World Championship Wrestling - January 12, 1991
I panic a little when I see Jim Ross standing by himself following the cold open, but i'm put at ease when he informs me that my new favorite announcer, Bob Caudle, is simply taking a week off and will return next week.
Also, the show is only 90 minutes this week, due to a Hawks/Knicks game that starts at 7:35. Four future NBA head coaches and three Hall of Famers played in that game:
http://www.basketball-reference.com/boxscores/199101120NYK.html
Our feature bout tonight is Sid Vicious vs Norman. Meh. Ross also tells us that they will be showing footage from the house show at the Meadowlands last night. House show footage? Hmm. Why on earth would they do that?
Flyin' Brian vs Mark Kyle
After many years of doing WCW jobs, Mark Kyle would get a mild push in Smoky Mountain Wrestling a few years after this as 'Killer' Kyle. Flyin' Brian was not rocking his tiger stripe trunks this week (or last week), but that doesn't stop Jim Ross from endlessly reminding us that he is a former Cincinnati Bengal. Ross tells us that Brian will be cheering on his former teammates when they face the Raiders in the playoffs tomorrow (they lost
http://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/199101130rai.htm).
The story here is the lumbering Kyle can't keep up with the speedy Brian. Kyle complains to the ref that Brian is grabbing the tights for leverage, but Nick Patrick is having none of it. Brian hits a crossbody from the top rope, and picks up the win. This man is being pushed.
Ricky Morton vs "Wild" Bill Irwin
We are told Robert Gibson is rehabbing a knee injury, caused by those dastardly Freebirds, so Morton is on his own. He's got some tough competition today in Wild Bill Irwin, a scrappy veteran of many territories and former AWA World Tag Team champ. Irwin would later go on to work in the WWF as THE GOON, during that mid 90's era when Vince was determined to tick the box of every remaining profession that hadn't been covered by a gimmick up to that point, including hockey player, garbage man (Duke "The Dumpster" Droese), plumber (TL Hopper), baseball player (Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz), and whatever Freddy Joe Floyd and Alex "The Pug" Pourteau were supposed to be.
Wild Bill dominates the action, and appears to be on the verge of an upset. Some very 90's looking women with huge hair and shoulder pads are shown shrieking 'Riiiiiickeeeey!' in the front row. After a long heat spot (with enough chin locks to make Randy Orton blush), Morton hot tags himself, and makes a bit of a comeback, but he is cut off (leading to another chin lock). Irwin is great here, interacting with the crowd and showing tremendous charisma. Irwin has Morton beat, but decides to bypass a pin attempt in favor of dishing out more punishment. He climbs the top rope, taunts Morton, and if you've seen one wrestling match in your life you can probably figure out what happens next. Morton rolls out of the way, and quickly cradles Irwin to steal the win. Ross says Irwin will be kicking himself when he watches the tape back, and that Morton is headed to 'the pay window'. Good match. I liked how Morton sold forever, even in a singles match.
Renegade Warriors vs The State Patrol
I got very excited when I saw Lt James Earl Wright & Sgt Buddy Lee Parker, because The State Patrol rules. But I was very disappointed when the Renegade Warriors came out to face them. I really, really dislike the Youngbloods. At one point, State Patrol does a lucha style tag without an actual tag, which promoted Ross to remind us to stay tuned for the TBS debut of "Spanish star" Konnan. Later in the match, the Youngbloods do the same thing, and make a tag without actually tagging. Apparently the ref is ok with lucha rules for this match, so the hell with it, so am I. I hate the Youngbloods, so I fast forward. They won.
Paul E makes his first appearance, to interview the winners. He reminds them that they are facing the Horseman (Arn & Windham) at Clash of the Champions, and says "Let's face it, most people think you guys are in way over your heads". Tell em, Paul. Chris, or maybe it's Mark (I can't tell these guys apart, they look more identical than the Briscoes), or maybe it's Jay (well, it can't be Jay, he's dead), whichever Youngblood it was, he starts to scream about something something Horseman, something something we give our all every time, something something we have no charisma, before Arn Anderson & Barry Windham interrupt. Paul E pops for this as he is genuinely excited to see the Horseman show up. Oddly, Arn is wearing his gear, but Barry is looking like a dad at a Little League game with jeans, Member's Only jacket, and Nike Air Max. A brawl ensues, Paul E bails, the heels are run off, and the Youngbloods start screaming again. I will enjoy the upcoming loss at Clash immensely.
Z-Man vs Tom Burke
You know, Z-Man talked all that shit about being a fighting World TV champion, but in back to back weeks he has faced Dr. X and Tom Burke. Not exactly Thesz & Gotch, here. Every time Z-Man (or anybody else) lands a kick of any kind, Ross calls it a karate kick. Ross goes on to say that Antonio Inoki is the master of the karate kick. OK. Z-Man wins a sloppy match with his top rope drop (karate) kick. Zenk is way sloppier in the ring than I remember.
