Dell's Good, Bad & Ugly Movie Reviews

[DJ Rhude]

The Cliff notes on Salt: dumb action flick, but very well done.

Haha I just watched this movie and that's the exact thought that came to mind

 

[Survivor]

Haha I just watched this movie and that's the exact thought that came to mind

Agreed!

 

[PNovak]

I might have to give The Messenger a look. Hadn't heard much about it.

 

[dell71]

Blood: The Last Vampire
<strong>Directed by Chris Nahon.</strong>
<em>2009. Rated R, 91 minutes.
Cast:
Gianna Jun
Allison Miller
Koyuki
Liam Cunningham
JJ Field
Larry Lamb
Yasuaki Kurata
Colin Salmon</em>​

Saya (Jun) has devoted her life to slaying demons in hopes of eventually drawing out Onigen (Koyuki), the supreme demon, and kill it as well. You see, Onigen killed Saya’s father just a few days after she was born. Saya also works for a covert agency. Her job is to, um, slay demons in hopes of eventually drawing out Onigen and yada yada yada.

As you might imagine, killing demons is messy work. It’s also complicated because they can take human form. So, our hero isn’t above mistakes. Then again, neither is this movie. You watch flicks like this for the action and gore. Unfortunately, most of it looks bad. The blood that splatters across the screen and spurts from freshly created orifices looks almost hand-drawn. When the demons transform into some green creature with sharp teeth and wings, they’re poorly rendered. Worst of all, our hero doesn’t appeart quite athletic enough to pull off the role. As a result, way too many obvious camera tricks are used to make her seem to be the unstoppable force she’s supposed to be. The movie is based on the anime film of the same name. My question: if the live action version is going to look like this, why bother?

But wait, it gets worse. Other aspects of the movie are also lacking. The dialogue is a rehashing of the worst of Yu-gi-oh. The actors saying it aren’t going to be winning any awards in the near future and the whole thing has a cheesy feel.

But wait, it gets worse. For two unimportant reasons, our tale is set in 1970. First, there are two lines of dialogue that reference the Vietnam War in current tense that are supposed to be deep. Hardly. Second, since that war is referenced, it’s an easy excuse to fill up the cast of a movie set in Japan with Americans. Whatever.

But wait, it gets worse. It rips off a number of other movies, comics, etc. For instance, when our American tour guide, Alice (Miller), wanders into a bar, we’re quickly reminded of <em>From Dusk til Dawn</em>. And if you can’t see the big reveal coming from about ten miles away, you’ve never seen <em>The Empire Strikes Back</em> or any of the countless other movies that stole from it before this one. Oh, and if you wonder why I haven’t even mentioned vampires to this point, it’s because vampirism is largely irrelevant, despite the title.

But wait, something happens. Somehow, some way, somewhere along the line, if you find yourself still watching, you find that you’ve ridden out your displeasure. You begin to roll with the punches and actually enjoy the badness. Yeah, it’s so bad, it’s awesome!

<strong>MY SCORE: -10/10</strong>​

 

[dell71]

Tooth Fairy
<strong>Directed by Michael Lembeck.</strong>
<em>2010. Rated PG, 101 minutes.
Cast:
Dwayne Johnson
Ashley Judd
Stephen Merchant
Julie Andrews
Chase Ellison
Destiny Whitlock
Billy Crystal
Barclay Hope
Ryan Sheckler</em>​

Derek Thompson (Johnson) is an aging, former NHL player with a large ego toiling in the minor leagues. On the ice, he’s the star of his team. His knack for dislodging teeth from the mouths of opponents has earned him the nickname “The Tooth Fairy.” Off the ice, he’s pretty much a jerk. He seems to delight in crushing the dreams of others. When, in a fit of anger he goes too far, Derek finds himself sentenced to be a real tooth fairy. The powers that be hope to rehabilitate his outlook on life.

Basically, this is <em>The Gameplan</em> all over, again. The difference is this movie uses hockey instead of football and our hero sports a pair of silk pajamas with Victoria’s Secret style wings. The Disney formula remains intact and everything works out just as you would expect. Of course, there’s cuteness all around.

That said, <em>TF</em> is still watchable. Mostly, that’s because of the star. Dwayne Johnson has both the larger than life personality and the willingness to poke fun at his own persona to make this type of movie work. His presence and charisma place this, and the aforementioned <em>The Game Plan</em>, a shade above similar movies starring other action heroes. His natural charisma and years as “The Rock” have made it easy for him to be “that guy.” He’s so good at it, we get it as soon as we see him. His presence is a commanding one. As a result, his scenes with Julie Andrews are interesting because she has the same sort of aura. Having them both on the screen simultaneously is to have two powerful magnets competing for attraction.

