Catching Controversy | The Legend of Ethan Woy

[G-men]

You better get shot or something cool. Nice update, post the other one NOW

[Woy]

Boiling Over

After our huge win over Bellwood, we took on county rival Northern Bedford. It was pouring down rain in our home opener and we had to move the ball on the ground most of the game. I got some nice stats: 7 catches, 93 yards - but the real star of this game was junior tailback Zach Millin. That fast little son of a bitch rushed for 189 yards and three scores in our 35-14 win over the Black Panthers. We were 3-0 and riding high...

...but so were our hated rivals 45 minutes north of us, Tussey Mountain. They were also sporting an undefeated record, and they were ready for the game Friday night. Schools that can't stand each other, undefeated records on the line; this had the makings of a good one. However, some of the Tussey players got my blood boiling before Friday began.

"Woy is so overrated. All-State? Yeah right, he won't touch the ball with me covering him."

Words from Tussey's star cornerback Cody Swope made me laugh.

"That team is a joke. You remember how bad we beat them last year? Oh I'm sorry, was it 35-7? Yeah that's right. Plus we're better this year, so it should be much worse."

Their starting quarterback Logan Melius almost had me in tears when I heard his comments. They're better? You lost your all-state runningback Jordan Donaldson! And oh yeah, we're better too.

The comments continued to pile up from their entire team, as I wrote them all down on a piece a paper. I left my truck at the school after practice Thursday and stayed at Melyssa's for the night. Before I rode with her in the morning, I read the preview on the official District 5 website.

"Mark it down - Tussey is a better team than Everett. Sure they lost star runningback Jordan Donaldson, but this team is better overall than last year's squad. Everett's better too, but not as good as the Titans. Tussey wins in front of a loud home crowd, 28-21."

Guess who wrote that? None other than Chris Leonard, the same guy who tried to piss me off at media day.

When I got to the school, I saw a group of students crowded around my truck.

"Yo, what's going on?"

"Oh shit, he's here."

"Dude, I have no clue who did this."

"Did wha...what the fuck!?"

Fuck your overrated ass Woy. #15's going home on a stretcher Friday night. - Cody Swope

That was written down the left side of my truck in white spray-paint. On the other side was "Everett sucks, Tussey rocks," and other shit like that. Damn, did that get my blood boiling. I walked into Mrs. Dodson's room for first period.

"Ethan, did you see what someone did with your truck?"

"Does it look like I fucking saw that?"

Then Mrs. Dodson walked into the room a few minutes before the bell was supposed to ring.

"Hey Mrs. Dodson?"

"Yeah, Mr. Woy? What happened to your truck?"

"I'm not sure. Are we doing anything in class today?"

"You want to wash your truck off, huh?"

Damn, she knew me too well.

"Is that alright?"

"You're marked as here Ethan, go ahead."

I thanked Mrs. Dodson and went out to get into my truck. I made it to the closest car wash in town and got all the paint off of it. Then I struck an idea to get those cowards back.

"Yes, Tussey Mountain offices? This is Alex Donaldson, the athletic director. Can I be put on the loudspeaker?"

"Why certainly Mr. Donaldson, one moment please."

I was put on hold for a few seconds then I heard students talking. Now's the time.

"Attention. Who ever fucked with my truck is in for a long night tonight! Oh wait, let me rephase that statement...your entire community is in for a long night! Cody Swope, you're going to be balling like a little bitch after I'm done with you. Logan Melius, you're the joke - just wait and see. And Aden Leonard, tell your brother that I can't wait to see him on the sidelines and shove the game ball in his face. Get ready for an ol' fashioned asswhipping Tussey. It's fucking on."

Cody was sitting in class talking to Logan when he heard what I announced over the loudspeaker.

"Oh shit, he found out who it was."

It's going to be a war tonight.

[Shwayzed]

Fuck your overrated ass Woy. #15's going home on a stretcher Friday night. - Cody Swope

"Oh shit, he found out who it was."

