Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[Golden Taters]

Surprised at the score you gave, The Box. I thought that movie was really bad.

 

[dell71]

Surprised at the score you gave, The Box. I thought that movie was really bad.

A lot of people did. It hooked me early & kept me into it.

 

[jags224]

A Miyazaki Double Feature

Princess Mononoke
AKA Mononoke-hime
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki.
1999. Rated PG-13, 134 minutes.
Cast (English Version):
Clair Danes
Billy Crudup
Minnie Driver
Keith David
Gillian Anderson
Jada Pinkett-Smith
Billy Bob Thornton​

After being infected by a demon and banished from his village, Ashitaka (Crudup) heads off, in search of a cure. Suddenly, he finds himself in the middle of a war between the creatures of a mystical forest and the people of a nearby mining village. Among the forest creatures is San (Danes), a human girl raised by wolves and hellbent on killing Lady Eboshi (Driver), the leader of the village. This is one of the most beloved movies to come out of the anime genre, ever. It’s easy to see why. Visually, it is a fantastic piece of work, showing off the potential of traditional flat 2D animation. It’s not the long, classic lines and regality of Disney. This is jagged, frenetic segments bouncing, darting, coiling, uncoiling and exploding all over the screen. Narratively, it flows smoothly, easily guiding us from one life-or-death moment to the next. Where it falls apart, for me, is the repeated blows to the head from its message. Nearly every line of dialogue drips with one anti-something sentiment or another, including anti-American. It has about a thousand small warnings about environmental protection, wrapped in one big one. I’m no staunch conservative, or liberal, for that matter. I don’t have an inherent problem with message movies, either. I just prefer them to practice subtlety, or have a sense of humor if they’re not. For example, I’m very much a fan of The Host, a Japanese monster movie from a few years ago. It also had a decidedly anti-American stance but it was sly enough that it wasn’t an obstacle and it displayed some wicked humor. With PM it felt like I was taking a sledgehammer to the back of the skull every few moments. Therefore, while I realize that “everyone else” just loves this movie and even I can recognize its dazzling veneer, it just wasn’t an enjoyable experience for me.

MY SCORE: 5.5/10​

Miyazaki's
Spirited Away
AKA Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki.
2001. Rated PG, 125 minutes.
Cast (English Version):
Daveigh Chase
Jason Marsden
Suzanne Pleshette
Susan Egan
David Ogden Stiers
John Ratzenberger
Lauren Holly
Michael Chiklis
Bob Bergen​

On the way to their new home, Chihiro (Chase) and her family stop and explore an abandoned amusement park. Suddenly, her parents undergo a strange transformation and she finds herself surrounded by dangerous spirits. Miyazaki draws us in with some amazing sights. Though not quite as visually ambitious as his Princess Mononoke he still does some spectacular things with the medium. To compliment what we see, what we feel is just as good. The story is fluidly told, moving easily from harrowing situation to another and conveying a real sense of danger with each. Along the way, we meet fascinating characters but are never sure who they really are due to all the shapeshifting and ulterior motives. This leads to lots of twists and creates a number of subplots. Amazingly, it never feels convoluted. In the end, it’s a movie far more about the journey than the destination. Where Chihiro is going is much less important that how she gets there. It is truly a movie enhanced by its visuals not engulfed by them.

MY SCORE: 9/10​

holy shit I remember this movie It came on like cartoon network or something, movie is epic, but weird as fuck.

 

[Fox1994]

holy shit I remember this movie It came on like cartoon network or something, movie is epic, but weird as fuck.

Ya. All Miyazaki's movies go on CN.

...

Might see IM2, now. You kind of gave it a recommendation because you rated it higher than 5. I heard it was very mediocre.

I'm still upset they took away Howard's part as Rhodes. He's at least the right skin-tone, no offense to Cheadle (just saw Devil in a Blue Dress three days ago... His variety blows my mind sometimes).

I mean, I love Donnie, but Terrence is part of my plan to bring light-skinned back, and this fucked it up. lol

 

[Palooza]

Ya. All Miyazaki's movies go on CN.

...

Might see IM2, now. You kind of gave it a recommendation because you rated it higher than 5. I heard it was very mediocre.

I'm still upset they took away Howard's part as Rhodes. He's at least the right skin-tone, no offense to Cheadle (just saw Devil in a Blue Dress three days ago... His variety blows my mind sometimes).

I mean, I love Donnie, but Terrence is part of my plan to bring light-skinned back, and this fucked it up. lol

Don't blame anyone but Terence Howard for him not being in IM2

 

[dell71]

Ya. All Miyazaki's movies go on CN.

...

