Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[NAHSTE]

Good review. Probably rate it a little higher myself, but I definitely see how the scale for this movie could tip in either direction.

Oh and btw, his mask is heat and pressure sensitive.

Just to add to this, in the GN, they show him finding the mask at a murder scene. It is taken from a dress that was created with a technology developed by Dr. Manhattan. Rorschach finds the dress at murder victim's Kitty Genovese's house and cuts it up.

 

[Buzzman]

I thought the opening sequence where they try and catch you up on what has happened over the years was long and confusing.

 

[dell71]

I thought the opening sequence where they try and catch you up on what has happened over the years was long and confusing.

Meh...it was definitely long but I followed it okay. Though, I will say a movie about the lesbian superhero has potential.

 

[dell71]

Santa's Slay
2005. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Director: David Steiman
Starring Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emelie de Ravin, Robert Culp.
One Christmas, Santa (pro wrester Goldberg) comes to the small town of Hell (yes, really) and murders, or attempts to murder everyone he comes across. For about the first hour or so, you get the surreal experience of watching two separate movies at once. In one, we follow around a teenage boy (the "cleverly" named Nicolas Yuleson played by Douglas Smith) who has no Christmas spirit and a nutjob for a grandfather. The other movie is made up entirely of Santa randomly showing up somewhere and killing whoever is present. The two stories eventually meet and that's when the camp really goes into overdrive. Throughout, the killings are morbidly funny (did you know the star on your Christmas tree is akin to a ninja star?), the special fx are awful, the acting is terrible and the dialogue is horrible. Whenever Santa speaks it truly sounds like a WWE interview (can't be any coincidence, can it?). If all that isn't enough, somehow the Olympic sport that makes the least sense, curling, is a factor in the outcome. It's also surprising, make that shocking how many semi-famous actors signed on just to to be slaughtered (James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and Tiny Lister among others). And just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, something dumber happens. This is truly so bad its awesome! To put it another way, think about the movie See No Evil. That movie also stars a WWE star (Kane) as the psycho killer in a horror flick. The makers of See No Evil knew well enough to hide him behind a mostly silent persona. It's not a great movie but as far as horror goes, its not too bad which makes it far and away better than Santa's Slay. That said, I'll probably watch Santa's Slay 10 more times before watching See No Evil again.
MY SCORE: -10/10

 

[Ralnakor]

Santa's Slay
2005. Rated R, 95 minutes.
Director: David Steiman
Starring Bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, Emelie de Ravin, Robert Culp.
One Christmas, Santa (pro wrester Goldberg) comes to the small town of Hell (yes, really) and murders, or attempts to murder everyone he comes across. For about the first hour or so, you get the surreal experience of watching two separate movies at once. In one, we follow around a teenage boy (the "cleverly" named Nicolas Yuleson played by Douglas Smith) who has no Christmas spirit and a nutjob for a grandfather. The other movie is made up entirely of Santa randomly showing up somewhere and killing whoever is present. The two stories eventually meet and that's when the camp really goes into overdrive. Throughout, the killings are morbidly funny (did you know the star on your Christmas tree is akin to a ninja star?), the special fx are awful, the acting is terrible and the dialogue is horrible. Whenever Santa speaks it truly sounds like a WWE interview (can't be any coincidence, can it?). If all that isn't enough, somehow the Olympic sport that makes the least sense, curling, is a factor in the outcome. It's also surprising, make that shocking how many semi-famous actors signed on just to to be slaughtered (James Caan, Fran Drescher, Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart and Tiny Lister among others). And just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, something dumber happens. This is truly so bad its awesome! To put it another way, think about the movie See No Evil. That movie also stars a WWE star (Kane) as the psycho killer in a horror flick. The makers of See No Evil knew well enough to hide him behind a mostly silent persona. It's not a great movie but as far as horror goes, its not too bad which makes it far and away better than Santa's Slay. That said, I'll probably watch Santa's Slay 10 more times before watching See No Evil again.
MY SCORE: -10/10

YES!!!!!

 

[dell71]

Street Kings
2008. Rated R, 107 minutes.
Director: David Ayer.
Starring Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans.

Plot: "Get 'em at all cost" detective Tom Ludlow (Reeves) sets out to avenge the death of his former partner, Officer Washington (Terry Crews) even though the two hated each other.

