Article: Palooz Presents: 2013 in Film

[Houston]

Does Stephen Dorff reprise his role as Frost?

 

[Palooza]

Does Stephen Dorff reprise his role as Frost?

I don't even remember him being in it, so he very well could have been a vampire. This takes place before Blade, so it is all very likely.

 

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

Why hasn't Spike Lee's Oldboy been listed yet.

Finally got around to watching it last night...horrendous.

 

[Palooza]

93. The Call
Halle Berry, Abigail Breslin, Michael Eklund, Morris Chestnut, Michael Imperioli​

Director(s): Brad Anderson
Writer(s): Richard D'Ovidio
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: March 15th
RT Score: 43% (54 fresh, 71 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Read below.
Comments:
Like you will see with Delivery Man, I'll watch movies if you ask me to. A few months back, Larry asked me to watch The Call and so I did. He had told me something along the lines of "it's pretty good until it gets bad, then it gets REALLY bad." He couldn't have been anymore right.

Halle Berry plays a veteran 9-1-1 operator in some generic city and the film opens up with her taking calls, which is quite interesting. Soon, she gets a call from a girl in the midst of a home invasion and after some tense moments trying to get her safe, Berry makes a tough call and the girl is lost forever and probably murdered. This fucks her up mentally. Jump a few months ahead and she only trains new recruits, but isn't on the battlefield any longer. It's the same stuff we've seen before but in a different setting, so you can see the beats coming but you don't especially mind because they are coming from a somewhat unique source. In the midst of training, she jumps on a call eerily similar to the one from the beginning of the film. Jump to the other storyline and Abigail Breslin is grown up, no longer awkwardly chubby (but obnoxiously young looking) and is the napping victim. From here, we get a fun, run of the mill thriller where Berry and Breslin do their best going back and forth trying to think of slick ways to get her free from a trunk. Obviously it's contrived but that's just how these generic movies work. There's nothing special about them because they are following a template. Whatever, I'm okay with the movie still. After an oh shit moment in a parking lot with the napper and a curious passerby (Michael Imperioli), shit takes off in the worst way. Berry loses the call and is thrown off the phone, only to investigate on her own. Of course the kidnapping is connected and Breslin is in the midst of getting the works when Berry shows up in ultimate basass mode and fucks dude up, saving Breslin in the process. The end is absolutely fucking ridiculous and stupid and just completely takes the film off the rails. It could have been a solid C for entertainment value alone but the shitting of the bed is inexcusable. Also, the villain is shit, he's just nuts and nothing about him seems clever or smart enough to pull any of this off. Sloppy. However, I must say I appreciate the fact that they didn't toss in some fucking ridiculous twist (outside of the connection between the two cases) where Berry's mans (Morris Chestnut) is in on it or sumshit.

Don't especially trust the specifics of my plot details. The basic premise will be there, but I may have :glen:'d out on some of this stuff. Feel free to clarify, Larry.

Spoiler Alert: Good guys win.
Grade: D

 

[Palooza]

Why hasn't Spike Lee's Oldboy been listed yet.

Finally got around to watching it last night...horrendous.

It's coming soon, it's in this next batch of movies.

 

[Palooza]

92. Dead Man Down
Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Dominic Cooper, Terence Howard, Isabelle Huppert, Luis Da Silva, Wade Barrett, Franky G, F. Murray Abraham​

Director(s): Niels Arden Oplev
Writer(s): J.H. Wyman
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: March 8th
RT Score: 38% (36 fresh, 60 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Gangsters be like bang bang bang
Comments:
Kind of similar to The Call in that it is a generic thriller that coasts through the first half with little effort, but entertainment nonetheless. Then the final act is an exercise in stumbling and turning your movie into a third rate 90's Arnie movie. From the second the movie starts you know exactly where it's going and it does very little to shift from that, exposing all twists and turns before we get there, spelling out everything that happens. Colin Farrell is a strange actor; his laziest roles are the ones where he is just overacting and shooting people. His effort really comes when he subdues himself (In Bruges anyone?) with the help of a crisp and funny script. This is more on the Total Recall side of his career than In Bruges. Poor fella. Noomi Rapace is matched back up with her Millennium Trilogy director, his first English language film. She's fine in the film, getting what she can from a thin script. Kind of like when Asian directors try to translate themselves to English films. There is a bit of getting lost in translation that puts the film a step behind where it should be, this is no different. The style is still there, the unfortunate part for Oplev is that he has a distinctly gritty style, but something we've seen countless times so it adds nothing here.

