Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[dell71]

Ever seen Stardust. It was surprisingly excellent

Not yet.

 

[dell71]

Punisher: War Zone
2008. Rated R, 10. minutes.
Director: Lexi Alexander.
Starring Ray Stevenson, Dominic West, Julie Benz, Colin Salmon.
Frank Castle AKA The Punisher (Stevenson) continues to hunt down bad guys. One of them, Jigsaw (West) want revenge against him for ruining both his “business” and his good looks. This movie is ultra-violent and ultra-terrible. However, that’s what makes it ultra-great…okay, that was stupid. Anyhoo, it’s the kind of movie where blood splatters everywhere most of the time and when its not its giving you some otherwise gory and disturbing visuals – grandma’s head blown in half, anyone? Yes, it’s the type of movie where the hero literally caves in a bad guy's face with one punch. By caves in, I mean it seems to explode on impact. Oh, occasionally people talk and yes, it’s some of the most god-awful, and thoroughly mono-syllabic dialogue you’ll ever hear. The funniest part of all is that this movie is supposed to be the franchise reboot since the first movie, with Thomas Jane in the lead role, sucked pretty bad. I'm pretty sure this isn't what the head honchos at Marvel had in mind, since they've already declared they will not make another Rated R movie based on one of their comics. Yeah, that was the problem. This is one reboot that manages to be far worse than its predecessor. So of course, this means I loved every second of it and stamp it with my “so bad it’s awesome” seal of approval.
MY SCORE: -10/10

 

[calgaryballer]

I watched it in expectation of so bad its great, but IMO it was just bad. I am a huge Dominic West fan from his Wire days, and the shitty Italian accent and dialogue they saddled him with ruined the movie for me

 

[Buzzman]

How would you rate the Thomas Jane Punisher. I personally enjoyed that one.

 

[riley420]

I thought the Thomas Jane Punisher was pretty good, actually. Better than Daredevil, at least.

 

[red33]

golden compass is the atheists answer to narnia. it was actaully controversial in the christian political community.

 

[dell71]

I watched it in expectation of so bad its great, but IMO it was just bad. I am a huge Dominic West fan from his Wire days, and the shitty Italian accent and dialogue they saddled him with ruined the movie for me

meh...the shitty accent & horrible dialogue is a very big part of why I thought it was terrible, yet awesome.

How would you rate the Thomas Jane Punisher. I personally enjoyed that one.

I thought it was just a run of the mill revenge flick, not particularly bad or good just kinda there. If you changed the main characters name from Frank Castle to anything else no one would have a clue that it had anything to do with Marvel Comics.

I thought the Thomas Jane Punisher was pretty good, actually. Better than Daredevil, at least.

I'm one of a very few who actually like Daredevil. I think people can't see past their hatred of Ben Affleck & let the movie speak for itself. Then again, maybe it is bad & I'm just being a contrarian.

golden compass is the atheists answer to narnia. it was actaully controversial in the christian political community.

Very true, which is why I addressed it in the review. Among recent movies only The Da Vinci Code and the Harry Potter franchise has gotten holy rollers in more of an uproar.

 

[calgaryballer]

meh...the shitty accent & horrible dialogue is a very big part of why I thought it was terrible, yet awesome.


I thought it was just a run of the mill revenge flick, not particularly bad or good just kinda there. If you changed the main characters name from Frank Castle to anything else no one would have a clue that it had anything to do with Marvel Comics.


I'm one of a very few who actually like Daredevil. I think people can't see past their hatred of Ben Affleck & let the movie speak for itself. Then again, maybe it is bad & I'm just being a contrarian.


Very true, which is why I addressed it in the review. Among recent movies only The Da Vinci Code and the Harry Potter franchise has gotten holy rollers in more of an uproar.

I've read a lot of stuff lately saying Dardevil wasn't that bad, and I want to go back and rewatch it for it's own merits again

 

[Buzzman]

they say the directors cut is a lot better

 

[dell71]

JCVD
2008. Rated R, 97 minutes.
Director: Mabrouk El Mechri
Starring Jean Claude Van Damme, Francois Damiens, Zinedine Soualem, Karim Belkhadra.

