caring landlord, Harish Patel is also outstanding. Thandie Newton never goes for laughs but provides the movie with a solid foundation. She’s just stable enough to keep the chaos around her from spiraling completely out of control.

The Bad: Like the films it pokes fun at, it settles for the clichéd ending, complete with a debilitating injury for our hero to overcome. It also lacks a strong villain. While Hank Azaria’s character is funny, he’s not really the terrible guy the movie wants us to believe he is. That is, unless an American wanting to move his soon-to-be wife from London to Chicago is inherently evil.

The Ugly: The blister Dennis gets on the bottom of his foot.

Recommendation: When you’re looking for a comedy that’s a little different but still very funny, this is a solid choice. While it does spoof other movies, it does so subtly and is actually clever instead of pretending to be like some others.

The Opposite View: Wesley Morris, Boston Globe

What the Internet Says: 6.8/10 on imdb.com (4/26/10), 48% on rottentomatoes.com, 48/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7.5/10

[Fox1994]

I think (this idea occurred to me like three days ago), that when you review certain movies besides horror films you should give special ratings.

Like, comedies. There are a lot of great witty comedies. There's a decent amount of medium-intelligence comedies. And there's a lot of moronic movies based around stupidity.

So, you could have a "Dumb Comedy" score.

And for action movies too, y'know?

[dell71]

Before moving on to the sequel, Click here for "Twilight"

The Twilight Saga:
New Moon
Directed by Chris Weitz.
2009. Rated PG-13, 130 minutes.
Cast:
Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson
Taylor Lautner
Billy Burke
Ashley Greene
Anna Kendrick
Michael Welch
Michael Sheen
Peter Facinelli
Rachelle Lefevre
Dakota Fanning

Plot: Vampire Edward (Pattinson) decides the best, safest thing for Bella (Stewart) is for him and the rest of the Cullen to skip town. To get over her pain, Bella starts spending more time with Jacob (Lautner). Not only does Jacob pine for her like Edward, but he has a secret of his own.

The Good: It knows what its fans want. Therefore, we get a constant barrage of teen melodrama, including Bella lashing out at anyone who dares disagree with her. And since teenaged girls make up the core audience, we get lots of Jacob without a shirt. Yep, I need to hit the gym, but I digress. The action scenes, when we get them, are actually well done. Jacob and his buddies instantaneously wolfing out is spectacular. In fact, the whole movie looks great. It has a more polished look, with better special fx than the original.

The Bad: The tagline for this movie should’ve been “Now, with more emo!” Watching Bella sit around, literally for months, being totally depressed is…uh…depressing. Then, Edward and Jacob aren’t exactly rays of sunshine, either. All three are blatantly suicidal. It all amounts to beating us over the head with the saga’s main message: pre-marital sex is evil. As a dad of young girls, I appreciate the sentiment. However, here sex is a merciless villain punishing any who even think of it. No wonder Bella seems like she’s always thirty seconds from downing a bottle of sleeping pills and slitting her wrists. All that stuff aside, the dialogue is trite, predictable and delivered clunkily by the cast. The decisions these people make are consistently idiotic. Finally, the way the movie ends is an all-out insult to our collective intelligence. Given all we know about Bella, it is incomprehensible how this qualifies as some sort of cliff-hanger (see Spoiler, if you care...er...dare).

The Ugly: The wimpy regular guy who likes Bella, trying to watch a bloody action flick.

Recommendation: This is simple. If you’re a fan of the original and/or the books the movies are based on, have at it. If not, skip it.

The Opposite View: Sara Vilkomerson, New York Observer

What the Internet Says: 4.6/10 on imdb.com (4/27/10), 27% on rottentomatoes.com, 44/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4/10

I normally wouldn’t do this, but this irks me to no end:

 

The movie ends with Bella pleading, yet again, for Edward to transform her into a vampire so they can be together forever. He agrees, but only on the condition that she marry him first. She gets this look on her face that says “Like, dude, I’m all for becoming a vampire to be with you for an eternity but marriage? That’s too big a commitment.” Then, the credits roll. Am I missing something?

[dell71]

I think (this idea occurred to me like three days ago), that when you review certain movies besides horror films you should give special ratings.

Like, comedies. There are a lot of great witty comedies. There's a decent amount of medium-intelligence comedies. And there's a lot of moronic movies based around stupidity.

So, you could have a "Dumb Comedy" score.

And for action movies too, y'know?

Nice...maybe. We'll see.

I would love your review of Despicable Me :D

Still waiting to see that one.

