Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[dell71]

Just watched it last night... wasn't a very good movie in my opinion. A couple times i jumped but nothing that really scared me in the movie. The entire time I was watching it I was thinking this is like a dumber version of Amityville.

Pretty much what I said. It was OK, nothing special.

 

[dell71]

Kaw
<strong>Directed by Sheldon Wilson.</strong>
<em>2007. Rated R, 85 minutes.
Cast:
Sean Patrick Flanery
Stephen McHattie
Kristin Booth
John Ralston
Megan Park
Vladimir Bondarenko
Ashley Newbrough
Rod Taylor
Michelle Duquet</em>​

Ravens have long been foreboding, even gothic creatures. The sight of one can give you that uneasy feeling something bad is about to happen. Think about it. The vision of Baltimore Ravens star linebacker Ray Lewis coming out of the tunnel doing his ridiculous, rhythmless war-dance makes you think he’s about to do something horrible to someone in a different color jersey. The rise to prominence of Raven Symone was an ominous warning that we were all about to be subjects under the iron thumb of Hannah Montana. Of course, there’s also one of the most famous and unsettling poems in the history of the written word, “The Raven” by one of my favorite writers of all time, Edgar Allan Poe.

In this cinematic offering, I mean SyFy original, the dreaded birds have evolved from foreshadowers of gloom and doom to a flock of vengeful and homicidal fowls. The poor old guy at the beginning makes the unfortunate mistake of backing over one with his tractor. Next thing you know, he’s surrounded by more ravens than he can count and they proceed to peck him to death. Seriously. Whatever, the important part is more mayhem involving wild birds ensues.

As is always the case in movies like this, it’s up to the local sheriff to figure things out. In this case, the sheriff is played by Sean Patrick Flanery of the <em>Boondock Saints</em> movies. Talk about your ominous signs. Of course, he acts as our thought process, thinking out loud for us. Sadly, the only thing he actually figures out is that these are indeed ravens, not crows, of which he dutifully informs the townfolk, the whole dozen. By the way, I find it hilarious that no one in this place, presumably set during the present, has a cell phone. Don’t they issue those at birth, nowadays? I mean, the whole town is shut down because “the phone lines are down.” Really?

True, certain people aren’t supposed to have cell phones. In this case, those people are the Mennonites who also share the community. Apparently, there are only three of them, but whatever. If you’re unfamiliar with Mennonites, suffice it to say they’re similar to the Amish. Of course, that’s at the risk of insulting both groups, but you get the point. So against modernization are the Mennonites, at least in this movie, they refer to the other people in town as “the children of the English.” If that reference floats over your dome, think the children of the original colonists in “the New World”, a few centuries ago. The Mennonites are important here because they made a little boo boo that may have led to making the local ravens, um, ravenous. Okay, I couldn’t resist. Anyhoo, the question becomes is this some sort of punishment from God, or is something else going on?

That sounds interesting. However, it is executed poorly. The writing isn’t strong enough to overcome the inherent silliness of the plot. It’s definitely not Hitchcock. The acting is only passable and save for one tiny moment, a throwaway jump-scare, it never even threatens to frighten us. Instead, we simply sit back and peck at its flaws. Did I do that, again? Sorry. Strangely enough, the town doctor (Taylor) is somehow exempt from all the incompetence. During each of his brief moments, he seems to have dropped in from a much better movie to impart some wisdom through insightful dialogue delivered by good acting. Weird. Oh, almost forgot, did you know that ravens are evidently man-eating? And canine-eating, too? Me, neither! Amazing. As you can see, the unintentional humor factor is fairly high, but it never gets to “so bad, it’s awesome.” It’s just bad.

Let's get back to Poe for a moment because I can’t bear to think anymore about this movie. However, it did help me better interpret the master’s poem. Since most of us haven’t read it since high school and have forgotten it, or haven’t reached high school and haven’t read it yet, I’ll give you a quick recap. Edgar…er…the speaker is up late one night trying to get some reading done, but he keeps dozing off. Seeing how we’re talking Poe, there’s a coin flip’s chance there are some narcotics involved, but I digress. He hears some strange noises coming from outside and decides to investigate. He finds a raven perched above his door and pretty much drops a load in his britches, fretting over what possible news the bird could be bringing. He asks the bird a bunch of questions, mostly about his beloved Lenore. The raven answers each inquiry with a single word, nevermore. Of course, this makes him assume the worst and totally blows his high…er…wrecks his night. After dozens of reads, the aforementioned knowledge of Poe’s recreational habits and watching this film, I finally get it. Poe was standing outside his door at midnight talking to a bird and hoping for a proper response, but the raven kept saying the only thing a raven could say, “kaw!”

