Article: Palooz Presents: 2013 in Film

Palooza · Apr 24, 2014

Palooza said:
60. The Counselor
Michael Fassbender, Cameron Diaz, Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz, Brad Pitt, Rosie Perez, Natalie Dormer, Edgar Ramirez, John Leguizamo, Dean Norris, Goran Visnjic, Ruben Blades, Bruno Ganz, Emma Rigby, Donna Air, Fernando Cayo, Sam Spruell, Richard Brake, Alex Hafner

Director(s): Ridley Scott
Writer(s): Cormac McCarthy
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: October 25th
RT Score: 34% (65 fresh, 134 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: After being told in a million different ways that he is going to be in over his head, The Counselor (Michael Fassbender) gets in over his head in the drug trade as everything that can possibly go wrong for him, does.
Comments:
Cormac McCarthy is a great writer. He has the short & sweet, dark, depressing and violent down pat. Cormac McCarthy is not a screenwriter. He is a novelist. With the Counselor, his first non-adaptation screenplay, it is obvious the man needs a filter. A filter preferably by the name of Coen, but a filter nonetheless. The movie is a series of long, drawn out monologues about the drug trade and how they reflect everyday philosophies with a few glimpses at some creative violence. On paper, this should work, but it doesn't. I don't blame any specific person; everyone seems to do their job quite well actually - everything is well acted (except one person), Ridley Scott's slick directing works perfectly here and the writing is top notch (except the repetitive plot line of 'speech about not getting into what hes getting into' followed by heinous act of violence, rinse and repeat), if a little heavy handed. The problems reside in the aforementioned need for McCarthy's work to go through a filter, overseen by a top tier writer/director team and also, the biggest problem, is the only character who doesn't seem to have shit fall at their feet at every turn is played by the least likable actress on earth, an absolute piece of dog shit of a human. Cameron Diaz - :marty: if you are not cast in this role I could have tricked myself into believing this was a good movie, but no. You make out like a fucking bandit while everyone else cries or dies. Seriously, fuck you.

There's a lot of enjoyment to pull out of this movie if you aren't getting caught up in the high expectations that are created by how great this movie looks on paper. The violence is great, the dark worldview is signature McCarthy, and the combination of the words and how they roll off the actor's tongues is ear porn. Unfortunately, Cameron Diaz is cast in the meatiest role and meanwhile Assbender spends the entire movie reacting to speeches given by other characters or being upset he didn't heed anyone's soliloquial advice.

Spoiler Alert: Penelope Cruz doesn't look as good without a head. Diaz gets over on em all.
Grade: C+

Palooza said:
59. Iron Man 3
Robert Downey Jr, Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall, Ben Kingsley, James Badge Dale, Stephanie Szostak, Jon Faverau, Ty Simpkins, Paul Bettany, Ashley Hamilton, William Sadler, Dale Dickey, Adam Pally

Director(s): Shane Black
Writer(s): Drew Pearce, Shane Black
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Release Date: May 3rd
RT Score: 78% (219 fresh, 61 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Iron Man has to save the world from bad guys.
Comments:
The major talking point for Iron Man 3 is the handling of the Mandarin and the overall spectrum of villainy. So, if you haven't seen the movie and care about details you should piss off right about .... now. There will be spoilers throughout this "review", but not quite yet...

This is the first look at the Marvel Cinematic Universe post-Avengers and it's significantly underwhelming. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (for the rest of the way will be referred to as MCU) has a very distinct formula that works almost perfectly, but when it is not executed as best as it can be or the little sprinkles that rises these movies up beyond mediocrity fall flat, you have yourself a problem. Not unlike it's lazy, embarrassing predecessor, the film relies much too heavily on Robert Downey Jr's charisma, which is perfectly placed without some really nice action set pieces. Unlike Iron Man 2, the execution is much more properly done here. However, there's the botched "twist" and bastardization of a well known villain matched up with an excessive amount of Pepper Potts, a weak Iron Man-less second act and a cartoonish villain.

