Palooza Presents "The 99 Films of 2011"

[Warner2BruceTD]

Your Highess is one of the worst movies i've ever seen.

The post-movie shenanigans right before the credits roll in Hall Pass produced the first laugh from me. It was actually quite hilarious and clever. The movie itself was perfectly described by Palooza - classic Farrelly brother trash. Farrelly brothers suck.

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

93. The Mechanic
Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland, Tony Goldwyn​

Director -
Simon West
Writer(s) -
Richard Wenk and Lewis John Carlino
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 53%
Metacritic Score - 49/100
Viewed - DVD
Stupid remake is stupid. Ben Foster needs to stop making trash, he's actually a good actor. Need an old guy to die in order to progress the plot? Hire Donald Sutherland. The ending ruined what little potential this movie had.
Spoiler Alert - Stath should have died.
Grade - F

 

[Goober]

Are you going from best to worst? Because I'm pretty sure your #99, and #98 movies top Twig's list of movies of the year.

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

92. The Sitter
Jonah Hill, Sam Rockwell, Ari Graynor, Max Records, Method Man, JB Smoove, Landry Bender, Kevin Hernandez​

Director -
David Gordon Greene
Writer(s) -
Brian Gatewood, Alessandro Tanaka
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 23%
Metacritic Score - 39/100
Viewed - decent torrent
The worst Jonah Hill jokes you can think of, plus the three most annoying children in film history and add a dash of overacting by Sam Rockwell and you have the Sitter
Spoiler Alert - Everything works out or something equally stupid
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

91. The Darkest Hour
Emile Hirsch, Max Minghella, Olivia Thirlby, Rachael Taylor, Joel Kinnaman​

Director -
Chris Gorak
Writer(s) -
Jon Spaihts
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 11%
Metacritic Score - 16/100
Viewed - decent torrent
The cheesy filth of this movie can be seen by the poster presented above. Emile Hirsch hasn't made a movie since Milk (I think) and this is the trash he puts out? For shame.
Spoiler Alert - Everyone dies except for the main dude and main chick. Submarines. False hope.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

90. Transformers - Dark of the Moon
Shia Lebeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Patrick Dempsey, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, John Turturro, Kevin Dunn, Ken Jeong, Alan Tudyk​

Director -
Michael Bay
Writer(s) -
Ehrin Kruger
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 35%
Metacritic Score - 42/100
Viewed - the works
I don't need to explain myself here.
Spoiler Alert - I can't even remember. The good guys win.. for now!
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

89. Cowboys & Aliens
Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Sam Rockwell, Adam Beach, Keith Carradine, Walton Goggins​

Director -
Jon Faverau
Writer(s) -
Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, Damon Lindelof, Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 44%
Metacritic Score - 50/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
The action scenes sucked, Daniel Craig was neither an alien nor a cowboy but a robot. Harrison Ford was "just having fun out there". Olivia Wilde looked like an alien. The writing was absolutely god-awful. Jon Faverau's career is quickly going down the drain. Three strikes and you're out; I'll be awaiting the next dud.
Spoiler Alert - Cowboys win.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

88. Bad Teacher
Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake, Jason Segel, Lucy Punch, Phyllis, John Michael Higgins​

Director -
Jake Kasdan
Writer(s) -
Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 44%
Metacritic Score - 47/100
Viewed - In theaters
Cameron Diaz and Mickey Rourke are identical twins, right? Justin Timberlake made me cringe every second he was on screen. I wanted to kill Lucy Punch. Jason Segel played himself, I can deal with that. Tried way too hard to be raunchy and edgy.
Spoiler Alert - Awful people wind up getting what they want.
Grade - F

 

[Warner2BruceTD]

I firmly believe Cameron Diaz is the worst actress of this era. She is the drizzling shits.

I hope all 99 movies get an 'F'. This is so awesome. Curmudgeony and bitter, just how I like it. Hollywood truly sucks.

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

87. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Ian McShane, Geoffrey Rush, Stephen Graham, Kevin McNally, Keith Richards, Sam Claflin, Astrid Bergès-Frisbey​

Director -
Rob Marshall
Writer(s) -
Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 34%
Metacritic Score - 45/100
Viewed - Starz
There was no reason for this. The existence of this movie embodies everything that is wrong with Hollywood today. Overhyped star (Depp) goes on autopilot one more time, this time with both some new and old faces. Barbossa is pathetic, Ian McShane would be scary if we didn't already know that Captain Jack Sparrow is invincible. Penelope Cruz was as hot as ever and probably the only redeeming part of the movie, except sometimes she looks like a dude. I can understand covering up Keira Knightley with a ton of pirate garb, but Penelope Cruz actually has a body, so um, that would be a bad idea. Oh yeah and LOL mermaids. Rob Marshall should go back to lame overrated musicals.
Spoiler Alert - Good guys win, get ready for the next one.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

86. The Art of Getting By
Freddie Highmore, Emma Roberts, Blair Underwood, Rita Wilson​

Director -
Gavin Wiesen
Writer(s) -
Gavin Wiesen
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 17%
Metacritic Score - 36/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
I love you Emma Roberts, but god damnit get a better agent. Freddie Highmore has awkwardly grown up and now he's a slacker artist in NYC. This is a classic coming of age story where people make problems for themselves and other people clean them up. Rich kids feeling sorry for themselves. Boo fucking hoo, kill yourselves. I only watched this for Roberts, so my expectations were low. Expectations were met.
Spoiler Alert - The awkward kid gets the hot girl.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

