Palooza's Top 125 Films of 2012

[Palooza]

Hey Atlas and Hey Everybody.

More movies this year, hopefully better results.

The plan is to have everything done before the Oscars on Feb 24.

I've only got a handful of movies left that I will be watching today and tomorrow. The list will begin with #125 on Monday. I will reveal as many as I choose per day.

We'll start off on the next post with what I didn't see whether it be by choice or circumstance.

edit - and if anybody can find me a competent torrent of Smashed or Jack Reacher that would be stellar. And Amour with subtitles and we can jack this baby up to 130

125. Alex Cross
124. Man on a Ledge
123. Friends with Kids
122. The Words
121. About Cherry
120. House at the End of the Street
119. Piranha 3DD
118. Resident Evil - Retribution
117. High School
116. The Babymakers
115. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
114. The Watch
113. American Reunion
112. Lola Versus
111. Chernobyl Diaries
110. The Raven
109. Hit & Run
108. The Dictator
107. Lockout
106. Taken 2
105. Deadfall
104. Ghost Rider - Spirit of Vengeance
103. Total Recall
102. The Details
101. The Trouble with the Curve
100. Brave
99. Why Stop Now?
98. Battleship
97. Savages
96. John Carter
95. Snow White and the Huntsman
94. The Awakening
93. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
92. For a Good Time, Call...
91. Butter
90. The Campaign
89. Wanderlust
88. Cosmopolis
87. The Do-Deca-Pentathlon
86. Frankie Go Boom
85. Project X
84. Ted
83. Haywire
82. Hitchcock
81. This Must Be The Place
80. Flight
79. The Comedy
78. Promised Land
77. Safe House
76. The Amazing Spider-man
75. The Hunger Games
74. Men in Black III
73. The Grey
72. God Bless America
71. Frankenweenie
70. The Bourne Legacy
69. Collaborator
68. Game Change
67. Contraband
66. The Five-Year Engagement
65. Premium Rush
64. Arbitrage
63. The Invisible War
62. The Imposter
61. Not Fade Away
60. 10 Years
59. Sinister
58. Being Flynn
57. Cloud Atlas
56. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
55. This is 40
54. People Like Us
53. The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey
52. Bachelorette
51. ParaNorman
50. Jack Reacher
49. Pitch Perfect
48. Lawless
47. Magic Mike
46. Ruby Sparks
45. Kill List
44. Bernie
43. Compliance
42. Robot & Frank
41. Goon
40. Chronicle
39. Save the Date
38. Jeff, Who Lives At Home
37. The Queen of Versailles
36. Take this Waltz
35. Your Sister's Sister
34. Prometheus
33.
32.
31.
30.
29.
28.
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25.
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1.

 

[Palooza]

Didn’t care to see -
The Devil Inside
Beneath the Darkness
Joyful Noise
Red Tails
Underworld: Awakening
W.E.
One for the Money
Big Miracle
The Woman in Black
Journey 2 - The Mysterious Island
The Vow
This Means War
Act of Valor
Gone
Good Deeds
The Lorax
A Thousand Words
Silent House
Mirror, Mirror
Wrath of the Titans
Damsels in Distress
The Three Stooges
The Lucky One
Think Like A Man
Darling Companion
Jesus Henry Christ
The Pirates! Band of Misfits
Safe
Dark Shadows
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
What to Expect When You Are Expecting
Madagascar 3 - Europe’s Most Wanted
Rock of Ages
That’s My Boy
The Woman in the Fifth
To Rome With Love
Madea’s Witness Protection
Ice Age Continental Drift
Step Up - Revolution
360
Hope Springs
2 Days in New York
The Odd Life of Timothy Green
Sparkle
The Apparition
The Possession
The Cold Light of Day
Anna Karenina
Stolen
Hotel Transylvania
Won’t Back Down
The Oranges
The Paperboy
Here Comes The Boom
Nobody Walks
Paranormal Activity 4
Chasing Mavericks
Fun Size
Silent Hill - Revelation
A Late Quartet
Breaking Dawn Part 2
Red Dawn
The Collection
Playing for Keeps
Hyde Park on Hudson
The Guilt Trip
Parental Guidance
Quartet