Let's not ignore what the film actually does very well - Shane Black is an action movie god. The combination of action and humor is unmatched by anybody else in the business. Robert Downey Jr's comeback came almost entirely from his brilliant turn as Harry in Black's Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, add this to RDJ's comfort with the character and you have a wonderful film on paper. On paper. The attack on Stark's house is an amazing display of high scale destruction. The ominous nature of the Mandarin is absolutely beautiful... up until the reveal. And this is where I run out of nice things to say about the movie. Beyond the action and RDJ's charisma, there is a lot left to be desired. Up until the twist reveal, you are able to tolerate Guy Pearce's cartoonish villain, but once we find out the Mandarin is just a puppet for Pearce's bitter genius, your dick goes from midnight back down to six. It's really underwhelming and we spend the rest of the movie following Pearce as he manipulates Pepper Potts and she becomes an awful sidekick to Iron Man. She is infected with some shit that makes everybody superstrong and she kicks some ass at the end of the movie, much to my disappointment. It's weak and ridiculous. I hated every second of it. That's not to mention that the entire second act consists of Tony Stark and no Iron Man as he struggles to regain his "powers" and hangs around with a dumb and annoying child. Wildly disappointing.

Spoiler Alert: Iron Man wins.
Grade: C+

we've moving on to page 6, don't want these to get lost in the shuffle...

Palooza · Apr 24, 2014

58. Pacific Rim
Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day. Max Martini, Robert Kazinsky, Ron Perlman, Clifton Collins Jr, Burn Gorman, Diego Klattenhoff, Ellen McLain

Director(s): Guillermo del Toro
Writer(s): Guillermo del Toro, Travis Beachum
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Release Date: July 12th
RT Score: 72% (181 fresh, 72 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Monsters attack the world, robots and neural handjobs are the only way to save the world.
Comments:
Yeah, sure this movie is pretty good. There's some strong action and one guy actually acting, but there are few things more displeasing than consuming something that is only pretty good, when you KNOW it should be great. This movie should be in my top ten. But it's not. It's a colossal disappointment and I don't blame anybody for finding enjoyment in it, because I certainly did. But the blind supporters of this film make me hate it even more than I want to. For instance, try saying something negative about it on reddit. It was hard not to boost your expectations up to 100 when there was a non-sequel, non-remake, non-superhero, non-comic book that revolved around giant robots fighting giant monsters. How could it go wrong? In almost every single way. I will state that the movie looks absolutely stunning and there's one amazing scene that woulda been a fucking sweet short film if left as is.

There are problems throughout the entire movie and it's impossible for me to ignore, even with my brain completely shut off. I don't even know where to start so I'll just jump right into it. Besides the fact that the entire movie plays out like Top Gun, the plot is somehow obnoxiously complicated and simple simultaneously. The lingo is absolutely horrendous with neural handjobs being dropped left and right, obnoxious names like Stacker Pentecost and Raleigh Beckett, (which were most certainly formed the same you do your porn name - by combining your first pet's name and the street you grew up on) and Charlie Day slinging exposition at every chance. The whole movie is force-fed to you with each character's dialogue consisting of explaining exactly what is going on in the moment. They're even kind enough to tell you how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way. This actually winds up being a blessing in disguise because there is absolutely no acting going on from anybody in the movie, except for Idris Elba, who does his best but nobody seems to be able to keep up. Charlie Hunnam goes straight into Jax Teller mode, losing his accent and flaring his nostrils at every opportunity, as if him explaining his emotions weren't bad enough. His co-horts consist of the prototypical hot head who doesn't respect the main character and the old, wise fella who respects the main character and apologizes for the hot head. All three of these characters look exactly the same and if I hadn't been so well versed in telling white people apart, I would have gotten lost. Add Hunnam's brother in from the beginning (you guessed it - he dies and it affects Hunnam's outlook on life) is Homeland Mike, who is the most generic looking white guy in Hollywood.

