JBauerisGod
...is amazing.
This guy at Gamefaqs always gives funny 24 reviews:
The JokedUp Review
Hour: 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM
Ok, here's the story: I've been busy the past few weeks. My job is fairly tough(so goes the life of a professional trim wrangler), and I didn't have a chance to follow up on the premier episode. Then this whole Conan thing went down and I fell into a deep depression after finding out that people still consider Jay Leno to be "comedy"(and the fact that nothing happened last week, it was just one big I'M RENEE AND I'M CUH-RAAAAAZY fest) But I'm here now, so you can all rejoice... I'll leave a few spaces to give you time to celebrate.
Done? No. Ok, keep cheering.
CTWHO Cares? Hey, check out the powder blue van that Dana's ex con beau is driving around. I thought Freddie Prinze Jr. was supposed to be the one that drove the 'Mystery Machine'. So it appears that Dana's crazed ex-boyfriend/brother/nephew wants her to help rob a something or other. So he DON'T CARE NEXT PLOTLINE! I'm officially changing Arlo's name to bad sexual innuendo guy, here's your basic Arlo conversation...
Arlo: Hey Dana, I have a shoulder you can cry on, or other body parts. Eh? *nudge* I'm talkin' bout my dang dang!
Dana: Yeah, I know.
Arlo: Whoa! That chair's looking kind of uncomfortable. Maybe there's somewhere else you can sit.
Dana: I get it Arlo...
Arlo: Talkin' bout my face!
Anywho apparently he's like a pervert and... I DON'T GIVE A ****! NEXT! Chloe makes some funny ass comment, and I have a flashback to her role as Gale the snail on 'Always Sunny'. "What if we all got really baked and went into Hastings office, he'd be all like... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"
Meanwhile at the UN: Where's Hassan's brother? Are they really gonna make us believe that he's spending the next 4 hours with those two hookers? What is this dude, like Superman? Hassan is like arresting people or something, I got bored during these scenes and just made up my own plotline, In my story, President Taylor is actually a cyborg with the ability to time travel and Ethan is a shapeshifter. The United States has been challenged by Hassan's country of *Hand over the mouth mumbling*ia to an all out dance off. Hassan, having grown up on the rough street of... Generic Middle Eastern Countryberg, is well versed in many styles of dance and spent his entire youth serving it up to a bunch of fools with his mad skills.
Little does he know that President Taylor has formulated a plan to go back in time and bring David Palmer to the present, because as we all know... that was one break-dancin-ass-mother-****er! Ya heard? Hassan and Palmer have a history though, the peace talks of '03 were ruined when David Palmer slid across the UN council floor on his head and accidentally kicked Mrs. Hassan in the face, a move that Mr. Hassan thought of as 'some jive ass bull**** that only a punk ass turkey would do". Now, they meet again...
PALMER/HASSAN 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO
C'mon, you'd watch it. And for those of who thought my humor had refined and matured over the years... it hasn't.
Jack Bauer speaks German, because he once ate one: First off, can you really use Jack Bauer as a fake buyer? Isn't his face on the cover of 'Terrorist Monthly' at least once every couple of issues. There's gotta be like some underground baddie post office with his picture on the wall saying, "If this guys undercover in your operation, get the **** out." Here's my other joke....
NEXT WEEK ON 24: Join us for an intense hour of television where Jack Bauer... LISTENS TO PEOPLES CONVERSATIONS! It's an explosive hour of television complete with Jack listening to other people talk and doing one of these
:-(
Then while listening to other people talk, someone tries to talk to him and he puts his hand up and gives them one of these
>:-(
A heartfelt word from Renee make him do this
And just when you couldn't think it would get anymore shocking and breathtaking, a moment that makes Jack go all
:-O
Now for some fake dialogue that'll make you go
Jack Ernst: If I wanted to find some truly dangerous rods, I'd look no further than my own pants.
Henchman who reminds me of Adam from Mythbusters: Ok, I get it.
Jack Ernst:*nudge* I'm talking about my junk.
Henchman who reminds me of Adam from Mythbusters: I KNOW! Just transfer the money already.
Jack Ernst: It's done. *henchman pull guns and get shot*
Henchman who reminds me of Adam from Mythbusters: You brought backup?
Jack Ernst: No, I shot them with my ****. You thought I was kidding earlier? What am I, Arlo?
BA DA BA BA DA BA... POW!