Uh.. it says who said it on the truck.

[Woy]

Uh.. it says who said it on the truck.

Very true. They aren't the brightest crayons in the box at Tussey.

[goDawgs1433]

Very true. They aren't the brightest crayons in the box at Tussey.

Tussey: :stone:

Nice update Ethan.

[LopaKa]

i cant believe i haven't checked in on this yet. Great writing woy, keep it up!

[Woy]

Come on brah why does UM gotta be the team doing illegal shit? Make it a team no one cares about or no one likes. Like the Montana Hicks or some shit

Lol Montana? Then no one would care. :tongue:

Nah, the reason why I used Michigan is because they're a Big Ten team, Rich Rod isn't exactly an angel of a coach, and I could actually see him doing something like that.

I would have used someone like Ohio State, but no matter what, I could never see any of my CLs going there.

Yeah we got another update. Good one Woy. That just makes me want you to beat the shit out of Tussey even more.

Yeah I would have posted it earlier but I didn't get off work till late.

Woy is going to go Ron Artest on the whole Tussey's sideline, crowd and all.

That would be funny...we'll have to see.

Why does this have to be so good?

:jhenbeatkwon:

Keep up the great work Ethan.

Dedicated followers like you guys give me the inspiration to churn out updates. ;)

Ohhhhh Woy won't be able to play because he will be in troubleeeee!

Nah, IRL I could have done something similar like that and got away with it. Not a big deal.

i cant believe i haven't checked in on this yet. Great writing woy, keep it up!

Thanks Lo, glad to see you're following.

Nice update, and what dumbasses :D

Thanks man, and yes they are.

I'm typing the game update as we speak, but I'm going out this afternoon so I don't know when it'll be posted.

[Archer]

I think I'm in love with Woy

Anyways now thats off my chest , this is looking sick . Hopefully you are the next Pacman Jones since you like him so much

[goDawgs1433]

how does woy have so many followers without being a post whore

The world may never know

I think (hope) this is sarcastic...but maybe, just maybe, he can actually write?

[Woy]

I think (hope) this is sarcastic...but maybe, just maybe, he can actually write?

I'm pretty sure that he is being sarcastic, but thanks for the praise Foster.

I think I'm in love with Woy

Anyways now thats off my chest , this is looking sick . Hopefully you are the next Pacman Jones since you like him so much

You know I love you. ;)

I don't like Pac-Man, you know that. Neon Deion FTW.

We wanna update! We wanna update! We wanna update! We wanna update! We wanna update! We wanna update! We wanna update!

You'll get your update in a bit. It's fucking huge, so I'm splitting it into two. First part coming soon, second part later tonight.

[Woy]

War (Part 1)

I walked back into the school right before the ball rang for physics. I met up with Brett and Brock and we started talking.

"Where were you first period Ethan?"

"Had to wash that shit off my truck and then I had to make a phone call."

"Probably Tussey kids fucked with your truck man."

"Yeah I guessed that. I got it handled though."

"Aw shit, what did you do?"

"Let's just say they had a nice announcement from the loudspeaker."

"Oh damn, how'd you manage to pull that off?"

"Let's talk about it over lunch. You guys want pizza?"

"Yeah man, sounds good."

I ate lunch with the twins and then after a few hours of sleeping at home, I got ready and got onto the bus to take us to Saxton. Like many bus rides, I fell asleep...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Just take the damn picture."

"Alright, alright. Smile, cause you're not going to smile when Tussey kicks your ass this year."

...

"Woy is so overrated. All-State? Yeah right, he won't touch the ball with me covering him."

...

"That team is a joke. You remember how bad we beat them last year? Oh I'm sorry, was it 35-7? Yeah that's right. Plus we're better this year, so it should be much worse."

...

"Mark it down - Tussey is a better team than Everett. Sure they lost star runningback Jordan Donaldson, but this team is better overall than last year's squad. Everett's better too, but not as good as the Titans. Tussey wins in front of a loud home crowd, 28-21..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fuck you Everett! Your asses are going down tonight!"