85. Fright Night
Anton Yelchin, Colin Farrell, Toni Collette, David Tennant, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Dave Franco, Imogen Poots​

Director -
Craig Gillespie
Writer(s) -
Marti Noxon
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 74%
Metacritic Score - 64/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
Yet another piece of the "why was this made" pie. A remake of the 1985 classic fails because of two things - Colin Farrell's overracting and my hatred for all things Toni Collette. This movie never stood a chance in my eyes when she signed on board. I wanted her dead from the get-go, but I knew I'd never get it. Anton Yelchin is pretty fucking annoying, too. And McLovin stay McLovin. This movie is so average it's a failure.
Spoiler Alert - Vampires are real. Jerry is a vampire. McLovin, too. Good guys win again.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

84. The Thing
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen, Eric Christian Olsen, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje​

Director -
Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.
Writer(s) -
Eric Heisserer
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 36%
Metacritic Score - 49/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
Not only is this yet another unnecessary prequel/sequel/remake/unoriginal idea, this is a shitty movie in its own right. So predictable and so stupid. Mary Elizabeth Winstead did a really poor job of portraying a heroine and Joel Edgerton was a very generic character. Everyone else in the cast was useless and killed in one scene, blowing the movies load about 45 minutes in. Foolish. The one redeeming quality about this movie is that those who made it obviously really enjoyed the original and added a few cool homages, but these people just suck at making movies, plain and simple.
Spoiler Alert - They all die and Joel Edgerton's earring is missing.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

83. Scream 4
Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Emma Roberts, Hayden Panetierre, Rory Culkin, Alison Brie, Marley Shelton, Adam Brody, Anthony Anderson, Nico Tortorella, Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, Aimee Teagarden ​

Director -
Wes Craven
Writer(s) -
Kevin Williamson
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 58%
Metacritic Score - 52/100
Viewed - decent torrent
Wes Craven has no balls. This was the perfect opportunity to break conventions and kill the main characters of his horror satire series. Stretching beyond self-parody into just a joke, this movie throws you a curveball on who the main killer is, but then intentionally walks you the rest of the movie. Sidney Prescott, Dewey and/or Gail Cox should be dead. Hayden Panetierre's character was a bad ass and so amazing and she was killed like a bitch by someone who else I loved. Fucking devastating. In b4 Buzzman says "BUT THEY SET YOU UP TO THINK THEY'D ALL DIE AND THEY TWISTED YOU, SHAYAMALAN STYLE!"
Spoiler Alert - Erin Brokovich's neice and Richie Rich's little brother. The big three stay untouched.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

82. The Rum Diary
Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, Aaron Eckhart, Michael Rispoli, Richard Jenkins, Giovanni Ribsi​

Director -
Bruce Robinson
Writer(s) -
Bruce Robinson
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 50%
Metacritic Score - 56/100
Viewed - In theaters
As much as I hate Johnny Depp, I really like the ridiculousness of Hunter S. Thompson's work. Johnny Depp is back in auto pilot, seemingly his only setting these days. Amber Heard is super hot, but she ruins it all by hooking up with Depp. Giovanni Ribsi's over the top character is the only thing that kept me entertained throughout this movie. I can't believe I payed money to see this trash. I blame myself.
Spoiler Alert - Does anything even happen? I don't remember.
Grade - F

 

[Warner2BruceTD]

MOAR F's

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

81. Happythankyoumoreplease
Josh Radnor, Malin Akerman, Kate Mara, Tony Hale, Zoe Kasan, Pablo Schreiber​

Director -
Josh Radnor
Writer(s) -
Josh Radnor
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 39%
Metacritic Score - 45/100
Viewed - Starz
Like most people, I hate Josh Radnor. He's horribly annoying and always so mopey. In this, all of the characters are like that well because his vision is what drives this movie. Malin Akerman is proved useless since she's bald and hideous, Kate Mara is hot but her name is dumb and anybody who is into Radnor's character is a no-go in my book. Tony Hale was the only saving grace, but he wasn't himself he was very straight laced and into Akerman's bald character. It was pretty shitty.
Spoiler Alert - I don't remember anything significant happening. I may have fallen asleep.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

99 Films of 2011

80. The Debt
Helen Mirren, Jessica Chastain, Tom Wilkinson, Marton Csokas, Ciaran Hinds, Sam Worthington, Jesper Christensen​

Director -
John Madden
Writer(s) -
Matthew Vaughn, Jane Goldman, Peter Straughan, Assaf Bernstein, Ido Rosenblum
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 76%
Metacritic Score - 65/100
Viewed - HQ torrent
This movie has a hard time being exciting. It tries really hard, but it just gets so boring at most points. The plot has way too much going on and even with that, I was still bored. The acting is top notch and the directing is pretty decent, but the story brings this movie down. It's also about Jewish redemption and we all know Eric Bana is the only one who is allowed to do that. Also, Sam Worthington is possibly the worst actor in the world.
Spoiler Alert - Helen Mirren kills the nazi doctor... again.
Grade - F

 

[Palooza]

MOAR F's

79-70 coming tomorrow, with plenty of F's...

 

..they're all F's.

 

[Palooza]

I thought The Mechanic was off the hook

MattUM's Movies That Are Off The Hook

1. The Mechanic
Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland, Tony Goldwyn​

Director -
Simon West
Writer(s) -
Richard Wenk and Lewis John Carlino
Rotten Tomatoes Score - 53%
Metacritic Score - 49/100
It was off the hook.
Spoiler Alert - Stath should have been named President.
Grade - A++