Might see IM2, now. You kind of gave it a recommendation because you rated it higher than 5. I heard it was very mediocre.

I'm still upset they took away Howard's part as Rhodes. He's at least the right skin-tone, no offense to Cheadle (just saw Devil in a Blue Dress three days ago... His variety blows my mind sometimes).

I mean, I love Donnie, but Terrence is part of my plan to bring light-skinned back, and this fucked it up. lol

It's not great, but I liked it.

 

[Fox1994]

Don't blame anyone but Terence Howard for him not being in IM2

Nah, son. It's like when Billy Dee got the job for Two-Face taken from him. It was a contractual dispute with the company at fault... Except they went darker with Donnie, as opposed to lighter with Tommy Lee (Jones).

 

[Palooza]

Nah, son. It's like when Billy Dee got the job for Two-Face taken from him. It was a contractual dispute with the company at fault... Except they went darker with Donnie, as opposed to lighter with Tommy Lee (Jones).

Do you believe that a cocky, average actor (whose claim to fame is playing the main role in one of the most overrated pieces of shit in film history?) who plays a minor role in a movie should also be the highest paid actor in the film?

Marvel knew what they were doing when they let him go. Iron Man 2 didn't suck because of Don Cheadle, it sucked because so much was going on that nothing happened and the plot was filled with holes bigger than your mother's vagina.

 

[dell71]

I happen to like Howard as an actor, a lot. Still, gotta side with Palooza on this one. He did it to himself.

 

[dell71]

Harold & Kumar
Escape From Guantanamo Bay
Directed by John Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg.
2008. Rated R, 107 minutes (unrated DVD version).
Cast:
John Cho
Kal Penn
Rob Corddry
Neil Patrick Harris
Jack Conley
Roger Bart
Danneel Harris
Eric Winter​

Our two favorite potheads are back for another stoner’s adventure. We pick things up the morning after Harold and Kumar get home from their harrowing trip to White Castle. After a quick shower, the pair rush off to the airport for their trip to Amsterdam. Of course, they don’t make it there because the bong Kumar sneaks onto the plane is mistaken for a bomb and he for a terrorist. They’re shipped to Guantanamo Bay where they manage to escape, hence the title. Hijinks and shenanigans, all involving marijuana, ensue. Much like the first, it’s stupid, disgusting and occasionally offensive. There is nothing here to make it a “good” movie. If you’re looking for a challenge to your intellect, you’re puffing off the wrong bong, here. That said, I still found myself laughing most of the way through. I think I’ve lost all respect for myself. Therefore, this can only get my “so bad it’s awesome” seal of approval.

MY SCORE: -10/10​

 

[dell71]

Amelia
Directed by Mira Nair.
2009. Rated PG, 111 minutes.
Cast:
Hilary Swank
Richard Gere
Ewan McGregor
Christopher Eccleston
Joe Anderson
Mia Wasikowska
Cherry Jones
Aaron Abrams​

Plot: The life and times of Amelia Earhart (Swank), the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean.

The Good: As usual, Hilary Swank turns in excellent work. Hers is an uncanny impersonation of the iconic Earhart. Even more than that, she embodies Earhart’s adventurous and just a shade less than completely carefree spirit. Because of her chosen vocation of flying, we get treated to some beautiful shots from above.

The Bad: It feels more like a colorized newsreel than a biopic. One third of the movie consists of her waving to the media as she climbs into a plane, then taking off and experiencing some trouble due to weather and landing in one foreign land or another. Another third is of her taking off from said foreign land in still severe weather after shouting down objections from whoever is flying with her then almost running out of fuel and barely making it to her destination. The other third is her playing cute with one of the two men in her life while newspaper headlines periodically tell us of all the great stuff she’s doing. As for those two men, hubby George Putnam (Gere) and boyfriend Gene Vidal (McGregor), they make up two-thirds of one of the dullest love triangles ever filmed. In short, it takes a woman with tremendous heart and lust for life and makes a heartless, lustless movie about her.

The Ugly: I’m still waiting for these two dudes to have it out.

Recommendation: This is one of those movies that doesn’t necessarily do anything wrong. The problem is it doesn’t do anything right, either. It never really engages us. We also don’t feel like we get to know Amelia Earhart as a person any better since the movie tells us almost nothing we didn’t already know or couldn’t have learned from the first two paragraphs of her Wikipedia page.

