Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[wingsfan77]

I really want to use the Pac-Man line next time I meet a girl haha.

 

[Champ]

Good call on Day Breakers.

 

[KillaK]

Your right about the Scott Pilgrim, when it first came out I saw a few people on facebook saying the didn't like it, seriously? I loved it.

 

[dell71]

The Crater Lake Monster
<strong>Directed by William R. Stromberg.</strong>
<em>1977. Rated PG, 85 minutes.
Cast:
Richard Cardella
Glen Roberts
Mark Siegel
Bob Hyman
Richard Garrison
Kacey Cobb
Michael F. Hoover
Suzanne Lewis</em>​

If you’ve been paying attention, you know that I’m always up for a movie that’s so bad it’s awesome. When the filmmaking is inept and/or the story and visuals are bizarre, I’m there. These things lead to what really puts a movie into that category: unintentional humor. That type of humor keeps you laughing all the way through and shaking your head in disbelief how bad, yet good whatever you’re watching is.

Of course, the problem with chasing movies you think might be so bad they’re awesome is you run into some that are just so bad. Soooo bad. My pursuit of the fantasically cheesy or unabashedly strange but enjoyable movies is what brought me to watch <em>The Crater Lake Monster.</em> You have to know the premise to understand why I was hopeful. A meteor falls from the sky and lands in the local lake. Shortly thereafter, a Loch Ness style dinosaur with flippers appears and starts eating people. It’s set in a hick town, complete with bumbling rednecks. It has a do-it-all but terribly confused sheriff and it was made duing the 1970s. This had glorious crap written all over it.

Alas, it’s just crap. Instead of enjoying the badness, I sat through something that was just plain horrible. The acting is cringe-worthy in a bad way. The script is of equal quality. The special fx? Well, our monster has about four different renderings, none of which are any good. It moves about using trusty old stop-motion animation. As you can tell, there is some unintentional humor, here. There is just not enough to make up for the pain the rest of the movie caused me.

<strong>MY SCORE: 0/10</strong>​

 

[dell71]

Everybody’s Fine
<strong>Directed by Kirk Jones.</strong>
<em>2009. Rated PG-13, 99 minutes.
Cast:
Robert De Niro
Kate Beckinsale
Sam Rockwell
Drew Barrymore
Lucian Maisel
Damian Young
James Frain
Melissa Leo</em>​

Frank (De Niro) has recently become a widower. He lives alone while his four adult-children live in four different cities across the country. They are supposed to come see him this weekend for a small family reunion. However, they all cancel at the last minute. Frank then decides to go on a journey to pay each of them a surprise visit.

Of course, Frank discovers that he doesn’t know nearly as much about his kids as he thought. In addition, we’d be hard pressed to say they even give a crap about him, the way they shoo him from one destination to the next. And yes, each of his offspring phones ahead to the next one he’s going to see, so the surprise is shot pretty early.

The melodrama mounts as we, and Frank, realize his kids have been duping him for a long time about a great number of things. Sadly, there’s little mystery. We know that this is all just hurtling towards some great revelations and a happy ending. To make matters worse, we’re robbed of the big dramatic moments and the histrionics that one par for the course for such movies. True, they would’ve been cliché, but they may have added some life to the proceedings. Instead, everything is revealed, to us and Frank, through a supernatural event that fits this movie like a round peg in square hole.

Those of you prone to crying over movies will probably have a few of your tears jerked. For me, it comes off as way too hokey and undeserving of its impressive cast.

<strong>MY SCORE: 5.5/10</strong>​

 

[j.hen]

WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB!

 

[NAHSTE]

The Killing
<strong>Directed by Stanley Kubrick.</strong>

Finally saw it, loved it. The ending is great. That golddigging bitch Sherry really was the worst, wasn't she? And her husband was a fucking rube.

And unlike you, I kind of liked the short runtime, kept things tight I felt.

 

[SOS4Prez]

I thought Everybody's Fine had a couple of powerful scenes. The scene where it all comes together with De Niro and his kids around the dinner-picnic table was well done, but overall it felt like overkill and sad for the sake of sad. They took a topic that was easy to relate to and tossed in a big, unnecessary curveball.

I mean...you'll probably find that movie in the comedy section of a Blockbuster. That shit ain't even a "dramedy." It's 100% drama.