Wanted to, but didn’t get to see -
Coriolanus
Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie
Casa de mi Padre
We Have a Pope
Rust and Bone
Rise of the Guardians
Marley
Klown
The Expendables 2
Amour
V/H/S
West of Memphis
The Impossible
Les Miserables
Holy Motors
How to Survive a Plague

may be missing some, but you will definitely NOT be seeing any of these movies on the list.

 

[dell71]

opcorn: Following.

 

[NAHSTE]

:cartoon:

 

[Matt]

BRAH. You gotta watch The Vow. Tatum and McAdams are a delight with the chemistry

 

[Palooza]

BRAH. You gotta watch The Vow. Tatum and McAdams are a delight with the chemistry

Magic Mike, dawg. Ma. Gic. Mike.

 

[Youk]

Hey Palooza

pls watch step up revolution thx

 

[Palooza]

125. Alex Cross

Tyler Perry, Matthew Fox, Edward Burns, Rachel Nichols, John C. McGinley, Jean Reno, Carmen Ejogo, Chad Lindberg, Giancarlo Esposito​

Director(s) - Rob Cohen
Writer(s) - Marc Moss, Kerry Williamson
Source Material - Based on the novel series by James Patterson
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - October 19
Runtime - 1 hour, 41 minutes
RT Score - 12%
Metacritic - 30/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - The tagline is even better - "Don't Cross Alex Cross"
Review - I don't even know what this movie is about. Alex Cross gets crossed by some jacked freelance MMA Fighter slash hitman with psychotic tendencies whose name happens to be Picasso, because he's a master of his craft. I don't know who to give credit for on this genius bit of writing - James Patterson, the Law and Order - Criminal Intent of crime writers or Marc Moss and Kerry Williamson. I have no idea who those two people are either. I guess there's a reason why they each only have two credits to their name - Moss wrote Along Came a Spider, the Morgan Freeman-as-Alex Cross vehicle from the beginning of the century and that certainly isn't anything to brag about, 10 years out of the game you'd think he'd be practicing. Nope. Kerry Williamson's other credit is as someone's assistant on the set of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic Collateral Damage. Obviously having two incompetent writers could create a huge problem - and it does. Plot holes, cliches, bored dialogue. Literally everything that can be wrong with a script is here. You don't get much worse than the writing for this one. It plays off as a really, really poor Criminal Minds episode without any of the stuff Mandy Patakin complained about.

Poor Matthew Fox. He's the Picasso dude. Guy packs on a ridiculous amount of muscle just to be in this horrible direct to the Wal-Mart $5 bin Criminal Minds rip off. Maybe J.J. Abrams has a spot for you in his Star Wars movie because after seeing you in shit like this and Vantage Point it's looking like your obit will only focus on the "Jack Shepard" portion of your life (with a brief mention of Party of Five, but only because that's where you got your start. Humble beginnings :thumbsup. It seems as though Matthew Fox took the energy out of every actor in this movie and in turn this made him try too hard to be a poorly-written psychotic genius murderer.

The supporting players are absolutely pathetic, too. Like I said, all the energy was sucked out of each actor and used to full effect by Matthew Fox. John C. McGinley plays generic police captain who doesn't have time for this because he is getting too old for this shit. Edward Burns and Rachel Nichols play cops transported from a late Saw sequel with their pathetic bickering, secret love and incompetent police work. And at one point all of a sudden, IIRC, Rachel Nichols burns to death off screen after a quick bit of torture from Picasso. It happens like that *snaps fingers* and this is only after a handful of lines that a wooden plank could have delivered with more emotion. Also, Leon got fat and I don't know why Gus Fring is in this.

