Palooza's Top 125 Films of 2012

[NAHSTE]

Soderbergh has really tested my loyalties with his last few projects. He's obviously been really experimental (working with inexperienced female leads like porn stars and MMA fighters, for example) so I'll give him a pass for shaking it up, but I haven't honestly loved anything he's done in a long time.

Still my homie 4 life tho.

 

[Palooza]

I hear Side Effects is absolutely brilliant, I'm excited to see that. Too bad it's his last movie, supposedly.

Also, Magic Mike is on this list somewhere, too.

 

[Palooza]

82. Hitchcock

Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Scarlett Johannson, Danny Huston, Toni Collette, Michael Stuhlbarg, Jessica Biel, Kurtwood Smith​

Director(s) - Sacha Gervasi
Writer(s) - John J. McLaughlin
Source Material/Connections - based on "Alfred Hitchcock and the Making of Psycho" by Stephen Rebello
MPAA Rating - PG-13
Release Date - November 23 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 38 minutes
RT Score - 63%
Metacritic - 55/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Theaters
Quote - "That, my dear, is why they call me the Master of Suspense."
Review - This is one of those ode-to-Hollywood films that get made every year. They're either really good and get nominated for a million Oscars or really bad and get swept under the rug. This is the latter. This version of Hitchcock's life is a lighthearted somewhat comedy kind of drama that sees Hitch (Anthony Hopkins takes over Will Smith's role :thumbsup trying to get Psycho made. It's the classic passion project story where he uses his own money, works too hard, ignores his health and wife (Helen Mirren) just for perfection. Hitch is known for his infatuations with his leading ladies and this exploits that no different with Scarlett Johannson actually playing one of the bright spots of the film in Vivien Leigh. I don't really know what to say about this movie. It's not exceptionally bad, its just there is no purpose for its existence. Just because the man was eccentric and successful doesn't mean we need a movie about his life. The movie was really thin and filled with things most people know about the production of one of the most famous movies of all time. This is the Amelia of 2012, chalk it up as another piece of pathetic Oscar-bait disguised as a useless biopic.
Spoiler Alert - Psycho was pretty successful.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

81. This Must Be The Place

Sean Penn, Frances McDormand, Judd Hirsch, Eve Hewson, Kerry Condon, Harry Dean Stanton, Joyce Van Patten, David Byrne, Olwen Fouere, Shea Whigham, Liron Levo, Heinz Lieven, Simon Delany​

Director(s) - Paolo Sorrentino
Writer(s) - Paolo Sorrentino, Umberto Contrello
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - November 2 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 58 minutes
RT Score - 68%
Metacritic - 61/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "We go from an age of where my life will be that, to that's life."
Review - This movie is um, interesting, to say the least. Sean Penn continues to be one of the strangest guys on Earth, trading in his full retard of I Am Sam to the full weirdo of this movie and the character of Cheyenne. Cheyenne is an aging, retired rock star with a ton of money and an estate in Dublin. He leaves his wife (Frances McDormand) at home and goes on a journey through the States to find the Nazi who embarrassed his dad and treated him like shit. The movie is pretty much about Cheyenne getting redemption for a father he hated and in turn, maturing himself and coming out of his shell. The plot is actually pretty interesting, it's just the character that Penn is portraying is completely intolerable. He is a soft spoken, borderline retarded rock star who still wears goth make up. It's painful to see him on screen and then once he starts talking you want to rip your eardrums out. It's unfortunate that this character had to be what they decided on for a main character because this had potential. In the end, Cheyenne comes out of his shell, fights his plane phobia and cuts his hair off and removes his makeup. Too little, too late.
Spoiler Alert - The Nazi shames himself to make up for his atrocities.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

The front page has been edited with all the reviews. 6 more Fs to go, bitches.

 

[Palooza]

80. Flight

Denzel Washington, Don Cheadle, Melissa Leo, John Goodman, Kelly Reilly, Bruce Greenwood, Nadine Velasquez​

