Palooza Presents "The 99 Films of 2011"

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

97. Restless
Mia Wasikowska, Henry Hooper, Ryo Kase

Director -
Gus Van Sant
Writer(s) -
Jason Lew
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 36%
Metacritic Score - 47/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
I don't even know what to say about this movie. I hated every second of it. Depressing and pretentious just to be depressing and pretentious.
Spoiler Alert - People die.
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

96. Hall Pass
Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Christina Applegate, Jenna Fischer, Richard Jenkins

Director -
Peter & Bobby Farrelly
Writer(s) -
Pete Jones, Peter Farrelly, Kevin Barnett, Bobby Farrelly
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 34%
Metacritic Score - 45/100
Viewed - HBO
Classic Farrelly trash. Sudeikis and Richard Jenkins deserve better.
Spoiler Alert - Happiness! Marriage! Fidelity!
Grade - F

[Palooza]

I tried to watch Green Lantern twice on cable.

The first time, I was in a hotel in the middle of Oklahoma with literally nothing to do. I had already eaten dinner, I had already masturbated, so the movie had my full attention. It still failed to hold my interest and I ended up channel flipping until I fell asleep.

The second time, I was home, it was like 2am, nothing else was on, and I gave it another go. Once again, it failed to hold my attention, and I threw in the towel and went to bed.

Sometimes when the entire world piles on to a bad movie, it really isnt all that bad. But Green Lantern lives up to the hype. It's horrendous and unwatchable.

It was at the top of my "Do Not Watch List" but I was forced into it after foolishly going to hang out with one of my friends at his girl's mom's house.

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

95. Your Highness
James Franco, Danny McBride, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel, Justin Theroux

Director -
David Gordon Greene
Writer(s) -
Danny McBride & Ben Best
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 26%
Metacritic Score - 31/100
Viewed - In theaters
I truly expected better and I was horribly disappointed. On paper, this should be a solid comedy. It was god awful. Danny McBride better apologize for this movie on his death bed.
Spoiler Alert - The good guys win. So unpredictable
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

94. Battle: Los Angeles
Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez, Michael Pena, Bridget Moynahan, Ramon Rodriguez, Jim Parrack

Director -
Jonathan Leibsman
Writer(s) -
Christopher Bertolini
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 35%
Metacritic Score - 37/100
Viewed - Cable
What a fucking stinker. It was so ridiculous and I hated nearly every character; they should have all shut up and just killed some god damn aliens.
Spoiler Alert - I don't remember shit about the end
Grade - F

[Warner2BruceTD]

Your Highess is one of the worst movies i've ever seen.

The post-movie shenanigans right before the credits roll in Hall Pass produced the first laugh from me. It was actually quite hilarious and clever. The movie itself was perfectly described by Palooza - classic Farrelly brother trash. Farrelly brothers suck.

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

93. The Mechanic
Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland, Tony Goldwyn

Director -
Simon West
Writer(s) -
Richard Wenk and Lewis John Carlino
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 53%
Metacritic Score - 49/100
Viewed - DVD
Stupid remake is stupid. Ben Foster needs to stop making trash, he's actually a good actor. Need an old guy to die in order to progress the plot? Hire Donald Sutherland. The ending ruined what little potential this movie had.
Spoiler Alert - Stath should have died.
Grade - F

[Goober]

Are you going from best to worst? Because I'm pretty sure your #99, and #98 movies top Twig's list of movies of the year.

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

92. The Sitter
Jonah Hill, Sam Rockwell, Ari Graynor, Max Records, Method Man, JB Smoove, Landry Bender, Kevin Hernandez

Director -
David Gordon Greene
Writer(s) -
Brian Gatewood, Alessandro Tanaka
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 23%
Metacritic Score - 39/100
Viewed - decent torrent
The worst Jonah Hill jokes you can think of, plus the three most annoying children in film history and add a dash of overacting by Sam Rockwell and you have the Sitter
Spoiler Alert - Everything works out or something equally stupid
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

91. The Darkest Hour
Emile Hirsch, Max Minghella, Olivia Thirlby, Rachael Taylor, Joel Kinnaman

Director -
Chris Gorak
Writer(s) -
Jon Spaihts
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 11%
Metacritic Score - 16/100
Viewed - decent torrent
The cheesy filth of this movie can be seen by the poster presented above. Emile Hirsch hasn't made a movie since Milk (I think) and this is the trash he puts out? For shame.
Spoiler Alert - Everyone dies except for the main dude and main chick. Submarines. False hope.
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

90. Transformers - Dark of the Moon
Shia Lebeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Patrick Dempsey, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, John Turturro, Kevin Dunn, Ken Jeong, Alan Tudyk

Director -
Michael Bay
Writer(s) -
Ehrin Kruger
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 35%
Metacritic Score - 42/100
Viewed - the works
I don't need to explain myself here.
Spoiler Alert - I can't even remember. The good guys win.. for now!
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

89. Cowboys & Aliens
Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, Adam Beach, Keith Carradine, Walton Goggins

Director -
Jon Faverau
Writer(s) -
Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Damon Lindelof, Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 44%
Metacritic Score - 50/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
The action scenes sucked, Daniel Craig was neither an alien nor a cowboy but a robot. Harrison Ford was "just having fun out there". Olivia Wilde looked like an alien. The writing was absolutely god-awful. Jon Faverau's career is quickly going down the drain. Three strikes and you're out; I'll be awaiting the next dud.
Spoiler Alert - Cowboys win.
Grade - F

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

88. Bad Teacher
Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segel, Lucy Punch, Phyllis, John Michael Higgins

Director -
Jake Kasdan
Writer(s) -
Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 44%
Metacritic Score - 47/100
Viewed - In theaters
Cameron Diaz and Mickey Rourke are identical twins, right? Justin Timberlake made me cringe every second he was on screen. I wanted to kill Lucy Punch. Jason Segel played himself, I can deal with that. Tried way too hard to be raunchy and edgy.
Spoiler Alert - Awful people wind up getting what they want.
Grade - F

[Warner2BruceTD]

I firmly believe Cameron Diaz is the worst actress of this era. She is the drizzling shits.

I hope all 99 movies get an 'F'. This is so awesome. Curmudgeony and bitter, just how I like it. Hollywood truly sucks.

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

87. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush, Stephen Graham, Kevin McNally, Keith Richards, Sam Claflin, Astrid Bergès-Frisbey

Director -
Rob Marshall
Writer(s) -
Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 34%
Metacritic Score - 45/100
Viewed - Starz
There was no reason for this. The existence of this movie embodies everything that is wrong with Hollywood today. Overhyped star (Depp) goes on autopilot one more time, this time with both some new and old faces. Barbossa is pathetic, Ian McShane would be scary if we didn't already know that Captain Jack Sparrow is invincible. Penelope Cruz was as hot as ever and probably the only redeeming part of the movie, except sometimes she looks like a dude. I can understand covering up Keira Knightley with a ton of pirate garb, but Penelope Cruz actually has a body, so um, that would be a bad idea. Oh yeah and LOL mermaids. Rob Marshall should go back to lame overrated musicals.
Spoiler Alert - Good guys win, get ready for the next one.
Grade - F