Rob Cohen's filmography looks like this - xXx, The Fast and the Furious, Daylight, The Skulls, Stealth, The Mummy 3 and DragonHeart. Fucking seriously this guy was born to make this piece of shit except this lacks any of the few redeeming qualities of those movies. This movie has none.

Of course I saved the best for last and now I am out of breath. Ugh. What is there to say about Tyler Perry that you don't already know? He's outside of his comfort zone with any Madea role he's ever played (unless there's a Madea/Big Momma's House crossover I'm not aware of) and his Tyler Perry's Punny Title movies and he absolutely falls flat on his face. He is absolutely unbelievable as either a cop or a genius, nevertheless a genius cop. Seeing him hold a shotgun all I can think of is how he's going to hurt himself. The conversation in the trailer where Picasso has a gun pointed at Cross's wife is even worse in the movie, thanks to Tyler Perry's raw emotion as the love of his life is about to be sniped during their dinner where he is gunna ask for her hand in marriage or it's their anniversary or some dumb shit. Either way, he's fucking awful, this movie is fucking awful. I would rather be forced to sit down and watch the worst episodes of the worst cop shows before ever catching this movie again. This isn't so bad it's good, this is so bad I wanted to burn down an animal hospital.
Spoiler Alert - The fuck do you think happens?
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

124. Man on a Ledge

Sam Worthington, Jamie Bell, Elizabeth Banks, Anthony Mackie, Ed Harris, Edward Burns, Genesis Rodriguez, Kyra Sedgewick, Titus Welliver, Felix Solis, William Sadler​

Director(s) - Asger Leth
Writer(s) - Pablo F. Fenjves
Source Material - none
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - January 27
Runtime - 1 hour, 42 minutes
RT Score - 32%
Metacritic - 40/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - "Anyone who creates traffic like this should be shot." Replace 'traffic' with 'shit movies'.
Review - Up until October and Alex Cross this was the worst movie I had seen all year. 9 or so months this movie sat at the bottom of my list. I even considered putting it at #125 because with a supporting cast like this, this coulda been fun. It wasn't. Like Cross, this was poorly, poorly written. These two movies are very similar in terms of awfulness. Sam Worthington's success puzzles me just as much as Tyler Perry's. This guy not only makes some of the worst movies around, but he's so boring. Elizabeth Banks, Anthony Mackie, Ed Harris (maybe Jamie Bell) - all better than this and it shows. They don't give one single fuck between the three of them, playing it so safe and by the book that it takes away from the fun it could have been. The movie is literally called Man on a Ledge, it was always going to be an awful piece of shit. I hate it so much I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. Quick shout out to Edward Burns going 2/2 so far this year. Can he make it 3 for 3? Stay tuned.
Spoiler Alert - Sam Worthington should go up on a real ledge and jump.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

123. Friends with Kids

Jennifer Westfeldt, Edward Burns​

Director(s) - Jennifer Westfeldt
Writer(s) - Jennifer Westfeldt
Source Material - none
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - March 16
Runtime - 1 hour, 47 minutes
RT Score - 67%
Metacritic - 55/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - "Jane you ignorant slut"
Review - Ugh, I hate Jennifer Westfeldt sooooo much and would rather not discuss a horrible film with such a great cast (Adam Scott is like my comedy JGL). I've erased all their names and photos from the record, except for the two pictured above. Babies don't count. I will instead take this time out to congratulate Edward Burns for hitting the trifecta! Being a part of three horrible movies in a row is unheard of, nevertheless the three worst of the year. That is extremely impressive you've come a long way since Saving Private Ryan or The Brothers McMullan. Not sure how many other movies you were a part of in 2012, but I hope to see you on the list some more, if not we'll certainly catch you in 2013 my friend. Stay horrible. Congrats Ed!
Spoiler Alert - They have a fucking kid or sumshit.
Rating - F

 

[Buzzman]

I initially liked Friends with Kids, but time slowly made me realize how fucking bad it is. Its in its rightful position.