[dell71]

Cirque du Freak:
The Vampire's Assistant
Directed by Paul Weitz.
2009. Rated PG-13, 109 minutes.
Cast:
Chris Massoglia
John C. Reilly
Josh Hutcherson
Michael Cerveris
Ray Stevenson
Salma Hayek
Jessica Carlson
Ken Watanabe
Patrick Fugit

Plot: In order to save his best friend’s life, Darren (Massoglia) sacrifices himself by becoming a “half-vampire”. He also finds himself in the middle of a war between the vampires and the “vampinese.”

The Good: It adds some interesting new twists to vampire lore (like “super spit”). While doing so, it also forcefully removes some other traditional traits. For instance, there’s no transforming into bats for these guys. Then again, do any vampires anymore? Anyhoo, this makes it fairly original and intriguing. There are also lots of interesting characters with quirky abilities.

The Bad: The tone is difficult to gauge. My first instinct is to say it’s a comedy, played straight. However, other than the fact it looks like John C. Reilly is struggling mightily to not act goofy, it isn’t funny. That would mean it’s a serious vampire flick. The problem is it’s too cheesy to engage us on a deeper level or offer up vampirism as a metaphor for anything relevant to viewers.

The Ugly: What happens to Madame Truska (Hayek) when she gets aroused.

Recommendation: Overall, it’s an interesting watch that’s sporadically entertaining. It’s uneven tone make it a bit of a frustrating watch and give it the fell of a Disney Channel made-for-TV movie with a few four letter words sprinkled in.

The Opposite View: Marc Savlov, Austin Chronicle

What the Internet Says: 6.2/10 on imdb.com (4/27/10), 37% on rottentomatoes.com, 43/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5/10

[dell71]

And to finish off my string of vampire flicks...

Thirst
AKA Bakjwi
Directed by Chan-Wook Park.
2009. Rated R, 133 minutes.
Cast:
Kung-ho Song
Ok-bin Kim
Hae-sook Kim
Ha-kyun Shin
In-hwan Park
Dal-su Oh
Young-chang Song

Plot: Sang-hyun (Kang-ho Song) is a priest who volunteers for a medical experiment in hopes of helping to find a cure for the fatal Emmanuel Virus. The experiment fails and infects him with the disease. An emergency blood transfusion saves his life but transforms him into a vampire. Inspired by Emile Zola's novel "Therese Raquin."


The Good: Director Chan-Wook Park's gifts for telling twisted tales is on full display, here. The film never rushes, letting the story and the characters develop. As it becomes creepier and more incredible it slides in a the story of a love forbidden in more ways than one. As the object of our priest’s desire Tae-ju, Ok-bin Kim is simply fantastic and steals every scene starting with the first time we meet her. The script calls for her to go from a stereotypically meek Asian housewife, albeit one not particularly in love with her husband, to domineering and bloodthirsty. She is perfect every step of the way and really adds “umph” to the bittersweet ending. Finally, the movie is beautifully shot. Like the best of Park, it’s almost like looking at a series of elegant still shots occasionally splattered with magnificent gushes of blood.

The Bad: Where did this vampiric blood come from? The priest wonders the same, aloud, once or twice but that’s all we get. The simple fact of his infection implies there are more vampires out there but we never see any. Showing us one, or more, could’ve set up an intriguing battle of good and evil, further tormenting our reluctant bloodsucker. The movie’s meticulous storytelling draws us into a fantastic world and works hard to ensure our suspension of belief. The problem is we’re snapped back to reality by some shoddy cgi whenever our vampires are shown performing great feats from a distance. It’s more than a bit jarring, especially considering there are shots of the priest jumping from a building with the camera really close to him that work much better.

The Ugly: How’s the old lady supposed to get home? See it and you’ll understand the question.

Recommendation: It’s a wonderfully twisted entry into the vampire canon. Chan-Wook Park delivers another masterpiece of the macabre (he directed the acclaimed "Trilogy of Vengeance"). Though there is plenty of disturbing imagery and somewhat masochistic sex, both help tell the story and don’t feel gratuitous. This makes it a decidedly adult venture into the world of the undead. That means while it is a love story involving vampires, don’t bother if you’re in the Twilight target audience. If you do, bring your reading glasses unless you’re fluent in Korean.

The Opposite View: Derek Elley, Variety

What the Internet Says: 7.3/10 on imdb.com (4/27/10), 82% on rottentomatoes.com, 73/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 9/10

[dell71]

That's all for tonight, fellas.

[Fox1994]

Cool. Looking nice.

[Maynard]

run fatboy run.....lol. That movie was great