Sadly, the movie as a whole isn’t nearly as compelling. Johnson still carries it well. He also gets help from a couple fairies. Stephen Merchant, as his caseworker Tracy, plays nicely off the star. In what amounts to little more than a cameo, Billy Crystal plays the equivalent to James Bond’s Q and gives us perhaps the best scene of the movie.

Overall, this is simple, light-hearted family fare with the pre-requisite life lessons included. It’s nothing great, but it is cute.

<strong>The Opposite View:</strong> <a href=”http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/entertainment_movies_blog/2010/01/movie-review-tooth-fairy.html”>Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel</a>

<strong>What the Internet Says:</strong> <a href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808510/”>4.8/10 on imdb.com</a> (9/18/10), <a href=”http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1202110-tooth_fairy/”>17% on rottentomatoes.com</a>, <a href=”http://www.metacritic.com/movie/tooth-fairy/critic-reviews”>36/100 on metacritic.com</a>

<strong>MY SCORE: 6/10</strong>​

 

[dell71]

Just Wright
<strong>Directed by Sanaa Hamri.</strong>
<em>2010. Rated PG, 101 minutes.
Cast:
Queen Latifah
Common
Paula Patton
Phylicia Rashad
Pam Grier
James Pickens Jr.
Michael Landes
Mehcad Brooks</em>​

Boy meets girl. In this case, the boy is NBA superstar Scott McKnight (Common). He’s uber-rich and handsome, but is also down-to-earth with a heart of gold. By chance, he meets the girl at a gas station after a game. The girl is Leslie Wright (Latifah). She’s great, except that she’s a bit tomboyish (she even knows Scott’s high school stats) and not exactly built like a fashion model, as she often laments. The monkeywrench in her plans to really get next to Scott is her godsister Morgan (Patton), who fits the model bill to a tee.

Really, I could stop right there. You probably know exactly how the rest of this plays out, minus the dramatic makeover scene you might expect. Thank goodness, that never happens. That said, it’s still a cute little chick flick. Enough funny stuff happens to move things along as we navigate the usual peaks and valley of a rom-com. Queen Latifah’s natural charm also helps. Her male lead, Common, still has some work to do on his acting, but he’s better here than in anything else I’ve seen him in. He’s a great rapper, by the way. If you dread the current state of hip hop and are a fan, give him a listen if you haven’t. Wait, this is a movie review, right?

The film also tries to lean on recognition factor for its supporting cast. Our two moms are played by Cosby Show alum Phylicia Rashad and the incomparable Pam Grier. I’m obligated by law to tell you that after all these years I’m still in love with Ms. Grier. There have been many lonely nights…wait, what? Ahem. A number of ESPN personalities, as well as current NBA players Dwight Howard and Dwyane Wade make cameos. Again, that’s not a typo, that’s how he spells it.

When it’s all said and done, it’s your typical date movie. It’s nothing groundbreaking but it’s pleasant, nonetheless. It’s just decent, light-hearted fare.

<strong>The Opposite View:</strong> <a href=”http://www.tampabay.com/features/movies/queen-latifah-cant-help-just-wright-past-its-problems/1094251”>Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times</a>

<strong>What the Internet Says:</strong> <a href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1407061/”>4.0/10 on imdb.com</strong> (9/21/10), <a href=”http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/just_wright/”>47% on rottentomatoes.com</a>, <a href=”http://www.metacritic.com/movie/just-wright/critic-reviews”>52/100 on metacritic.com</a>

<strong>MY SCORE: 6/10</strong>​

 

[Fox1994]

I'll never understand what's wrong with Dwyane Wade's mother for naming him like that... Still, solid reviews. Keep it up.

 

[dell71]

Cats & Dogs:
The Revenge of Kitty Galore
<strong>Directed by Brad Peyton.</strong>
<em>2010. Rated PG, 82 minutes.
Cast:
James Marsden
Christina Applegate
Bette Midler
Katt Williams
Nick Nolte
Neil Patrick Harris
Sean Hayes
Chris O’Donnell
Roger Moore</em>​

Kitty Galore (Midler) is a super-villainous cat that is trying to take over the world. It’s up to the agents of a secret dogs-only CIA-type organization to stop her. James Bond influenced, CGI enhanced cat versus canine hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

Along the way, our heroes make alliances with a cat and a pigeon while generally unfunny stuff happens. On the flipside, even more unfunny stuff happens as we watch Kitty try to spring her evil plan into action while also dealing with her owner who is a bumbling, incompetent magician.

Don’t get me wrong, there is the occasional chuckle to be had. Many of them belong to the pigeon, voiced by Katt Williams. Hmm, how ironic is it that in a movie about cats against dogs, the bird is played by a person named Katt? Nevermind. I feel a tangent coming on. This movie isn’t worthy of a tangent.