 

[Youk]

Stayed on the ledge for over an hour and a half. Impressive, I would have fallen after 2 minutes, end of movie.

 

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

Some solid choices here at the bottom. Worthy of their spot.

 

[NAHSTE]

This isn's so bad it's good, this is so bad I wanted to burn down an animal hospital.

:dead:

 

[Palooza]

122. The Words

Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Irons, Zoe Saldana, Dennis Quaid, Olivia Wilde, John Hannah, Ben Barnes, Nora Arnezeder, Michael McKean, J.K. Simmons​

Director(s) - Brian Klugman, Lee Sternthal
Writer(s) - Brian Klugman, Lee Sternthal
Source Material - none
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - September 7
Runtime - 1 hour, 37 minutes
RT Score - 22%
Metacritic - 37/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - "Don't bullshit an old bullshitter"
Review - This movie is a mess. It starts off with "reality" - Dennis Quaid is a writer who wrote a story about a struggling writer who finds a manuscript for a novel written by another writer. Classic writer writing about writing. The story, thankfully, jumps away from Quaid (whom I despise on a Katherine Heigl-esque level) to Bradley Cooper's Rory. Rory is the struggling writer and main character of Quaid's story. As a struggling writer he borrows money from his dad (J.K. Simmons) to stay afloat with his girlfriend (Zoe Saldana). The two are in such a dedicated relationship that it's almost a love-conquers-all situation. BUT Rory needs to be a successful writer. On a trip, Rory finds this bag in a second hand store and he finds a secret compartment that has been hidden from everyone on Earth for like 50 years. In the compartment is a novel's manuscript. Rory becomes infatuated with it, reading it over and over and copying it on to his computer. When wifey finds it, he lies and tells her it is his. It winds up getting published after a quick little time lapse and now Rory is the most popular guy on Earth and the next big thing. This is where the next story-within-a-story comes into play. Jeremy Irons, the obvious writer of Rory's book, confronts him and tells him a story about how and why he wrote the novel. Blah blah blah morals and Rory feels bad. I forget what he does about it but nobody believes him or he just accepts that his name is on the novel and there is no coming back from it without being the next Manti Te'o. I seriously don't remember what happens next. Jeremy Irons disappears and there goes anything the film had going for it.

There are no reveals, no twists, no surprises. All the characters outside of Quaid and Wilde aren't real and are just a part of the newest novel by Quaid. This comes as no surprise; we are aware of this from the get-go. I was hoping, praying for a twist where Quaid was really Cooper's Rory or Olivia Wilde was related to the Old Man from Quaid's story, creating a universe where these characters exist. That doesn't happen. Such an anti-climatic film. Nothing happens besides the obvious bullshit you saw in the trailers. This movie is boring, dumb, sloppy, messy and useless. There is no point for this existing. The genre it is listed as is "Mystery & Suspense" - what the fuck? What mystery? We know everything already. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Everything is overly dramatic for no reason, reaching soap opera levels of awful. This is a classic September release, besides the newest Resident Evil/Underworld sequel. Garbage. Avoid at all costs.
Spoiler Alert - There's no twist that creates the three stories within a story as one.
Rating - F

 

[Goober]

I watched a crappy camera rip of Casa de mi padre. It wasn't very good. I enjoyed Nick Offerman's scenes though.

 

[Palooza]

I watched a crappy camera rip of Casa de mi padre. It wasn't very good. I enjoyed Nick Offerman's scenes though.