Director(s) - Robert Zemekis
Writer(s) - John Gatins
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - November 2
Runtime - 2 hours, 19 minutes
RT Score - 78%
Metacritic - 76/100
Views - 2
Viewed - in theaters, dvd
Quote - "Whose God would do this?"
Review - The first time I saw it, it was starting in 5 minutes after I got out of The Man with the Iron Fists, which I really enjoyed (more on that later), but anyway so I decided to go for it - it was my day off, I just paid $4 to see an awesome movie; the theaters rip you off enough so why not see something else, too? It's sufficiently packed for a Tuesday around that no one notices me plop my ass in a seat tucked away in the corner, feet up on the ledge in front of me, comfy. I'm sittin' pretty. Previews start and I'm melted into my seat, a little tired from the lingering wake and bake but I make it to the credits and the first 20 minutes are pretty fucking rad, I was stoked to see my boy Denzel in his zone. He's fuckin' the maid from 'My Name is Earl' and we're seein her fine Mexican tittays dat azz and omg full fruntal, he's slammin back drinks, bein a pimp and then we get to the meat and potatoes of the movie - he plane he is flying gets all fucked up and so he does what Denzel does and he takes control of his domain and lands a fucking plane upside, saving a shitton of lives in the process. And then shit went south and I lost all faith in the movie. I was crushed. Why, may you ask?

Well, you see Denzel just landed the plane, but his blood was drawn at the scene. And then we find out the true Denzel. Mr. Washington, You're an addict. Cue self destruction, a trial, some funerals, love, life, redemption, SPEECH, SUCCESS. Credits. This movie does a complete 180 from being an awesome movie about a hero with some personal issues into a Lifetime original movie about addiction and the horrors and how all it takes it is some inspiration to overcome all of the bad shit. It's one huge advertisement for AA and they came up with this awesome idea where this troubled pilot lands a plane.. up. side. down. And then everybody involved with the movie was like, oh, aiight, cool. Now what? And they figure HEY! He's troubled, remember? Well let's have him overcome his troubles, because of this plane crash! It's genius! And then they completely forgot that you need to figure how he's gunna over come these troubles. Oh, that's easy. We'll put him in AA, meet a girl and say a speech. Boom, movie. Credits, bitch. It's really such a shame, with a competent writer and a less cornball director than Zemekis, this coulda been a real vehicle for Denzel, instead it just feels exploitative of both addiction and the Academy since Denzel was unjustly nominated for his mail in performance of the last 2/3 of the movie. For shame. This is the Requiem For a Dream of alcoholism and I mean that in terms of the after school special feel with the horrors of (insert bad thing here). I even watched it again to make sure it was as horrible as I had previously thought and I was sadly right.

edit - I purposely left out the disgusting religious/God element of the film because then we'd have been here all day. It certainly bothered me if you can't already tell.
Spoiler Alert - Hi, I am an addiction specialist and I prescribe one sappy speech and you should be cured.
Rating - F

 

[Youk]

I actually didn't know Hitchcock came out already until you just posted that.

Nice job, guys.

 

[wingsfan77]

85. Project X

Thomas Mann, Oliver Cooper, Jonathan Daniel Brown, Kirby Bliss Blanton, Alexis Knapp, Dax Flame​

Director(s) - Nima Nourizadeh
Writer(s) - Matt Drake, Michael Bacall
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - March 2
Runtime - 1 hour, 28 minutes
RT Score - 27%
Metacritic - 48/100
Views - 2
Viewed - In theaters, DVD
Quote - "The guy isn't going to do shit. He punched a 12-year old in the face."
Review - If I were doing my traditional "phrase/10" review this one would be very simple - a 90-minute long music video for every high school guys wet dream/10. I honestly don't even think I need to say more, but I will. A complete Superbad rip off with unlikeable characters and CBS sitcom comedy. It looks cool, it will make every kid envious that he isn't rich with a house to themselves for one weekend but this is not a good movie. It's cool for a theater experience with all your bros after a long day of getting high and an even longer weekend of partying, but it has no real substance besides being background noise at a party for the occasional OHHHHHHH! after a ridiculous part. Also, the fat kid was in the bangbros video so that's cool.
Spoiler Alert - Tons of damage, no consequences. Damn it feels good to be a rich white kid in the 'burbs.
Rating - F

This was probably my most hated movie of the year, my girlfriend and I rented some random night thinking we'd get a few laughs out of it....Nope, thank god I only payed $1 to rent it from Redbox or I would've been pissed.

 

[Cornelius]

He's fuckin' the maid from 'My Name is Earl' and we're seein her fine Mexican tittays dat azz and omg full fruntal,

The ONLY reason to see this movie. She is fuckin slammin. If you dudes are married. Get the movie under the pretense of it being a Denzel flick and then enjoy the first five minutes.