Plot: Jean Claude Van Damme (playing himself) is a down on his luck actor trying to recapture the past glory of his action star past and piece together his deteriorating personal life. However, he finds himself embroiled in a standoff with the police who suspect him of trying to rob a post-office and holding multiple hostages.

The Good: If you had asked me what I thought of Van Damme’s acting ability before watching this I would’ve said the lamp in my living room has a wider range of emotion. In fact, I would’ve added the only thing he can do that it can’t is a split. And since he’s getting near 50, he might not even be able to do that. However, he’s excellent here. Granted, he’s playing himself but nonetheless he turns in a mesmerizing performance. I give him credit for taking on such an emotionally revealing role. He exposes himself, makes fun of himself and even makes light of his long-running rivalry with fellow aging action hero Steven Segal. Having the movie set in his homeland of Brussels is brilliant. It maximizes the way ordinary people, including his parents, react to him. By the way, Liliane Becker as his mom is outstanding in a limited role. Also, the way the movie bounces back and forth in time is a flawless bit of non-linear storytelling. To top it all off, we get an unexpected ending that pulls at your heartstrings.

The Bad: I would love to have seen more interaction between Van Damme and his daughter. We see shots of him in court during the custody battle over her but hardly any of them actually interacting. Adding this would make that ending even more poignant than it already is. The same goes for some sort of reaction from his ex-wife to what’s going on.

The Ugly: What happens when someone tries to emulate Van Damme and kick a cigarette out of someone’s mouth.

Recommendation: If you didn’t know, I’ve been a self-proclaimed Van Damme hater forever. Of all his movies, I’ve only liked two – Bloodsport and Time Cop. That number grows to three as this is the Van Damme movie for people who don’t like Van Damme movies. It’s certainly much more a drama than an action flick so I suppose that helps. JCVD was perhaps my biggest surprise among 2008 movies. That said, if you’re looking for martial arts, gunplay, explosions, etc…steer clear.

The Opposite View: Kyle Smith, New York Post

What the Internet Says: 7.5/10 on imdb.com (7/19/09), 85% on rottentomatoes.com, 64/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 8/10

 

[Senser81]

dell, sorry to go off topic, but do you remember posting a link to some guy's "one-line movie reviews"? It was hilarious...Blade Runner's line was like "inept cop stumbles upon illegal robots...kills some, fucks one". If you still have that link, could you post it again?

Thanks

 

[dell71]

dell, sorry to go off topic, but do you remember posting a link to some guy's "one-line movie reviews"? It was hilarious...Blade Runner's line was like "inept cop stumbles upon illegal robots...kills some, fucks one". If you still have that link, could you post it again?

Thanks

Here ya go...

Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

 

[dell71]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
2009. Rated R, 92 minutes.
Director: Patrick Tatopoulos
Starring Michael Sheen, Rhona Mitra, Bill Nighy, Steven Mackintosh.

Plot: The origins of the ongoing war between Vampires and Werewolves...Lycans, in Underworld lingo. Prequel to the earlier movies in the series.

The Good: The movie is tightly paced with the dialogue being used to effectively link action scenes. Those action scenes are relentlessly gory and consistently try to "wow" us. The script is brave enough to forcefully imply the obvious parallels between this story and real life slavery as it existed in this country in centuries passed.

The Bad: One of the major problems with prequels is the audience generally knows way too much going in, making it difficult to build tension. It's especially hard in this case since the original movie told us nearly everything with a flashback scene that took maybe 2 minutes. This movie simply tries to stretch that flashback scene to a full-length feature and suffers from over-extending itself. What viewers are left to do is hope the action scenes make up for the lack of mystery. They try but the filmmakers intentions in that department exceed their budget. Granted, most of the movie takes place at night but its so poorly lit, its almost like watching a black screen for 90 minutes. What you can see, namely hundreds of cgi werewolves...lycans...darting through the woods and blood spurting everywhere, looks cheap. Making matters worse, our lead warrior/female vampire is barely more interesting than a bump on a log. Where Kate Beckinsale brought a sexy iciness to essentially the same role (but not the same character), Rhona Mitra as Viktor's (Nighy) daughter Sonja has absolutely zero presence.

The Ugly: That poor guy, make that about a dozen poor guys that get impaled on rather large spears.