So a majority of the movie follows these fuckboys as they squad up inside of a robot, needing two because one needs to control one half of the robot and another needs to control the other half but they need to merge their brains. Like I said, so retardedly simple, it's complicated. Why does this need to happen? Who gives a fuck, we need personal connection to run through the film! We need these characters to exude emotion some how. Kill partners, affect the surviving partner's outlook on life! Use neural handjobs as excuses for flashbacks and exposition! Use neural handjobs to reconnect two damaged people! Don't you see! The asian girl and Jax Teller are a perfect match! CAN'T YOU SEE! LOOK! YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU! These two are supposed to be absolutely 110% a match, but only because the movie tells you that. How do we know otherwise? They fight with sticks and somehow thats them connecting on a personal level. Look, we fought with sticks now we are drift compatible! I very much enjoy turning my brain off and enjoying shit exploding, but not if the movie makes me feel dumber afterward.

I really don't want to knock del Toro's directing because the movie is fucking beautiful, but it's kind of comical how not-scary the kaijus are. There is nothing dark or ominous about them. There is a way to manipulate the camera so that things look gigantic and horrifying and make the people look small and helpless. Here, they always present things on an even scale, so why am I supposed to be afraid of these things? Robots and Kaijus go head to head and even if the robot gets its ass torn apart, I do not feel threatened. The movie fails to present the bad guys as terrifying, something that could have gone a long way into my emotional investment in the film. I didn't care about anything because I didn't have to. There is one scene when Hunnam and the AZN girl are first neurally fingerblasting eachother or w/e and he sees a horrifying memory of hers. In it, a small asian girl runs away from an absolutely gigantic and terrifying monster that is causing a ridiculous amount of destruction. As everything falls down around her, she crouches into a little ball, ash and dust pouring out from every angle. This is hands down the best scene in the film, but we never get a glimpse of the kaijus like this. It's always from an aerial view or at a distance, which is not the proper way to portray a horrifying monster.

The potential was through the roof, the execution was subpar. Flame away, mfers.

Spoiler Alert: They cancel the apocalypse.
Grade: C+

SethMode · Apr 24, 2014

I was in the hospital when I watched Pacific Rim, a movie that I had been dying to see. I was going so stir crazy for anything to do (stuck there, no TV for the majority of the week), that I thought that a movie I was really excited for would be a slam dunk, and that I would be biased because of my circumstance.

I was very underwhelmed. I wanted to love it so much, but I just found almost every aspect to range anywhere from just missing the mark, to HUGELY missing the mark. Less surprising: my Mom and girlfriend hated it.

NAHSTE · Apr 24, 2014

I saw Pacific Rim in a theather at an afternoon showing with a friend, we were both sufficiently #altered and stuffed full of burritos. I knew it was gonna be dumb as fuck but I had a great time. Totally concede on all of Palooza's criticisms, not gonna go out of my way to defend it. Just wanted to say I saw it in an ideal setting and subsequently enjoyed it.

SethMode · Apr 24, 2014

NAHSTE said:
I saw Pacific Rim in a theather at an afternoon showing with a friend, we were both sufficiently #altered and stuffed full of burritos. I knew it was gonna be dumb as fuck but I had a great time. Totally concede on all of Palooza's criticisms, not gonna go out of my way to defend it. Just wanted to say I saw it in an ideal setting and subsequently enjoyed it.

I definitely regret not seeing it in the theater when I had the chance, as I'm certain that's the way this movie is "meant to be seen".

Palooza · Apr 24, 2014

I also saw it in best situation possible and enjoyed it fine, but felt really disappointed. I told all my friends it was going to be fucking sweet when we left Iron Man 3 really disappointed. I distinctly remember saying "Don't worry, Iron Man was pretty whack but Pacific Rim is going to fucking fantastic." And then we saw it and those simps liked it so much more than me. :suicide:

I just dropped my longest review and I complained the whole time but that's because I just rewatched it on HBO. Problems are glaring when you're not salivating over the beauty of it.