<strong>MY SCORE: 2/10</strong>​

 

[Buzzman]

Only Dell could write a 500 word review on a movie called Kaw.

 

[Palooza]

Two things -

1. Sean Patrick Flannery has come a long way since Powder. And I obviously do not mean that in a good way.

2. I am taking a class that is revolves solely around Edgar Allan Poe and the more stuff I read of his, the less I like him, but I can see how he'd be one of your favorites. There's a reason why he's the most popular writer in American history.

 

[Fox1994]

I prefer Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner (just read that this year, read The Raven sophomore year... Not personally much of a Poe fan, but I see his value and understand his popularity)... to each his own. In any case, that movie looks terrible. And I loved the puns. :2thumbs:

 

[dell71]

Two things -

1. Sean Patrick Flannery has come a long way since Powder. And I obviously do not mean that in a good way.

2. I am taking a class that is revolves solely around Edgar Allan Poe and the more stuff I read of his, the less I like him, but I can see how he'd be one of your favorites. There's a reason why he's the most popular writer in American history.

Sounds like a class I would enjoy.

I prefer Coleridge's Rime of the Ancient Mariner (just read that this year, read The Raven sophomore year... Not personally much of a Poe fan, but I see his value and understand his popularity)... to each his own. In any case, that movie looks terrible. And I loved the puns. :2thumbs:

I'm much more a fan of his short-stories than his poetry. "The Tell-Tale Heart" is prob my fave.

 

[dell71]

The Monster Squad
<strong>Directed by Fred Dekker.</strong>
<em>1987. Rated PG, 82 minutes.
Cast:
Andre Gower
Robby Kiger
Stephen Macht
Duncan Regehr
Tom Noonan
Ashley Bank
Leonardo Cimino
Lisa Fuller</em>​

Precisely every 100 years at midnight the amulet that controls the balance of power between good and evil becomes vulnerable enough to be destroyed, but only for a few moments. If it is, evil will have free reign. Count Dracula (Regehr) knows this and knows that the fateful day is coming up. He recruits Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy and the Creature from the Black Lagoon to help find and obliterate said amulet. A group of kids who are totally immersed in monster lore have discovered this and after dubbing themselves “The Monster Squad,” have set out to save the day.

This is a wonderful blend of pre/early teen comedy, the cheesiest elements of monster movies and, for some younger viewers, tension and possibly horror. Our bad guys are represented in their most classical forms, i.e. Dracula sports a black tux and flowing black cape with a silky red lining and the collar up, of course. This comes off as a nod to us that this is more of an elaborate Halloween prank than actually trying to add anything to vampire mythology. In other words, it puts its tongue firmly in its cheek and it works. We sit back and have fun with kids we either were (or are depending on your age) or wouldn’t normally have hung out with.

Let’s be honest, the squad is largely made up of geeks. As it so often turns out in real life, the geeks are right. Monsters are real. There’s also one set of parents on the verge of a divorce which adds some reality to the proceedings. Though things wrap up in a predictably corny manner, it’s still very enjoyable.

Most of us who grew up in the eighties have fond memories of <em>TMS</em>. Since it’s always been unabashed in its cheesiness, it’s held up surprisingly well. A warning to parents: though its rated PG, a number of four-letter words fly; decide accordingly. If you decide to let the kiddies indulge you’ll find it one of the better horror flicks aimed at young’uns. And yes, the Wolfman still has nards.

<strong>MY SCORE: 7.5/10</strong>​

 

[nflman2033]

The Monster Squad
<strong>Directed by Fred Dekker.</strong>
<em>1987. Rated PG, 82 minutes.
Cast:
Andre Gower
Robby Kiger
Stephen Macht
Duncan Regehr
Tom Noonan
Ashley Bank
Leonardo Cimino
Lisa Fuller</em>​

Precisely every 100 years at midnight the amulet that controls the balance of power between good and evil becomes vulnerable enough to be destroyed, but only for a few moments. If it is, evil will have free reign. Count Dracula (Regehr) knows this and knows that the fateful day is coming up. He recruits Frankenstein’s monster, the Wolfman, the Mummy and the Creature from the Black Lagoon to help find and obliterate said amulet. A group of kids who are totally immersed in monster lore have discovered this and after dubbing themselves “The Monster Squad,” have set out to save the day.

This is a wonderful blend of pre/early teen comedy, the cheesiest elements of monster movies and, for some younger viewers, tension and possibly horror. Our bad guys are represented in their most classical forms, i.e. Dracula sports a black tux and flowing black cape with a silky red lining and the collar up, of course. This comes off as a nod to us that this is more of an elaborate Halloween prank than actually trying to add anything to vampire mythology. In other words, it puts its tongue firmly in its cheek and it works. We sit back and have fun with kids we either were (or are depending on your age) or wouldn’t normally have hung out with.