Recommendation: What may help this movie is a viewer who isn't familiar with the franchise. For those of us that are, it's the story you already know which renders the whole thing a rather boring affair.

The Opposite View: Joe Leydon, Variety

What the Internet Says: 6.6/10 on imdb.com (8/5/09), 32% on rottentomatoes.com, 44/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4/10

 

[dell71]

Molly
1999. Rated PG-13, 102 minutes.
Director: John Duigan.
Starring Elizabeth Shue, Aaron Eckhart, Thomas Jane, D.W. Moffett.
Buck (Eckhart) has to take care of his adult sister Molly (Shue) who is autistic. Though it starts off similar to Rain Man it soon goes its own route. Admirably, it tries to give us a more rounded view of autism. However, I don't think Elizabeth Shue is quite good enough to pull it off. She makes a valian effort but falls a bit shy of the mark. Part of that is the fault of the material. Its overly manipulative, going to great lengths to teach us that autistics are people, too. At times, it gets to be a bit much, especially when bad movie science rears its head. One minor, yet shallow distraction for me is having both Aaron Eckhart and Thomas Jane in the same cast when I personally feel they bear a strong resemblance to one another. How they've not already been cast as brothers in something is beyond me. Anyhoo, this is a good one for people who enjoy crying at movies...and cry easily. For the rest of us, its meh, nothing more, nothing less.
5/10

 

[Senser81]

Shouldn't this be posted in The Studio??

 

[Ralnakor]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
2009. Rated R, 92 minutes.
Director: Patrick Tatopoulos
Starring Michael Sheen, Rhona Mitra, Bill Nighy, Steven Mackintosh.

Plot: The origins of the ongoing war between Vampires and Werewolves...Lycans, in Underworld lingo. Prequel to the earlier movies in the series.

The Good: The movie is tightly paced with the dialogue being used to effectively link action scenes. Those action scenes are relentlessly gory and consistently try to "wow" us. The script is brave enough to forcefully imply the obvious parallels between this story and real life slavery as it existed in this country in centuries passed.

The Bad: One of the major problems with prequels is the audience generally knows way too much going in, making it difficult to build tension. It's especially hard in this case since the original movie told us nearly everything with a flashback scene that took maybe 2 minutes. This movie simply tries to stretch that flashback scene to a full-length feature and suffers from over-extending itself. What viewers are left to do is hope the action scenes make up for the lack of mystery. They try but the filmmakers intentions in that department exceed their budget. Granted, most of the movie takes place at night but its so poorly lit, its almost like watching a black screen for 90 minutes. What you can see, namely hundreds of cgi werewolves...lycans...darting through the woods and blood spurting everywhere, looks cheap. Making matters worse, our lead warrior/female vampire is barely more interesting than a bump on a log. Where Kate Beckinsale brought a sexy iciness to essentially the same role (but not the same character), Rhona Mitra as Viktor's (Nighy) daughter Sonja has absolutely zero presence.

The Ugly: That poor guy, make that about a dozen poor guys that get impaled on rather large spears.

Recommendation: What may help this movie is a viewer who isn't familiar with the franchise. For those of us that are, it's the story you already know which renders the whole thing a rather boring affair.

The Opposite View: Joe Leydon, Variety

What the Internet Says: 6.6/10 on imdb.com (8/5/09), 32% on rottentomatoes.com, 44/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 4/10

Much as I enjoy seeing Rhona Mitra in a movie, I suspected this movie would be crap and it would seem I wasn't wrong. Definitely going to be avoiding this one unless I get a freak rental spring up.

Any word on Santa's Slay Dell? Lol, I apologize for pushing, just one of those movies that upon seeing the first time, my first thought was of how much you'd love it.

Any intention on seeing that Neill Blomkamp movie District 9?

 

[dell71]

Shouldn't this be posted in The Studio??

The Studio disappeared earlier in the week.

Much as I enjoy seeing Rhona Mitra in a movie, I suspected this movie would be crap and it would seem I wasn't wrong. Definitely going to be avoiding this one unless I get a freak rental spring up.

Any word on Santa's Slay Dell? Lol, I apologize for pushing, just one of those movies that upon seeing the first time, my first thought was of how much you'd love it.