Palooza · Apr 24, 2014

57. Europa Report
Anamaria Marinca, Micheal Nyqvist, Karolina Wydra, Daniel Wu, Sharlto Copley, Christian Camargo, Embeth Davidtz, Dan Fogler, Isiah Whitlock, Jr

Director(s): Sebastian Cordero
Writer(s): Philip Gelatt
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Release Date: August 2nd
RT Score: 80% (59 fresh, 15 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: A group of people venture to one of Jupiter's moons to disastrous results.
Comments:
Europa Report is a soul crushing survival in space movie that uses the found footage genre in one of the better ways since it's introduction. The film follows a handful or so of people on a privately funded mission from Earth to Jupiter's moon, Europa. The mission is a series of bad situations and lots of self sacrifice. They do a good job of crushing expectations, as you can see by the order of death in the spoiler alert section, the person they portray as the main character dies very early on, jumping to the next logical main character and killing them next. Once they land on the moon, the movie introduces the ominous blue light/potential alien life that fills in as the villain along with the horrifying nature of space in general. Michael Nyqvist is probably the best character along with Anamaria Marnica as an engineer who slowly loses his mind and the unlikely hero of the film, respectively. A dark and scary space thriller, Europa Report is a surprisingly solid movie and a quick watch so long as you can get past the found footage, docu-style filmmaking.

Spoiler Alert:

Grade: B-

Palooza · Apr 24, 2014

56. Shadow Dancer
Clive Owen, Andrea Riseborough, Gillian Anderson, Aiden Gillen, Domhnall Gleeson, Brid Brennan, David Wilmont, Stuart Graham, Martin McCann

Director(s): James Marsh
Writer(s): Tom Bradby
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: May 31st
RT Score: 82% (71 fresh, 16 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: After being caught in the middle of a botched attack, IRA member Collette (Andrea Riseborough) agrees to spy on her IRA family for Mi5 Agent Mac (Clive Owen)
Comments:
A dark and gritty look at a woman torn between her freedom and her family, Shadow Dancer is a nice little paranoia thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat, rooting for the main character and sympathizing with her causes. Everything is well acted and there are a lot of familiar faces. The ending is a bit flat, a quick twist that is mostly unsatisfying, quick and complicated and there lacks any real excitement minus constant tension she will be caught and/or killed. It reminded me of the boring, but tense parts of The Americans. A "cold war" so to speak that everyone tip toes around, using people as pawns toward a goal they aren't exactly sure of besides getting over on the other side.

Spoiler Alert:

Grade: B-

mgoblue2290 · Apr 24, 2014

Europa Report was pretty awesome. I stumbled upon it randomly and liked how everything played out. It seemed pretty low budget too but they did a good job with everything. The ending was definitely well done. Solid sci fi flick.

I felt just Palooza walking into Pacific Rim. Fully accepted it was just going to be an awesome action flick but I still ended up not liking it. Just couldn't get into it.

LiquidLarry2GhostWF · Apr 24, 2014

Pacific Rim was crap...but fuck it, its got giant robots and giant monsters beating each other up.

:kanye:

/SRS, if not for the Smith Family in that one movie...Charlie Hunnam should have won a Razzie for his performance in PR. Total shit.

I really liked Europa Report.

Buzzman · Apr 24, 2014

The execution of the fights in Pacific Rim were total shit. I couldnt tell who was fighting who, what parts they were hitting, and then the random fucking sword that destroys everything not being used by every robot. They grab trains to swing at the monsters, they fire guns that dont do anything to them, then finally on the brink of defeat, pull out this giant sword that kills anything that moves. What the fuck did you grab the train for? There was not a single reason Hunnam should've survived the ending except they wanted to bring him back for round 2.