Pretty much why I didn't see it. When I was interested in it, there were only shitty versions and I wasn't gunna pay to see it and by the time normal versions came out I had better shit to see like the four movies listed above :thumbsup:

Also - you will be waiting a while for TDKR, but I'm sure you knew that. :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

[Palooza]

121. About Cherry

Ashley Hinshaw, James Franco, Dev Patel, Heather Graham, Lili Taylor, Jonny Weston, Maya Raines​

Director(s) - Stephen Elliot
Writer(s) - Stephen Elliot, Lorelei Lee
Source Material - none
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - September 21
Runtime - 1 hour, 42 minutes
RT Score - 11%
Metacritic - 33/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - None
Review - This isn't Boogie Nights. This is the opposite of that. Instead of an awesome 70's setting we get present day San Francisco. It's essentially the same from the bottom up story about a girl named Angelina/Cherry (Ashley Hinshaw) who is obviously hot, but she's poor and uneducated. As the joke's punchline goes - why don't you do porn!? She does. She moves to San Francisco with her friend zoned, potentially gay and not-millionaire Dev Patel after she makes a good deal of money taking nudey pictures. There she breaks into the business and meets James Franco's coked up lawyer and porn director/lesbian, Heather Graham. James Franco does the classic i love you baby but I won't be around to meet your alcoholic mom (Lili Taylor) and your sister who is the only person you care about even though you abandoned her. Mom cons her out of some money, Franco is a dick and Dev gets mad when he sees her pornos, they "break up" their friendship and somehow Cherry winds up in a lesbian relationship with Heather Graham and they're both porno directors. That's the movie. Happiness.

There is no stance on porn, is it good? Is it bad? Is it ruining our youth? Is it just sex on film? The movie doesn't care to tell you, it just wants to tell you this really basic and boring story of Cherry. Speaking of which, she's not the best actress but she is pretty smoking. From what I remember she is in another film on this list (Chronicle) and I remember thinking wow I wanna see her boobies and maybe stick it in her. Well, we get half that here and it does not disappoint. She looks great being all hot and naked and seductive. Her acting is subpar, but we can get over that. It's not overly raunchy or anything though and this movie falls on its face when trying to deliver to male audience. I understand you want it to be much more than softcore porn, but learn how to write a script before that is your goal.

This movie sucks outside of Hinshaw's boobies. I recommend using google instead of watching this piece of garbage.
Spoiler Alert - The best porn stars become porn directors or sumshit.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

120. House at the End of the Street

Jennifer Lawrence, Elisabeth Shue, Max Theriot, Gil Bellows, Eva Link, Nolan Gerard Funk​

Director(s) - Mark Tonderal
Writer(s) - Dave Louka, Jonathan Mostow
Source Material - none
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - September 21
Runtime - 1 hour, 41 minutes
RT Score - 11%
Metacritic - 31/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Torrent
Quote - "Honey, sometimes people can't be fixed" - Replace "people" with "movies".
Review - This movie never stood a chance. Awful title, half-assed story, corny and predictable. There is, of course, one saving grace and that's Jennifer Lawrence, who is MUCH better than shit like this. To be fair, IIRC she made this before she became a real star and it was so horrible it just kept getting pushed back.

So Jennifer Lawrence and her mom (Elisabeth Shue) move into this house that is super cheap because the people next door were murdered by their daughter who disappeared after the murders. Only resident of the home is the son, Ryan (Max Theriot) who wasn't around when the murders took place or something. Well, Elissa (Lawrence) strikes up a friendship with him, at the behest of her mother and the local asshole who wants to fuck her. Well everyone makes Ryan really mad and we find out that his sister is still living in the house with him. EXCEPT SHE'S NOT! He kidnaps girls and makes them pretend to be his sister and then he kills them and he continues on this pattern. SOME TIME AND SUSPENSE LATER Jennifer Lawrence kills him, I think. Whatever, the good guys win in classic shitty horror movie fashion. No scares, no gore, no real anything. This movie has no real substance I don't know why it exists, much like the other movies so far on this list.

This is everything that could be wrong with making a movie in the "horror" genre - Shitty titles, PG-13!, weak cast, unbelievable/two-faced villain, etc, etc. Jennifer Lawrence's ass in Silver Linings Playbook made up for this garbage.
Spoiler Alert - He's a psycho, but we got him.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

I say garbage a lot.