 

[Palooza]

79. The Comedy

Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, James Murphy, Gregg Turkington, Kate Lyn Sheil, Alexia Rasmussen, Jeff Jensen​

Director(s) - Rick Alverson
Writer(s) - Rick Alverson, Robert Donne, Colm O'Leary
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - Unrated
Release Date - November 9 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 34 minutes
RT Score - 44%
Metacritic - 46/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "Why don't you fuckers have satellite radio in this cab? You pay so much fucking money for these cabs you should have the option to listen to whatever kind of music you want."
Review - I totally understand that this movie is a satire on the rich man child who has no limits or bounds and keeps needing that something else to fill the void in his life that money can't wanders around Hipsterville, USA but it is so horribly frustrating to watch. Tim from Tim and Eric plays the main character who is the single worst human being on Earth. This movie is a really tough watch and that stretches beyond the homo eroticism in the opening scene of the film. It's gross and pathetic and with each passing moment you hate the people who are involved in this even more. It paints a perfect portrait of the people they are mocking, so much so that it makes me hate the film for having such a perfect depiction of the filth they represent. A seriously high recommendation for a hate-watch on this one. W2B, NAHSTE, I'm looking at you. You will probably hate me after you watch it, but you won't hate me as much as you hate the characters in the film.

As I write and reflect on this movie I question it's failing grade. I don't know if me hating it was a good thing or a bad thing or if this is a fucking brilliant movie or a terrible one. For now, these questions are unanswered and the movie, again is so hard to watch I'm failing it. Holy shit, this movie might have been so good I hated it. I'm torn.

sidenote - awesome seeing LCD Soundsystem front man James Murphy getting his aging hipster on as one of Tim's buddies.
Spoiler Alert - Indifference.
Rating - F

 

[Cornelius]

Did you review The Master? I just watched it and curious what you thought. I think PT Anderson and PS Hoffman are fucking geniuses.

 

[Palooza]

Did you review The Master? I just watched it and curious what you thought. I think PT Anderson and PS Hoffman are fucking geniuses.

It's on the list and you won't be seeing it anytime soon.

 

[NAHSTE]

79. The Comedy

Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, James Murphy, Gregg Turkington, Kate Lyn Sheil, Alexia Rasmussen, Jeff Jensen​

Director(s) - Rick Alverson
Writer(s) - Rick Alverson, Robert Donne, Colm O'Leary
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - Unrated
Release Date - November 9 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 34 minutes
RT Score - 44%
Metacritic - 46/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "Why don't you fuckers have satellite radio in this cab? You pay so much fucking money for these cabs you should have the option to listen to whatever kind of music you want."
Review - I totally understand that this movie is a satire on the rich man child who has no limits or bounds and keeps needing that something else to fill the void in his life that money can't wanders around Hipsterville, USA but it is so horribly frustrating to watch. Tim from Tim and Eric plays the main character who is the single worst human being on Earth. This movie is a really tough watch and that stretches beyond the homo eroticism in the opening scene of the film. It's gross and pathetic and with each passing moment you hate the people who are involved in this even more. It paints a perfect portrait of the people they are mocking, so much so that it makes me hate the film for having such a perfect depiction of the filth they represent. A seriously high recommendation for a hate-watch on this one. W2B, NAHSTE, I'm looking at you. You will probably hate me after you watch it, but you won't hate me as much as you hate the characters in the film.

As I write and reflect on this movie I question it's failing grade. I don't know if me hating it was a good thing or a bad thing or if this is a fucking brilliant movie or a terrible one. For now, these questions are unanswered and the movie, again is so hard to watch I'm failing it. Holy shit, this movie might have been so good I hated it. I'm torn.

sidenote - awesome seeing LCD Soundsystem front man James Murphy getting his aging hipster on as one of Tim's buddies.
Spoiler Alert - Indifference.
Rating - F

My friends saw this at a screening with Tim himself in attendance for a post-screening Q and A. They both really liked it but I wonder if that was just because they were at a cool screener of it and that heightened their perception. I'll have to check it out, I'm really unsure of it though and how I will react.

 

[Palooza]

78. Promised Land

Matt Damon, John Krasinski, Rosemarie DeWitt, Frances McDormand, Hal Holbrook, Scoot McNairy, Titus Welliver, Terry Kinney​

Director(s) - Gus van Sant
Writer(s) - Matt Damon, John Krasinski, Dave Eggars
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - December 28 (limited)
Runtime - 1 hour, 46 minutes
RT Score - 50%
Metacritic - 55/100
Views - 1
Viewed - Theaters
Quote - "This town, this life... it's dying."
Review - This is a sloppy movie that gets caught trying to be subtle about it's obvious message and has a hard time balancing a story and said message. I don't want to get too involved in dissecting this movie because it will just wind up that I'm bashing actors and writers and filmmakers that I like and I'd rather save my hate for ones that deserve it. This is bad version of what happens when people who make movies try to get themselves involved in issues, they struggle to find a balance between the two and each get shuffled and neglected.