Let’s be honest, the squad is largely made up of geeks. As it so often turns out in real life, the geeks are right. Monsters are real. There’s also one set of parents on the verge of a divorce which adds some reality to the proceedings. Though things wrap up in a predictably corny manner, it’s still very enjoyable.

Most of us who grew up in the eighties have fond memories of <em>TMS</em>. Since it’s always been unabashed in its cheesiness, it’s held up surprisingly well. A warning to parents: though its rated PG, a number of four-letter words fly; decide accordingly. If you decide to let the kiddies indulge you’ll find it one of the better horror flicks aimed at young’uns. And yes, the Wolfman still has nards.

<strong>MY SCORE: 7.5/10</strong>​

you know being an 80's kid i had never heard of this movie until a couple of years ago a horror movie fan friend of mine loves it. still haven't seen it.

 

[dell71]

you know being an 80's kid i had never heard of this movie until a couple of years ago a horror movie fan friend of mine loves it. still haven't seen it.

Wow. I'm surprised you haven't at least heard of it before a couple years ago. We're talking something on a level of popularity only slightly lower than Goonies. Probably, the only thing that would've made it better is if it starred "The Coreys".

 

[Fox1994]

I saw that Monster Squad movie and I immediately thought of a movie my uncle suggested that I just downloaded - NightBreed. Have you seen it? Did you like it?

 

[dell71]

I saw that Monster Squad movie and I immediately thought of a movie my uncle suggested that I just downloaded - NightBreed. Have you seen it? Did you like it?

Haven't seen it, yet.

 

[Buzzman]

I have to see that now.

 

[nflman2033]

Wow. I'm surprised you haven't at least heard of it before a couple years ago. We're talking something on a level of popularity only slightly lower than Goonies. Probably, the only thing that would've made it better is if it starred "The Coreys".

yeah, well actually there was a quote from the movie i had heard back in the 80's, but no recollection of watching it, and certainly never knew of it being on the level of the Goonies.

 

[dell71]

yeah, well actually there was a quote from the movie i had heard back in the 80's, but no recollection of watching it, and certainly never knew of it being on the level of the Goonies.

Not quite, but definitely popular.

 

[Fox1994]

Haven't seen it, yet.

Me neither. Other movies I should have seen by now, have downloaded on my computer, but haven't watched:

True Romance
Jackie Brown
NightBreed
Animal House
A Scanner Darkly
New Jack City
Carlito's Way
Blazing Saddles (I've seen most of it)
The Big Lebowski
The Jerk (again, seen most of it)
The Usual Suspects

Prioritizing:
The Big Lebowski
The Usual Suspects
Animal House
Jackie Brown
True Romance
Everything else...

I know, I should be ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I have plenty of great ones I have seen:

 

Airplane 1 & 2
Anchorman
Dr. Strangelove
Family Guy's Blue Harvest
Fight Club
Goodfellas
White Castle
History of the World Part 1
Kick Ass
Holy Grail
Life of Brian
Office Space
Pineapple Express
Pulp Fiction
Resevoir Dogs
South Park Movie
The Warriors
The Way of the Gun
The Departed
Trading Places
Waiting
Watchmen
Wayne's World 1 & 2
Young Frankenstein

Need to get some time to watch those.

 

[dell71]

Me neither. Other movies I should have seen by now, have downloaded on my computer, but haven't watched:

True Romance
Jackie Brown
NightBreed
Animal House
A Scanner Darkly
New Jack City
Carlito's Way
Blazing Saddles (I've seen most of it)
The Big Lebowski
The Jerk (again, seen most of it)
The Usual Suspects
Pineapple Express

Haven't seen True Romance, yet (even though I own it - gotta dig it out of storage). Haven't seen NightBreed, either.

Of the others, definitely see most of them, they are great. However, I wouldn't call A Scanner Darkly great & I wouldn't even call Pineapple Express good (but everyone else seems to love it, so whatever.)

Prioritizing:
The Big Lebowski
The Usual Suspects
Animal House
Jackie Brown
True Romance
Everything else...

A good starting point.


I know, I should be ashamed of myself. On the other hand, I have plenty of great ones I have seen:

 

Airplane 1 & 2
Anchorman
Dr. Strangelove
Family Guy's Blue Harvest
Fight Club
Goodfellas
White Castle
History of the World Part 1
Kick Ass
Holy Grail
Life of Brian
Office Space
Pulp Fiction
Resevoir Dogs
South Park Movie
The Warriors
The Way of the Gun
The Departed
Trading Places
Waiting
Watchmen
Wayne's World 1 & 2
Young Frankenstein

Not bad, wouldn't call them all great, but okay. Well, okay, except for...

