Does this guy have a job?
Yes.
He's a raging alcoholic who works the late shift in a warehouse. He had gout and a variety of other health problems related to drinking before his 30th birthday, and I would be shocked if he sees 40 (he's 35). He has an enormous, obscenely large beer gut, the likes of which you've never seen, contrasting twig thin legs. Picture a real person shaped like The Grinch.
He turns into a black guy when he's drunk. He suddenly starts to speak in ebonics, and goes on and on about hoes, bitches, and punk niggas, complete with stereotyical black cadence, pronunciations, and voice inflections. He usually drinks 40's and cheap alcohol like Ol' Smuggler Whiskey. He once had a case of beer in his apartment that had no logo, no words on the box or cans, or any sign of where it was made or anything. Each can had a picture of an animal. I distinctly remember one can that featured a bear wading in a stream with a fish in its mouth. Others had hawks and bobcats and shit. When asked where he acquired such a beer, he said he bought it at a swap meet from an asian guy who looked like the mogwai peddler in Gremlins.
His apartment has old 80's and 90's porn centerfolds hanging all over the place in really odd places. Like over the toilet you are treated to a Hustler centerfold from March '89. I asked him why he had a magazine photo of a fat naked black woman near his kitchen sink, and he responded, "I hate doing dishes. A man needs something nice to look at while he does women's work".
I've known the guy since high school, and the downward spiral has been astounding. He was once fit, good looking, and pulled hot girls. Weed and alcohol absolutely consume his life. If he isn't working, he's drunk. He can't cover his mortgage (his apartment is a condo), but his parents pay the difference and most of his bills just to ensure he doesn't move back home. Deep down he's a really good guy who would take a bullet for his friends, but he is in complete denial to the fact he is killing himself. He keeps a shrine in his dining room for all of his dead friends who have either over dosed, were murdered in the hood (his 'other' circle of friends he used to keep is a whole 'nother thread), or drank themselves to death. He fails to see the symbolism.