To try and force a few more laughs, parents are treated to…subjected to a neverending stream of references to other, better movies. There’s lots of James Bond, some Lethal Weapon, Men in Black and countless others, including a huge <em>Silence of the Lambs</em> parody that can be spotted from miles and miles away for anyone who’s seen the horror classic. And it’s not funny. Yeah, during the 82 minute runtime I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes at least 82 times.

Story-wise, it just lurches forward with the obvious message about overlooking our differences, joining forces and working together to overlook our differences. No, that’s not a typo. It gets to the point where it’s unbearable. Kids might love it, but many adults will be fighting the urge to take a nap. Remember <em>G-Force</em>? Yup, it’s like that. By the way, if you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned the original, assuming you even knew this was a sequel, it’s because aside from that whole <em>Silence of the Lambes</em>, this has absolutely nothing to do with the first movie. I actually like that movie. This one, they could’ve kept.

To be fair, it is a 3D movie, but I saw it in plain ol’ 2D. Maybe, it would’ve been better in 3D. Nah, because then all the suckiness would be leaping off the screen at me.

<strong>The Opposite View:</strong> <a href=”http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/movies/reigning_cats_put_on_the_dogs_NgjOjfFoc9MaB9jLVJg6bK”>Billy Heller, New York Post</a>

<strong>What the Internet Says:</strong> <a href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1287468/”>2.4/10 on imdb.com</a> (2.4/10 on imdb.com, 96th worst of all time as of 9/20/10), <a href=”http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/cats_and_dogs_the_revenge_of_kitty_galore/”>13% on rottentomatoes.com</a>, <a href=”http://www.metacritic.com/movie/cats-dogs-the-revenge-of-kitty-galore/critic-reviews”>30/100 on metacritic.com</a>

<strong>MY SCORE: 2/10</strong>​

 

[dell71]

The Losers
<strong>Directed by Sylvain White.</strong>
<em>2010. Rated PG-13, 97 minutes.
Cast:
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Zoe Saldana
Idris Elba
Chris Evans
Columbus Short
Jason Patric
Óscar Jaenada
Holt McCallany
Tanee McCall</em>​

The Losers is the nickname of a super-secret special ops unit led by Clay (Morgan). All five guys have their own specialty and personality. Basically, we have two you smart alecs (Evans and Short), two older grisled vets (Morgan and Elba) and one guy who says very little but is a great shot (Jaenada).

On one of their missions, secret of course, our heroes come up with a very good reason to abort the operation. Unfortunately, someone a little further up the food chain stubbornly goes forth with the plan and tries to eliminate The Losers in the process. They let him think that he had and promptly go into hiding. After a little while, Clay meets the mysterious Aisha (Saldana). She offers the boys a chance to get their reveng against the even more mysterious Max (Patric), the higher-up that tried to kill them. From there, everything go boom.

Surprisingly, in the midst of all the gunfire, explosions and sado masochistic lovie-dovie stuff between Clay and Aisha, the story actually holds together fairly well. The boys mistrust of her only makes sense and the two young bucks keep things light and entertaining. And of course, just like I’ve already said, everything go boom.

The problem is mostly with Max. He’s one of those over the top Lex Luthor types who, through some ill-fated plan, stands to make a ton of money by ensuring some other unseen evil people will have the means they’re more than willing to use to try and destroy the entire planet with him on it. Yes, he is one of those geniuses that knows everything except the flaw in his own plan. In a movie filled with cartoonish, juvenile and gratuitous acts, he is somehow still too much. He wears one glove, why? We eventually find out, but it’s got nothing to do with anything. It’s only there to set up a two-second visual effect late in the movie. I think back to one of my all time favorite movies, <em>Enter the Dragon</em>. The villain in that one also has something going on with his hand. It works there because it plays into the action. It serves a purpose in the movie. Here, it’s basically a throwaway sight gag.

Max’s top henchman, Wade (McCallany) is a problem, too. Every time The Losers mention his name, they shutter and talk about how much of a badass he is. I was waiting for him to really show me something special during some great climactic battle with our heroes. Alas, that never happens. He might as well have been named “Henchman #1.” To make matters worse, he acts like a bumbling idiot and Max treats him accordingly.

The inequities in quality of narration between the good guys and bad guys make this an uneven watch. It’s fun, action-packed and goofy. Sometimes it’s goofy in a good way, other times not. This means there are more than a couple eye-rolling moments. If you’re a fan of action flicks, this is right up your alley. If you’re not, skip it. There’s no groundbreaking material, here.

<strong>The Opposite View:</strong> <a href=”http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20100421/REVIEWS/100429990”>Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times</a>

<strong>What the Internet Says:</strong> <a href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480255/”>6.4/10 on imdb.com</a> (9/23/10), <a href=”http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1226860-losers/”>48% on rottentomatoes.com</a>, <a href=”http://www.metacritic.com/movie/the-losers/critic-reviews”>44/100 on metacritic.com</a>

<strong>MY SCORE: 5.5/10</strong>​

 

[stevsta]

when are you going to watch machete movie is awesomely good

 

[dell71]

when are you going to watch machete movie is awesomely good

Love to watch it right now, but it'll probably be a while before I actually get to.