 

[dell71]

Finally saw it, loved it. The ending is great. That golddigging bitch Sherry really was the worst, wasn't she? And her husband was a fucking rube.

And unlike you, I kind of liked the short runtime, kept things tight I felt.

The ending is awesome. No beef with anyone who likes the shortness of it, just felt there could've been lots more.

I thought Everybody's Fine had a couple of powerful scenes. The scene where it all comes together with De Niro and his kids around the dinner-picnic table was well done, but overall it felt like overkill and sad for the sake of sad. They took a topic that was easy to relate to and tossed in a big, unnecessary curveball.

I mean...you'll probably find that movie in the comedy section of a Blockbuster. That shit ain't even a "dramedy." It's 100% drama.

That's precisely where it all fell apart for me. He wasn't told or didn't find out anything...he just magically knew...ugh.

 

[dell71]

Kingdom of the Spiders
<strong>Directed by John Cardos.</strong>
<em>1977. Rated PG, 97 minutes.
Cast:
William Shatner
Tiffany Bolling
Woody Strode
Altovise Davis
Lieux Dressler
David McLean
Natasha Ryan</em>​

Walter Colby, played by the ever-so-awesome Woody Strode, raises cattle. One morning he finds one of his calves laid out in the grass, in pretty bad shape.As you would expect, he calls the local vet, Dr. Robert “Rack” Hansen. Yes, they really call him Rack. Anyhoo, when the good doctor gets there, we find out it’s none other than the original Captain James T. Kirk, William Shatner. Okay, true Trekkies will tell you he’s not the original, but why let the facts get in the way of entertaining prose? So Kirk hauls the calf back to his place but can’t save it and can’t figure out what killed it. Where’s Bones when you need him? This means he has to call up the local university, University of Arizona in this case, and get an expert “down here” to help out. As luck would have it, our expert is a hot blonde who happens to be single. Cpt. Kirk putting the moves on her ensues.

Wait…what? Spiders? Oh, right. The lady from the university, Prof. Diane Ashley, gets the cockamamie idea that the calf was killed by spider venom. Besides constantly trying to show her his phaser, Kirk tells her that’s crazy talk because ain’t no itsy bitsy spider gonna bring down no calf, or something to that effect. He hits on her a few more times during which she manages to blurt out that it might not have been just one spider, but hundreds or even thousands of them.

If you think I’m exaggerating the captain’s sexual aggression I can assure you I am doing no such thing. During one scene, before she’s actually succumbed to his…charm, for lack of a better word, he uninvitedly and creepily walks up behind her and buries his nose in her hair and takes a long, intoxicating sniff. It’s a good thing for him this was during the 1970s. Nowadays, a star commander could get locked up for that sort of thing. Frankly, I’m thankful for his shenanigans. Watching him trying to give her a ride in the captain’s chair keeps the first two acts of the movie entertaining.

On the other hand, watching him turn down some lovin’ is interesting, too. He repeatedly rebuffs the advances of the wife of his deceased brother. She’s also attractive and obviously very horny, you know, since she evidently hasn’t gotten any since her hubby passed. Therefore, she throws it at him whenever she’s anywhere near him. He playfully flirts but ends up teleporting away as fast as possible. Hey, even an intergalactic pimp like James Tiberius has a line he won’t cross. Then again, you have to think if she were green he might’ve went for it. You never know.

Oh yeah, spiders. Once we get to the last act, the spiders kick it into overdrive. They pop up out of everywhere, gang tackle some folks, take down a plane and surround a cabin like the mob of zombies from <em>Night of the Living Dead</em>. Oh, oh, almost forgot, they wrap people in their webs after they kill them. Just wait until you see what they make Walter’s wife do to herself. And I can’t forget what Kirk does with his niece that he’s supposed to be saving. Hi-larious! Seriously, how has this not gotten a super-gory 21st century remake? It should because it’s so bad, it’s awesome!

<strong>MY SCORE: -10/10</strong>​

 

[KillaK]

I love watching a movie and coming into this thread to see if Dell has reviewed it yet.

 

[Derrville]

Fact: I fap to Bitch Slap.

 

[Golden Taters]

Is there going to be an Inception review?