Spoiler Alert: Good guys win!
Grade: D

 

[Palooza]

91. Carrie
Chloe Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Gabriella Wilde, Ansel Egort, Alex Russel, Portia Doubleday, Judy Grier​

Director(s): Kimberly Pierce
Writer(s): Lawrence D. Cohen, Roberto Aguire-Sacasa. Stephen King (based on his novel)
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: October 18th
RT Score: 48% (75 fresh, 80 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Carrie is bullied, Carrie has powers, Carrie uses powers. There will be blood.
Comments:
There is no reason for this film to exist, it kept me entertained, sure, but it's the exact same fucking movie as the original with the tiniest tweaks to adapt to the current times. If you've even heard of Carrie you know exactly what you are getting here. Also, Julianne Moore is ridiculously bad in this, just over the top nonsense and Chloe Moretz isn't exactly wowing anybody here either. Couldn't tell if the script was just flat or if it was Moretz herself. I'd hope the former, but her being an attractive young girl took you out of the movie, so it wouldn't be a stretch.

Watch the Sissy Spacek version or read the book.

Spoiler Alert: Carrie fucks people up.
Grade: D

 

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

Best part of THE CALL was Halle Berry's muppet hair.

Seriously though...the minute Berry even contemplates leaving the dispatch, it takes this movie from a nice turn off your brain thriller to utter shit.

 

[Buzzman]

Is it bad I am now getting the urge to watch The Call?

 

[Palooza]

90. Don Jon
Joseph Gordon Levitt, Scarlett Johannson, Julianne Moore, Brie Larson, Tony Danza, Glenne Headly, Rob Brown, Jeremy Luke, Paul Ben-Victor, Cuba Gooding Jr, Meagan Goode, Channing Tatum, Anne Hathaway​

Director(s): Joseph Gordon Levitt
Writer(s): Joseph Gordon Levitt
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: September 27th
RT Score: 81% (143 fresh, 34 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Don Jon (JGL) meets the girl of his dreams (Scarlett Johannson) but his enthusiasm for porn and her obsession with rom-coms threaten their relationship. Meanwhile, what they don't show you in the trailers is that Jon attempts to get his life in order by taking night classes where he meets fellow student Julianne Moore.
Comments:
Like the Bling Ring, this movie is lots of flash with little substance (and works so much better as a trailer) and even though Joseph Gordon Levitt starts the movie off with something to say about sexual expectations via pornography and romantic comedies, he abandons it for a traditional relationship story that adds nothing to the film.

The Staten Island-accented Jersey Shore trash that fills the movie is completely intolerable. There is a fine line between portraying obnoxious characters and annoying the shit out of your audience. JGL isn't a seasoned enough storyteller to tiptoe that line, falling too often into the annoying side of the tracks. Jon's mother is the worst offender, no matter how authentic she is. I applaud the accuracy but turning it up to an 11 was not necessary. Scar-Jo is annoying as all hell and as fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-yyyyy---iiiiiinnnee as she is, the trashiness is hard to get past. It's believable that Jon would fall for someone like her, but the relationship that transpires is mostly cringe worthy sap, ridiculous fights over dumb shit and ultimately the point JGL was trying to make about sexual expectations fizzles out and is covered by sappy bullshit. Danza is serviceable, no kind of Tarantino-esque career reviving portrayal for JGL/Danza here. Brie Larson is completely wasted as she has no lines, just a presence at the kitchen table. Anybody who has seen a movie before knows that the silent, prominent characters are always a second away from blowing up with some sort of all-knowing speech. This is no different and while Brie crushes it, it's too little too late.

There is a subplot that consumes the third act of the film that involves a strange, awkward relationship between Julianne Moore and JGL. It doesn't especially fit and it's forced. At this point I was checked out and didn't even care, just patiently waited for it to end. Not a good sign.

And of course I have yet to even scratch the surface on the problems with the movie. It wants to be so much more than it really is, presents an idea that would warrant a strong discussion and completely abandons it, leaving the viewer to contemplate the bullshit rather than the thought provoking portions. JGL has promise as a director, but his storytelling needs work.