Any intention on seeing that Neill Blomkamp movie District 9?

Funny, I thought about Santa's Slay before coming back into this thread. It's showing up as a "long wait" in my Blockbuster queue. Since my curiousity is up, I'll see if my local BB has a copy on the shelf when I go up there this weekend.

Yes, I'm going to see District 9, just not sure if I'll make it to a theater to do so.

 

[dell71]

Coraline
2009. Rated PG, 100 minutes.
Director: Henry Selick.
Starring Dakota Fanning, Teri Hatcher, Robert Bailey Jr., John Hodgeman.

Plot: In her new home, Coraline (Fanning) discovers a portal to an alternate world with far more attentive versions of her parents and where everything is just a little too perfect.

The Good: At its core, its an update of Alice in Wonderland. That said, it is an effective one. The team behind The Nightmare Before Christmas gives it the appropriate creepiness and oddness. It has a sly sense of humor that, admittedly, might go over the head of some of its target audience. Unlike many animated movies, it doesn't just string together a bunch of exciting scenes, it actually builds tension as it goes along.

The Bad: To build that tension takes a tad too much time. This makes the early part of the movie a bit of a chore to get through. Rather than getting to the point directly, it meanders along its path. That part of the movie would've been helped by having more 3-D stuff. For a 3-D movie, the technology was used rather sparingly.

The Ugly: The old lady with the enormous boobs showing up, on stage, "practically naked."

Recommendation: This is a solidly creepy film that uses effective storytelling and its own all around weirdness to hold your attention. As mentioned, the early parts drag a little and may lose some. Those that hang on will enjoy a nice ride.

The Opposite View: Desson Thomson, Washington Post

What the Internet Says: 8.0/10 on imdb.com (8/7/09), 88% on rottentomatoes.com, 80/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 7/10


Disclaimer: My 3-D experience may have been hindered a bit by my lack of a modern TV. There was very little color & very few things actually seemed to "jump out" at you.

 

[dell71]

Watchmen
2009. Rated R, 162 minutes.
Director: Zack Snyder.
Starring Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

Plot: In the year 1985, it seems someone is hunting down and killing costumed heroes, most of whom belonged to the crime fighting group known as Watchmen. The remaining members try to figure out who is responsible and why.

The Good: Though there are special fx everywhere, this is a character driven story. It contains several compelling figures and a fairly well played love triangle. Decisions are arrived at through some sort of rational process rather than a reliance on superpowers. Then again, it seems most of them don't actually have any superpowers. A movie about superheroes who spend more time talking about and investigating what's going on than actually fighting crime needs strong performances. This movie gives us three: Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian, Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach and Carla Gugino as the original Silk Spectre who simply stole every scene in which she appeared.

The Bad: The whole movie is mired in its own self-importance. It wants two things really badly. First and foremost, it wants to make sure you know you're watching a comic book based...ahem...graphic novel based movie aimed at mature adults. So unlike Sin City, for instance, there's no sense of fun. It's a humorless noir with some sex, a blue guy that walks around naked and such a serious mindset it becomes a drag. Second, it wants to teach us a lesson. That's fine and dandy but the lesson is a little murky due to the fact we're given the type of ending I hate most. It's the type the filmmakers try to pass off as upbeat and happy but if you think about it for ten seconds you realize that just about everything is really screwed up.

The Ugly: Alright geeks, here's your chance to teach me something. Why the hell does the stain on Rorschach's mask keep moving around?

Recommendation: Comic book fans, go ahead and carve a three hour chunk out of your day to watch this and judge for yourself. If you're not a comic book fan you might still like it because the characters are about as grounded in reality as the genre can get. The key word is "might". It drags in places but overall its a solid effort with some nice visuals, interesting characters realized by strong performances and a retarded ending.

The Opposite View: Karina Montgomery, Cinerina

What the Internet Says: 7.9/10 on imdb.com, 64% on rottentomatoes.com, 56/100 on metacritic.com

MY SCORE: 6.5/10

 

[FishStickZ]

Good review. Probably rate it a little higher myself, but I definitely see how the scale for this movie could tip in either direction.

Oh and btw, his mask is heat and pressure sensitive.