 

[Cody]

Kingdom of the Spiders
<strong>Directed by John Cardos.</strong>
<em>1977. Rated PG, 97 minutes.
Cast:
William Shatner
Tiffany Bolling
Woody Strode
Altovise Davis
Lieux Dressler
David McLean
Natasha Ryan</em>​

Walter Colby, played by the ever-so-awesome Woody Strode, raises cattle. One morning he finds one of his calves laid out in the grass, in pretty bad shape.As you would expect, he calls the local vet, Dr. Robert “Rack” Hansen. Yes, they really call him Rack. Anyhoo, when the good doctor gets there, we find out it’s none other than the original Captain James T. Kirk, William Shatner. Okay, true Trekkies will tell you he’s not the original, but why let the facts get in the way of entertaining prose? So Kirk hauls the calf back to his place but can’t save it and can’t figure out what killed it. Where’s Bones when you need him? This means he has to call up the local university, University of Arizona in this case, and get an expert “down here” to help out. As luck would have it, our expert is a hot blonde who happens to be single. Cpt. Kirk putting the moves on her ensues.

Wait…what? Spiders? Oh, right. The lady from the university, Prof. Diane Ashley, gets the cockamamie idea that the calf was killed by spider venom. Besides constantly trying to show her his phaser, Kirk tells her that’s crazy talk because ain’t no itsy bitsy spider gonna bring down no calf, or something to that effect. He hits on her a few more times during which she manages to blurt out that it might not have been just one spider, but hundreds or even thousands of them.

If you think I’m exaggerating the captain’s sexual aggression I can assure you I am doing no such thing. During one scene, before she’s actually succumbed to his…charm, for lack of a better word, he uninvitedly and creepily walks up behind her and buries his nose in her hair and takes a long, intoxicating sniff. It’s a good thing for him this was during the 1970s. Nowadays, a star commander could get locked up for that sort of thing. Frankly, I’m thankful for his shenanigans. Watching him trying to give her a ride in the captain’s chair keeps the first two acts of the movie entertaining.

On the other hand, watching him turn down some lovin’ is interesting, too. He repeatedly rebuffs the advances of the wife of his deceased brother. She’s also attractive and obviously very horny, you know, since she evidently hasn’t gotten any since her hubby passed. Therefore, she throws it at him whenever she’s anywhere near him. He playfully flirts but ends up teleporting away as fast as possible. Hey, even an intergalactic pimp like James Tiberius has a line he won’t cross. Then again, you have to think if she were green he might’ve went for it. You never know.

Oh yeah, spiders. Once we get to the last act, the spiders kick it into overdrive. They pop up out of everywhere, gang tackle some folks, take down a plane and surround a cabin like the mob of zombies from <em>Night of the Living Dead</em>. Oh, oh, almost forgot, they wrap people in their webs after they kill them. Just wait until you see what they make Walter’s wife do to herself. And I can’t forget what Kirk does with his niece that he’s supposed to be saving. Hi-larious! Seriously, how has this not gotten a super-gory 21st century remake? It should because it’s so bad, it’s awesome!

<strong>MY SCORE: -10/10</strong>​

LOL. I figured it would be about a 1 not a -10

 

[dell71]

Is there going to be an Inception review?

Sometime this week.

 

[Derrville]

Im guessing our tastes might vary but if your looking for another "so bad its good" movie to see, check out Taintlight on Netflix. It was really funny in its own stupid way.

 

[TeflonDonny]

I want you read your thoughts on "The Town". I've never been a fan of Affleck's but this movie was pretty good. I was surprised when the credits rolled and saw that he directed it.

 

[NAHSTE]

Can't wait to read your Inception review. It didn't hold up quite as well as I thought on a second viewing, but still a really impressive feat in filmmaking.

 

[Maynard]

I want you read your thoughts on "The Town". I've never been a fan of Affleck's but this movie was pretty good. I was surprised when the credits rolled and saw that he directed it.

yeah i am looking for a review of the town. I got it DL and will watch it this week. Got inception too. i know nothing about that movie except leo is in it

 

[dell71]

I want you read your thoughts on "The Town". I've never been a fan of Affleck's but this movie was pretty good. I was surprised when the credits rolled and saw that he directed it.

Haven't seen it just yet, will soon. I recommend checking out the first movie he directed, <em>Gone Baby Gone</em>.