Spoiler Alert: There must be a story for spoilers.
Grade: D

 

[Palooza]

89. Oldboy
Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Imperioli, James Ransone, Lance Reddick, Hannah Ware​

Director(s): Spike Lee
Writer(s): Mark Protosevich
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: November 27th
RT Score: 42% (56 fresh, 76 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Douchebag Joe (Josh Brolin) is kidnapped and locked in a room for 20 years and then is subsequently released. Vengeance comin'
Comments:
I thought that watching the original Oldboy immediately before going to see this would maximize my experience, seeing as how I could nitpick as I watched and get enjoyment out of the shit. It didn't exactly go how I planned as it both ruined the movie and made me hate it more. It's the film equivalent of when an American thinks they are speaking some sort of Asian language when they say "ching chong wow bing zee owww!" In any other circumstance you would appreciate a remake trying to incorporate their own ideas into the foundation of the original. Spike Lee took some grade A Colombian coke and cut it with so much baking soda and baby powder that sure you can still call it coke, but it sure as fuck isn't going to get me high. There is so much wrong with this adaptation. Except Elizabeth Olsen, I could never hate her. Or her spectacular boobies.

The original Oldboy is an absolutely brilliant movie. Violent, mind bending, soul crushing and just a spectacular piece of cinema. Spike Lee takes the movie and plucks the good parts of out of it, shuffles some things around for little to no reason and creates one of the sorriest attempts at a remake as I've ever seen. He did show me Elizabeth Olsen's boobies though. That I commend him for.

Spike Lee replaces the other-worldy almost mythical feel and setting of the original with New York City. I bet you didn't see that coming. The problem with making the setting somewhere the viewers are familiar with is that this movie needs to feel like it is happening somewhere where all of this fucked up shit could be everyday happenings somewhere. The beauty of the original was that it felt real because what the fuck do we know? (Is that really what happens in Korea? SURE!) I will say though, this movie is not boring in the least bit. I was gleefully championing the terribleness as I went through it. The blandest part of the movie is easily Josh Brolin and the way they portray him as a jackass in the beginning does more to show you that he is a piece of shit than the original, but the original's clever way of doing this is impossible to match. The true gem of the original is the villain. He is one of the most complete villains I have ever seen. So they decided to bastardize him with Sharlto Copley's inane over the top bond villain acting, paint by numbers characteristics and a tweaked backstory that removes the brilliance of his actions from the original. I can't tell you the effectiveness of the reveal because I knew it was coming. All of the events after that are absolutely terrible beyond belief, crushing what little credibility Lee had gained with his above average violence (one famous scene is done differently again and for no reason but to not be as good as the original). The ending circumstances are changed enough to remove the effectiveness, but the foundation is the same.

Essentially, the only way you will wind up enjoying this movie is if you are completely ignorant to the original's existence. However, if someone is going to go into this movie blind, I would suggest just going to see the original anyhow. It's vastly superior. Quite the conundrum, I understand. This is an historically bad remake, but Elizabeth Olsen shows her boobs and people get killed a lot.

Spoiler Alert: I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen the original. :marty: Spike Lee
Grade: D

 

[Houston]

Is it bad I am now getting the urge to watch The Call?

I am too. Back in '08 Brad Anderson made one of my favorite thrillers ever with Transsiberian. Tempted to see it for the parts that weren't bad.

 

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

The only way I can describe Spike Lee's Oldboy is...Spike didn't actually see the original...he just read the wikipedia article (once) or something and based his screenplay on what he thought he read. One big piece of shit film.

I could write a giant post on how awful this movie was, but it is neither worth my time, effort, or keystrokes to do so.

 

[SethMode]

88. Oldboy
Josh Brolin, Elizabeth Olsen, Sharlto Copley, Samuel L. Jackson, Michael Imperioli, James Ransone, Lance Reddick, Hannah Ware​

Director(s): Spike Lee
Writer(s): Mark Protosevich
MPAA Rating: R
Release Date: November 27th
RT Score: 42% (56 fresh, 76 rotten)
The Plot by Palooza: Douchebag Joe (Josh Brolin) is kidnapped and locked in a room for 20 years and then is subsequently released. Vengeance comin'
Comments:
I thought that watching the original Oldboy immediately before going to see this would maximize my experience, seeing as how I could nitpick as I watched and get enjoyment out of the shit. It didn't exactly go how I planned as it both ruined the movie and made me hate it more. It's the film equivalent of when an American thinks they are speaking some sort of Asian language when they say "ching chong wow bing zee owww!" In any other circumstance you would appreciate a remake trying to incorporate their own ideas into the foundation of the original. Spike Lee took some grade A Colombian coke and cut it with so much baking soda and baby powder that sure you can still call it coke, but it sure as fuck isn't going to get me high. There is so much wrong with this adaptation. Except Elizabeth Olsen, I could never hate her. Or her spectacular boobies.

The original Oldboy is an absolutely brilliant movie. Violent, mind bending, soul crushing and just a spectacular piece of cinema. Spike Lee takes the movie and plucks the good parts of out of it, shuffles some things around for little to no reason and creates one of the sorriest attempts at a remake as I've ever seen. He did show me Elizabeth Olsen's boobies though. That I commend him for.