The Good: Despite the fact that its painfully obvious to whom the path leads right from the start, it still manages to keep your interest. It does so by sending our hero on a number of intriguing and dangerous excursions. It also helps that...and I can't believe I'm actually going to say this...Keanu Reeves is pretty good. Maybe he just has fewer "Keanu" moments here than normal. Having Forest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie to play off doesn't hurt, either.

The Bad: There's no mystery here. The identity of the bad guy is supposed to be a big secret but that person practically announces themselves as the villain several times early in the movie. For our hero to not have figured that out within two minutes of his former partner's murder he'd have to be a mental midget. Then again, he does proceed to get several people killed through his astute detective work. Since there is no real mystery, only crazy scenarios that either lead to a shootout or a chase, the whole thing falls apart as we go along. Even the last ditch attempt to save itself fails miserably.

The Ugly: The clerk in the convenience store who gets killed. Poor guy had nothing to do with anything.

Recommendation: If you're looking for a cop movie vaguely reminiscent of Training Day have at it. Though it eventually crumbles under its own weight, it isn't boring. If nothing else you'll take up both hands, if not more, counting all of the kinda-sorta famous actors and rappers in the supporting cast.

The Opposite View: Graham Killeen, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 7.0/10 on imdb.com (8/17/09), 37% on rottentomatoes.com, 55/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

 

[Buzzman]

I liked Steet Kings. One of Reeves better ones.

 

[dell71]

I liked Steet Kings. One of Reeves better ones.

Like I said, it was enjoyable to sit through but I knew who the bad guy was within the first 10 minutes. That took a lot of wind out of the sail for me.

 

[NAHSTE]

Street Kings
2008. Rated R, 107 minutes.
Director: David Ayer.
Starring Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans.

Plot: "Get 'em at all cost" detective Tom Ludlow (Reeves) sets out to avenge the death of his former partner, Officer Washington (Terry Crews) even though the two hated each other.

The Good: Despite the fact that its painfully obvious to whom the path leads right from the start, it still manages to keep your interest. It does so by sending our hero on a number of intriguing and dangerous excursions. It also helps that...and I can't believe I'm actually going to say this...Keanu Reeves is pretty good. Maybe he just has fewer "Keanu" moments here than normal. Having Forest Whitaker and Hugh Laurie to play off doesn't hurt, either.

The Bad: There's no mystery here. The identity of the bad guy is supposed to be a big secret but that person practically announces themselves as the villain several times early in the movie. For our hero to not have figured that out within two minutes of his former partner's murder he'd have to be a mental midget. Then again, he does proceed to get several people killed through his astute detective work. Since there is no real mystery, only crazy scenarios that either lead to a shootout or a chase, the whole thing falls apart as we go along. Even the last ditch attempt to save itself fails miserably.

The Ugly: The clerk in the convenience store who gets killed. Poor guy had nothing to do with anything.

Recommendation: If you're looking for a cop movie vaguely reminiscent of Training Day have at it. Though it eventually crumbles under its own weight, it isn't boring. If nothing else you'll take up both hands, if not more, counting all of the kinda-sorta famous actors and rappers in the supporting cast.

The Opposite View: Graham Killeen, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

What the Internet Says: 7.0/10 on imdb.com (8/17/09), 37% on rottentomatoes.com, 55/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 5.5/10

Thought this movie sucked balls. I think Keanu was his usual self, but the worst was hearing Forest Whittaker do a "Denzel in Training Day" impression for 2 hours. I mean seriously, the gruff voice he tried to use just sounded comical. I didn't really expect much going in, but I still expected better.

 

[dell71]

Thought this movie sucked balls. I think Keanu was his usual self, but the worst was hearing Forest Whittaker do a "Denzel in Training Day" impression for 2 hours. I mean seriously, the gruff voice he tried to use just sounded comical. I didn't really expect much going in, but I still expected better.

Though I didn't comment on it, I thought Whitaker was a little off as well. However, to me it sounded more like a fake mafia boss accent.

 

[dell71]

Fast and Furious
2009. Rated PG-13, 107 minutes.
Director: Justin Lin.
Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, John Ortiz.

Plot: Street racer/career criminal Dominic Toretto (Diesel) and street racer/undercover cop Brian O'Conner (Walker) reunite to find out who's responsible for the death of Toretto's girlfriend Leti (Michelle Rodriguez).