Paul E is interviewing Z-Man, who is stumbling through a bad promo, when Terry Taylor interrupts. Paul E pops again. He really seems like he is enjoying himself. Taylor is whining to Z-Man again about his lack of title shots. This brings out Bobby Eaton, who is facing Zenk at Clash. Eaton mumbles something. He's bad at talking. Taylor cons Eaton into putting up his title shot in a match against him later tonight. Eaton, for some reason, accepts this no win situation. Zenk agrees to face whoever wins, because he's a fighting champion and will face anybody, any time. I'll say (Dr. X, Tom Burke). Paul E goes into convulsions over the idea of Taylor vs Eaton. I feel ya, Paul.
Sid Vicious vs Norman
Flashback to three weeks ago, when Sid attacked Norman at ringside, who was dressed as Santa, and smashed his head into the ring post. Norman wants revenge.
Norman is doing his "trucker" gimmick at this point. In the pantheon of awful Mike Shaw gimmicks, this ranks somewhere in between Friar Furgeson and Bastion Booger. Sid is killing him. Norman rolls out of the ring and appears to be popping pills. Insert joke here. Ross tells us that Norman's mama gave him aspirin to fight off the headaches caused by the post shot shown earlier. What? Sid throws Norman head first into the post AGAIN. He rolls the big man into the ring, and wins with a legdrop. I think these head shots are leading up to a gimmick change.
It's time for the Meadowlands house show highlights Ross promised. They show footage of the "football challenge" between Big Cat (w/Paul E) & Luger (w/Lawrence Taylor). Both men are in full football pads, and to win you must knock your opponent over the top rope. Luger wins. They spend a good 5 minutes or so on this.
Now this is strange. The next highlight is Ric Flair beating Sting to win his seventh World Title. WHAT?! That's right, we have a new WORLD CHAMPION, and this is the first mention of this gigantic news in the entire show. Not only that, they show a brief clip of the finish, and immediately cut to commercial. No Flair promo, no Sting promo, nothing. AND THEN THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW. They spend a good five minutes on the Big Cat/Luger football thingy, including Ross breaking it down in detail with slow mo replays like Ron Jaworski breaking down Jaguars/Titans tape on Edge NFL Matchup, but the World Title change warrants a cursory mention in passing. I don't get it.
Konnan vs Joe Cazana
This was amazing, because it was a very young, very masked Konnan. He looked like a jacked up La Sombra, and moved like La Sombra too. I couldn't believe my eyes. He was doing things I can't even describe that would be state of the art some 22 years later. I saw plenty of Konnan from around 1993, 1994, sans mask, and he was basically the same immobile muscle head that everybody is familiar with. This begs the question, what happened to this man in 1992? That Cien Caras feud must have killed the poor guy. If Konnan had looked half this good as Max Moon, that gimmick would have been a smash hit. And after all that flying, he won the match with a perfectly (no pun intended) executed fisherman's buster. Watch this match right now.
Missy Hyatt is interviewing Alexandra York. Paul E interrupts and calls Hyatt a whore. She storms off saying "I thought this was just business, and you make it personal!" It's a shoot!
Rick Steiner vs Jeff Sword
Sword is a jobber straight out of central casting. Pasty, out of shape, bad hair cut, late 30's, generic gear, completely devoid of athleticism. I skipped this. We can safely assume Steiner won.
Terry Taylor vs Beautiful Bobby - winner gets World TV Title shot at Clash of the Champions
Notice it's Flyin' Brian, Z-Man, Beautiful Bobby, etc. WCW was clearly dipping the toes into the gimmick pool, but afraid to jump in. Bobby is announced as hailing from "The Darkside". lol. WCW is trying very hard to give some color to this very talented, yet pasty looking chubber. Some guys are just workhorses. And that's ok. Eaton looked 50 when he was 20. And even when he finally cut his awful mullet, you kinda wished he would grow it back, because with the short hair he looked like a 50 year old lesbian.
This one was unscheduled, so it's "tv time remaining". Ugh. I smell a draw. A minute in, the ring announcer does the old "
Three minutes of TV time remaining, three minutes!" Yep, now I KNOW it's a draw. And it was. And it was awful. It was basically Eaton stalling out the time. Why did he accept the match in the first place? This was RAW levels of lack of logic. What a letdown.
Best Match - Konnan vs Joe Cazana. I still can't believe this guy was
that Konnan.
Worst Match - Taylor vs Eaton. One long rest hold, no logic, ends in a draw. I would have had Taylor lose to give him more fuel for his crybaby gimmick.