LiquidLarry2GhostWF · Apr 25, 2014

Buzzman said:
The execution of the fights in Pacific Rim were total shit. I couldnt tell who was fighting who, what parts they were hitting, and then the random fucking sword that destroys everything not being used by every robot. They grab trains to swing at the monsters, they fire guns that dont do anything to them, then finally on the brink of defeat, pull out this giant sword that kills anything that moves. What the fuck did you grab the train for? There was not a single reason Hunnam should've survived the ending except they wanted to bring him back for round 2.

You're judging how giant monsters and giant robots would fight.

Seriously..no one hasn't quite gotten "big shit fighting other big shit" right yet on the big screen. Its either really corny and old school like the old Godzilla versus movies or its eye-hurting, confusing shit like Transformers.

To be fair, Pacific Rim had better use of wide shots for the big fights than fuckin Transformers.

dell71 · Apr 25, 2014

Iron Man 3 and Pacific Rim were both thoroughly "meh" but shoulda coulda woulda been great.

Europa Report was a pleasant surprise.

Palooza · Apr 25, 2014

55. Sightseers
Steve Oram, Alice Lowe

Director(s): Ben Wheatley
Writer(s): Steve Oram, Alice Lowe
MPAA Rating: Unrated
Release Date: May 10th
RT Score: 85% (81 fresh, 14 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Chris and Tina decide to go on a road trip and relieve some stress.
Comments:
I decided to see this movie based on the merit of Ben Wheatley's last movie, Kill List, which is a genre bending horror-thriller with an amazing ending that leaves your soul crushed. Sightseers is much of the same, but plays with different genres. Here we get a strange, dark, road trip murder-comedy. The execution is hit or miss, but the ending is so well done that it leaves a great taste in your mouth. The two leads are pretty great and seeing as how they wrote the movie, they perfection makes sense. Worth a look and definitely much better than the only other murder-comedy I can think of off the top of my head, God Bless America

Spoiler Alert:

Grade: B-

Buzzman · Apr 25, 2014

LiquidLarry2GhostWF said:
You're judging how giant monsters and giant robots would fight.

Seriously..no one hasn't quite gotten "big shit fighting other big shit" right yet on the big screen. Its either really corny and old school like the old Godzilla versus movies or its eye-hurting, confusing shit like Transformers.

To be fair, Pacific Rim had better use of wide shots for the big fights than fuckin Transformers.

I didnt mean how they actually fight, but the use of constant rain and ocean water made the fight feel chaotic to the eyes. At times I couldn't tell what exactly was going on because of it. Then the monsters reacted the way the film wanted them too. When that won robot power went out in the ocean and Hunnam came in to save the day, the monsters didnt try and attack and destroy it. They didnt get much of anything right with these things. I kind of wish the movie would have taken place at the beginning when they first came out of the the "rift" rather than years later with these four or five working robots left.

SethMode · Apr 25, 2014

Buzzman said:
I didnt mean how they actually fight, but the use of constant rain and ocean water made the fight feel chaotic to the eyes. At times I couldn't tell what exactly was going on because of it. Then the monsters reacted the way the film wanted them too. When that won robot power went out in the ocean and Hunnam came in to save the day, the monsters didnt try and attack and destroy it. They didnt get much of anything right with these things. I kind of wish the movie would have taken place at the beginning when they first came out of the the "rift" rather than years later with these four or five working robots left.

He was mostly agreeing with you, by my assessment...