The Good: With Vin Diesel back in the fold, it really does recapture the magic of the original. Strangely, it positions itself as if 2 Fast 2 Furious never existed and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift has yet to. Given the failures both movies were, it's a wise choice (though I will say 2 Fast is at least a fun and forgivable failure while Tokyo Drift is completely atrocious and therefore, unforgivable). The writers wisely throw in lost of references to the original, adding depth to the current story. Ultimately, it's a stupid movie, but its stupidity is on par with the original. This means, its just smart enough to be exactly what it wants to: a live action, but cgi enhanced, version of a Need for Speed video game.* Of course, this means there are plenty of adrenalin pumping car chases, races and stunts.

The Bad: Like I said, its a stupid movie. Anyone expecting Citizen Kane on Wheels need not bother. There's lots of testosterone driven, brutish and competitive dialogue they seemed to have picked up from 300's cutting room floor. When people are not trying to get each other to fight, they're blaming O'Conner for something. The "twist" in the movie is cute but predictable, mostly because they drop a rather large hint that should've been edited out. Finally, as has been the case with the entire series, everyone overacts. Nearly every line is delivered like its the climactic scene in a Shakespearian tragedy but written like its two grade schoolers setting up an afterschool brawl.

The Ugly: Even though there are foreign cars everywhere, the movie still takes a shot at them when a yahoo fringe character barks "Muscle beats import every time!" Really? If that were so then maybe our auto industry wouldn't be in the shape...wait...this is just a movie review. Sorry.

Recommendation: If you're a fan of the original, or the series in general, have at it. I can see some thinking this is the best of the lot. Personally, I think its just a shade below the original but far better than the others. That still doesn't make it Oscar winning material so check your expectations, and your brain at the DVD menu screen. This is pure popcorn fluff that's not too bad as popcorn fluff goes.

The Opposite View: Connie Ogle, Miami Herald

What the Internet Says: 6.7/10 on imdb.com (8/21/09), 28% on rottentomatoes.com, 45/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6/10

*I believe the original is actually what inspired the Need for Speed franchise but I could have my timeline mixed up.

 

[young2rice]

Yeah definately NFS was out well before the movie. First NFS game was 1994, first movie was 2001. (Unless you're talking about the 1939/1955 movies Fast and Furious)

 

[Ralnakor]

Yeah definately NFS was out well before the movie. First NFS game was 1994, first movie was 2001. (Unless you're talking about the 1939/1955 movies Fast and Furious)

I think he meant the more recent tuner car versions of the game ala NFS: Most Wanted being the first of those. I of course could be wrong.

 

[trojan49er]

Ralkanor you're on the right rack, but they started with NFS Underground which came out in 2003, two years after 1Fast. Whether or not you want to say 1Fast lead to the production of NFSU1 or not is up to you, but the success of 1Fast definitely influenced the success of and the creation of both NFSU1 and its several followups

 

[dell71]

Ralkanor you're on the right rack, but they started with NFS Underground which came out in 2003, two years after 1Fast. Whether or not you want to say 1Fast lead to the production of NFSU1 or not is up to you, but the success of 1Fast definitely influenced the success of and the creation of both NFSU1 and its several followups

This is what I was looking for.

 

[Ralnakor]

Ralkanor you're on the right rack, but they started with NFS Underground which came out in 2003, two years after 1Fast. Whether or not you want to say 1Fast lead to the production of NFSU1 or not is up to you, but the success of 1Fast definitely influenced the success of and the creation of both NFSU1 and its several followups

That's right, not sure why, but I thought Most Wanted was before Underground for some reason.

 

[Nukleopatra]

Dell, I was forced to watch some psycho kids movie called "The Golden Compass". I thought it was terrible, but on the DVD cover it says Roger Ebert gave the movie 4 stars. Have you seen this movie?

Ebert gave Garfield and Land of the lost 3 stars.

The guy is an old, washed up, senile fool.

 

[Buzzman]

I liked Fast and Furious but cant understand how Connor became an FBI agent again.

 

[Nukleopatra]

I liked Fast and Furious but cant understand how Connor became an FBI agent again.

You liked one of the worst movies of the year?

How about the ending? I almost pissed myself laughing. If I honestly thought they meant to make one of the worst movies of the year, I would have given them more credit than I did.

 

[dell71]

You liked one of the worst movies of the year?

How about the ending? I almost pissed myself laughing. If I honestly thought they meant to make one of the worst movies of the year, I would have given them more credit than I did.

For me, I had exceptionally low expectations going in & it was still a whole lot better than Tokyo Drift.