In a movie like this you have all the right players in the right position to tell the story you need to be told in an effort to get your message across. Here we have the small town as a character itself, an old time teacher who fights for it (Hal Holbrook), the guy from a small town who represents the big city and the future (Matt Damon), his partner (Frances McDormand), the girl who complicates things for the Small Town, Big City (Rosemarie DeWitt), and the wildcard environmentalist who shows up just in time to mess up STBC's plans (John Krasinski). Matt Damon's character is a typical businessman, manipulating the small brains of the small town people who need money and the sad part is, he's being manipulated at the same time by his bosses, it's a demanding food chain that is pretty blatant. So whatever, he and Frances McDormand come to this small town and in the wake of a new promotion, as long as he closes this deal, start to have some trouble convincing this town. That's because the old school teacher has rallied the troops to fight them and the wise man is gunna lead them to defeat against Big Energy. In comes Krasinski's character to aid the teacher and the promotion is off the table and Matt and Frances are pretty much fucked. But there's a twist in our midst, so beware as we go forward. So, Matt Damon somehow winds up with this evidence that proves Krasinski is a fraud just out to get Big Energy, but it actually turns out after confronting Krasinski, he's a closer for Big Energy, sent in with a manipulated story so Damon could take him down and win their shit back. Damon exposes his company during the final vote and he fades off into the distance without a job or anywhere to go, but his conscience is clear.

So it's really anti-fracking, anti-big business, pro-hard work, pro-small town, pro-the people and it's a lot of propaganda that hangs on a thin, overdone story of small town redemption and manipulation. Damon gives a We Bought A Zoo type performance and Gus Van Sant had the 3rd worst movie of 2011, so he's capable of turds. That leads me to what I fear may be the weakest link of the film - the writing by Damon, Krasinski and a favorite author of mine, Dave Eggars ("A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius."). It's funny to see Ben Affleck win acclaim for his screenplays (not to mention his ever improving directing, which he is better at) after Good Will Hunting with Gone Baby Gone and The Town. Even though he didn't write Argo, he still starred, directed and produced it, which is going to net him another Oscar (this time for Best Picture) this weekend. Ben Affleck's stock is on the rise to near the top while Matt Damon has sunk pretty far. Who would have thought that after Good Will Hunting or shit, even 5 years ago nobody woulda thought that.
Spoiler Alert - Twist!
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

My friends saw this at a screening with Tim himself in attendance for a post-screening Q and A. They both really liked it but I wonder if that was just because they were at a cool screener of it and that heightened their perception. I'll have to check it out, I'm really unsure of it though and how I will react.

The only way I can describe it is as "anti-comedy"

 

[Youk]

I'm about to get my hippy on with The Promised Land. (after Killing Them Softly)

 

[Cornelius]

I'm about to get my hippy on with The Promised Land. (after Killing Them Softly)

I feel like Killing Them Softly tried too hard.

 

[Palooza]

77 . Safe House

Denzel Washington, Ryan Reynolds, Vera Farmiga, Brendan Gleeson, Sam Shepard, Ruben Blades, Robert Patrick, Joel Kinnamon​

Director(s) - Daniel Espinosa
Writer(s) - David Guggenheim
Source Material/Connections - n/a
MPAA Rating - R
Release Date - February 10
Runtime - 1 hour, 55 minutes
RT Score - 54%
Metacritic - 52/100
Views - 1
Viewed - torrent
Quote - "I'm already in your head."
Review - I don't feel like wasting my energy on this movie. It's really generic and I'm shocked Luc Besson didn't make it. Denzel does his cool over the top villain thing to perfection here, but straight man Ryan Reynolds bores the ever loving shit out of me. Not enough cool action or believable, non predictable plot twists. Generic bullshit you can watch on HBO when you have literally nothing else to do. Still not a good movie, but enjoy. I'll save my breath for the next review.
Spoiler Alert - The mole is always the one you love the most, after bonding with the bad guy, you learn to understand and trust him oh and Denzel dies because that's what Denzel does, we'll see how Safe House 2 works.
Rating - F

 

[Palooza]

I feel like Killing Them Softly tried too hard.

Agree to disagree.

edit - I don't think it tried too hard, I just felt like it had no shame in what it was.

More in depth discussion can be had down the line, I think some people are gunna get their panties in a bunch about the final F-rated film.

ANY GUESSES WHILE I TYPE?!

 

[Youk]

ANY GUESSES WHILE I TYPE?!

I still hold out hope that you came to your senses and watched Step Up 2. I'm assuming it's an F because you didn't watch the first one. You gotta know the storyline.