Palooza · Apr 25, 2014

54. You’re Next
Sharni Vinson, Nicholas Tucci, Wendy Glenn, A.J. Bowen, Joe Swanberg, Barbara Crampton, Rob Moran, Margaret Laney, Amy Seimetz, Ti West, Lane Hughes, L.C. Holt, Simon Barrett, Larry Fessenden, Kate Lyn Sheil, Calvin Reeder

Director(s): Adam Wingard
Writer(s): Simon Barrett
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: August 23rd
RT Score: 74% (103 fresh, 36 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: A family is attacked in their cabin.
Comments:
This movie is mostly a basic, run of the mill slasher flick where people die one by one. I love these kinds of movies and even though this is poorly acted and set up like it's going to be the same old shit. Except, unlike the disappointing The Purge this movie turns one of the victims into a bad ass, almost villain. That's what I wanted from Lena Headey. This is what we get from Sharni Vinson. I'm getting a bit into spoilers here, but it's nothing too specific, all of those will be in the spoiler section. However if you wanna go in blind, beware. Okay, so halfway through the movie, after the initial attack is over and we're regrouping the film takes a neat little shift where one of the brother's girlfriends, Erin (Sharni Vinson) is revealed to have been brought up as a survivalist by her paranoid dad in the Australian Outback and she starts kicking some major ass. The director does a nifty trick where all her moves become ominous and she only pops up to kill or fight off one of the bad guys. The camera stops following the victims and starts following the attackers as they roam around the house trying to fight off Erin. A fucking sweet ass role reversal that is almost fucking exactly what I wanted The Purge to turn into once I realized it was going to be a weak home invasion movie. If you can't get into this transition, there's a chance you dislike this movie, I can understand that. For me, though, I was totally in. It completely drew me right back in once I started to get bored with the concept. The acting really sucks too, btw.

Spoiler Alert:

Grade: B-

Palooza · Apr 25, 2014

53. A Single Shot
Sam Rockwell, Jeffrey Wright, Kelly Reilly, Jason Isaacs, Joe Anderson, Ophelia Lovibond, Ted Levine, William H. Macy, Amy Sloan, William Earl Brown, Heather Lind, Christie Burke

Director(s): David M. Rosenthal
Writer(s): Matthew F. Jones (also based on his novel)
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: September 20th
RT Score: 51% (21 fresh, 20 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: A hunter accidentally kills someone in the woods and finds a sack of money. Mayhem ensues.
Comments:
This like a not as good Winter's Bone/No Country For Old Men hybrid. A seemingly normal guy with a few problems gets himself into deep trouble with some murder happy mfers after finding a bag of money. Everything here is pretty good, but it never really elevates itself into a great movie, especially with all the talent involved. Well, with the exception of the director with this being the only 'real' movie he's ever actually made. It could have been a lot better, but it still has a lot of good stuff in there that it's watchable. Like I said, it has a poor man's Winter's Bone feel/mood and a poor man's No Country For Old Men type-plot.

Spoiler Alert:

Grade: B-

Pitty · Apr 25, 2014

Palooza said:
58. Pacific Rim
Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, Rinko Kikuchi, Charlie Day. Max Martini, Robert Kazinsky, Ron Perlman, Clifton Collins Jr, Burn Gorman, Diego Klattenhoff, Ellen McLain

Director(s): Guillermo del Toro
Writer(s): Guillermo del Toro, Travis Beachum
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Release Date: July 12th
RT Score: 72% (181 fresh, 72 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Monsters attack the world, robots and neural handjobs are the only way to save the world.
Comments:
Yeah, sure this movie is pretty good. There's some strong action and one guy actually acting, but there are few things more displeasing than consuming something that is only pretty good, when you KNOW it should be great. This movie should be in my top ten. But it's not. It's a colossal disappointment and I don't blame anybody for finding enjoyment in it, because I certainly did. But the blind supporters of this film make me hate it even more than I want to. For instance, try saying something negative about it on reddit. It was hard not to boost your expectations up to 100 when there was a non-sequel, non-remake, non-superhero, non-comic book that revolved around giant robots fighting giant monsters. How could it go wrong? In almost every single way. I will state that the movie looks absolutely stunning and there's one amazing scene that woulda been a fucking sweet short film if left as is.