The Opposite View: Ray Bennett, The Hollywood Reporter

What the Internet Says: 5.7/10 on imdb.com (5/23/10), 20% on rottentomatoes.com, 37/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5/10​

 

[dell71]

The Damned United
Directed by Tom Hooper.
2009. Rated R, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Michael Sheen
Timothy Spall
Colm Meaney
Henry Goodman
David Roper
Jimmy Reddington
Maurice Roëves
Stephen Graham
Peter McDonald​

Plot: After years of feuding with their manager Don Revie (Meaney), Brian Clough (Sheen) is named to succeed Revie as the manager of Leeds United; "inspired" by a true story.

The Good: Brian Clough is a unique character for a sports movie underdog. He’s not your run-of-the-mill humble and downtrodden guy facing seemingly insurmountable odds. When we meet him, he’s already overcome the odds, twice, one of which we witness in flashback. He’s arrogant and treats success at the next level like a forgone conclusion. On top of that, most of the difficulties he encounters are of his own creation. Michael Sheen plays the role excellently. He manages to get us on his side, even though he’s a jerk. As Clough’s sidekick talent scout Peter Taylor, Spall is even better. He gives a perfectly restrained performance that seems to mirror our feelings on what’s going on. The movie as a whole also displays a sly sense of humor.

The Bad: Though we get a good sense of what’s going on between Clough and his new team, we’re shown surprisingly little. All but one of the players are simply part of a faceless mob. It would’ve elevated the movie further to witness more of the dynamic between them. Likewise, we don’t see much actual soccer…er…football. We don’t get the rush of exhilaration or disappointment we would normally get from watching it play out before us. It seems to be a case of overdone restraint.

The Ugly: What one of the players does during the singing of the National Anthem.

Recommendation: TDU is a different sort of sports movie and it’s better for it. It’s much more a character study than anything else. Therefore, don’t go into this looking for the next Rocky or Remember the Titans. However, do check it out if you want a more mature sports film.

The Opposite View: Rick Groen, The Globe and Mail (Toronto)

What the Internet Says: 7.6/10 on imdb.com (5/26/10), 94% on rottentomatoes.com, 81/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7.5/10​

 

[dell71]

Ice Castles
Directed by Donald Wrye.
2010. Rated PG, 95 minutes.
Cast:
Taylor Firth
Rob Mayes
Henry Czerny
Eve Crawford
Gillian Ferrier
Tattiawna Jones
Morgan Kelly
Andrea Joyce
Michelle Kwan​

Small-town girl Alexis (Firth) suddenly becomes a superstar figure skater, problems in her love life and tragedy ensues. Remake of the 1978 film of the same name. Director Donald Wrye knows that his target audience is there for the ice skating and the love story. Therefore, he packs his movie tight with both. There is no meandering. Every scene is directly related to one or the other and often both. This helps the pace, making the 95 minutes feel even shorter. This also means there are lots of highs and lows that work well. On the other hand, it puts to use nearly every cliché in two genres: sports movies and chick-flicks. Even if you haven’t seen the original, and I haven’t, nothing surprising happens. The only exception being the severity of a certain event, but even that’s ruined if you read the back of the DVD cover (or saw the original). Don’t worry, I won’t spill the beans other than to say yes, the consequences of said event are way beyond excessive. Hey, the rest of the movie is built around that moment, so I'll leave it at that. Obviously, this is a full-blown chick-flick. It also has a Disney channel feel to it, so it’s also kind of cheesy. However, that’s precisely what it wants to be. This makes it the type of movie pre-teen girls will just eat up (at least, my daughters did). Fellas, this isn’t for you, but if you find yourself stuck watching it you just remember, it could be worse.

MY SCORE: 5/10​

 

[dell71]

What Doesn't Kill You
Directed by Brian Goodman.
2008. Rated R, 100 minutes.
Cast:
Mark Ruffalo
Ethan Hawke
Amanda Peet
Will Lyman
Brian Goodman
Donnie Wahlberg
Angela Featherstone
Edward Lynch​

Plot: Two lifelong best friends, Brian (Ruffalo) and Paulie (Hawke), and career criminals deal with the trials and tribulations of the life they’ve chosen.

The Good: Though neither is a likeable guy, their frustration with where they’ve found themselves draws us in. To facilitate this we get excellent performances from both Ruffal and Hawke. Ruffalo, in particular, is outstanding. It’s an unfortunately overlooked portrayal of a man with many demons. The city of Boston is also a menacing character. Refreshingly, it’s subtly so. Unlike a lot of other movies set there, this one never puts it in your face. There are no extended scenes scored by blaring Irish music, no ridiculously bad New England accents, no shamrocks and no references to the Celtics or Red Sox. Instead, the city either mirrors the bleakness or hope of our heroes, depending on what’s going on, or enforces its own will upon them. It not only helps set the mood, but to change it, as well.