 

[nflman2033]

when are you going to watch machete movie is awesomely good

this.

 

[dell71]

this.

Lol, we must've been posting at the same time, look up from your post.

 

[SHOGUN]

LOL. Live action Blood+ was bad, but you worded it really well. Not quite bad enough to say fuck it, but "good" enough ride it out.

So I caught Videodrome again and it's definitely worth a watch, but I was not satisfied with the lack of definite answers in the end, but "Reality is only what we perceive it to be." was a big part of the story.

 

[Juggernaut]

Definitely gonna check out The Messenger because of your review and Woody Harrelson.

 

[nflman2033]

Lol, we must've been posting at the same time, look up from your post.

yeah i saw that as it posted

 

[dell71]

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
<strong>Directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller.</strong>
<em>2009. Rated PG, 90 minutes.
Cast:
Bill Hader
Anna Faris
James Caan
Adam Samberg
Bruce Campbell
Mr. T
Bobb’e J. Thompson
Benjamin Bratt
Neil Patrick Harris</em>​

Flint Lockwood (Hader) yearns to be a successful inventor. As you can imagine, he’s also a social outcast on Swallow Falls, the tiny island he calls home. We’re told it is right beneath the “A” in Atlantic Ocean, if you were looking for it on a map. From his elementary school days until sometime in his twenties, one invention after another of his fails. One day, he accidentally discovers a way to make it literally rain food. From that point on, everything changes for him. He becomes the island’s most famous and beloved citizen, even becoming known around the world.

Of course, there are plenty of bumps in the road after that or there wouldn’t be much of a movie. The eventual dilemma leads to a climax far too similar to the dreaded, <em>Armageddon</em>. Thankfully, everything before that is much better handled.

The screen is filled with fun imagery. In particular, the ice cream scene stands out. More than any other in the film, it’s a representation of something almost all kids wonder about, especially if they grow up somewhere where it snows. On top of that, the circumstances surrounding it is heart-warming. It’s rather hard not to crack a smile while it plays.

The story is pretty straight-forward. However, it does mix in some social commentary about greed, gluttony and the environment. Still, it’s subtle enough that you don’t feel like you’ve been bludgeoned with someone else’s morality.

As with any other kiddie-flick, there are some laughs to be had. For me, I found it more touching than funny. In that vein, it’s similar to <em>Up</em>. Another major factor in animated fare is the voice-work. Here, it’s very good. Hader is solid in the lead, as is Farris. James Caan and Bruce Campbell are excellent. Surprisingly, the standout is Mr. T as Earl, seemingly the island’s only cop. As a regular actor, Mr. T was nothing special. He made his bones on his persona, not his acting chops. As a voice actor, he’s outstanding. I hope to hear more of him, in the future.

If you’re not totally aversed to kiddie-flicks, take a gander at <em>Cloudy</em>. It’s one you can actually enjoy sitting through with the little ones.

<strong>The Opposite View:</strong> <a href=”http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/09/17/MVD519O2KA.DTL&type=movies”>Amy Biancolli, San Francisco Chronicle</a>

<strong>What the Internet Says:</strong> <a href=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0844471/”>7.2/10 on imdb.com</a> (9/24/10), <a href=”http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1196077-cloudy_with_a_chance_of_meatballs/”>86% on rottentomatoes.com</a>, <a href=”http://www.metacritic.com/movie/cloudy-with-a-chance-of-meatballs/critic-reviews”>66/100 on metacritic.com</a>

<strong>MY SCORE: 7.5/10</strong>​

 

[Fox1994]

It must suck being a dad, haven't to subject yourself to shit like Cats & Dogs 2. Totally unnecessary self-abuse. We should have you admitted for doing that to yourself.

I kind of want to see that Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Too bad about The Losers.

 

[dell71]

It must suck being a dad, haven't to subject yourself to shit like Cats & Dogs 2. Totally unnecessary self-abuse. We should have you admitted for doing that to yourself.

The first part is the key, I'm a dad. That's what my little girl wanted to see on her birthday, so that's what I saw.

I kind of want to see that Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.

Too bad about The Losers.

I enjoyed "Cloudy". Honestly, there's not much difference between The Losers and The Expendables. If you like action flicks, check it out.

 

[Fox1994]

The first part is the key, I'm a dad. That's what my little girl wanted to see on her birthday, so that's what I saw.


I enjoyed "Cloudy". Honestly, there's not much difference between The Losers and The Expendables. If you like action flicks, check it out.

Nah. I prefer movies with good writing and purpose. Appreciate it though. I do make an exception for martial arts films, though.