There are problems throughout the entire movie and it's impossible for me to ignore, even with my brain completely shut off. I don't even know where to start so I'll just jump right into it. Besides the fact that the entire movie plays out like Top Gun, the plot is somehow obnoxiously complicated and simple simultaneously. The lingo is absolutely horrendous with neural handjobs being dropped left and right, obnoxious names like Stacker Pentecost and Raleigh Beckett, (which were most certainly formed the same you do your porn name - by combining your first pet's name and the street you grew up on) and Charlie Day slinging exposition at every chance. The whole movie is force-fed to you with each character's dialogue consisting of explaining exactly what is going on in the moment. They're even kind enough to tell you how they are feeling and why they are feeling that way. This actually winds up being a blessing in disguise because there is absolutely no acting going on from anybody in the movie, except for Idris Elba, who does his best but nobody seems to be able to keep up. Charlie Hunnam goes straight into Jax Teller mode, losing his accent and flaring his nostrils at every opportunity, as if him explaining his emotions weren't bad enough. His co-horts consist of the prototypical hot head who doesn't respect the main character and the old, wise fella who respects the main character and apologizes for the hot head. All three of these characters look exactly the same and if I hadn't been so well versed in telling white people apart, I would have gotten lost. Add Hunnam's brother in from the beginning (you guessed it - he dies and it affects Hunnam's outlook on life) is Homeland Mike, who is the most generic looking white guy in Hollywood.

So a majority of the movie follows these fuckboys as they squad up inside of a robot, needing two because one needs to control one half of the robot and another needs to control the other half but they need to merge their brains. Like I said, so retardedly simple, it's complicated. Why does this need to happen? Who gives a fuck, we need personal connection to run through the film! We need these characters to exude emotion some how. Kill partners, affect the surviving partner's outlook on life! Use neural handjobs as excuses for flashbacks and exposition! Use neural handjobs to reconnect two damaged people! Don't you see! The asian girl and Jax Teller are a perfect match! CAN'T YOU SEE! LOOK! YOU CAN TELL BECAUSE I AM TELLING YOU! These two are supposed to be absolutely 110% a match, but only because the movie tells you that. How do we know otherwise? They fight with sticks and somehow thats them connecting on a personal level. Look, we fought with sticks now we are drift compatible! I very much enjoy turning my brain off and enjoying shit exploding, but not if the movie makes me feel dumber afterward.

I really don't want to knock del Toro's directing because the movie is fucking beautiful, but it's kind of comical how not-scary the kaijus are. There is nothing dark or ominous about them. There is a way to manipulate the camera so that things look gigantic and horrifying and make the people look small and helpless. Here, they always present things on an even scale, so why am I supposed to be afraid of these things? Robots and Kaijus go head to head and even if the robot gets its ass torn apart, I do not feel threatened. The movie fails to present the bad guys as terrifying, something that could have gone a long way into my emotional investment in the film. I didn't care about anything because I didn't have to. There is one scene when Hunnam and the AZN girl are first neurally fingerblasting eachother or w/e and he sees a horrifying memory of hers. In it, a small asian girl runs away from an absolutely gigantic and terrifying monster that is causing a ridiculous amount of destruction. As everything falls down around her, she crouches into a little ball, ash and dust pouring out from every angle. This is hands down the best scene in the film, but we never get a glimpse of the kaijus like this. It's always from an aerial view or at a distance, which is not the proper way to portray a horrifying monster.

The potential was through the roof, the execution was subpar. Flame away, mfers.

Spoiler Alert: They cancel the apocalypse.
Grade: C+

You're gonna be in my head in a minute anyway...ya look good. :melo:

NAHSTE · Apr 25, 2014

Serious guestion ... is Charlie Hunnam the worst actor not named Adrien Grenier to ever be on a hit TV show/appear in movies?

Article: Palooz Presents: 2013 in Film

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