The Bad: Our two (anti) heroes work for Sully (Lyman). We know they’re frustrated with their position in his organization and have an idea of the type of relationship he has with them, but it could’ve been much more fleshed out. How what transpires affect him might’ve added even more depth. I would also like to have seen more Detective Moran (Wahlberg). The subplot involving his character and Brian could’ve developed into an intriguing cat-and-mouse but instead, it’s a wasted opportunity.

The Ugly: What happens the first time Brian meets Moran.

Recommendation: This is definitely for those of us into gritty, urban drama. It gives us great acting and a story that keeps us locked in throughout. Interesting tidbit: apparently, this is inspired by the director’s real life.

The Opposite View: Nicolas Rapold, Village Voice

What the Internet Says: 6.7/10 on imdb.com (5/27/10), 66% on rottentomatoes.com, 71/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7.5/10​

 

[Fox1994]

Do you believe that a cocky, average actor (whose claim to fame is playing the main role in one of the most overrated pieces of shit in film history?) who plays a minor role in a movie should also be the highest paid actor in the film?

I wasn't that serious. Jeez. Nah, you've made some good points.

Marvel knew what they were doing when they let him go. Iron Man 2 didn't suck because of Don Cheadle, it sucked because so much was going on that nothing happened and the plot was filled with holes bigger than your mother's vagina.

Hey, hey, hey!

You've got to leave my mother's vagina out of this. :rofl:

 

[Fox1994]

Fellas, this isn’t for you, but if you find yourself stuck watching it you just remember, it could be worse.

lol. Nice.

 

[dell71]

The Fourth Kind
Directed by Olatunde Osunsanmi.
2009. Rated PG-13, 98 minutes.
Cast:
Milla Jovovich
Will Patton
Hakeem Kae-Kazim
Elias Koteas
Raphael Coleman
Mia Mckenna-Bruce
Eric Loren
Corey Johnson
Enzo Cilenti
Daphne Alexander​

Plot: Dr. Abigail Tyler (Jovovich…and the actual Dr. Tyler) suspects that the abnormal amount of unexplained disappearances in Nome, Alaska are due to alien abductions. This is supposedly based on “actual case studies” and interviews with Dr. Tyler.

The Good: It’s a fascinating subject. Though many of the dramatic events can’t quite be called evidence, they are compelling side-effects, allegedly. During these scenes, the energy level is ramped up and much of what we see is disturbing. Will Patton gives us the film’s best performance as Sheriff August. His skepticism grounds the movie, keeping it from completely coming apart at the seams.

The Bad: Director Olatunde Osunsanmi made a decision that absolutely sinks his movie. He tries to make a documentary and a dramatization about the same story, simultaneously. We’re often shown video footage, reportedly of actual events, alongside scenes of actors re-enacting the exact same occurrences in split-screen. It’s a distracting style in which each half of the screen subtracts from the other. Why do we need Milla Jovovich when we have the real Dr. Tyler? Instead of being taken in, maybe even persuaded by what’s going on, we’re busy picking out differences in the actor’s performance and the real thing. Incidentally, this is why I believe Will Patton’s performance is the movie’s best. His is one of the few not repeatedly juxtaposed with the genuine article. The bottom line is this should’ve been either a documentary or a dramatization, not both.

The Ugly: What happens to Dr. Tyler’s hubby.

Recommendation: If you’re a conspiracy theorist who not only believes in alien abductions but also that the government is going out of its way to cover them up, you will find plenty of fodder for your cannon, here. The “actual” footage we see is interesting, though some of it is of questionable validity. It suddenly becomes too grainy or otherwise unwatchable at appropriate moments. However, the style makes it a frustrating watch. We can never get settled into what we’re watching and therefore can’t feel the horror it wants us to. Nor can we reach the conclusion it wants us to. Nothing here will change your mind, one way or another.

The Opposite View: Tricia Olszewski, Washington City Paper

What the Internet Says: 6.0/10 on imdb.com (5/28/10), 17% on rottentomatoes.com, 34/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4/10​

 

[dell71]

Julie & Julia
Directed by Nora Ephron.
2009. Rated PG-13, 123 minutes.
Cast:
Meryl Streep
Amy Adams
Stanley Tucci
Chris Messina
Linda Emond
Helen Carey
Mary Lynn Rajskub​

Plot: In 1949, Julia Child (Streep) begins the journey which will make her a giant in the cooking industry. In 2002, Julie Powell (Adams) starts a blog and challenges herself to cook every recipe in the icon’s legendary cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking. within 365 days. Based on two true stories.