Spike Lee replaces the other-worldy almost mythical feel and setting of the original with New York City. I bet you didn't see that coming. The problem with making the setting somewhere the viewers are familiar with is that this movie needs to feel like it is happening somewhere where all of this fucked up shit could be everyday happenings somewhere. The beauty of the original was that it felt real because what the fuck do we know? (Is that really what happens in Korea? SURE!) I will say though, this movie is not boring in the least bit. I was gleefully championing the terribleness as I went through it. The blandest part of the movie is easily Josh Brolin and the way they portray him as a jackass in the beginning does more to show you that he is a piece of shit than the original, but the original's clever way of doing this is impossible to match. The true gem of the original is the villain. He is one of the most complete villains I have ever seen. So they decided to bastardize him with Sharlto Copley's inane over the top bond villain acting, paint by numbers characteristics and a tweaked backstory that removes the brilliance of his actions from the original. I can't tell you the effectiveness of the reveal because I knew it was coming. All of the events after that are absolutely terrible beyond belief, crushing what little credibility Lee had gained with his above average violence (one famous scene is done differently again and for no reason but to not be as good as the original). The ending circumstances are changed enough to remove the effectiveness, but the foundation is the same.

Essentially, the only way you will wind up enjoying this movie is if you are completely ignorant to the original's existence. However, if someone is going to go into this movie blind, I would suggest just going to see the original anyhow. It's vastly superior. Quite the conundrum, I understand. This is an historically bad remake, but Elizabeth Olsen shows her boobs and people get killed a lot.

Spoiler Alert: I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen the original. :marty: Spike Lee
Grade: D

#unpopularopinions: the original is good but overrated, and the "twist" is so telegraphed. I hate to be that guy, because I loved the movie.

That being said, this fucking shit turd was so damn unnecessary.

 

[Buzzman]

Elizabeth Olsen n Oldboy

 

[Palooza]

#unpopularopinions: the original is good but overrated, and the "twist" is so telegraphed. I hate to be that guy, because I loved the movie.

That being said, this fucking shit turd was so damn unnecessary.

I can see what you're saying. The first time I had seen it I had no idea what I was getting into. It was around the time when I was first really getting into movies, so the fucked up nature of it wasn't especially something I was expecting. On my rewatch, the 'twist' is quite apparent and stands out because of the twist-obsessed era it was made, but overall it's just one of the many fucked up pieces of retribution for Woo-jin. Also on my rewatch of the original, Dae is really rapey toward the blatantly young-looking girl (forget her name).

The twist gets too much attention. Woo-jin is the best part of the original, such dedication. :banderas:

 

[dell71]

Haven't seen Spike's Oldboy yet, but for what its worth the studio made him edit the shit out of it and release a truncated version. Brolin himself has said he hates what made it to theaters, but loves the much longer director's cut. Maybe that one will see the light of day at some point.

And how have I never even heard of that pawn shop movie? That sounds deliciously bad.

 

[LiquidLarry2GhostWF]

Haven't seen Spike's Oldboy yet, but for what its worth the studio made him edit the shit out of it and release a truncated version. Brolin himself has said he hates what made it to theaters, but loves the much longer director's cut. Maybe that one will see the light of day at some point.

And how have I never even heard of that pawn shop movie? That sounds deliciously bad.

I'm not opposed to giving movies a second chance based on the idea that an extended or director's cut makes it better...I've gone on record numerous times stating I think the Watchmen Ultimate Cut is fucking awesome...the Kingdom of Heaven Director's Cut is like watching a whole other film...The Big Red One Director's Cut is an All-Timer...the four hour cut of Leone's Once Upon A Time In America...fuckin great...

But I have to assume, that Spike Lee's Oldboy must have an entire roll of film laying around to make that thing good.

 

[dell71]

I'm not opposed to giving movies a second chance based on the idea that an extended or director's cut makes it better...I've gone on record numerous times stating I think the Watchmen Ultimate Cut is fucking awesome...the Kingdom of Heaven Director's Cut is like watching a whole other film...The Big Red One Director's Cut is an All-Timer...the four hour cut of Leone's Once Upon A Time In America...fuckin great...

But I have to assume, that Spike Lee's Oldboy must have an entire roll of film laying around to make that thing good.

Quite possible that it is a completely different movie. From what I gather it's 3 hours long.

 

[Buzzman]

Not even a directors cut can make Sharlto Copley's performance good in that garbage.