 

Airplane 2...horrible...and I haven't watched the Family Guy movie.

Need to get some time to watch those.

 

[dell71]

In case you guys haven't noticed, I'm in full-on Halloween mode. Mostly creature-features and other horror flicks this month...continuing with some really old school...

Frankenstein
<strong>Directed by James Whale.</strong>
<em>1931. Not Rated, 70 minutes.
Cast:
Colin Clive
Mae Clarke
Boris Karloff
John Boles
Edward Von Sloan
Frederick Kerr
Dwight Frye
Lionel Belmore
Marilyn Harris</em>​

Dr. Henry Frankenstein (Clive) is hellbent on creating life. He doesn’t want to do it the old fashioned way. He wants to animate a deceased and fully grown human being, sort of. His “human being” is actually sewn together from parts he’s gathered from graveyards, the gallows and God knows where else. Hmmm, God. That’s it, he wants to be God.

Fearing he’s gone mad, his fiancée, Elizabeth (Clarke), enlists the help of a couple of Henry’s colleagues to perform a kind of intervention. They do manage to get him to at least take a break long enough to marry his gal, but they’re still too late. His experiment has already succeeded.

What follows is an iconic monster movie warning us of the dangers of pretending to be the Almighty. Boris Karloff, as the monster, turns in his signature performance without saying a word. It’s not at all scary, by today’s standards, but it’s still an intriguing and eventually sad story.

The film’s biggest drawback is actually no fault of its own. It is simply too familiar to us. The story has been with us far too long. It’s been remade and parodied so often, it’s difficult to judge on its own merit without comparing it to whatever version you’ve already seen. Still, if you’re a horror buff and care even a little about its history, this is essential viewing.

<strong>MY SCORE: 8/10</strong>

Bride of Frankenstein
<strong>Directed by James Whale.</strong>
<em>1935. Not Rated, 75 minutes.
Cast:
Boris Karloff
Colin Clive
Valerie Hobson
Ernest Thesiger
Elsa Lanchester
Gavin Gordon
Una O’Connor
O. P. Heggie</em>​

As soon as <em>Bride of Frankenstein</em> starts, it brazenly lets us know it’s pulling a fast one on us. It shows us “Frankenstein” novel author Mary Shelley (Lanchester, who also plays the bride) and some of her inner-circle chit-chatting about, and essentially recapping the events of her legendary story. Just when they’re wrapping it up, she basically says to forget all about that wonderfully Shakespearean ending. They ain’t dead. Normally, this is an early warning sign that you’re about to watch a sequel that shouldn’t even exist and of a quality that suggests the same. Luckily, we get a sequel that actually outdoes the original.

Our new villain, the even more brilliant and crazier Dr. Pretorius (Thesiger) recruits Dr. Frankenstein (Clive), against his will, to help him in creating a companion for Frankenstein’s original monster. By the way, the monster (Karloff) roams the countryside terrorizing, and occasionally killing folks until he stumbles into a lonely blind man. This plays out much better than it sounds.

As mentioned, this film has a clear cut villain, Pretorius, and reluctant accomplice in Dr. Frankenstein. However, instead of an actual hero, we get a victim in Frankenstein’s monster. This works incredibly well as we’re properly set up for another doozy of an ending which finally includes the unveiling of the bride. Without having watched it, the knowledge that the title character doesn’t appear until very near the end of our tale seems like a terrible idea. When you do see it, you’ll realize it works perfectly.

<strong>MY SCORE: 10/10</strong>​

 

[Fox1994]

:doh: I've seen Pineapple Express. Why did I put that in the wrong list? I saw it when it first came out on DVD. Couldn't stop fucking laughing... I was even sober at the time.

---

Also, in Frankenstein the book, the doctor's name is Victor, not Henry. Henry's his brother. I haven't seen this movie, but I have seen Young Frankenstein, and that's the shit. Haha. (Totally different movies, I know.)

 

[dell71]

:doh: I've seen Pineapple Express. Why did I put that in the wrong list? I saw it when it first came out on DVD. Couldn't stop fucking laughing... I was even sober at the time.

---

Also, in Frankenstein the book, the doctor's name is Victor, not Henry. Henry's his brother. I haven't seen this movie, but I have seen Young Frankenstein, and that's the shit. Haha. (Totally different movies, I know.)

Indeed, YF is awesome. I plan on having a review of that one up before the month is out.

 

[NAHSTE]

Dell, you ever seen The Friends of Eddie Coyle? Really gritty crime drama from the 70s. Same director who did Bullitt, Peter Yates.