The Good: It’s kinda hard to talk about a Meryl Streep movie and not start with her. As Child, Streep is a force of nature that simply dominates her every scene. As fine an actor as Stanley Tucci is, he plays her husband, he simply doesn’t stand a chance because he constantly shares the screen with her. She is “that” good. The movie does a nice job with the more contemporary story of Julie Powell and the strain her quest puts on her marriage. Adams and Messina make a very nice screen couple. As a pleasant surprise, it’s him we wind up rooting for.

The Bad: The telling of the two stories together rob the chronologically earlier part of any mystery. In any biopic, particularly of someone as famous as Child, there’s already an air of inevitability. That feeling is multiplies every time we switch back to Powell and continuous gushing over the icon. While the story of Julie and her husband is done well, it’s predictable. Their half of the movie feels like any number of the rom-coms we’ve already seen.

The Ugly: How Julia reacts when she learns of Julie.

Recommendation: J & J is a movie that really shouldn’t work as it’s constructed. On paper, it seems like it would be better as two separate films. However, the strength of the portrayals, not only by Streep but also by her cast-mates, makes the end result greater than the sum of its parts. Of course, if you require the slightest hint of testosterone-charged excitement to have a pleasurable viewing experience, look elsewhere.

The Opposite View: Kimberley Jones, Austin Chronicle

What the Internet Says: 7.2/10 on imdb.com (6/1/10), 75% on rottentomatoes.com, 66/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6.5/10​

 

[dell71]

Taking Woodstock
Directed by Ang Lee.
2009. Rated R, 121 minutes.
Cast:
Demetri Martin
Imelda Staunton
Dan Fogler
Henry Goodman
Jonathan Groff
Eugene Levy
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Emile Hirsch
Liev Schreiber​

Plot: Elliot Tiber (Martin) is desperately trying to save his parents’ motel from being foreclosed upon. When a nearby town pulls the plug on “a hippie music festival” he calls the organizers to see if they want to move the event to his town. “Inspired” by the true story of Woodstock.

The Good: Visually, it’s an interesting movie. It’s not interesting in a big special fx blockbuster way, but there’s so much going on your eyes willingly dart around the screen trying to take as much of it in as possible. It effectively captures the feel of Woodstock as thousands of people seem to be incessantly milling around. More importantly, we get three interesting stories of self-discovery. To that end, the way Elliot’s relationship with his parents plays out is very well done. Overall, the movie is at its best when it goes for the stoner vibe. That aspect supplies us with the best humor.

The Bad: It can’t seem to decide what it wants to be. It tries to be a straight comedy but unless Elliot’s mom (Staunton) is on screen it’s not quite funny enough. At other times, it tries for gut-wrenching melodrama. However, it never quite succeeds at that, either. Without the ability to commit to any style in particular, it’s not effective enough at any one of them. Finally, the music that makes Woodstock legendary is strangely absent.

The Ugly: Liev Schreiber in a dress is disturbing on a Patrick Swayze & Wesley Snipes in To Wong Foo level.

Recommendation: TW is a movie with some interesting parts but they never seem to work all together. As a result, it’s a terribly uneven watch. There are stretches of flatness interspersed with a few moments of greatness.

The Opposite View: Joe Williams, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

What the Internet Says: 6.8/10 on imdb.com (6/2/10), 48% on rottentomatoes.com, 55/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5/10​

 

[dell71]

Tattoo Connection
Directed by Lee Tso-Nan.
1978. Rated R, 87 minutes.
Cast:
Jim Kelly
Sing Chen
Tao-Liang Tan
Norman Wingrove
Hsiano Liang
Bolo Yeung
​

A highly valuable diamond, insured by an American company, is stolen in Hong Kong. To retrieve the gem and find out who is responsible, the CIA (huh?) sends in one-man-army Lucas (Kelly). How bad a dude is Lucas? Well, he wastes no time telling us he’s been called “the black Six Million Dollar Man”. For you young’uns that don’t get the reference, google “six million dollar man” or better yet, look it up on youtube. I’m sure there are some clips, there. Anyhoo, kung-fu fighting, gratuitous female nudity (often of the full-frontal variety), hokey dialogue, more kung-fu fighting and lots of other things that make little or no sense ensue. Needless to say, I love this movie. It’s the kind of flick that just screams ridiculous from the moment it starts. Our hero, Jim Kelly just might be the coolest cat of all time. If you don’t believe me, please go watch Enter the Dragon and Black Belt Jones, now. He’s also a pretty bad actor. However, that fits this movie perfectly. Fans of cheesy martial arts flicks UNITE! This is for us! It’s so bad, it’s awesome!

MY SCORE: -10/10​