I woke up to the shouting of Tussey fans outside their school. They were throwing eggs and other stuff at the bus as some of the sophomores up front were flipping them off.

"Knock it off guys! Let's let our play do the talking."

Bill looked at me like I was high.

"Let our play do the talking? What the fuck have you been smoking boy?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to follow my words. I just don't want any stupid sophomores ruining the beatdown we're going to put on these guys."

"That's the Ethan I know. Let's beat some ass."

"You know it."

We walked off the bus with more boos raining down at us. Some of the fans were shouting expletives, mainly directed towards me.

Once we got away from all the ruckus inside, I started getting ready. First the pants, then the team cut-off, my pads, high red socks, Nike gloves and red half-sleeves, and finally the white number 15 jersey. I sat there, staring at the floor, counting the seconds down in my mind before I went out to a loud and fired up Tussey crowd.

"I'm going to keep it short and sweet. They fucked with my truck, which means they fucked with all of your vehicles too. Enough about that though. We lost to them the last two years, and I sure as hell don't want to be oh and three against these fags! Brad, be on target all night! Cory, unleash some monster hits and break some fucking necks! John and Zach, run around, through, I don't care! Just get your asses into the endzone! I'll make my plays, don't you worry. Bring it to them every single play and leave it all out on the field! Now, who are we?"

"EVERETT!"

"I said, who the fuck are we!?"

"EVERETT!"

"Win on three! One, two, three..."

"WIN!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And now the starting offense for the visiting Everett Warriors. At quarterback, senior Brad Swindell. At runningback, senior John Atherton and junior Zach Millin. At wide receiver, seniors Ethan Woy and Bradley Ewing..."

When my name was announced, the boobirds started coming from every direction of the stadium besides the home bleachers. I guess word got out of what I did.

Eventually the lineups were announced and the captains took center stage at the 50 yard line.

"Well look who it is. Like fucking with people's cars, huh?"

"Oh, I have no clue what you're talking about Woy. Nice announcement by the way bitch."

"Oh, I have no clue what you're talking about Swope."

"Shut the hell up man, just wait till I shut you down."

"Don't make me laugh."

The whistle blew and a flag went into the air.

*TWEET*

"Unsportsmanlike conduct on number 15 white and number 7 black. The penatlies offset. Now if you boys want to actually play in this game, then I suggest you shut up."

"Gotcha."

"Everett, heads or tails?"

"Heads."

He flipped the coin and it fell to the ground.

"Heads it is. Do you want..."

"We want the ball."

"Wow, that was quick."

He went over to the side to signal we were receiving.

"I'm coming for you all night Swope. You're about to be put on a 'how not to' video about playing cornerback."

"Whatever man, you won't get shit."

"Enough you two! Shut up and shake hands."

I didn't even look at their four captains and walked over to the sidelines. It was game time.

[Lumpkin]

just when I was all hyped up for the game:rockwoot:..... cliffhanger

Part two quickly please

[packersfan4eva]

just post the game already. i wanna know how he did

[Woy]

Oh wow. Ethan thanks he's hardcore.

At least I can put the right word in my sentence.

just when I was all hyped up for the game:rockwoot:..... cliffhanger

Part two quickly please

Cliffhangers are one of my specialities, you guys know that.

If he's that pumped for a high school game just imagine how pumped he'll be in college.

It's the biggest small-school rivalry in south central PA (more so in basketball IRL), so he's definitely pumped for this one.

Exactly, im expecting 2tds from you Woy at least

You'll have to see. ;)

just post the game already. i wanna know how he did

Patience is golden my friend.

Woy is just an asshole. He is. (The poster Woy)

Ethan Woy is going to tear Tussey up like its Melyssa

I try to be. And lol at the last line.

Game coming up around 6-7 EST.

[Woy]

I'm not following anymore. :|

You will too, or I won't come down to VA to take you to a Pens game. :nana: