Palooza's Top 125 Films of 2012

[Youk]

After some good comedies back last decade, they're really fallen off hard. The fact that The Campaign is up there in the list of the better 2012 comedies is a joke. It can't touch the Will Ferrell movies of the 2000's.

 

[Palooza]

89. Wanderlust

Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Theroux, Malin Akerman, Alan Alda, Ken Marino, Joe Lo Truglio, Kathryn Hahn, Kerri Kenney, Lauren Ambrose, Jordan Peele​

Director(s) - David Wain
Writer(s) - David Wain, Ken Marino
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - February 24
Runtime - 1 hour, 20 minutes
RT Score - 59%
Metacritic - 53/100
Views - 1
Viewed - DVD
Quote - "You know you can really get trapped in that web of beepers and Zenith televisions and Walkmens and discmens and floppy discs and zip drives, laser discs, answering machines and Nintendo Power Glove..."
Review - Not sure what David Wain, the guy behind Wet Hot American Summer and Role Models (two movies I am a big fan of) was thinking with this one because it is an extremely piss poor effort at comedy. The first mistake was casting Jennifer Aniston as the lead. She has no comedic timing and while she is really fun to look at, she adds nothing to the film. Her real-life husband, Justin Theroux is also to blame here. He, too, lacks comedic chops and even though he wrote Tropic Thunder, he seems really out of place in comedy. The same was seen with him in the absolutely horrible Your Highness from last summer. Again, a comedy as ridiculous as our last entry doesn't really merit any plot abuse because you know how ridiculous it will be from the start. The plot can bring a movie down that is limited in laughs that deliver and therefore needs to overcompensate. Here we get a far too sappy story and lame characters you don't particularly care about. In Role Models, Rudd plays a sarcastic douche who you root for to get his girl back (Elizabeth Banks) because you cared about the two characters. Here you want him to GTFO of his situation and get away from his girl, even though he's a good dude and deserves whoever he wants. I blame Jennifer Aniston. Either way, this movie doesn't throw enough laughs at you to keep you from the boredom and frustration of the main characters. The side characters bring most of the laughs but you don't see enough of them to care enough to wait around.
Spoiler Alert - Happiness
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

88. Cosmopolis

Robert Pattinson, Juliette Binoche, Jay Baruchel, Kevin Durand, Paul Giamatti, Samantha Morton, Sarah Gadon, Matthieu Amalric, K'naan, Emily Hampshire, Patricia McKenzie​

Director(s) - David Cronenberg
Writer(s) - David Cronenberg
Source Material/Connections - based on the novel of the same name by Don DeLillo
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - August 17 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 48 minutes
RT Score - 65%
Metacritic - 58/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "Destroy the past, make the future."
Review - Cronenberg is a very hit or miss director. He followed up his two-ish decades of grotesque physical and psychological horror films with a string of Viggo Mortenson starring psychological and sometimes violent thrillers. Here, he sticks with psychological and moves into a futuristic sci-fi genre where Robert Pattinson acts like a robot, rats as protest tools and a cross-city trek to get a haircut is one of the most dangerous things you can do.

I haven't read the novel the film is based on, but I imagine it's not too easy to follow, considering how strange and unrelated every thing that happens throughout the movie is. The film's basic premise is a cross-city trek in a limo by a young bazillionaire (Robert Pattinson) as he encounters a random array of things and people and the dangers of the outside world. Seriously this movie is so fucking weird it could only be made by David Cronenberg. It has way too many "literary elements" going on that it takes away from a potentially clever movie. Too much represents too much with nothing really making sense. Pattinson's quickly escalating self destruction completely changes the movie from robotic to ridiculous. I can't even explain this movie, I'm having an extremely hard time writing this review up. Just, don't watch this movie. Trying to key in on all the weird shit that makes no sense is giving me a headache.

Maybe I just didn't get it. I don't know, but I fucking hated it.
Spoiler Alert - Ambiguity.
Rating - F

 

[Youk]

Don't replace Viggo with Twilight.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2172584/

wut

 

[Buzzman]

Wanderlust might be the worst movie I've seen this year.

 

[Palooza]

Don't replace Viggo with Twilight.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2172584/

wut

Ugh. I don't know if it was intentional or not in the movie, I don't remember but Pattinson was a fucking robot.

 

[Palooza]

Wanderlust might be the worst movie I've seen this year.

Totally believable. It was really bad.

 

[Buzzman]

OF your rankings so far, I agree with the F on all of them except John Cater, to which I somehow enjoy and have been reading the book its based on this past week. Its pretty different.

 

[Palooza]

87. The Do-Deca-Pentathlon

Mark Kelly, Steve Zissis, Jennifer Lafleur, Julie Vorus, Brendan Robinson, Noel Wells​

Director(s) - Mark Duplass, Jay Duplass
Writer(s) - Mark Duplass, Jay Duplass
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - June 6 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 30 minutes
RT Score - 76%
Metacritic - 60/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "I'm in."
Review - In classic Duplass Brothers fashion, we have ourselves a quirky, weird indie film about two brothers who would fit right in here - they're obliviously immature and borderline retarded. The premise has the potential for a pretty funny comedy, but it's just really, really sad and pathetic and sometimes uncomfortable to watch. So we have these two brothers who haven't seen each other in a long time. Their brotherhood is extremely competitive and ever since a controversial final call during their childhood "Do-Deca", they've both been extremely bitter towards one another. The fat brother's wife and their mother are both very unhappy with their relationship and look down on their hate-friendship and how the fat dude's son is being used and is now caught in the middle of it. So they "reignite the rivalry" as a very funny, low budget show once said and some jokes are had, but as I said it's just really sad and low budget and really poorly acted. I don't imagine the Duplass Brothers are too proud of this one. I'd swipe this dud under the rug to make room for another movie of theirs from 2012 that we will see down the line.
Spoiler Alert - It's a Duplass movie, immaturity reigns supreme
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

86 . Frankie Go Boom

Charlie Hunnam, Lizzy Caplan, Chris O’Dowd, Ron Perlman, Chris Noth, Nora Dunn, Whitney Cummings, Sam Anderson​

Director(s) - Jordan Roberts
Writer(s) - Jordan Roberts
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - October 12 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 29 minutes
RT Score - 41%
Metacritic - 51/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "ACTION! CUT! ACTION! CUT! Fucking, ACTION!’ ... That’s directing, my friend."
Review - This is one of those movies you see in 4 years on Showtime and you're like whaaaaaaa?! What are all these pretty famous people doing in such a lame, forced indie dramedy? Charlie Hunnam doesn't flare his nostrils once as Frankie, a guy whose childhood was ruined by his brother's (Chris O'Dowd) using him as the butt of all his jokes. Recently, his life has been ruined once more by his brother after a viral version of his disaster of a wedding makes him internet famous. Jump ahead a few years and Frankie is single and living in a trailer in the middle of the desert. Frankie somehow meets the beautiful and hilarious and perfect Lizzy Caplan and they go back to his mom's place and have the most awkward hook up all time. HOWEVA, Frankie's brother recorded the whole thing and has sent it to his AA/NA buddy, former famous guy (Chris Noth) who is now a psychotic ex-junkie who fills the void left by drugs by being crazy. They try their best to get the movie back once they find out Lizzy is Noth's daughter and mayhem ensues. Few laughs are had. I had a boner everytime Lizzy was on screen but that's not new. Even with that bias this movie couldn't get a passing grade. Really lame attempt at making a movie. Indie dramedy manatees are in full effect here. Unless you are in-love with Lizzy Caplan like me or are seriously interested in seeing how Jax Teller and Clay Morrow can have a serious conversation while the latter is dressed in drag, you should skip this one. Also, Charlie Hunnam has a really hard time keeping his accent at bay.
Spoiler Alert - Jax Teller gets his manhood back from cross-dressing Clay Morrow. And he gets Lizzy Caplan.
Rating - F

 

[Buzzman]

If your a big Caplin fan, is the movie worth it?

 

[Palooza]

85. Project X

Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper, Jonathan Daniel Brown, Kirby Bliss Blanton, Alexis Knapp, Dax Flame​

Director(s) - Nima Nourizadeh
Writer(s) - Matt Drake, Michael Bacall
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - March 2
Runtime - 1 hour, 28 minutes
RT Score - 27%
Metacritic - 48/100
Views - 2
Viewed - In theaters, DVD
Quote - "The guy isn't going to do shit. He punched a 12-year old in the face."
Review - If I were doing my traditional "phrase/10" review this one would be very simple - a 90-minute long music video for every high school guys wet dream/10. I honestly don't even think I need to say more, but I will. A complete Superbad rip off with unlikeable characters and CBS sitcom comedy. It looks cool, it will make every kid envious that he isn't rich with a house to themselves for one weekend but this is not a good movie. It's cool for a theater experience with all your bros after a long day of getting high and an even longer weekend of partying, but it has no real substance besides being background noise at a party for the occasional OHHHHHHH! after a ridiculous part. Also, the fat kid was in the bangbros video so that's cool.
Spoiler Alert - Tons of damage, no consequences. Damn it feels good to be a rich white kid in the 'burbs.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

If your a big Caplin fan, is the movie worth it?

Not really.

 

[Palooza]

The controversy will begin shortly, brb.

 

[Palooza]

84. Ted

Seth MacFarlane, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Warburton, Matt Walsh, Alex Borstein, Patrick Stewart​

Director(s) - Seth MacFarlane
Writer(s) - Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - June 29
Runtime - 1 hour, 55 minutes
RT Score - 69%
Metacritic - 62
Views - in theaters
Viewed - 1
Quote - "Nothing is as powerful as a young boy's wish, except for an apache helicopter."
Review - Over the summer you were hard pressed to find someone who did not find this movie funny. Everyone swore by it's hilarity and how Seth MacFarlane had finally been let off his leash to great success. I'm here to tell you that's not true. This movie isn't funny. This is what Matt Stone and Trey Parker were talking about with Cartoon Wars and the manatees. You may already know this but I am a huge South Park loyalist and Family Guy hater, that should come as no surprise since I'm not retarded and I am a snob. I will admit that back in my day I did consider myself quite the fan of Family Guy as a retarded younger brother to one of the smartest shows on television. Obviously, this is no Baseketball.

So what's my problem with Family Guy? Mostly everything, especially how tired most of the jokes are, how Seth MacFarlane doesn't know how to end a joke like Peter Jackson doesn't know how to end a movie, the forced randomness, incoherence and blatant, unsmart references and of course the over abundance of tasteless humor. Being mean is cool when you are clever and smart about it, not when you are obnoxious and blatant. Also, if you want funny references that don't come out of left field and actually make sense watch Community or Happy Endings.

Now that that is out of the way, let's get on to the actual film. It carries on all of those negative qualities except now we have to try and make this shit last for 2 hours, which is obviously difficult since MacFarlane doesn't even know what to do with 20 minutes of time on one storyline nevertheless an entire movie. Which is where most of the problems begin and end. At points, this movie is extremely funny, but then the jokes drag and keep being overused and overplayed and by that point you are sick of them and don't care. And then MacFarlane makes the joke again. MacFarlane has a serious problem with dragging considering this is not only seen in jokes, or scenes but in entire character arcs. I understand it's a ridiculous comedy, but Mila Kunis' character staying with Marky Mark is dragged on for far too long, and when the conflict finally does make its mark, you don't care because you've lost any ounce of anything you've invested in these characters. MacFarlane is his own worst enemy. If you watched TV for any bit of time over the summer you should know the film's entire plot and this is also a huge problem. Over marketing led to overexposure and although there was no raunchiness outside of the redband trailer, you already know everything you need to, which totally adds to MacFarlane's slamming of jokes into your head. You were sick of them before you even saw the movie, so now once they're repeated and dragged in the film you become extremely frustrated. Ted's actions, Marky Mark's incompetence and Mila's loyalty are three great representations of MacFarlane's Peter Jackson-esque flaws.

So this movie is supposed to be funny, right? A laugh a minute, but if you don't find the jokes funny, you're stuck. The plot is as generic as we've seen on this list and if the jokes fail there is nothing keeping this movie together. No plot, no special performances, no side characters that stick with you, nothing. You've got Seth MacFarlane's "humor", borderline homosexuality and love for himself and that's it. Marky Mark's character is just an embodiment of everything normal fans don't like about Family Guy characters. He's dumb and needy and is just there for Ted to work off of. And somehow people are all up in arms about Marky Mark getting his comedy on. Ummmmm, have you not seen The Other Guys? One of the most underrated comedies of the past few years, he plays a perfect joke of himself, instead of his character in this which is probably what Mark Wahlberg would be doing with his life if he wasn't Mark Wahlberg, ya dig?

Again, MacFarlane is his own worst enemy and should stick to his shitty television shows that I can easily avoid. I don't know how he has this Scientology-esque following, but he does. They all swear by this film and created an intense word of mouth for it over the summer, which means its only a matter of time before Ted 2 is the next Hangover Part 2 but even then we wouldn't be able to get rid of this guy.
Spoiler Alert - Sappy happiness
Rating - F

 

[DoubleDeuce]

Too high imo

 

[NAHSTE]

opcorn:

 

[mgoblue2290]

I kept waiting for Ted to be over but it kept going. Should've been kept to 90 minutes. I did however love the scene where they got all coked out with their childhood hero.

 

[NAHSTE]

Haven't seen Ted, probably never will unless it just happens to be on TV one day, but have to agree that Family Guy fucking sucks. South Park is 10x funnier, smarter and better.

 

[Palooza]

83. Haywire

Gina Carano, Channing Tatum, Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender​

Director(s) - Steven Soderbergh
Writer(s) - Lem Dobbs
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - January 20
Runtime - 1 hour, 33 minutes
RT Score - 80%
Metacritic - 67/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "You should not think of her as a woman. That would be a mistake."
Review - I can't believe I am failing a Soderbergh movie with Michael Fassbender in it. Those are two of my favorite things, but alas, the only bit of this movie that is Soderbergh is the feel. His movies are unique in that way, but the story is not engaging and is really poorly written. The actors who are supposed to be professionals (Michael Douglas/Ewan McGregor) really mail it in and the inexperienced ones (Gina Carano/Channing Tatum) try too hard to be slick and cool and badass, but they just come off as robots who can fight. The hand to hand fighting is absolutely top notch, but everything else is seriously lacking. Back to Fassbender, he is great in this but he's only in it for about 8 minutes and he is completely wasted. He pulls off a slick, cool badass who may or may not want to kill you with ease but Carano kills him within a few minutes of fighting him and the rest of the movie is downhill from there. Unless you are one of the MMA guys or are obsessed with martial arts action movies with weak plots, poorly developed characters, robotic acting but really really excellent directing then sure, check it out. Seriously, if this wasn't Soderbergh or Gina Carano in this nobody would like this and everyone would be like wow Transporter 4 really sucked.
Spoiler Alert - Revenge is a dish best served on the beach.
Rating - F